IPOD
RADIO
Self-Portait in a Foucault Pendulum
Life's pretty wierd, I guess, I don't know. I'm not so down like I was last blog post. I had 133 pictures on my digital camera that I downloaded just now. In a sense there's an advantage to working for a company that sucks if you own a bicycle and a digital camera. You have down time, and something to do in it. Problem with my down time is that I never know just how much I have though, so I can't relax as I might if I knew exatly when I could be goofing off and when I had to get back to work.
Anyway, a couple of weeks ago I was at the little swift terminal in Avenel NJ which happens to be within bike distance of where my old girlfriend erica was from. The one who was killed in the car crash where my arm was broken. I stopped by her parents house but they weren't in, they do craft shows on the weekend. I went on down to the church garden where her ashes are buried, first time I'd gotten back there since the burial in 2004. I went over to Galloping hill, the hotdog stand near her house where they have the best hotdogs in Jersey. Union NJ is a very happy smiley benign looking town, sort of the ultimate american place to be from, you might say. It is odd to be 37 years old and to be able to see the town through so many lenses or filters if you will, of ways of knowing about it. I know about how hard people work to make the money that makes the existence of a town like that possible. I know about students from erica's school who died of drug overdoses. I know about summer camps where kids watch deer that are half tame and unafraid of people.
Since Erica was a teacher I tend to wander through the campuses schools as they remind me of her. There's this weird sort of disconnect between my buddhist perspective of impermanence, and the way in which minds like Erica's build this tremendously cohesive and powerful vision of the world and of the potential of persons and of the supportiveness and power of community, this being something a mind can take refuge in. Erica worked tremendously hard to make herself a part of the solid, stable, supportive and positive aspect of the world. She had a tremedous faith in herself and in me and in her pupils. I feel a terrible sense of the repudiation of who she was in her having died so young.
Well, after I was done wandering about Erica's hometown I headed back down through Rahway, and I was nosing around an ancient cemetery I found there, looking at a lot of gravestones of persons who had been killed in the revolutionary war, when a fellow colossal dork on a bicycle, who was from that area noticed me and gave me a tour of the cemetery, showing me where the african american Civil war veterans were buried, and where an unknown woman, a murder victim from 1885 was buried. The date was correct for her to be a possible victim of one of the Jack the Ripper suspects, but noone really knows.
This was on an old International Harvester Grave digging tractor I found in another old cemetery south of Boston.
Last week I was in Columbus Ohio for a couple of days while I was taking a couple of safety classes due to my accidents and my truck was in the shop not having its clutch problem fixed. Columbus is one of my favorite places to have some downtime, I could have stopped there today but I'm on my way home and I stretched my drive time today as far as it would go, as Columbus is at the very ragged edge of where it's possible to get home from in my legal 11 driving hours.
Both days I went down to the German Village, had great food at the Sausage Haus, and the first day I had great beer, but when I got the bill it was a six dollar beer so the next night I just had a coke. The first night I also hung out at a little coffee shop and watched a live band play, an intimate setting with perhaps a dozen people listening to the band out in the patio next to the coffee shop. The next night I went down to Schiller Park and watched the summer shakespeare folks do King Lear.
There was a "band" that played the Sausage Haus both nights, though one night It was called Scnickelfritz and the next night they called themselves Squeezin and Wheezin. They may have had slightly different lineups, I can only say the drummer was the same both nights, but the Accordion player was far away and behind a post the first night I was there. If you'll take a close look a this particular picture you'll notice that the drummer was making the audacious move of bongoing with his bare hands on his bald head. I talked to him and he was a pretty cool guy. First time I'd ever seen anyone wearing real lederhosen. At least that I remember.
I daresay people must have near infinite patience to do picture blogs, resizing everything and browsing them out of folders. Tonight I'm at a Pilot truck stop on I 71 in Ohio, where the plugs are curiously high up on the wall. I was nice enough, I daresay, to climb up on a chair to plug in a little chinese woman's laptop for her.
Also read the new Harry Potter. Trememdous. I can't imagine how they'd make a movie of it in which people would get what happens; it has a marvellous, intricate, complex plot.
Hopefully I'll make it home tomorrow, see the cats again. Be kind of a longish time to stay home through the weekend, but It would vex me to take just take till friday off and then have no freight to pull If I got on the truck on saturday or sunday. So maybe I'll say I'm taking just through saturday off and not bother getting back on the vehicle on sunday when noone's going to be in the office or have anything for me to do anyway.
I guess that's not all I could possibly write, but it's a blog. Be well, everyone.
Life's pretty wierd, I guess, I don't know. I'm not so down like I was last blog post. I had 133 pictures on my digital camera that I downloaded just now. In a sense there's an advantage to working for a company that sucks if you own a bicycle and a digital camera. You have down time, and something to do in it. Problem with my down time is that I never know just how much I have though, so I can't relax as I might if I knew exatly when I could be goofing off and when I had to get back to work.
Anyway, a couple of weeks ago I was at the little swift terminal in Avenel NJ which happens to be within bike distance of where my old girlfriend erica was from. The one who was killed in the car crash where my arm was broken. I stopped by her parents house but they weren't in, they do craft shows on the weekend. I went on down to the church garden where her ashes are buried, first time I'd gotten back there since the burial in 2004. I went over to Galloping hill, the hotdog stand near her house where they have the best hotdogs in Jersey. Union NJ is a very happy smiley benign looking town, sort of the ultimate american place to be from, you might say. It is odd to be 37 years old and to be able to see the town through so many lenses or filters if you will, of ways of knowing about it. I know about how hard people work to make the money that makes the existence of a town like that possible. I know about students from erica's school who died of drug overdoses. I know about summer camps where kids watch deer that are half tame and unafraid of people.
Since Erica was a teacher I tend to wander through the campuses schools as they remind me of her. There's this weird sort of disconnect between my buddhist perspective of impermanence, and the way in which minds like Erica's build this tremendously cohesive and powerful vision of the world and of the potential of persons and of the supportiveness and power of community, this being something a mind can take refuge in. Erica worked tremendously hard to make herself a part of the solid, stable, supportive and positive aspect of the world. She had a tremedous faith in herself and in me and in her pupils. I feel a terrible sense of the repudiation of who she was in her having died so young.
