The photoset might not be coming as soon as I thought.
The photographer who was supposed to shoot me this Wed or Thur has completely stopped responding to me.
I'm not sure what happened :/
Butt that doesn't matter too much, because I found an even better photographer last night.
He's name's Paul and all of his work looks amazing!
He also seems really awesome so I don't feel as nervous now
The only problem is, with Alans new job he probably won't be there for the shoot
and him being there would have really helped my nerves.
I know after the first few minutes of being completely naked, i'll be okay..
but before then.. i'll be soooooo scared lol.
The thing I'm worried the most about is almost all the girls i see on here are so much smaller than I am.
They all seem to have the tightest bodies, and the prettiest faces.
I've gained weight since I started university and I'm not comfortable yet with my new size.
I'm not huge, nor would I consider myself fat.. but I don't see myself as skinny anymore.
I used to have an eating disorder and even though that's gone now,
i feel that I still have the mentality of the 108lbs girl who thinks she's huge.
I'm 135 now, and I've never been this heavy in my life.
I just feel like I'll never be able to compete with the other hopefuls
and i'm worried that no matter how many sets I take, I'll never be good enough
BUT
I'm just going to crank an amazing playlist of songs during the shoot
pump myself right up
and hopefully surprise myself with the outcome
It angers me when I see someone who newly became a SG a few months ago,
and they're not being an active part of the community.
their last blog post is from months ago just thanking everyone for helping her
and then nothing..
no group activity, no comments on others stuff.. nothing.
I just feel to be a SG means to be part of an amazing community of girls..
not just "oh i took my clothes of and got some money.. HEY EVERYONE IM A SUICIDEGIRL"
it's more than that to me.
maybe i'm just crazy
The photographer who was supposed to shoot me this Wed or Thur has completely stopped responding to me.
I'm not sure what happened :/
Butt that doesn't matter too much, because I found an even better photographer last night.
He's name's Paul and all of his work looks amazing!
He also seems really awesome so I don't feel as nervous now
The only problem is, with Alans new job he probably won't be there for the shoot
and him being there would have really helped my nerves.
I know after the first few minutes of being completely naked, i'll be okay..
but before then.. i'll be soooooo scared lol.
The thing I'm worried the most about is almost all the girls i see on here are so much smaller than I am.
They all seem to have the tightest bodies, and the prettiest faces.
I've gained weight since I started university and I'm not comfortable yet with my new size.
I'm not huge, nor would I consider myself fat.. but I don't see myself as skinny anymore.
I used to have an eating disorder and even though that's gone now,
i feel that I still have the mentality of the 108lbs girl who thinks she's huge.
I'm 135 now, and I've never been this heavy in my life.
I just feel like I'll never be able to compete with the other hopefuls
and i'm worried that no matter how many sets I take, I'll never be good enough
BUT
I'm just going to crank an amazing playlist of songs during the shoot
pump myself right up
and hopefully surprise myself with the outcome
It angers me when I see someone who newly became a SG a few months ago,
and they're not being an active part of the community.
their last blog post is from months ago just thanking everyone for helping her
and then nothing..
no group activity, no comments on others stuff.. nothing.
I just feel to be a SG means to be part of an amazing community of girls..
not just "oh i took my clothes of and got some money.. HEY EVERYONE IM A SUICIDEGIRL"
it's more than that to me.
maybe i'm just crazy
OCT 03, 2011 02:15 PM
I'm sure you'll do well, just be confident in yourself, it shows in the pictures. Maybe you should just set a new standard for what a Suicide Girl should be when you go pink. 
OCT 03, 2011 02:44 PM
OCT 03, 2011 02:49 PM
OCT 03, 2011 10:12 PM
Im currently stuck in the looking for a photographer phase as well. Its a hell of a lot harder than people think it is.
And dont let your weight bring you down. its just a number and we are women. No matter how small we are we always want to be smaller. Dont let it get to ya because theres a shit ton of people (including myself) thats thinkin dayum this gurl is hellafine 
Goodluck with the photographer situation!
