IPOD
RADIO
hey all
brief ramble
the roads here in georgia really piss me off. they keep splitting the, the same numbered route goes in two directions when I wasn't expecting it to do so, and i waste a lot of time and stress figuring out where the fuck I am.
it annoys me that my feelings change. i feel crappy when I wake up in the morning, my heart is always beating too fast and I sweat, and i don't know if that might have to maybe do with diabetes starting up, my mom became diabetic when she was 40 and I worry about it. or it might be something else, anxiety or something.
but this morning I was feeling OK here at the pilot off exit 146 on I-75 in florida, just surfing a bit until I head out again after noontime, but just now I started to get that little cloud of depression in the front of my head. and no real reason for it. except maybe i spend too much time surfing.
past couple days my truck was in the shop and i got to unwind a little, played some chess on my computer. i'm getting back into chess shape i guess, being able to see the board and what's going on thereon, but i still make some remarkable stupid blunders. but i'm building my rating up, working my way up through the ranks of programmed opponent personalities. playing a computer does have a different feel from playing a human. Computers are programmed to make mistakes so as to match the playing characteristics of human players, but the kinds of blunders computers make are different from the kinds that humans make. they drop pieces that humans would never drop. to not see that you have to go up against compter opponents who are much stronger than you and won't make those types of mistakes. and in those cases you have to really know what you're doing, in order to penetrate their lines with a real strategy.
my chess playing reflects my real life i guess. I'm not at all an attacking player. I push out a defense and react to what my opponent is doing. this can be a bad strategy for life, always waiting for life to tell you what to do, to tell you what circumstances are favorable for. chess has time limits and you're going to see what you opponent is doing, but life is open ended and you have to make you moves without being able to see everything that's going on on the board in front of you. it is weird that i can see how young men have such supreme overconfidence they will get drunk and wrap their cars around trees, because they feel invincible; overconfidence i think is a survival mechanism that allows people to charge out into a world and make a place for themselves when they don't know all they need to know. in a sense you could say that you can make a place for yourself knowing less than you need to know, if you have confidence, things take care of themselves, people take care of you, and you learn things and solve problems as you run across them. but with me the equation is different, my fundamental mental process is based on the equation of "i can't".
crap crap crap crap. I fucking hate my fundamental mental equation.
brief ramble
the roads here in georgia really piss me off. they keep splitting the, the same numbered route goes in two directions when I wasn't expecting it to do so, and i waste a lot of time and stress figuring out where the fuck I am.
it annoys me that my feelings change. i feel crappy when I wake up in the morning, my heart is always beating too fast and I sweat, and i don't know if that might have to maybe do with diabetes starting up, my mom became diabetic when she was 40 and I worry about it. or it might be something else, anxiety or something.
but this morning I was feeling OK here at the pilot off exit 146 on I-75 in florida, just surfing a bit until I head out again after noontime, but just now I started to get that little cloud of depression in the front of my head. and no real reason for it. except maybe i spend too much time surfing.
past couple days my truck was in the shop and i got to unwind a little, played some chess on my computer. i'm getting back into chess shape i guess, being able to see the board and what's going on thereon, but i still make some remarkable stupid blunders. but i'm building my rating up, working my way up through the ranks of programmed opponent personalities. playing a computer does have a different feel from playing a human. Computers are programmed to make mistakes so as to match the playing characteristics of human players, but the kinds of blunders computers make are different from the kinds that humans make. they drop pieces that humans would never drop. to not see that you have to go up against compter opponents who are much stronger than you and won't make those types of mistakes. and in those cases you have to really know what you're doing, in order to penetrate their lines with a real strategy.
my chess playing reflects my real life i guess. I'm not at all an attacking player. I push out a defense and react to what my opponent is doing. this can be a bad strategy for life, always waiting for life to tell you what to do, to tell you what circumstances are favorable for. chess has time limits and you're going to see what you opponent is doing, but life is open ended and you have to make you moves without being able to see everything that's going on on the board in front of you. it is weird that i can see how young men have such supreme overconfidence they will get drunk and wrap their cars around trees, because they feel invincible; overconfidence i think is a survival mechanism that allows people to charge out into a world and make a place for themselves when they don't know all they need to know. in a sense you could say that you can make a place for yourself knowing less than you need to know, if you have confidence, things take care of themselves, people take care of you, and you learn things and solve problems as you run across them. but with me the equation is different, my fundamental mental process is based on the equation of "i can't".
crap crap crap crap. I fucking hate my fundamental mental equation.
Breathes sigh of relief.
Evening ladies and germs.
My account was shut off for a couple of days i think. My old card wasn't going through and I was worried that SG would have deleted my account. Which I didn't think they would do but I was worried about it anyway.
I've been busy the last several days, very unusual for my swift career, and it was too good to be true I realize now, my truck blew a seal at the back of the front differential, the same one where the seal has already blown from the front of it twice. This morning I had a load offer on my qualcomm and I was morally debating should I refuse the load and insist on getting the truck fixed, and sit for another couple of days in truck shop waiting rooms waiting for it to get fixed, or run with the oil leak and risk damaging the truck further and catching hell for that. I took the run, not wanting to sit anymore. Load is light and going down to florida so hopefully I'll make it down there and get it fixed at the ocala terminal.
Today started out in Seymour Indiana and now I'm over in SW Indiana, Warrenton. Since I still haven't been able to find a new tube for my bicycle I went out for a walk. I guess there's probably some Amish folks around here as I saw a sign or two indicating an "amish buffet" at this exit. I did not encounter any amish on my expedition but possible i did find some dead ones; I found a couple of old graveyards with dutch writing on many of the stones.
I walked by a wheatfield and tried a few heads of wheat. You can actually just eat it right on the stalk, it's just you'll want some water to wash down all the chaff. Tastes kind of green and planty, but what would you expect. I enjoyed watching the fireflies and the sunset and the warm breeze. Was thinking of trying to take some photos of fairy lights in one of the old graveyards but firefly season is probably the most inconclusive of all times to do that particular sort of paranormal research. It occurred to me at one point that I was seeing fireflies, artificial lights and stars all at once. Bioluminescent, electric and thermonuclear light sources.
I found one firefly lying on the road at the corner of an intersection and I suppose it had been hit by a car. It looked like a little glowing ember of coal or a glowing bit of cigarette ash lying there in the darkness. I picked it up and put it on a bush. Small recompense for the thousands of bugs who've met a gruesome end on my windshield. Not much I could really do for an injured firefly anyway.