Well, after I was done wandering about Erica's hometown I headed back down through Rahway, and I was nosing around an ancient cemetery I found there, looking at a lot of gravestones of persons who had been killed in the revolutionary war, when a fellow colossal dork on a bicycle, who was from that area noticed me and gave me a tour of the cemetery, showing me where the african american Civil war veterans were buried, and where an unknown woman, a murder victim from 1885 was buried. The date was correct for her to be a possible victim of one of the Jack the Ripper suspects, but noone really knows.
This was on an old International Harvester Grave digging tractor I found in another old cemetery south of Boston.
Last week I was in Columbus Ohio for a couple of days while I was taking a couple of safety classes due to my accidents and my truck was in the shop not having its clutch problem fixed. Columbus is one of my favorite places to have some downtime, I could have stopped there today but I'm on my way home and I stretched my drive time today as far as it would go, as Columbus is at the very ragged edge of where it's possible to get home from in my legal 11 driving hours.
Both days I went down to the German Village, had great food at the Sausage Haus, and the first day I had great beer, but when I got the bill it was a six dollar beer so the next night I just had a coke. The first night I also hung out at a little coffee shop and watched a live band play, an intimate setting with perhaps a dozen people listening to the band out in the patio next to the coffee shop. The next night I went down to Schiller Park and watched the summer shakespeare folks do King Lear.
There was a "band" that played the Sausage Haus both nights, though one night It was called Scnickelfritz and the next night they called themselves Squeezin and Wheezin. They may have had slightly different lineups, I can only say the drummer was the same both nights, but the Accordion player was far away and behind a post the first night I was there. If you'll take a close look a this particular picture you'll notice that the drummer was making the audacious move of bongoing with his bare hands on his bald head. I talked to him and he was a pretty cool guy. First time I'd ever seen anyone wearing real lederhosen. At least that I remember.
I daresay people must have near infinite patience to do picture blogs, resizing everything and browsing them out of folders. Tonight I'm at a Pilot truck stop on I 71 in Ohio, where the plugs are curiously high up on the wall. I was nice enough, I daresay, to climb up on a chair to plug in a little chinese woman's laptop for her.
Also read the new Harry Potter. Trememdous. I can't imagine how they'd make a movie of it in which people would get what happens; it has a marvellous, intricate, complex plot.
Hopefully I'll make it home tomorrow, see the cats again. Be kind of a longish time to stay home through the weekend, but It would vex me to take just take till friday off and then have no freight to pull If I got on the truck on saturday or sunday. So maybe I'll say I'm taking just through saturday off and not bother getting back on the vehicle on sunday when noone's going to be in the office or have anything for me to do anyway.
I guess that's not all I could possibly write, but it's a blog. Be well, everyone.
Hello everyone.
I've been feeling pretty down lately and I'm having trouble shaking it. I'm on probation with swift for a year since I had two accidents less than a month apart. One more and I'm fired. Yesterday I phoned my mentor about another matter and he said there's gazillion companies and I shouldn't worry so much about how things are at swift.
I don't know if I should just leave swift now or wait until something pops up at coca cola. There are other jobs I could look around for as well.
Some of you might recall that episode of the original start trek where a weird transporter accident splits captain Kirk into a gentle and a savage side. I feel very much as though something like that happened to me and there's a savage side somewhere that I desperately need back in order to function. I am completely passive and negative and I hate it.
I know very well that a lot of what's wrong with my life is my own damn fault for not trying harder. It's not impossible to turn things around. Sometimes things are stressful and they suck and sometimes they don't. And you always have the oppotunity to choose to be positive, whem life presents a mix of positive and negative things that you can elect to dwell or not dwell on. I can imagine myself as someone not always posessed of dread and worry, but I have hard time being such a person.
Eat, drink, and be merry, for tomorrow we (may) all die. You can choose to be positive under any circumstance. Maybe that's one way of making decisions that comprises being a grownup.
I've been feeling pretty down lately and I'm having trouble shaking it. I'm on probation with swift for a year since I had two accidents less than a month apart. One more and I'm fired. Yesterday I phoned my mentor about another matter and he said there's gazillion companies and I shouldn't worry so much about how things are at swift.
I don't know if I should just leave swift now or wait until something pops up at coca cola. There are other jobs I could look around for as well.
Some of you might recall that episode of the original start trek where a weird transporter accident splits captain Kirk into a gentle and a savage side. I feel very much as though something like that happened to me and there's a savage side somewhere that I desperately need back in order to function. I am completely passive and negative and I hate it.
I know very well that a lot of what's wrong with my life is my own damn fault for not trying harder. It's not impossible to turn things around. Sometimes things are stressful and they suck and sometimes they don't. And you always have the oppotunity to choose to be positive, whem life presents a mix of positive and negative things that you can elect to dwell or not dwell on. I can imagine myself as someone not always posessed of dread and worry, but I have hard time being such a person.
Eat, drink, and be merry, for tomorrow we (may) all die. You can choose to be positive under any circumstance. Maybe that's one way of making decisions that comprises being a grownup.
Teaching my lazy ass to post pics from my new laptop after having had it a couple of months already.
Been doing a little biking, exploring the countryside around the Jonestown Swift terminal. Not in the shape I might be in if I weren't making a living in this particular fashion but I'm trying. Yesterday I got to the top of a hill and got off the bike to sit down in the shade to catch my breath, and a pickup truck stops in front of me and a young man gets out and offers me an energy drink, a brand which he is an endorser for. XS, the name of the drink. He gave me his business card, Joshua Monk his name is. There are still some nice people in the world.
Went for another bike ride today, discoverd that the Ft Indiantown Gap national guard base is right near here, and also found a nice park where I found a good place for a swim before some people rafting down the river disturbed me. I tried for some nice pics of snarly tree roots reflecting in the water, but I ran into the brightness range limitations that digital has compared to film. Got to see a couple of women in bikinis, so that was all right. Ate a bunch of raspberries growing wild in the park, as I was pretty hungry. I guess that maybe sounds pretty boring, but it's some seriously beautiful countryside I've been seeing. I was hoping this might be in Amish country, but I'm told there are just a few Amish and Mennonites here in there in these parts, and I didn't encounter any.
Hello all
In jonestown pa tonight, sent here to await a load, freight is slow. If nothing comes up for me to do tomorrow at least it appears to be a good area for a bike ride, perhaps finally to see some amish folks in person; I think there might be some around here.
