This is the best rendition of Vesti La Giubba I've heard/seen. My favorite part of my favorite opera. If you don't like it or feel the pain expressed here then you have no soul.

Certain memories I have that I will always cherish. Times when I was filled with emotion and a warmth in my heart. Some before and some after the dark times. When the sun stopped rising and things were cast in shadow. Not entirely devoid, but in a constant state of stagnation. There was when we were just two kids trying to figure things out. This new and breathtaking feeling that enveloped us both. Amazing that something so strong could be mutual and consume two beings at once. The brightest sunrise on the most glorious dawn. It was just a northern sunrise though, the sun barely broke the horizon before disappearing and leaving us in darkness. Then there was a new dawn. Out by the lake, you were smoking a cigarette away from so that the smoke wouldn't be blown in my direction. I just leaned against the car admiring you in my head, but in my words I berated you for your nasty habit. Later outside your home, you playfully took my hat so that you could draw me in and kiss me softly but with a full heart. By that point the air was cool, our embrace kept us from shivering. Again, the sun sank below the horizon line taking with it the remnants of warmth left. So I slept, dreaming of things to come and things that might have been. In my dreams, I found you with dark eyes and a soft smile. Your heart was broken and I used my words to mend it as best as I could. There was such passion in you that I wished so much to share it. Somehow I failed, though. I was a half empty vessel attempting to give you more than I had because it was what you deserved. Your tears brought me such sadness and your laugh brought me joy. When I took off my shoes I found sand that reminded me of Steve Martin and stories I had told you. Nights on the couch, trying to hold your hand subtly and trying not to stare. These were feelings I wanted so much to relish in, but never felt comfortable enough to fully appreciate them. I felt so sorry because I seemed so confused about so many things except one, the most important feeling I had. The one I had not been able to diminish into nothingness. Even I was never able to fully show you, it was there. Like every dream though, it ended. Awake, and it is still dark. There is no new dawn yet. This does not mean that I am fatalistic, that I believe the sun has abandoned me. There is always a new dawn, I just have to be patient and wait. I will wrap myself in blankets and sleep away the cold dark. Until the new dawn, I will dream of things and wait. For now, I will sleep...

Don't let it worry you too much dear. Just take me down to the water. Things aren't as bleak as they seem. Your heart may be heavy, but things are just beginning. You see, I will always be here. The space between the stillness of the air is where you're hear me breathing. The silence between your heart beats is where you'll feel me embracing you. The light that shines from your smile is where you'll see me, looking back at you. So, you see, it's really not all that bad. Don't be afraid and please don't cry. You are worth every breath I took and I am not afraid. I don't go alone but with the love you gave me filling me. Dear, just close your eyes and dream of me. I will always be by your side...

This is not meant to trample on anyone's beliefs who might read this. I firmly hold that every person has a right to believe what he or she feels is right and I would not wish to inflict my views upon you in a way that would seem like I was trying to force you to convert to my way of thinking. This is simply the questions I have asked myself and some of the reasons that I find many belief systems to be saddening.

Most of my issues come from the idea of an immortal soul, this is to say something that exists inhabiting my body, but separate from it. What reason do I have to believe that this is the case at all? Some claim that there are certain intuitions indicating that there are more things perceived than can be explained by just our brain. This is where the dispute I think shows itself most clearly. The brain is incredibly complex, and even with the most recent advances in technology there is still so much that we do not yet understand about how it works. These claims of emotive states or significant feelings are simply responses caused by our senses that we do not understand. So many have to create an elaborate scenario to deal with it. Such is the case when it comes to our own mortality. Most find that if they simply cease to exist upon death, then their lives must the be insignificant. However, their lives do feel significant for them and so there must be something that persists through death. This is just one possible reason among a plethora of others given for immortality of spirit. It seems to me that this is simply crutch created out of fear. Just because a life has an end does not mean that it lacks significance.

This is is what my biggest problem with a belief in a deified God and soul is, I feel that it completely devalues one's life and robs this world that we live in of all its grandeur. To fully experience a sunrise, a soft moment with a lover, or the death of a loved one, I do not need to have a soul separate from my physical reality. All of that emotion and feeling is contained within my consciousness produced my brain. Maybe, this is not as romantic as saying that there is something else beyond this, but things don't necessarily work that way. Why can't it be the case that in my physical self I experience the full force of significant events? Why must my brain lack the ability to fill me full of warmth? Just because I do not have a soul does not make my existence any less significant or devoid of meaning. If anything I believe it makes my life even more important. If this is all I get, then I must embrace it as fully as I can. There is no heaven to look forward to and no painted dreamscape to spend eternity in. What I have is that golden sunset I see with my own two eyes and I decided to place a certain meaning on that memory. I am in complete control of myself and my destiny. There is no cosmic force running my life for me. It is my responsibility to use the time I have and not depend upon or hope for another opportunity.