Useful quote from CJ Cherryh: "Saying and doing aren't even brothers."
An essay in my copy of Monty Python and Philosophy talks about how existence has no preset meaning, and therefore the meaning of life consisits of the things that you actually do. There was something about Jean-Paul Sartre and essences. A person might say something like " I would be a great hero under favorable circumstances" but Sartre says that you have an essence that acts irrespective of circumstance. But more to the point I think is that the world is not comprised of favorable circumstances. What you would be in that other world has no meaning, as that is not the world that is.
I'm an INTP and i think a lot. I daresay this has had a profoundly detrimental effect on my life in certain respects, in that I am constrained from action but the great mass of meanings I carry around with me; a monkey on my back, made of the act of construing. At my age I'm seeing people much younger than me who have greatly out-achieved me and I'm getting very antsy about never correting this course I'm on.
So, , , , I don' know. I"m seeing habits of being in me that don't lead to much fulfilment but are very hard to correct. But it's only me that can make the change.
nullnull
Evening ladies and germs.
My account was shut off for a couple of days i think. My old card wasn't going through and I was worried that SG would have deleted my account. Which I didn't think they would do but I was worried about it anyway.
I've been busy the last several days, very unusual for my swift career, and it was too good to be true I realize now, my truck blew a seal at the back of the front differential, the same one where the seal has already blown from the front of it twice. This morning I had a load offer on my qualcomm and I was morally debating should I refuse the load and insist on getting the truck fixed, and sit for another couple of days in truck shop waiting rooms waiting for it to get fixed, or run with the oil leak and risk damaging the truck further and catching hell for that. I took the run, not wanting to sit anymore. Load is light and going down to florida so hopefully I'll make it down there and get it fixed at the ocala terminal.
Today started out in Seymour Indiana and now I'm over in SW Indiana, Warrenton. Since I still haven't been able to find a new tube for my bicycle I went out for a walk. I guess there's probably some Amish folks around here as I saw a sign or two indicating an "amish buffet" at this exit. I did not encounter any amish on my expedition but possible i did find some dead ones; I found a couple of old graveyards with dutch writing on many of the stones.
I walked by a wheatfield and tried a few heads of wheat. You can actually just eat it right on the stalk, it's just you'll want some water to wash down all the chaff. Tastes kind of green and planty, but what would you expect. I enjoyed watching the fireflies and the sunset and the warm breeze. Was thinking of trying to take some photos of fairy lights in one of the old graveyards but firefly season is probably the most inconclusive of all times to do that particular sort of paranormal research. It occurred to me at one point that I was seeing fireflies, artificial lights and stars all at once. Bioluminescent, electric and thermonuclear light sources.
I found one firefly lying on the road at the corner of an intersection and I suppose it had been hit by a car. It looked like a little glowing ember of coal or a glowing bit of cigarette ash lying there in the darkness. I picked it up and put it on a bush. Small recompense for the thousands of bugs who've met a gruesome end on my windshield. Not much I could really do for an injured firefly anyway.
Useful quote from CJ Cherryh: "Saying and doing aren't even brothers."
An essay in my copy of Monty Python and Philosophy talks about how existence has no preset meaning, and therefore the meaning of life consisits of the things that you actually do. There was something about Jean-Paul Sartre and essences. A person might say something like " I would be a great hero under favorable circumstances" but Sartre says that you have an essence that acts irrespective of circumstance. But more to the point I think is that the world is not comprised of favorable circumstances. What you would be in that other world has no meaning, as that is not the world that is.
I'm an INTP and i think a lot. I daresay this has had a profoundly detrimental effect on my life in certain respects, in that I am constrained from action but the great mass of meanings I carry around with me; a monkey on my back, made of the act of construing. At my age I'm seeing people much younger than me who have greatly out-achieved me and I'm getting very antsy about never correting this course I'm on.
So, , , , I don' know. I"m seeing habits of being in me that don't lead to much fulfilment but are very hard to correct. But it's only me that can make the change.
nullnull
hey folks
hope the lightning bolts missed all you guys last night.
this weekend Swift didn't have a load to get me home to mass from Philadelphia, so I've been sitting at the truck stops off exit 7 off the NJ turnpike. which wouldn't be that bad if my bike didn't have a flat tire. I tried patching the tire and the patches let go, and couldn't find any replacement tubes at the walmart when i unhooked my trailer and made a bobtailed expedition to find a new tube. swift has been very disappointing and annoying so far and I'm seriously considering looking for another job. i don't have the greatest work record though, and I'm not very strong, being really skinny and not being 100% in my left arm, the one that was broken and has metal plates and screws in it. I shall see what comes out of it after i contest my traffic citations in jersey in the middle of june. if i can make those go away it would be a good time to go over to Werner or US xpress, with a clean driving record. they could hardly be worse than swift has been.
i did do a little walking around here though, and that should really have been sufficiently enjoyable but i just happen to be so particularly attached to riding my bike that i haven't enjoyed my time here as much as i might have if i had been able to not be so preoccupied with that particular vexation. i did find a nice little italian joint in the little town across route 130. Mario & Frank's. Last night I had exquisite cheese ravioli and had a fun conversation with the cute little waitress. she came back after leaving work to get something and we ended up talking about Huckleberry Finn and about the relationship between the idea of a Melting Pot and the desires of cultures to preserve themselves.
I had hoped to hang out some with my ex-gf julia while i was near philadelphia but she was down in the dc area with other friends. but she found the time to hang out for a couple of hours with me just now, and it was good to see her and talk with her again, if all too briefly.
Swift has me on "safety hold" for missing logs for logs they've now had sent to them twice; i fucking hate that. Hafta fax in copies tomorrow, to get moving again.
Right now I guess I'll surf a little more, then maybe try and patch my bike tires again, or just go for a walk. Take care everyone.
jbl
hope the lightning bolts missed all you guys last night.
this weekend Swift didn't have a load to get me home to mass from Philadelphia, so I've been sitting at the truck stops off exit 7 off the NJ turnpike. which wouldn't be that bad if my bike didn't have a flat tire. I tried patching the tire and the patches let go, and couldn't find any replacement tubes at the walmart when i unhooked my trailer and made a bobtailed expedition to find a new tube. swift has been very disappointing and annoying so far and I'm seriously considering looking for another job. i don't have the greatest work record though, and I'm not very strong, being really skinny and not being 100% in my left arm, the one that was broken and has metal plates and screws in it. I shall see what comes out of it after i contest my traffic citations in jersey in the middle of june. if i can make those go away it would be a good time to go over to Werner or US xpress, with a clean driving record. they could hardly be worse than swift has been.
i did do a little walking around here though, and that should really have been sufficiently enjoyable but i just happen to be so particularly attached to riding my bike that i haven't enjoyed my time here as much as i might have if i had been able to not be so preoccupied with that particular vexation. i did find a nice little italian joint in the little town across route 130. Mario & Frank's. Last night I had exquisite cheese ravioli and had a fun conversation with the cute little waitress. she came back after leaving work to get something and we ended up talking about Huckleberry Finn and about the relationship between the idea of a Melting Pot and the desires of cultures to preserve themselves.