I did hear back from my brother, his boss is open to the possibilty of me driving for coca cola, but it's likely to be a couple of months before a position opens up. I shall endure this Swift disaster until then I suppose. If the Coke thing never comes about I'll try for US Xpress or Werner.
I spent 5500 on 20 weeks of trucking school, and have worked for swift for five months now and after having put a year of my life into this trucking thing I can't even pay my bills on time. My brother just worked for coca cola doing merchandising for a while, gets trained to drive big rigs and gets his license after less than a week and a half of training, and he's going to make more money than me and be home every day. I really feel like I've been sold a bill of goods, that put me in the position i'm in today.
If you have a negative streak Iike I do in can be pretty hard not to be too much inside your own head when you're out by yourself for long hours and days.
I've seen some interesting things the past few days. I had a load of asbestos building refuse to bring to a huge landfill in Ohio. I got stuck halfway up the giant mound of dirt a great yellow earth mover had to give me a push from behind. The same earth mover, when I got to the top of the man made trash and dirt mountain, attached to my trailer with a fifth wheel, which for you non truckers is that disc on the tractor which locks onto a pin on the trailer, effecting the connection, tipped the trailer 45 degrees in the air and shook it violently to shake all the trash out. After that experience the truck had a little bit of electronic trouble and the trailer was slightly bent. I had to move the trailer to a spot where the road had a high right shoulder so the trailer would unwarp enough that I could get the doors closed.
Then yesterday I brought a load into the middle of brooklyn NY. I consider that a sort of losing my virginity. It was a little hair raising, Swift trailers are 13'6' high and I had to go under two bridges marked 12'10". I spoke to another trucker who was there at my stop and he explained to me that in new york they post the bridges a foot lower than they actually are, and reasssured me that My trailer wouldn't gain in height when relieved of 45000 pounds so as to make me not fit back under those bridges.
My dad's birthday is tomorrow and my mom called me when I was headed this way to ask if I was going to be back up in mass tomorrow. I don't know. Incredibly aggravating things always happen when I'm heading home, to the point that I'm getting superstitious about it.
Well, health and horniness to everyone.
In jonestown pa tonight, sent here to await a load, freight is slow. If nothing comes up for me to do tomorrow at least it appears to be a good area for a bike ride, perhaps finally to see some amish folks in person; I think there might be some around here.
I did hear back from my brother, his boss is open to the possibilty of me driving for coca cola, but it's likely to be a couple of months before a position opens up. I shall endure this Swift disaster until then I suppose. If the Coke thing never comes about I'll try for US Xpress or Werner.
I spent 5500 on 20 weeks of trucking school, and have worked for swift for five months now and after having put a year of my life into this trucking thing I can't even pay my bills on time. My brother just worked for coca cola doing merchandising for a while, gets trained to drive big rigs and gets his license after less than a week and a half of training, and he's going to make more money than me and be home every day. I really feel like I've been sold a bill of goods, that put me in the position i'm in today.
If you have a negative streak Iike I do in can be pretty hard not to be too much inside your own head when you're out by yourself for long hours and days.
I've seen some interesting things the past few days. I had a load of asbestos building refuse to bring to a huge landfill in Ohio. I got stuck halfway up the giant mound of dirt a great yellow earth mover had to give me a push from behind. The same earth mover, when I got to the top of the man made trash and dirt mountain, attached to my trailer with a fifth wheel, which for you non truckers is that disc on the tractor which locks onto a pin on the trailer, effecting the connection, tipped the trailer 45 degrees in the air and shook it violently to shake all the trash out. After that experience the truck had a little bit of electronic trouble and the trailer was slightly bent. I had to move the trailer to a spot where the road had a high right shoulder so the trailer would unwarp enough that I could get the doors closed.
Then yesterday I brought a load into the middle of brooklyn NY. I consider that a sort of losing my virginity. It was a little hair raising, Swift trailers are 13'6' high and I had to go under two bridges marked 12'10". I spoke to another trucker who was there at my stop and he explained to me that in new york they post the bridges a foot lower than they actually are, and reasssured me that My trailer wouldn't gain in height when relieved of 45000 pounds so as to make me not fit back under those bridges.
My dad's birthday is tomorrow and my mom called me when I was headed this way to ask if I was going to be back up in mass tomorrow. I don't know. Incredibly aggravating things always happen when I'm heading home, to the point that I'm getting superstitious about it.
Well, health and horniness to everyone.
Dear friends and neighbors
I hope you're all safe inside, out of the thunderstoms, which are in season.
I got a load from south carolina to new hampshire with a loose delivery deadline, so I want to stop by my parents house for dinner tomorrow, as they were on vacation last week and I didn't get to see them. Today I legally managed to get all the way up from the middle of south carolina to Bordentown New Jersey. And then when I was driving around the parking lot at the Petro in the DARK i snagged a trailer rim on a rock and bent it. Some kind of aggravation always gets me on the way home. Although I feel superstitiously alarmed at saying that, as I said something like that immediately before the auto accident in which I got my broken arm and my GF Erica was killed. Not too far from here actually.
Love and hugs to Salome and Lyris, for welcoming me back home, although I didn't check my blog again until I'd been on the road for a few days.
GIMP doesn't seem to like my jpeg files, as they crash upon opening. I shall have to research the matter, amon other things I don't have much time for.
My brother is about to get his big rig license from Coca Cola, for whom he's worked for a while. After that he will be making more money than me, working four ten hour days a week. I asked him to ask if coke might take me on, but I've yet to hear back from him. Working four days a week would rock the Casbah, as Erica used to say. No more being apart from my beloved cats, and time for the photogaphy I was too much of a lazy loser to do when I had the time, before I hit the road.
I hope you're all safe inside, out of the thunderstoms, which are in season.
I got a load from south carolina to new hampshire with a loose delivery deadline, so I want to stop by my parents house for dinner tomorrow, as they were on vacation last week and I didn't get to see them. Today I legally managed to get all the way up from the middle of south carolina to Bordentown New Jersey. And then when I was driving around the parking lot at the Petro in the DARK i snagged a trailer rim on a rock and bent it. Some kind of aggravation always gets me on the way home. Although I feel superstitiously alarmed at saying that, as I said something like that immediately before the auto accident in which I got my broken arm and my GF Erica was killed. Not too far from here actually.