"We answer to no God, just each other here. This life is all, and it is enough. No heaven to await, no hell to fear." - Richard Spencer

You were growing impatient. Every few steps you would catch your foot on something and nearly fall, but I held you and kept you safe. You complained that it was taking too long and wanted to remove the blindfold. I kept saying, "just a little longer dear," and did my best to watch where your feet were landing. The sun had begun to set and was drawing closer and closer to the horizon. Time was running short and I was deathly afraid that we'd miss the moment. So much planning and effort had gone into this that I did not want to postpone it again. Finally, there it was. The end of our journey. I told you to stop and wait just one more minute and then it would be ready. Everything would fall into place. As you stood there I could tell that your mind was racing, running over all the possible scenarios that could be taking place. A breeze came up and you could here the swaying of branches and the stirring of leaves. "Alright, you can take it off now." You let out a sigh of relief as you began to remove blindfold from your face. Then you saw it standing in front of you. A massive tree standing there with light pouring through it's leaves and between the branches as the sun was now directly behind it. The tree was illuminated in gold and you could see that there were two trunks twisted together in an embrace.

"It's beautiful," is all you could say and I could sense that you didn't yet understand the full significance of it all.

"It's two trees you know. It looks like just one with two trunks, but it was actually two different seeds. I know because I planted it. When I was a kid I came out here and planted this seed I had found. Every day I would come out here and water it. It finally started to sprout, but it seemed so dismal, like it had no reason to grow tall. My mother told me that trees can take a long time to grow, so i shouldn't be disappointed. This wasn't satisfying at all to me, there was something else going on here, I didn't know what though so all I could do was keep watering it daily and watching the progress. One day when I was out here, a bird flew in and landed right near where I was sitting, in his beak he had another seed similar to the one I had found before. He dropped it right next to the small sprout that was rising out of the ground and sat there looking at me as if telling me to do something. So I planted this other seed and began watering it alongside the other. You know what happened? Everything changed, the two trees began to grow together quickly. They shot up out of the ground, wrapping around each other, their roots growing together fusing into one symbiotic organism. The two trees were romance. They were two lovers, forever together in embrace. Each one completely dependent on the other. Do you see? The two trees are us."

At that moment I took your hands in mine and I looked into your eyes. They were filled with tears, but you had a smile across your face. The words no longer needed to be said. You knew exactly what I was thinking and I knew exactly what your answer was. We just held each other close and then carved the words into the tree, so that all would know. This was us.

Dream softly my dear. Picture the warm sunrise or the brilliant moonlight that we had come to love. I hope that you are floating there out among the stars, your kin. With music playing around you as you dance and drift out further. Enveloped in a warmth of your own making. Thick nebulous clouds surrounding you and tracing your movements. They leave lines where you have been, like tracks in the snow. From here I cannot make them out, but I know you're there. I can feel it in my heart. I feel the gentle silence of your movements traced in sound by the humming of your voice. A smile across your face as I hear the tune I sang to you so many times before, but you sing it much better. Your tune is in perfect harmony, and with each note the stars respond in a grand symphony of light. You are painting the sky with your movements. It is cold here with you so far away. I was spoiled to have you so close before and I became dependent upon your embrace to fill me with warmth, but now I shiver and cling to the scraps you left behind. With faded memories I venture out and dig my toes into the sand. Oblivious to the crashing waves and the cold water, my eyes never leave the sky and all I hear is your voice humming that tune. You wear robes of gold and for a moment you were mine. Things are so cold now, and I'm so tired. The light of the stars seems to be missing now, I can no longer see them. The sound persists though. The soft hum of your voice, making the tune. I will sleep now, to dream, to find you in this dream. Out of the cold dark. I will dream softly too my dear. I will dream softly...

"cause what i feel inside
i dont want to hide
it's you that got to me
its what i want to sing
cause i've got a dream for us
running through my mind
sitting on the beach
looking at the sea
and we're old and tired
and time has made us smile
as we go on counting things
people in the breeze
we're not the only ones
there's hundreds on the shore
looking at the sea
but it's just you and me
if the day never comes
i sink beneath the tide
will you still be with me
or disappear?"

-The Appleseed Cast

There are events I had always hoped would come to pass. Perhaps they will still. I can only hope that this is the case. One in particular that I wanted to share with you because your presence is more than wanted, it is absolutely required. We are driving through the night. The air outside is still warm and the windows are down. You let your fingers play in the wind as the breeze caresses them. City lights have long since passed away from our realm and we are surrounded by the trees. They loom on either side of the road covering much of the sky except for a V that we can see straight ahead of us. As if placing a limit upon the world. Giving us blinders so that we do not feel small and alone. But I know what is ahead. Anticipating the road and curves ahead, I look over at you and smile. You return the favor and then look in shock as I switch the head lights off.