I had hoped to hang out some with my ex-gf julia while i was near philadelphia but she was down in the dc area with other friends. but she found the time to hang out for a couple of hours with me just now, and it was good to see her and talk with her again, if all too briefly.
Swift has me on "safety hold" for missing logs for logs they've now had sent to them twice; i fucking hate that. Hafta fax in copies tomorrow, to get moving again.
Right now I guess I'll surf a little more, then maybe try and patch my bike tires again, or just go for a walk. Take care everyone.
jbl
Hello friends
Tonight I'm at a Petro off exit 226 onI-76 in Pa on my way to a dropoff outside philly tomorrow.
I had an unpleasant experience a few days ago when I got myself all screwed up trying to get to a pickup in new jersey. Got off the right road, got back on again, and this black guy runs up to my truck and tells me there's a traffic accident ahead of me and he's a lumper for one of the businesses on that road and he'll show me how to get around it.
You never ever let anyone on your truck, they tell you in school, but you don't remember that until you make that mistake and see what happens.
He turned out to be a scam artist who takes you for a stupid ride around and then tries to bill you 36.50 for an "escort service". With shame I admit that I gave him a few dollars, a lot less than he wanted, and ended up just sitting there screaming at him to get out of my fucking truck.
This happened and I'll discuss it no further. I am still young and stupid in certain ways, but I escaped that incident missing just several dollars, it could have been a lot worse. And the next day and the day after I'm driving around to interesting new places, seeing and meeting some nice people, and he's still going to be a poor scam artist in a ghetto in Newark, so I'm still ahead of him in such respects as really matter.
Swift has been hitting me with some bigtime suckiness lately. I sat at the molly pitcher rest area on the new Jersey turnpike from thursday night to tuesday morning, no freight to haul. Then yesterday I didn't make any money, just had to be in Columbus OH for a log class. Swift is very bad about paperwork; they lose a lot of what you submit to them but they're still anal as all hell about any mistakes on the paperwork they don't manage to lose.
Having my bike on my truck saves my sanity I guess. There's a couple of escapes through the gate at the Molly Pitcher rest area and I found this exceedingly beatiful early 19th centure town, Cranbury, NJ, just a couple of miles away. I've hardly ever seen beautiful old houses like that in jersey where everything seems to be new. They did manage to be a lot different from the way houses are in western mass though, they were built very close together in an intimate downtown setting, where up in mass the majestic old saltboxes are further apart on their tracts of farmland with great old trees towering over the sidewalks in front.
Cranbury has an awesome used book store called the Bookworm where I found some CJ Cherryh titles really cheap, and they also have a great selection of CDs for four bucks apiece. Also has a nice chinese place called the Hot Wok, and a good italian joint a couple of doors up from that. There are also some upscale places where they don't put prices on the menu, if that's your thing.
When I was in columbus yesterday I actually could have gotten out of there around noon but I'm a lazy bastard when it comes to work, and I wanted to have a bit of a look round town. Just in the swift terminal's neighborhood I found a neat store that sells beds on one side and all kinds of funky stuff on the other. They have a back room full of adult toys and pot pipes. When I went back to check if I had a load I had one that didn't pick up till today so I took the opportunity to head down into downtown columbus. Not having a map I just headed down route 40, which really is not at all good for biking, a very busy main thoroughfare only intended for motor traffic. And when you're headed into town from the west like I was you pass though some not-so-nice neighborhood. But once you get into town it's nice enough. there's a park next to downtown with a lot of geese leaving many turds lying about. I headed northwards up the west side of the pond that's the center of the park. Came across a family of mom and dad goose with several goslings. I almost got a cute picture of all the goslings walking toward me, curious about me, but they lost interest and dispersed before I could get my camera out. I then quietly walked my bike past them, the parent geese hissed at me. Interesting.
So I headed round the north end of the park toward the north end of downtown, looking for a college which I judged likely to exist and likely to have some funky cafe's to hang out and watch girls in. I came across an attactive young woman walking two dogs, and then I came across her again on the other side of the park. I ventured to talk to her about her dogs and to ask what an interesting nearby building was. She didn't seem to want to talk which I guess isn't something to recriminate against her, as I guess I look a little scary, many days unshaven with my sunglasses, torn up military shorts an a big ugly post cold sore scab on my lip. But I was pleased with myself for actually making an attempt to talk to a female.
so after that I headed up around northern downtown and found a nice area with good restaurants and cafes and college artsy farts sorts about. It was only seven or so at the time and I had a couple of hours of daylight left so I decided to see what might like on the other side of the downtown area. Went down high street past the capitol building and it looked like there wasn't going to be much to see, but I noticed this little alley paved in brick like i'd seen a couple of streets on the north end, and when I went down that alley I found myself in one of the most incredibly beautiful and interesting and homey feeling neighborhoods anywhere in the world. The German Village in columbus ohio. You enter and you feel like you're in a vermeer painting. Brick sidewalks, brick houses, brick roads. house to sidewalk to road all brick. The houses tend to be long and skinny, three our four times as long front back as across the facade on the street. Found a litte cafe with some celtic music coming out, headed on to a little park where I watched a dress rehearsal of the local summer shakespeare in the park company doing Mary Stuart, a play written by friedrich Schiller, who has a big statue in the park, about queen elizabeth and mary queen of scots, and various people working to hasten or avert the application of the axe to mary QOS's neck.
Then I wandered through the village some more until I saw this building lit up like it was christmastime. The Sausage Haus, place of Sauerkraut, sausage and beer, bigtime germanness. I got ther at 930 and they wer set to close at ten but they let me sit down and get some dinner. I had a sausage sampler but didn't have a beer cuz i wanted my head clear on the bike ride back. Was great. I don't really like sauerkraut, but i eat it anyway as i don't like to waste food.