Love and hugs to Salome and Lyris, for welcoming me back home, although I didn't check my blog again until I'd been on the road for a few days.
GIMP doesn't seem to like my jpeg files, as they crash upon opening. I shall have to research the matter, amon other things I don't have much time for.
My brother is about to get his big rig license from Coca Cola, for whom he's worked for a while. After that he will be making more money than me, working four ten hour days a week. I asked him to ask if coke might take me on, but I've yet to hear back from him. Working four days a week would rock the Casbah, as Erica used to say. No more being apart from my beloved cats, and time for the photogaphy I was too much of a lazy loser to do when I had the time, before I hit the road.
Hey Folks
Monday night I got back home after being on the road 26 or 27 days, something like that. Yuck. By rights I could take 4 days off, and at first I wasn't going to since if i got back on the truck on saturday there might not be any loads for me to haul, but right now I'm absorbed in the gloriousness of being at home so I'll take the four days.
Last night I was talking to a friend on the phone and he tipped me off to the GIMP freeware image editing program. So tonight when I dropped by the rents' house to see if I might get a free dinner out of them and they weren't home I went down to the Haymarket Cafe in Northampton Mass and discovered that they had usable wifi, so I downloaded Gimp. Don't know if I have all that I need; i didn't get the manuals or tutorials but I'll grab them next time i've got wifi. so hopfully soon my blogs will have pictures again.
Being at home now I guess I could post some pics, but I'm feelilng lazy. I'm at the point in trucking that I've seen a lot of the same places over and over again and I'm not taking so many pictures. But on the other hand I picked up THREE replacement bike tubes to keep my bike going, so I suspect I'll have more wandering about pics to show for that reason.
My friend who tipped me off to Gimp asked where I'd been to so far, I told him about some of my favorite places to rum. I actually like the area of southern indiana and illinois and missouri, I love the extreme flatness and openness of that country side. It's really cool to ride a bike out in perfectly flat country. The southeastern US like florida and the carolinas is not really as interesting, it's flat but not so open and you can't see so far as to get that feeling of vastness that I love.
I also really like mountainous country even if it can be a real bitch haulling a heavy load up and down mountains with an accountant-selected engine. I like tenessee and pennsylvania and virginia for that reason. western maryland and eastern ohio are also beautiful mountainous areas.
But when I was headed up to maine to deliver a load of groceries I stopped at the New Hampshire welcome center on 95 and they had a lot of crafts on display, pottery, iron and glass. It reminded me of a lot of what I love about new england, the incredible arts culture that's here. I'm glad to be from here. It's just the worst place in the country to drive a big rig in, but I'm just going to have to deal with that fact after I get my year of experience and can get local work, and be able to be home and get going on the life that I never appreciated that I had the opportunity to llive until I started driving way out across the country and could not do so.
I guess that's it for now.
Monday night I got back home after being on the road 26 or 27 days, something like that. Yuck. By rights I could take 4 days off, and at first I wasn't going to since if i got back on the truck on saturday there might not be any loads for me to haul, but right now I'm absorbed in the gloriousness of being at home so I'll take the four days.
Last night I was talking to a friend on the phone and he tipped me off to the GIMP freeware image editing program. So tonight when I dropped by the rents' house to see if I might get a free dinner out of them and they weren't home I went down to the Haymarket Cafe in Northampton Mass and discovered that they had usable wifi, so I downloaded Gimp. Don't know if I have all that I need; i didn't get the manuals or tutorials but I'll grab them next time i've got wifi. so hopfully soon my blogs will have pictures again.
Being at home now I guess I could post some pics, but I'm feelilng lazy. I'm at the point in trucking that I've seen a lot of the same places over and over again and I'm not taking so many pictures. But on the other hand I picked up THREE replacement bike tubes to keep my bike going, so I suspect I'll have more wandering about pics to show for that reason.
My friend who tipped me off to Gimp asked where I'd been to so far, I told him about some of my favorite places to rum. I actually like the area of southern indiana and illinois and missouri, I love the extreme flatness and openness of that country side. It's really cool to ride a bike out in perfectly flat country. The southeastern US like florida and the carolinas is not really as interesting, it's flat but not so open and you can't see so far as to get that feeling of vastness that I love.
I also really like mountainous country even if it can be a real bitch haulling a heavy load up and down mountains with an accountant-selected engine. I like tenessee and pennsylvania and virginia for that reason. western maryland and eastern ohio are also beautiful mountainous areas.
But when I was headed up to maine to deliver a load of groceries I stopped at the New Hampshire welcome center on 95 and they had a lot of crafts on display, pottery, iron and glass. It reminded me of a lot of what I love about new england, the incredible arts culture that's here. I'm glad to be from here. It's just the worst place in the country to drive a big rig in, but I'm just going to have to deal with that fact after I get my year of experience and can get local work, and be able to be home and get going on the life that I never appreciated that I had the opportunity to llive until I started driving way out across the country and could not do so.
I guess that's it for now.
hey all
brief ramble
the roads here in georgia really piss me off. they keep splitting the, the same numbered route goes in two directions when I wasn't expecting it to do so, and i waste a lot of time and stress figuring out where the fuck I am.
it annoys me that my feelings change. i feel crappy when I wake up in the morning, my heart is always beating too fast and I sweat, and i don't know if that might have to maybe do with diabetes starting up, my mom became diabetic when she was 40 and I worry about it. or it might be something else, anxiety or something.
but this morning I was feeling OK here at the pilot off exit 146 on I-75 in florida, just surfing a bit until I head out again after noontime, but just now I started to get that little cloud of depression in the front of my head. and no real reason for it. except maybe i spend too much time surfing.
past couple days my truck was in the shop and i got to unwind a little, played some chess on my computer. i'm getting back into chess shape i guess, being able to see the board and what's going on thereon, but i still make some remarkable stupid blunders. but i'm building my rating up, working my way up through the ranks of programmed opponent personalities. playing a computer does have a different feel from playing a human. Computers are programmed to make mistakes so as to match the playing characteristics of human players, but the kinds of blunders computers make are different from the kinds that humans make. they drop pieces that humans would never drop. to not see that you have to go up against compter opponents who are much stronger than you and won't make those types of mistakes. and in those cases you have to really know what you're doing, in order to penetrate their lines with a real strategy.