You begin to scold me for such a reckless act, but I place my finger to your lips and look into your eyes. With this single glance you know that I would never place you in danger and trust in my intentions. I point ahead for you to look as we climb a hill, so steep that we almost lose sight of the sky entirely, save for directly overhead. You can no longer tell where the road ends and the treeline begins, so you fidget nervously, but I have travelled this road many times before.

I know the curves of the road so well that I could run the entire course with a blindfold. So many nights I have come here and driven by myself, to think, to dream, to wait for this exact moment when you are with me. I was saving the passenger seat for you. Training myself so that I could show you. So that you could see....

Just when you feel that the anticipation is absolutely unbearable. All my careful planning comes to fruition. I turn the volume dial up on the stereo as the music comes to a grand crescendo and we broach the crest of this massive hill. Over the music I hear you, as you gasp loudly and cover your mouth in disbelief. The trees end in this spot and the sky opens up right before us. Below there is a lake with water as still as glass, reflecting the moonless sky back. You cannot tell where the sky ends and the water begins. There is nothing but an endless blanket of stars with the clouds of the milky way visible in shades of purple. It is as if we had left the world completely and were floating in the cosmos. Here we were absolutely vulnerable and alone. In the vast expanse and emptiness of space with no ties to anything at all. Except each other. That is all that matters now. I will have you and you will have me. You grab my hand and hold it tight. Tears begin to form in your eyes and you struggle to say something, but can't get it out. There are no words for the feeling at that moment. We look at each other and know everything. A glance and a touch of skin, with two hearts entwined there are no secrets. This is the moment I will cherish forever.

How do you describe an emotion? How do you share it with someone? Do you compare it to other emotions? This fails to me. It fails because you cannot describe or define something by using another example of the same thing. What am I saying, is there just one emotion? Are all these things we call anger, love, happiness, sadness, hate...are they all just variables of one all encompassing thing called emotion? Emotion is a sound. It is a vibration in the air. A vibration in your soul. Like the strings of a piano we may dampen it. We may press our hands tightly down so that no emanation is allowed, but it is only temporary. It is only a fleeting saving grace. The vibration amplifies it self. It struggles and fights against the damping force. It cries out in desperation. Like a child begging to be heard. Until it shakes loose and makes itself known. It overcomes in a flood and brings you back. From the depths of your own apathy it drags you out. Shattering the walls you've built around yourself with your own self loathing. It forces recognition. It fills you completely. It both warms and chills you to the very core until you feel that your heart may burst. The more you fight to try and repress it once again, the more it pushes back and makes it's presence known. The tears pour down your cheeks like waves crashing on the surf. Your breathing becomes stammered and short. All those feelings that you thought were lost forever are upon you at once. Memories once forgotten, brought from the recesses of your mind. There is no escape. Only recognition. It is all at once the single greatest and worst moment of your life. You beg for death to come and save you from this aural onslaught. This tremendous sound. The soundtrack of your life. But you are still grateful for every moment of it. It is here that you know. Here in the bright burning light of vibration. The sound. The sound of humanity. The music. This is your life. It is the only one of its kind and the only one that will ever be. And you are grateful. You are grateful...

"Now I die and vanish… the soul is as immortal as the body. But the knot of causes in which I am entangled recurs and will create me again. I myself belong to the causes of eternal recurrence. I come again, with this sun, with this earth, with this eagle, with this serpent - not to a new life or a better life or a similar life: I come back eternally to this same, selfsame life, in what is greatest as in what is smallest, to teach again the eternal recurrence of all things…"
-Nietzsche

Many of us struggle with boredom and try to fill our lives with something other than trivial entertainment. We see characters like Don Quixote and say that he is the epitome of what we should go against. Only living through the experiences of others and never having them ourselves. To a certain extent I believe that this is a genuinely good way to look at things; however, there is something extremely important missing. One can fill his life with big events and memories, but without someone to share them with they become meaningless. It is not these events that fulfill us and give us meaning in and of our lives, this comes from our relationships with others. The events alone are not enough, they become complete when we share them with someone we truly care about. The other is someone we can relate to, who understands the way we think and can provide us with an assenting nod or a sympathetic shoulder. This other is a reflection of ourselves and we, in turn, are a reflection of the other. Together we find love and conversation. Whether it is romantic hand holding and soft laughter, or platonic hugs and cheers of approval. These relationships make us realize that we are human and show us that each moment of this life is to be cherished.


"Don't walk in front of me, I may not follow. Don't walk behind me, I may not lead. Walk beside me and be my friend."
-Albert Camus