If you had to pick a heaven to spend eternity in (or hell if you're bad) that was something that existed on earth, you could do a lot worse than the German Village in Columbus. The houses I'm told run 250-300k on average, which isn't bad considering what such places in other metropolitan areas go for.
Sometimes it bothers me a bit that I'm inquisitive about the world and have the resourcefulness and boldness to go out and see it. I'm missing out on just sitting around truck teminals bitching about how slow freight is. In certain respects people of no resource or imagination have an advantage over me in that theres' a lot less in their lives to interfere with their being working oxen, and therefore they will tend to make more money than I. I feel like a grownup ought to be more pissed off than I get when there's no work, I feel sort of irresponsible for having my ability to enjoy time off.
My rear bike tire stared going flat on the way back from columbus and I ruined it earlier this evening when I attempted to repair it. so I'm temporarily bikeless until I can get a replacement tube. Vexing.
I hope I can get back up to mass for mem day weekend, as I suspect there won't be much going on in the truck biz.
well, love and kisses to all.
Tonight I'm at a Petro off exit 226 onI-76 in Pa on my way to a dropoff outside philly tomorrow.
I had an unpleasant experience a few days ago when I got myself all screwed up trying to get to a pickup in new jersey. Got off the right road, got back on again, and this black guy runs up to my truck and tells me there's a traffic accident ahead of me and he's a lumper for one of the businesses on that road and he'll show me how to get around it.
You never ever let anyone on your truck, they tell you in school, but you don't remember that until you make that mistake and see what happens.
He turned out to be a scam artist who takes you for a stupid ride around and then tries to bill you 36.50 for an "escort service". With shame I admit that I gave him a few dollars, a lot less than he wanted, and ended up just sitting there screaming at him to get out of my fucking truck.
This happened and I'll discuss it no further. I am still young and stupid in certain ways, but I escaped that incident missing just several dollars, it could have been a lot worse. And the next day and the day after I'm driving around to interesting new places, seeing and meeting some nice people, and he's still going to be a poor scam artist in a ghetto in Newark, so I'm still ahead of him in such respects as really matter.
Swift has been hitting me with some bigtime suckiness lately. I sat at the molly pitcher rest area on the new Jersey turnpike from thursday night to tuesday morning, no freight to haul. Then yesterday I didn't make any money, just had to be in Columbus OH for a log class. Swift is very bad about paperwork; they lose a lot of what you submit to them but they're still anal as all hell about any mistakes on the paperwork they don't manage to lose.
Having my bike on my truck saves my sanity I guess. There's a couple of escapes through the gate at the Molly Pitcher rest area and I found this exceedingly beatiful early 19th centure town, Cranbury, NJ, just a couple of miles away. I've hardly ever seen beautiful old houses like that in jersey where everything seems to be new. They did manage to be a lot different from the way houses are in western mass though, they were built very close together in an intimate downtown setting, where up in mass the majestic old saltboxes are further apart on their tracts of farmland with great old trees towering over the sidewalks in front.
Cranbury has an awesome used book store called the Bookworm where I found some CJ Cherryh titles really cheap, and they also have a great selection of CDs for four bucks apiece. Also has a nice chinese place called the Hot Wok, and a good italian joint a couple of doors up from that. There are also some upscale places where they don't put prices on the menu, if that's your thing.
When I was in columbus yesterday I actually could have gotten out of there around noon but I'm a lazy bastard when it comes to work, and I wanted to have a bit of a look round town. Just in the swift terminal's neighborhood I found a neat store that sells beds on one side and all kinds of funky stuff on the other. They have a back room full of adult toys and pot pipes. When I went back to check if I had a load I had one that didn't pick up till today so I took the opportunity to head down into downtown columbus. Not having a map I just headed down route 40, which really is not at all good for biking, a very busy main thoroughfare only intended for motor traffic. And when you're headed into town from the west like I was you pass though some not-so-nice neighborhood. But once you get into town it's nice enough. there's a park next to downtown with a lot of geese leaving many turds lying about. I headed northwards up the west side of the pond that's the center of the park. Came across a family of mom and dad goose with several goslings. I almost got a cute picture of all the goslings walking toward me, curious about me, but they lost interest and dispersed before I could get my camera out. I then quietly walked my bike past them, the parent geese hissed at me. Interesting.
So I headed round the north end of the park toward the north end of downtown, looking for a college which I judged likely to exist and likely to have some funky cafe's to hang out and watch girls in. I came across an attactive young woman walking two dogs, and then I came across her again on the other side of the park. I ventured to talk to her about her dogs and to ask what an interesting nearby building was. She didn't seem to want to talk which I guess isn't something to recriminate against her, as I guess I look a little scary, many days unshaven with my sunglasses, torn up military shorts an a big ugly post cold sore scab on my lip. But I was pleased with myself for actually making an attempt to talk to a female.
so after that I headed up around northern downtown and found a nice area with good restaurants and cafes and college artsy farts sorts about. It was only seven or so at the time and I had a couple of hours of daylight left so I decided to see what might like on the other side of the downtown area. Went down high street past the capitol building and it looked like there wasn't going to be much to see, but I noticed this little alley paved in brick like i'd seen a couple of streets on the north end, and when I went down that alley I found myself in one of the most incredibly beautiful and interesting and homey feeling neighborhoods anywhere in the world. The German Village in columbus ohio. You enter and you feel like you're in a vermeer painting. Brick sidewalks, brick houses, brick roads. house to sidewalk to road all brick. The houses tend to be long and skinny, three our four times as long front back as across the facade on the street. Found a litte cafe with some celtic music coming out, headed on to a little park where I watched a dress rehearsal of the local summer shakespeare in the park company doing Mary Stuart, a play written by friedrich Schiller, who has a big statue in the park, about queen elizabeth and mary queen of scots, and various people working to hasten or avert the application of the axe to mary QOS's neck.
Then I wandered through the village some more until I saw this building lit up like it was christmastime. The Sausage Haus, place of Sauerkraut, sausage and beer, bigtime germanness. I got ther at 930 and they wer set to close at ten but they let me sit down and get some dinner. I had a sausage sampler but didn't have a beer cuz i wanted my head clear on the bike ride back. Was great. I don't really like sauerkraut, but i eat it anyway as i don't like to waste food.
If you had to pick a heaven to spend eternity in (or hell if you're bad) that was something that existed on earth, you could do a lot worse than the German Village in Columbus. The houses I'm told run 250-300k on average, which isn't bad considering what such places in other metropolitan areas go for.