my chess playing reflects my real life i guess. I'm not at all an attacking player. I push out a defense and react to what my opponent is doing. this can be a bad strategy for life, always waiting for life to tell you what to do, to tell you what circumstances are favorable for. chess has time limits and you're going to see what you opponent is doing, but life is open ended and you have to make you moves without being able to see everything that's going on on the board in front of you. it is weird that i can see how young men have such supreme overconfidence they will get drunk and wrap their cars around trees, because they feel invincible; overconfidence i think is a survival mechanism that allows people to charge out into a world and make a place for themselves when they don't know all they need to know. in a sense you could say that you can make a place for yourself knowing less than you need to know, if you have confidence, things take care of themselves, people take care of you, and you learn things and solve problems as you run across them. but with me the equation is different, my fundamental mental process is based on the equation of "i can't".
crap crap crap crap. I fucking hate my fundamental mental equation.
brief ramble
the roads here in georgia really piss me off. they keep splitting the, the same numbered route goes in two directions when I wasn't expecting it to do so, and i waste a lot of time and stress figuring out where the fuck I am.
it annoys me that my feelings change. i feel crappy when I wake up in the morning, my heart is always beating too fast and I sweat, and i don't know if that might have to maybe do with diabetes starting up, my mom became diabetic when she was 40 and I worry about it. or it might be something else, anxiety or something.
but this morning I was feeling OK here at the pilot off exit 146 on I-75 in florida, just surfing a bit until I head out again after noontime, but just now I started to get that little cloud of depression in the front of my head. and no real reason for it. except maybe i spend too much time surfing.
past couple days my truck was in the shop and i got to unwind a little, played some chess on my computer. i'm getting back into chess shape i guess, being able to see the board and what's going on thereon, but i still make some remarkable stupid blunders. but i'm building my rating up, working my way up through the ranks of programmed opponent personalities. playing a computer does have a different feel from playing a human. Computers are programmed to make mistakes so as to match the playing characteristics of human players, but the kinds of blunders computers make are different from the kinds that humans make. they drop pieces that humans would never drop. to not see that you have to go up against compter opponents who are much stronger than you and won't make those types of mistakes. and in those cases you have to really know what you're doing, in order to penetrate their lines with a real strategy.
my chess playing reflects my real life i guess. I'm not at all an attacking player. I push out a defense and react to what my opponent is doing. this can be a bad strategy for life, always waiting for life to tell you what to do, to tell you what circumstances are favorable for. chess has time limits and you're going to see what you opponent is doing, but life is open ended and you have to make you moves without being able to see everything that's going on on the board in front of you. it is weird that i can see how young men have such supreme overconfidence they will get drunk and wrap their cars around trees, because they feel invincible; overconfidence i think is a survival mechanism that allows people to charge out into a world and make a place for themselves when they don't know all they need to know. in a sense you could say that you can make a place for yourself knowing less than you need to know, if you have confidence, things take care of themselves, people take care of you, and you learn things and solve problems as you run across them. but with me the equation is different, my fundamental mental process is based on the equation of "i can't".
crap crap crap crap. I fucking hate my fundamental mental equation.
Breathes sigh of relief.
Evening ladies and germs.
My account was shut off for a couple of days i think. My old card wasn't going through and I was worried that SG would have deleted my account. Which I didn't think they would do but I was worried about it anyway.
I've been busy the last several days, very unusual for my swift career, and it was too good to be true I realize now, my truck blew a seal at the back of the front differential, the same one where the seal has already blown from the front of it twice. This morning I had a load offer on my qualcomm and I was morally debating should I refuse the load and insist on getting the truck fixed, and sit for another couple of days in truck shop waiting rooms waiting for it to get fixed, or run with the oil leak and risk damaging the truck further and catching hell for that. I took the run, not wanting to sit anymore. Load is light and going down to florida so hopefully I'll make it down there and get it fixed at the ocala terminal.
Today started out in Seymour Indiana and now I'm over in SW Indiana, Warrenton. Since I still haven't been able to find a new tube for my bicycle I went out for a walk. I guess there's probably some Amish folks around here as I saw a sign or two indicating an "amish buffet" at this exit. I did not encounter any amish on my expedition but possible i did find some dead ones; I found a couple of old graveyards with dutch writing on many of the stones.
I walked by a wheatfield and tried a few heads of wheat. You can actually just eat it right on the stalk, it's just you'll want some water to wash down all the chaff. Tastes kind of green and planty, but what would you expect. I enjoyed watching the fireflies and the sunset and the warm breeze. Was thinking of trying to take some photos of fairy lights in one of the old graveyards but firefly season is probably the most inconclusive of all times to do that particular sort of paranormal research. It occurred to me at one point that I was seeing fireflies, artificial lights and stars all at once. Bioluminescent, electric and thermonuclear light sources.
I found one firefly lying on the road at the corner of an intersection and I suppose it had been hit by a car. It looked like a little glowing ember of coal or a glowing bit of cigarette ash lying there in the darkness. I picked it up and put it on a bush. Small recompense for the thousands of bugs who've met a gruesome end on my windshield. Not much I could really do for an injured firefly anyway.
Useful quote from CJ Cherryh: "Saying and doing aren't even brothers."
An essay in my copy of Monty Python and Philosophy talks about how existence has no preset meaning, and therefore the meaning of life consisits of the things that you actually do. There was something about Jean-Paul Sartre and essences. A person might say something like " I would be a great hero under favorable circumstances" but Sartre says that you have an essence that acts irrespective of circumstance. But more to the point I think is that the world is not comprised of favorable circumstances. What you would be in that other world has no meaning, as that is not the world that is.
I'm an INTP and i think a lot. I daresay this has had a profoundly detrimental effect on my life in certain respects, in that I am constrained from action but the great mass of meanings I carry around with me; a monkey on my back, made of the act of construing. At my age I'm seeing people much younger than me who have greatly out-achieved me and I'm getting very antsy about never correting this course I'm on.
So, , , , I don' know. I"m seeing habits of being in me that don't lead to much fulfilment but are very hard to correct. But it's only me that can make the change.
nullnull
Evening ladies and germs.
My account was shut off for a couple of days i think. My old card wasn't going through and I was worried that SG would have deleted my account. Which I didn't think they would do but I was worried about it anyway.