Sometimes it bothers me a bit that I'm inquisitive about the world and have the resourcefulness and boldness to go out and see it. I'm missing out on just sitting around truck teminals bitching about how slow freight is. In certain respects people of no resource or imagination have an advantage over me in that theres' a lot less in their lives to interfere with their being working oxen, and therefore they will tend to make more money than I. I feel like a grownup ought to be more pissed off than I get when there's no work, I feel sort of irresponsible for having my ability to enjoy time off.
My rear bike tire stared going flat on the way back from columbus and I ruined it earlier this evening when I attempted to repair it. so I'm temporarily bikeless until I can get a replacement tube. Vexing.
I hope I can get back up to mass for mem day weekend, as I suspect there won't be much going on in the truck biz.
well, love and kisses to all.
Hey SGland
Been home this weekend and have tomorrow off too. that's for three weeks out.
Right now just sitting at the computer with a couple of candles lit and cats sharing the bed with me. Not too bad, restful.
Saturday had a b-day party for my mom and brother as well as mothersday party thrown in. Today I wandered around western mass some, tried to catch a fish in various places but was rather a slow day. Got a totally excellent pizza at Buckland Pizza, across the bridge from Shelburne Falls, highly recommended you pay them a visit. After I left the pizza place I noted that Michelle Shocked was playing a mothers' day gig at the shelburne falls town hall. Not a real big venue, but very typical of western mass.
In my travels I've seen some glorious places and met some nice people, but I daresay western mass is a glorious place with some nice people as well. Mass has its own flavor, like the nectar in a cover petal or the dew on a red autumn leaf.
My car is a glorious ride, after the big rig for three weeks. Too bad I can't make a living driving a 2600 pound vehilcle on mountain backroads listening to depeche mode. I could listen to DM on my truck of course but it
fits the car ride better. I listen to other things on the big rig.
Just now I started up an LJ account to better keep in touch with my old friends/ acqauintances in the pioneer valley. Being out on the road you take a lot fewer things for granted, and now I have a much stronger interest in the daily goings-on in the lives of people I know, that I did not pay such close attention to before when I could just see them at any time. some other idiot already has the name Dr_Lizardo there. unoriginal bastard.
Gottal dig around for that photoshop elements cd, so I can start posting pics from the road.
Well, take care everyone.
jbl
Been home this weekend and have tomorrow off too. that's for three weeks out.
Right now just sitting at the computer with a couple of candles lit and cats sharing the bed with me. Not too bad, restful.
Saturday had a b-day party for my mom and brother as well as mothersday party thrown in. Today I wandered around western mass some, tried to catch a fish in various places but was rather a slow day. Got a totally excellent pizza at Buckland Pizza, across the bridge from Shelburne Falls, highly recommended you pay them a visit. After I left the pizza place I noted that Michelle Shocked was playing a mothers' day gig at the shelburne falls town hall. Not a real big venue, but very typical of western mass.
In my travels I've seen some glorious places and met some nice people, but I daresay western mass is a glorious place with some nice people as well. Mass has its own flavor, like the nectar in a cover petal or the dew on a red autumn leaf.
My car is a glorious ride, after the big rig for three weeks. Too bad I can't make a living driving a 2600 pound vehilcle on mountain backroads listening to depeche mode. I could listen to DM on my truck of course but it
fits the car ride better. I listen to other things on the big rig.
Just now I started up an LJ account to better keep in touch with my old friends/ acqauintances in the pioneer valley. Being out on the road you take a lot fewer things for granted, and now I have a much stronger interest in the daily goings-on in the lives of people I know, that I did not pay such close attention to before when I could just see them at any time. some other idiot already has the name Dr_Lizardo there. unoriginal bastard.
Gottal dig around for that photoshop elements cd, so I can start posting pics from the road.
Well, take care everyone.
jbl
notes from the road
today i neurotically drove past a small town where i had thought to overnight, it would have been cool to do a bike ride there, as it's as flat there as it was in missouri but far more open with fewer trees. right now i'm a ways north of kankakee. seeing that name in my atlas when i checked where i was going has resulted in the song the city of new orleans, which is about a train called the city of new orleans, playing over and over in my head. songs about trains seem to be better to drive and sing with than do songs about trucking. the travelling wilburys' song end of the line is also a good train song, good to drive to. i'll have to download a tab, at least for the city of new orleans.
yesterday down in missouri i took a bike ride following a state highway about ten miles or so out from the truck stop i was at. it's incredibly easy to ride ten miles on roads that are totally flat. i visited the town of East Prairie pop 3200 and swung into Macdonald's, which there is the name of their grocery store, completely unrelated to the fast food chain which ironically is where i'm posting this blog. the cashier in the store asked me where i was from and it caused a bit of a stir when i said i was from springfield mass. i talked to a teacher for a few minutes. she taught everyone in the town when they went though her grade, and she invited me back to the town for the fourth of july. don't know if i'll do that but i guess i'll drop by there again sometime. me not being a people person, i was glowing with delight and it made my evening to meet up with some randoms in a tiny rural town in missori and have brief pleasant conversation with them. also got some more good pics that i can't post without an image editor.
tomorrow i have a delivery in the chicago area and then hopefully i can get a load headed back towards mass.
well, later dudes.
today i neurotically drove past a small town where i had thought to overnight, it would have been cool to do a bike ride there, as it's as flat there as it was in missouri but far more open with fewer trees. right now i'm a ways north of kankakee. seeing that name in my atlas when i checked where i was going has resulted in the song the city of new orleans, which is about a train called the city of new orleans, playing over and over in my head. songs about trains seem to be better to drive and sing with than do songs about trucking. the travelling wilburys' song end of the line is also a good train song, good to drive to. i'll have to download a tab, at least for the city of new orleans.
yesterday down in missouri i took a bike ride following a state highway about ten miles or so out from the truck stop i was at. it's incredibly easy to ride ten miles on roads that are totally flat. i visited the town of East Prairie pop 3200 and swung into Macdonald's, which there is the name of their grocery store, completely unrelated to the fast food chain which ironically is where i'm posting this blog. the cashier in the store asked me where i was from and it caused a bit of a stir when i said i was from springfield mass. i talked to a teacher for a few minutes. she taught everyone in the town when they went though her grade, and she invited me back to the town for the fourth of july. don't know if i'll do that but i guess i'll drop by there again sometime. me not being a people person, i was glowing with delight and it made my evening to meet up with some randoms in a tiny rural town in missori and have brief pleasant conversation with them. also got some more good pics that i can't post without an image editor.
tomorrow i have a delivery in the chicago area and then hopefully i can get a load headed back towards mass.
well, later dudes.
evening ladies and germs
hope all are in good heath and tranquil states of mind.