I've been busy the last several days, very unusual for my swift career, and it was too good to be true I realize now, my truck blew a seal at the back of the front differential, the same one where the seal has already blown from the front of it twice. This morning I had a load offer on my qualcomm and I was morally debating should I refuse the load and insist on getting the truck fixed, and sit for another couple of days in truck shop waiting rooms waiting for it to get fixed, or run with the oil leak and risk damaging the truck further and catching hell for that. I took the run, not wanting to sit anymore. Load is light and going down to florida so hopefully I'll make it down there and get it fixed at the ocala terminal.
Today started out in Seymour Indiana and now I'm over in SW Indiana, Warrenton. Since I still haven't been able to find a new tube for my bicycle I went out for a walk. I guess there's probably some Amish folks around here as I saw a sign or two indicating an "amish buffet" at this exit. I did not encounter any amish on my expedition but possible i did find some dead ones; I found a couple of old graveyards with dutch writing on many of the stones.
I walked by a wheatfield and tried a few heads of wheat. You can actually just eat it right on the stalk, it's just you'll want some water to wash down all the chaff. Tastes kind of green and planty, but what would you expect. I enjoyed watching the fireflies and the sunset and the warm breeze. Was thinking of trying to take some photos of fairy lights in one of the old graveyards but firefly season is probably the most inconclusive of all times to do that particular sort of paranormal research. It occurred to me at one point that I was seeing fireflies, artificial lights and stars all at once. Bioluminescent, electric and thermonuclear light sources.
I found one firefly lying on the road at the corner of an intersection and I suppose it had been hit by a car. It looked like a little glowing ember of coal or a glowing bit of cigarette ash lying there in the darkness. I picked it up and put it on a bush. Small recompense for the thousands of bugs who've met a gruesome end on my windshield. Not much I could really do for an injured firefly anyway.
Useful quote from CJ Cherryh: "Saying and doing aren't even brothers."
An essay in my copy of Monty Python and Philosophy talks about how existence has no preset meaning, and therefore the meaning of life consisits of the things that you actually do. There was something about Jean-Paul Sartre and essences. A person might say something like " I would be a great hero under favorable circumstances" but Sartre says that you have an essence that acts irrespective of circumstance. But more to the point I think is that the world is not comprised of favorable circumstances. What you would be in that other world has no meaning, as that is not the world that is.
I'm an INTP and i think a lot. I daresay this has had a profoundly detrimental effect on my life in certain respects, in that I am constrained from action but the great mass of meanings I carry around with me; a monkey on my back, made of the act of construing. At my age I'm seeing people much younger than me who have greatly out-achieved me and I'm getting very antsy about never correting this course I'm on.
So, , , , I don' know. I"m seeing habits of being in me that don't lead to much fulfilment but are very hard to correct. But it's only me that can make the change.
nullnull
hey folks
hope the lightning bolts missed all you guys last night.
this weekend Swift didn't have a load to get me home to mass from Philadelphia, so I've been sitting at the truck stops off exit 7 off the NJ turnpike. which wouldn't be that bad if my bike didn't have a flat tire. I tried patching the tire and the patches let go, and couldn't find any replacement tubes at the walmart when i unhooked my trailer and made a bobtailed expedition to find a new tube. swift has been very disappointing and annoying so far and I'm seriously considering looking for another job. i don't have the greatest work record though, and I'm not very strong, being really skinny and not being 100% in my left arm, the one that was broken and has metal plates and screws in it. I shall see what comes out of it after i contest my traffic citations in jersey in the middle of june. if i can make those go away it would be a good time to go over to Werner or US xpress, with a clean driving record. they could hardly be worse than swift has been.
i did do a little walking around here though, and that should really have been sufficiently enjoyable but i just happen to be so particularly attached to riding my bike that i haven't enjoyed my time here as much as i might have if i had been able to not be so preoccupied with that particular vexation. i did find a nice little italian joint in the little town across route 130. Mario & Frank's. Last night I had exquisite cheese ravioli and had a fun conversation with the cute little waitress. she came back after leaving work to get something and we ended up talking about Huckleberry Finn and about the relationship between the idea of a Melting Pot and the desires of cultures to preserve themselves.
I had hoped to hang out some with my ex-gf julia while i was near philadelphia but she was down in the dc area with other friends. but she found the time to hang out for a couple of hours with me just now, and it was good to see her and talk with her again, if all too briefly.
Swift has me on "safety hold" for missing logs for logs they've now had sent to them twice; i fucking hate that. Hafta fax in copies tomorrow, to get moving again.
Right now I guess I'll surf a little more, then maybe try and patch my bike tires again, or just go for a walk. Take care everyone.
jbl
hope the lightning bolts missed all you guys last night.
this weekend Swift didn't have a load to get me home to mass from Philadelphia, so I've been sitting at the truck stops off exit 7 off the NJ turnpike. which wouldn't be that bad if my bike didn't have a flat tire. I tried patching the tire and the patches let go, and couldn't find any replacement tubes at the walmart when i unhooked my trailer and made a bobtailed expedition to find a new tube. swift has been very disappointing and annoying so far and I'm seriously considering looking for another job. i don't have the greatest work record though, and I'm not very strong, being really skinny and not being 100% in my left arm, the one that was broken and has metal plates and screws in it. I shall see what comes out of it after i contest my traffic citations in jersey in the middle of june. if i can make those go away it would be a good time to go over to Werner or US xpress, with a clean driving record. they could hardly be worse than swift has been.
i did do a little walking around here though, and that should really have been sufficiently enjoyable but i just happen to be so particularly attached to riding my bike that i haven't enjoyed my time here as much as i might have if i had been able to not be so preoccupied with that particular vexation. i did find a nice little italian joint in the little town across route 130. Mario & Frank's. Last night I had exquisite cheese ravioli and had a fun conversation with the cute little waitress. she came back after leaving work to get something and we ended up talking about Huckleberry Finn and about the relationship between the idea of a Melting Pot and the desires of cultures to preserve themselves.
I had hoped to hang out some with my ex-gf julia while i was near philadelphia but she was down in the dc area with other friends. but she found the time to hang out for a couple of hours with me just now, and it was good to see her and talk with her again, if all too briefly.
Swift has me on "safety hold" for missing logs for logs they've now had sent to them twice; i fucking hate that. Hafta fax in copies tomorrow, to get moving again.