I'M dealing with a measure of vexation myself. I splurged and spent 25 bucks for a month of siricomm access and it's being pretty crappy connection at least right here and now.
I ran pretty hard yesterday, about 550 miles or so from san antonio to halfway between texarkana and little rock. lightly bumped another truck last night trying to park but the other guy didn't seem to notice and It didn't hurt either truck that I could see so i just let the incident go unmentioned, except here. but anyway the load doesn't need to be delivered until a day and a half a later than i had initially thought, and if i had read my delivery instructions more carefully i could have taken another day to spend in san antonio. it's not necessarily bad to have goof off weekend, but i've done a lot of waiting around lately. I guess i need to be more on top of what's going on, to not miss opportunities. this is certainly the flattest palce i've ever taken a bike ride. its real hot and sunny out but at least the thunerstormy clouds are looking to have passed by.
nothing for it now I spose. I don't think I've wandered around the missouri countryside too much so I'll go for a bike ride after surfing here a bit more. i'm pretty raunchy now that hot weather is here and i've been in texas where there's an icky grey haze sitting over most of the state. truck stops give you a free shower when you buy 50 gal or more of fuel and since i fueled at the swift terminal in laredo i lost a free shower. if I pay seven or nine bucks for one that's an hour of driving or therabouts, after taxes. another reason to become an owner op when the opportunity rolls around, just fuel up every day and get a shower. there's no laundry at this loves but I'd imagine they have it at the flying j next door.
two nights ago at the san antonio truck stop there was a friendly video on a monitor explaining that truck drivers have 10 to 15 years less life expectancy than the general population. yay. it popinted out that they remain seated for real long periods, they smoke and eat a lot of cholesterol. at least I don't smoke, and i have that bike on my truck. i had lunch at the chester chicken here just now, I had resolved not to eat the breading, as it is delicious but is a lethal cholesterol cocktail. i proceeded to devour the breading. the potato wedges look like they'd be similarly tasty but are nearly tasteless.
thinking about my mind and my life quite a bit of late, as usual. i think right now that the healthiest attitude to have toward this trucking thing is that it's like having joined the army. I'll travel around for a couple of years and come back with some stories and then move on. maybe teach english in japan if i hadn't mentioned that before. if you still can do that.
plans and objectives, cans and cannots are all attachments, projections, being is just right here. if you got skinny legs like mine you can drive a truck in the lotus position, if you didn't know that.
well, whatever.
jbl
hope all are in good heath and tranquil states of mind.
I'M dealing with a measure of vexation myself. I splurged and spent 25 bucks for a month of siricomm access and it's being pretty crappy connection at least right here and now.
I ran pretty hard yesterday, about 550 miles or so from san antonio to halfway between texarkana and little rock. lightly bumped another truck last night trying to park but the other guy didn't seem to notice and It didn't hurt either truck that I could see so i just let the incident go unmentioned, except here. but anyway the load doesn't need to be delivered until a day and a half a later than i had initially thought, and if i had read my delivery instructions more carefully i could have taken another day to spend in san antonio. it's not necessarily bad to have goof off weekend, but i've done a lot of waiting around lately. I guess i need to be more on top of what's going on, to not miss opportunities. this is certainly the flattest palce i've ever taken a bike ride. its real hot and sunny out but at least the thunerstormy clouds are looking to have passed by.
nothing for it now I spose. I don't think I've wandered around the missouri countryside too much so I'll go for a bike ride after surfing here a bit more. i'm pretty raunchy now that hot weather is here and i've been in texas where there's an icky grey haze sitting over most of the state. truck stops give you a free shower when you buy 50 gal or more of fuel and since i fueled at the swift terminal in laredo i lost a free shower. if I pay seven or nine bucks for one that's an hour of driving or therabouts, after taxes. another reason to become an owner op when the opportunity rolls around, just fuel up every day and get a shower. there's no laundry at this loves but I'd imagine they have it at the flying j next door.
two nights ago at the san antonio truck stop there was a friendly video on a monitor explaining that truck drivers have 10 to 15 years less life expectancy than the general population. yay. it popinted out that they remain seated for real long periods, they smoke and eat a lot of cholesterol. at least I don't smoke, and i have that bike on my truck. i had lunch at the chester chicken here just now, I had resolved not to eat the breading, as it is delicious but is a lethal cholesterol cocktail. i proceeded to devour the breading. the potato wedges look like they'd be similarly tasty but are nearly tasteless.
thinking about my mind and my life quite a bit of late, as usual. i think right now that the healthiest attitude to have toward this trucking thing is that it's like having joined the army. I'll travel around for a couple of years and come back with some stories and then move on. maybe teach english in japan if i hadn't mentioned that before. if you still can do that.
plans and objectives, cans and cannots are all attachments, projections, being is just right here. if you got skinny legs like mine you can drive a truck in the lotus position, if you didn't know that.
well, whatever.
jbl
just typed up a blog and it seems not to have posted
so anyway my truck was in the shop all day yesterday. I hate when machines don't work and when mechanics can't find the problem.
i'm feeling anxious because I always do in the morning; i hopefully pull myself together as the day goes on.
i love the people i know on here and you are important to me. it's all one world but i don't feel the same everywhere and everywhen. which is normal i spose.
so i just have to get going. have a nice day everyone.
jbl
so anyway my truck was in the shop all day yesterday. I hate when machines don't work and when mechanics can't find the problem.
i'm feeling anxious because I always do in the morning; i hopefully pull myself together as the day goes on.
i love the people i know on here and you are important to me. it's all one world but i don't feel the same everywhere and everywhen. which is normal i spose.
so i just have to get going. have a nice day everyone.
jbl
Well, today I managed to "do" San Anton' after a bit of wrestling with my inner can't.
First attempt I made to get into downtown was foiled by uncareful reading of my map and the sun being hidden by clouds, making it difficult for me to get oriented. All I got was lost and a bit rained on.
But after I headed back to the truck stop to broood a bit and have a sub, the skies had cleared up again and I made another go at heading into town with what I had previously learnt of the local streets and this time I made it there. I saw and toured the alamo and then I walked the river walk and had some chinese food for dinner. I got a few photographs of downtown, a pic of a park ranger photographing a bunch of japanese tourists out in front of the alamo.
The san antonio river walk is really beautiful and I very much hope I'll get to come back here/there sometime. I don't know whether tomorrow I'll be able to get there; as I don't know where the volvo dealership is that my truck will be getting fixed at. It's also suppose to rain all day tomorrow and that won't be suitable for biking. I wished i didn't have to come back here afterwards, it would have been a great place to stay and have a few beers into the wee hours of the morning with a good friend or two and then be able to walk back home.
For those of you who like me up until this afternoon were unfamiliar with the San Antonio river walk, it is a sort of man made/ natural environment lined with cafes and bars, jewelry and junk stores. Actually not unlike the boardwalk in Atlantic City, but without any boards or casinos. Actuallly almost entirely different, but whatever.
It's a bit wierd in that it's a loop off of a small river, smaller than the mill river in my hometown of Northampton mass, but the main river that it joins up with, that also has a lot of riverwalk along it, is just as small. It's like a little canal that does not connect up with a larger river like the Connecticut or the Schuylkill, the main river is just as small. There are motorbarges that go up and down the river with guides telling loads of tourists about what they're passing by. I wonder if I could get that job with my CDL.
Anyway, having found that place I hated to have to leave it. I guess it's a good thing to have more to look forward to in the future, another chance hopefully someday to explore more of san anton'. The girl watching also tends to pretty decent in texas from what I've seen so far. That might just have to do with being here on a weekend when the young women are out and about. There does seem to be a fairly signature texas look about them, which is not at all a bad thing, really.
I was thinking that i seem to be an explorer at heart. When my truck stops I either eat, sleep, surf the web when I have connectivity or get out wandering around the place I've found myself. I often wish I'd been around 150 years ago when there was so much to be seen for the first time and so much that is gone now. It seems to me that given my passion for exploration that maybe American History would in fact be a good thing for me to pursue academically someday, assuming I could satisfactorily combine academic study with my wanderlust. Because a lot of what you find when you get around the next bend in the road is history, though certainly you find a lot of today as well. Maybe I could study the history of exploration. Thing about what to do with my life is that I really love art, I have an original psychological theory that has no home academically, and I also love history and all the texture of being it has. Art and history both have a lot of texture of being. And I have an inner "can't"/pessimism/anxiety problem that makes it very difficult for me to assess what really is feasible versus what is my neurotic assessment of what is or is not feasible and worth doing, and interesting enough to do.
I was also thinking that "can" and can't are projections, attempts to make a statement about a world that makes no statement. In the external world there is nothing to signify and it's giving no signal. but I compare my actions with those of other truckers, or with artists or other persons that I admire and my mind keeps construing their lives context in which to evaluate mine, when in actual reality noone else's life in any way comprises a context in which to evaluate mine. I seem to do lots of things that other truckers do not do. Well so what? why should I give a rat's ass about them? Mostly I don't anyway, but my mind still has some unuseful habits. Cum eis, non eorum.
What is useful about others' lives is that they can show you possibilities, and sometimes you can find possibilities that others have not seen. The positive way to view others is as resources to help you grow, not for tearing yourself down as one who does not measure up, as I tend to do.
That's me today I guess.
First attempt I made to get into downtown was foiled by uncareful reading of my map and the sun being hidden by clouds, making it difficult for me to get oriented. All I got was lost and a bit rained on.
But after I headed back to the truck stop to broood a bit and have a sub, the skies had cleared up again and I made another go at heading into town with what I had previously learnt of the local streets and this time I made it there. I saw and toured the alamo and then I walked the river walk and had some chinese food for dinner. I got a few photographs of downtown, a pic of a park ranger photographing a bunch of japanese tourists out in front of the alamo.
The san antonio river walk is really beautiful and I very much hope I'll get to come back here/there sometime. I don't know whether tomorrow I'll be able to get there; as I don't know where the volvo dealership is that my truck will be getting fixed at. It's also suppose to rain all day tomorrow and that won't be suitable for biking. I wished i didn't have to come back here afterwards, it would have been a great place to stay and have a few beers into the wee hours of the morning with a good friend or two and then be able to walk back home.
For those of you who like me up until this afternoon were unfamiliar with the San Antonio river walk, it is a sort of man made/ natural environment lined with cafes and bars, jewelry and junk stores. Actually not unlike the boardwalk in Atlantic City, but without any boards or casinos. Actuallly almost entirely different, but whatever.
It's a bit wierd in that it's a loop off of a small river, smaller than the mill river in my hometown of Northampton mass, but the main river that it joins up with, that also has a lot of riverwalk along it, is just as small. It's like a little canal that does not connect up with a larger river like the Connecticut or the Schuylkill, the main river is just as small. There are motorbarges that go up and down the river with guides telling loads of tourists about what they're passing by. I wonder if I could get that job with my CDL.
Anyway, having found that place I hated to have to leave it. I guess it's a good thing to have more to look forward to in the future, another chance hopefully someday to explore more of san anton'. The girl watching also tends to pretty decent in texas from what I've seen so far. That might just have to do with being here on a weekend when the young women are out and about. There does seem to be a fairly signature texas look about them, which is not at all a bad thing, really.
I was thinking that i seem to be an explorer at heart. When my truck stops I either eat, sleep, surf the web when I have connectivity or get out wandering around the place I've found myself. I often wish I'd been around 150 years ago when there was so much to be seen for the first time and so much that is gone now. It seems to me that given my passion for exploration that maybe American History would in fact be a good thing for me to pursue academically someday, assuming I could satisfactorily combine academic study with my wanderlust. Because a lot of what you find when you get around the next bend in the road is history, though certainly you find a lot of today as well. Maybe I could study the history of exploration. Thing about what to do with my life is that I really love art, I have an original psychological theory that has no home academically, and I also love history and all the texture of being it has. Art and history both have a lot of texture of being. And I have an inner "can't"/pessimism/anxiety problem that makes it very difficult for me to assess what really is feasible versus what is my neurotic assessment of what is or is not feasible and worth doing, and interesting enough to do.
I was also thinking that "can" and can't are projections, attempts to make a statement about a world that makes no statement. In the external world there is nothing to signify and it's giving no signal. but I compare my actions with those of other truckers, or with artists or other persons that I admire and my mind keeps construing their lives context in which to evaluate mine, when in actual reality noone else's life in any way comprises a context in which to evaluate mine. I seem to do lots of things that other truckers do not do. Well so what? why should I give a rat's ass about them? Mostly I don't anyway, but my mind still has some unuseful habits. Cum eis, non eorum.