Right now I guess I'll surf a little more, then maybe try and patch my bike tires again, or just go for a walk. Take care everyone.
jbl
Hello friends
Tonight I'm at a Petro off exit 226 onI-76 in Pa on my way to a dropoff outside philly tomorrow.
I had an unpleasant experience a few days ago when I got myself all screwed up trying to get to a pickup in new jersey. Got off the right road, got back on again, and this black guy runs up to my truck and tells me there's a traffic accident ahead of me and he's a lumper for one of the businesses on that road and he'll show me how to get around it.
You never ever let anyone on your truck, they tell you in school, but you don't remember that until you make that mistake and see what happens.
He turned out to be a scam artist who takes you for a stupid ride around and then tries to bill you 36.50 for an "escort service". With shame I admit that I gave him a few dollars, a lot less than he wanted, and ended up just sitting there screaming at him to get out of my fucking truck.
This happened and I'll discuss it no further. I am still young and stupid in certain ways, but I escaped that incident missing just several dollars, it could have been a lot worse. And the next day and the day after I'm driving around to interesting new places, seeing and meeting some nice people, and he's still going to be a poor scam artist in a ghetto in Newark, so I'm still ahead of him in such respects as really matter.
Swift has been hitting me with some bigtime suckiness lately. I sat at the molly pitcher rest area on the new Jersey turnpike from thursday night to tuesday morning, no freight to haul. Then yesterday I didn't make any money, just had to be in Columbus OH for a log class. Swift is very bad about paperwork; they lose a lot of what you submit to them but they're still anal as all hell about any mistakes on the paperwork they don't manage to lose.
Having my bike on my truck saves my sanity I guess. There's a couple of escapes through the gate at the Molly Pitcher rest area and I found this exceedingly beatiful early 19th centure town, Cranbury, NJ, just a couple of miles away. I've hardly ever seen beautiful old houses like that in jersey where everything seems to be new. They did manage to be a lot different from the way houses are in western mass though, they were built very close together in an intimate downtown setting, where up in mass the majestic old saltboxes are further apart on their tracts of farmland with great old trees towering over the sidewalks in front.
Cranbury has an awesome used book store called the Bookworm where I found some CJ Cherryh titles really cheap, and they also have a great selection of CDs for four bucks apiece. Also has a nice chinese place called the Hot Wok, and a good italian joint a couple of doors up from that. There are also some upscale places where they don't put prices on the menu, if that's your thing.
When I was in columbus yesterday I actually could have gotten out of there around noon but I'm a lazy bastard when it comes to work, and I wanted to have a bit of a look round town. Just in the swift terminal's neighborhood I found a neat store that sells beds on one side and all kinds of funky stuff on the other. They have a back room full of adult toys and pot pipes. When I went back to check if I had a load I had one that didn't pick up till today so I took the opportunity to head down into downtown columbus. Not having a map I just headed down route 40, which really is not at all good for biking, a very busy main thoroughfare only intended for motor traffic. And when you're headed into town from the west like I was you pass though some not-so-nice neighborhood. But once you get into town it's nice enough. there's a park next to downtown with a lot of geese leaving many turds lying about. I headed northwards up the west side of the pond that's the center of the park. Came across a family of mom and dad goose with several goslings. I almost got a cute picture of all the goslings walking toward me, curious about me, but they lost interest and dispersed before I could get my camera out. I then quietly walked my bike past them, the parent geese hissed at me. Interesting.
So I headed round the north end of the park toward the north end of downtown, looking for a college which I judged likely to exist and likely to have some funky cafe's to hang out and watch girls in. I came across an attactive young woman walking two dogs, and then I came across her again on the other side of the park. I ventured to talk to her about her dogs and to ask what an interesting nearby building was. She didn't seem to want to talk which I guess isn't something to recriminate against her, as I guess I look a little scary, many days unshaven with my sunglasses, torn up military shorts an a big ugly post cold sore scab on my lip. But I was pleased with myself for actually making an attempt to talk to a female.
so after that I headed up around northern downtown and found a nice area with good restaurants and cafes and college artsy farts sorts about. It was only seven or so at the time and I had a couple of hours of daylight left so I decided to see what might like on the other side of the downtown area. Went down high street past the capitol building and it looked like there wasn't going to be much to see, but I noticed this little alley paved in brick like i'd seen a couple of streets on the north end, and when I went down that alley I found myself in one of the most incredibly beautiful and interesting and homey feeling neighborhoods anywhere in the world. The German Village in columbus ohio. You enter and you feel like you're in a vermeer painting. Brick sidewalks, brick houses, brick roads. house to sidewalk to road all brick. The houses tend to be long and skinny, three our four times as long front back as across the facade on the street. Found a litte cafe with some celtic music coming out, headed on to a little park where I watched a dress rehearsal of the local summer shakespeare in the park company doing Mary Stuart, a play written by friedrich Schiller, who has a big statue in the park, about queen elizabeth and mary queen of scots, and various people working to hasten or avert the application of the axe to mary QOS's neck.
Then I wandered through the village some more until I saw this building lit up like it was christmastime. The Sausage Haus, place of Sauerkraut, sausage and beer, bigtime germanness. I got ther at 930 and they wer set to close at ten but they let me sit down and get some dinner. I had a sausage sampler but didn't have a beer cuz i wanted my head clear on the bike ride back. Was great. I don't really like sauerkraut, but i eat it anyway as i don't like to waste food.
If you had to pick a heaven to spend eternity in (or hell if you're bad) that was something that existed on earth, you could do a lot worse than the German Village in Columbus. The houses I'm told run 250-300k on average, which isn't bad considering what such places in other metropolitan areas go for.
Sometimes it bothers me a bit that I'm inquisitive about the world and have the resourcefulness and boldness to go out and see it. I'm missing out on just sitting around truck teminals bitching about how slow freight is. In certain respects people of no resource or imagination have an advantage over me in that theres' a lot less in their lives to interfere with their being working oxen, and therefore they will tend to make more money than I. I feel like a grownup ought to be more pissed off than I get when there's no work, I feel sort of irresponsible for having my ability to enjoy time off.
My rear bike tire stared going flat on the way back from columbus and I ruined it earlier this evening when I attempted to repair it. so I'm temporarily bikeless until I can get a replacement tube. Vexing.
I hope I can get back up to mass for mem day weekend, as I suspect there won't be much going on in the truck biz.
well, love and kisses to all.