What is useful about others' lives is that they can show you possibilities, and sometimes you can find possibilities that others have not seen. The positive way to view others is as resources to help you grow, not for tearing yourself down as one who does not measure up, as I tend to do.
That's me today I guess.
Well, noone seems to have found my last entry provocative enough to comment on. Sniff.
I had kind of a neurotic day today. It wasn't a really tough day in trucking terms, I just had a bobtail deadhead from dallas down to laredo and two whole days to do it. I thought to wander about austin a bit, and I decided to get off at the visitors' center exit, but the arrow indicating the way to the VC was down a narrow street i did not care to try getting my truck down. There was a pay parking lot nearby that I could have tried, but I was having trouble with the deep "can't" that lives in me and I didn't occur to me that I might actually pay a few dollars to park right near downtown. That's what I mean by having a neurotic day, among other things. I also managed to scare myself by pushing in the brake pressure button for my trailer brakes and blowing all the air out of my brake system. I didn't know what I had done and I thought that something had gone wrong with the system. I'm 99% sure the problem was just me but that 1% sticks in my mind and casts a shadow of neurotic doubt in my mind about whether I'm driving a safe truck.
But having passed neurotically by austin I decided to do san antonio, as I had determined that there was a truck stop within reasonable striking distance of dowtown. six miles is a trifle more than a stone's throw but on my racing bike it might just be attainable. when I got into san antonio it was hazy hot and humid and looking to thunderstorm, I hope it won't be that tomorrow. But when I stopped at the truck stop in san antonio i discovered that my truck had broken again the same way it did before easter weekend, there's a lot of fluid leaking out of my front differential. Bad smelling fluid.
At least swift is not making me stay in the truck until monday morning when the volvo dealership will be open to look at the problem. My truck has a touchy cruise control switch, and that means that the automatic heating and cooling systems are not reliably available. So I've scored two nights in a motel. Kind of a crappy motel but it's free.
I called my mentor about the truck breaking and he reassured me that it's not my fault, I'm not doing anything differently from anyone else. Very nice of him to say that.
I hope the weather is halfway tolerable tomorrow, suitablefor heading into town to see the botanical gardens or one of the missions. You can see things based from a big rig, but you've got to work at it, and you can't predict what you're going to have time to do.
My mentor john, on my first night out on the truck when I started my training period made the observation "the trucker's world" after we make a delivery of paper rolls to a print place outside of philadelphia. since then I've willed myself not to have my trucker's world be restriced to such things as trucks and truck stops, shippers and consignees. I go out wandering and see stuff. It's much easier to go out wandering in the middle of nowhere as truck stops tend to be a bit more accessible to places answering to that description than to the great cities. I've been disposed to say that the trucker's world includes all that you have the will to make it include, but I find I must amend that to saying that you gotta have somewhere to park.
I think my inner can't is me being my own worst enemy. It's so old and deep that I have no understanding of how to be any other way, or perhaps that's not quite it; it's kind of my learned and fairly innate natural state. It exists in others on both sides of my family. My mother has it, and my father's mother had it. You can see , or at least I can see it in her face in old photographs.
I guess I'm rambling. Monday's likely to be a waste of a day, waiting at a volvo dealer for the truck to get fixed, maybe another night in a motel if they have to order the parts. Bah
Well, just another day to make the best of things, like any other, no gaps in the dharma, my personality is just a little too brittle and high strung to take everything as easily in stride as I'd like to think I could.
I had kind of a neurotic day today. It wasn't a really tough day in trucking terms, I just had a bobtail deadhead from dallas down to laredo and two whole days to do it. I thought to wander about austin a bit, and I decided to get off at the visitors' center exit, but the arrow indicating the way to the VC was down a narrow street i did not care to try getting my truck down. There was a pay parking lot nearby that I could have tried, but I was having trouble with the deep "can't" that lives in me and I didn't occur to me that I might actually pay a few dollars to park right near downtown. That's what I mean by having a neurotic day, among other things. I also managed to scare myself by pushing in the brake pressure button for my trailer brakes and blowing all the air out of my brake system. I didn't know what I had done and I thought that something had gone wrong with the system. I'm 99% sure the problem was just me but that 1% sticks in my mind and casts a shadow of neurotic doubt in my mind about whether I'm driving a safe truck.
But having passed neurotically by austin I decided to do san antonio, as I had determined that there was a truck stop within reasonable striking distance of dowtown. six miles is a trifle more than a stone's throw but on my racing bike it might just be attainable. when I got into san antonio it was hazy hot and humid and looking to thunderstorm, I hope it won't be that tomorrow. But when I stopped at the truck stop in san antonio i discovered that my truck had broken again the same way it did before easter weekend, there's a lot of fluid leaking out of my front differential. Bad smelling fluid.
At least swift is not making me stay in the truck until monday morning when the volvo dealership will be open to look at the problem. My truck has a touchy cruise control switch, and that means that the automatic heating and cooling systems are not reliably available. So I've scored two nights in a motel. Kind of a crappy motel but it's free.
I called my mentor about the truck breaking and he reassured me that it's not my fault, I'm not doing anything differently from anyone else. Very nice of him to say that.
I hope the weather is halfway tolerable tomorrow, suitablefor heading into town to see the botanical gardens or one of the missions. You can see things based from a big rig, but you've got to work at it, and you can't predict what you're going to have time to do.
My mentor john, on my first night out on the truck when I started my training period made the observation "the trucker's world" after we make a delivery of paper rolls to a print place outside of philadelphia. since then I've willed myself not to have my trucker's world be restriced to such things as trucks and truck stops, shippers and consignees. I go out wandering and see stuff. It's much easier to go out wandering in the middle of nowhere as truck stops tend to be a bit more accessible to places answering to that description than to the great cities. I've been disposed to say that the trucker's world includes all that you have the will to make it include, but I find I must amend that to saying that you gotta have somewhere to park.
I think my inner can't is me being my own worst enemy. It's so old and deep that I have no understanding of how to be any other way, or perhaps that's not quite it; it's kind of my learned and fairly innate natural state. It exists in others on both sides of my family. My mother has it, and my father's mother had it. You can see , or at least I can see it in her face in old photographs.
I guess I'm rambling. Monday's likely to be a waste of a day, waiting at a volvo dealer for the truck to get fixed, maybe another night in a motel if they have to order the parts. Bah
Well, just another day to make the best of things, like any other, no gaps in the dharma, my personality is just a little too brittle and high strung to take everything as easily in stride as I'd like to think I could.