Tonight I'm at a Petro off exit 226 onI-76 in Pa on my way to a dropoff outside philly tomorrow.
I had an unpleasant experience a few days ago when I got myself all screwed up trying to get to a pickup in new jersey. Got off the right road, got back on again, and this black guy runs up to my truck and tells me there's a traffic accident ahead of me and he's a lumper for one of the businesses on that road and he'll show me how to get around it.
You never ever let anyone on your truck, they tell you in school, but you don't remember that until you make that mistake and see what happens.
He turned out to be a scam artist who takes you for a stupid ride around and then tries to bill you 36.50 for an "escort service". With shame I admit that I gave him a few dollars, a lot less than he wanted, and ended up just sitting there screaming at him to get out of my fucking truck.
This happened and I'll discuss it no further. I am still young and stupid in certain ways, but I escaped that incident missing just several dollars, it could have been a lot worse. And the next day and the day after I'm driving around to interesting new places, seeing and meeting some nice people, and he's still going to be a poor scam artist in a ghetto in Newark, so I'm still ahead of him in such respects as really matter.
Swift has been hitting me with some bigtime suckiness lately. I sat at the molly pitcher rest area on the new Jersey turnpike from thursday night to tuesday morning, no freight to haul. Then yesterday I didn't make any money, just had to be in Columbus OH for a log class. Swift is very bad about paperwork; they lose a lot of what you submit to them but they're still anal as all hell about any mistakes on the paperwork they don't manage to lose.
Having my bike on my truck saves my sanity I guess. There's a couple of escapes through the gate at the Molly Pitcher rest area and I found this exceedingly beatiful early 19th centure town, Cranbury, NJ, just a couple of miles away. I've hardly ever seen beautiful old houses like that in jersey where everything seems to be new. They did manage to be a lot different from the way houses are in western mass though, they were built very close together in an intimate downtown setting, where up in mass the majestic old saltboxes are further apart on their tracts of farmland with great old trees towering over the sidewalks in front.
Cranbury has an awesome used book store called the Bookworm where I found some CJ Cherryh titles really cheap, and they also have a great selection of CDs for four bucks apiece. Also has a nice chinese place called the Hot Wok, and a good italian joint a couple of doors up from that. There are also some upscale places where they don't put prices on the menu, if that's your thing.
When I was in columbus yesterday I actually could have gotten out of there around noon but I'm a lazy bastard when it comes to work, and I wanted to have a bit of a look round town. Just in the swift terminal's neighborhood I found a neat store that sells beds on one side and all kinds of funky stuff on the other. They have a back room full of adult toys and pot pipes. When I went back to check if I had a load I had one that didn't pick up till today so I took the opportunity to head down into downtown columbus. Not having a map I just headed down route 40, which really is not at all good for biking, a very busy main thoroughfare only intended for motor traffic. And when you're headed into town from the west like I was you pass though some not-so-nice neighborhood. But once you get into town it's nice enough. there's a park next to downtown with a lot of geese leaving many turds lying about. I headed northwards up the west side of the pond that's the center of the park. Came across a family of mom and dad goose with several goslings. I almost got a cute picture of all the goslings walking toward me, curious about me, but they lost interest and dispersed before I could get my camera out. I then quietly walked my bike past them, the parent geese hissed at me. Interesting.
So I headed round the north end of the park toward the north end of downtown, looking for a college which I judged likely to exist and likely to have some funky cafe's to hang out and watch girls in. I came across an attactive young woman walking two dogs, and then I came across her again on the other side of the park. I ventured to talk to her about her dogs and to ask what an interesting nearby building was. She didn't seem to want to talk which I guess isn't something to recriminate against her, as I guess I look a little scary, many days unshaven with my sunglasses, torn up military shorts an a big ugly post cold sore scab on my lip. But I was pleased with myself for actually making an attempt to talk to a female.
so after that I headed up around northern downtown and found a nice area with good restaurants and cafes and college artsy farts sorts about. It was only seven or so at the time and I had a couple of hours of daylight left so I decided to see what might like on the other side of the downtown area. Went down high street past the capitol building and it looked like there wasn't going to be much to see, but I noticed this little alley paved in brick like i'd seen a couple of streets on the north end, and when I went down that alley I found myself in one of the most incredibly beautiful and interesting and homey feeling neighborhoods anywhere in the world. The German Village in columbus ohio. You enter and you feel like you're in a vermeer painting. Brick sidewalks, brick houses, brick roads. house to sidewalk to road all brick. The houses tend to be long and skinny, three our four times as long front back as across the facade on the street. Found a litte cafe with some celtic music coming out, headed on to a little park where I watched a dress rehearsal of the local summer shakespeare in the park company doing Mary Stuart, a play written by friedrich Schiller, who has a big statue in the park, about queen elizabeth and mary queen of scots, and various people working to hasten or avert the application of the axe to mary QOS's neck.
Then I wandered through the village some more until I saw this building lit up like it was christmastime. The Sausage Haus, place of Sauerkraut, sausage and beer, bigtime germanness. I got ther at 930 and they wer set to close at ten but they let me sit down and get some dinner. I had a sausage sampler but didn't have a beer cuz i wanted my head clear on the bike ride back. Was great. I don't really like sauerkraut, but i eat it anyway as i don't like to waste food.
If you had to pick a heaven to spend eternity in (or hell if you're bad) that was something that existed on earth, you could do a lot worse than the German Village in Columbus. The houses I'm told run 250-300k on average, which isn't bad considering what such places in other metropolitan areas go for.
Sometimes it bothers me a bit that I'm inquisitive about the world and have the resourcefulness and boldness to go out and see it. I'm missing out on just sitting around truck teminals bitching about how slow freight is. In certain respects people of no resource or imagination have an advantage over me in that theres' a lot less in their lives to interfere with their being working oxen, and therefore they will tend to make more money than I. I feel like a grownup ought to be more pissed off than I get when there's no work, I feel sort of irresponsible for having my ability to enjoy time off.
My rear bike tire stared going flat on the way back from columbus and I ruined it earlier this evening when I attempted to repair it. so I'm temporarily bikeless until I can get a replacement tube. Vexing.
I hope I can get back up to mass for mem day weekend, as I suspect there won't be much going on in the truck biz.
well, love and kisses to all.
