In todays rant...
Now usually my rants are fairly long winded, pointless and given to excesses of folly. Today shall not be the day I deviate from this format, and as I'm practically the only person who reads my posts I choose to indulge myself. So to the literally handful of people who read my shit, today is...USELESS HORRIFYING FACTS DAY!
Ever eaten a food product that's red? Next time read the ingredients, if it says Natural Red 4, CI 75470, E120, cochineal or natural colour then you've eaten an insect. These are food dyes made using crushed red beetles. The females are killed then dried and their eggs sacks chock full of little red eggs are added to your favourite red or pink coloured confectionery. Yum yum.
Today is Hitler's birthday, he was born on this day the 20th of April in 1889. Still think birth control is evil?
The US was a world leader in frontal lobotomies in the 1940's & 50's, 40,000 people were subjected to the procedure, amongst the patients, *ahem*, victims was John F. Kennedy's sister Rosemary, who was incapacitated by the operation and institutionalised. When Rosemary died in 2005 at age 86 she was the fifth of the Kennedy children to die but the first to die from natural causes. By the time lobotomies were recognised as quackery on par with the most fucked up medieval treatments 70,000 people had been fucked over.
1 in 3 people will agree with popular opinion even if they don't share that opinion themselves. Your mothers warning about peer pressure was quite correct, especially if you are part of that feeble minded 33%. Great news for advertisers, the media in general, cult leaders, preachers and dictators. (The Asch Conformity Experiment 1953)
Trampolines, providing chaos, mayhem and a steady flow of punters to the ER since 1940. In calendar year 2006, reports the Consumer Product Safety Review, trampolines caused an estimated 109,522 injuries. Of those injuries, children from 4 years old and younger sustained an estimated 15,541; children from 5 to 14, an estimated 71.265; older children and young adults 15 to 24, an estimated 14,571; adults 25 to 64, an estimated 7,836; and adults 65 and older sustained an estimated 309 injuries. About 104,729 of those individuals of all ages who were injured were treated in emergency rooms and released. The rest, an approximately 4,793, were either hospitalised or dead on arrival.
Los Angeles, the San Andreas fault is set to go off in the next 10 years. "The big one' as it's known will be over 7.0 magnitude and will be felt all over the LA metropolitan.
That story about how the average person swallows 20 spiders in their lifetime while asleep, is thankfully an urban myth.
Holy shit I do go on, and I had so many more facts to share! Anywho, that will suffice. Please accept this wonderful plate of scones as a visual reward. My they are delightful and I'd do some pretty regrettable things just to have a piping hot plate of them right now.
Now usually my rants are fairly long winded, pointless and given to excesses of folly. Today shall not be the day I deviate from this format, and as I'm practically the only person who reads my posts I choose to indulge myself. So to the literally handful of people who read my shit, today is...USELESS HORRIFYING FACTS DAY!
Ever eaten a food product that's red? Next time read the ingredients, if it says Natural Red 4, CI 75470, E120, cochineal or natural colour then you've eaten an insect. These are food dyes made using crushed red beetles. The females are killed then dried and their eggs sacks chock full of little red eggs are added to your favourite red or pink coloured confectionery. Yum yum.
Today is Hitler's birthday, he was born on this day the 20th of April in 1889. Still think birth control is evil?
The US was a world leader in frontal lobotomies in the 1940's & 50's, 40,000 people were subjected to the procedure, amongst the patients, *ahem*, victims was John F. Kennedy's sister Rosemary, who was incapacitated by the operation and institutionalised. When Rosemary died in 2005 at age 86 she was the fifth of the Kennedy children to die but the first to die from natural causes. By the time lobotomies were recognised as quackery on par with the most fucked up medieval treatments 70,000 people had been fucked over.
1 in 3 people will agree with popular opinion even if they don't share that opinion themselves. Your mothers warning about peer pressure was quite correct, especially if you are part of that feeble minded 33%. Great news for advertisers, the media in general, cult leaders, preachers and dictators. (The Asch Conformity Experiment 1953)
Trampolines, providing chaos, mayhem and a steady flow of punters to the ER since 1940. In calendar year 2006, reports the Consumer Product Safety Review, trampolines caused an estimated 109,522 injuries. Of those injuries, children from 4 years old and younger sustained an estimated 15,541; children from 5 to 14, an estimated 71.265; older children and young adults 15 to 24, an estimated 14,571; adults 25 to 64, an estimated 7,836; and adults 65 and older sustained an estimated 309 injuries. About 104,729 of those individuals of all ages who were injured were treated in emergency rooms and released. The rest, an approximately 4,793, were either hospitalised or dead on arrival.
Los Angeles, the San Andreas fault is set to go off in the next 10 years. "The big one' as it's known will be over 7.0 magnitude and will be felt all over the LA metropolitan.
That story about how the average person swallows 20 spiders in their lifetime while asleep, is thankfully an urban myth.
Holy shit I do go on, and I had so many more facts to share! Anywho, that will suffice. Please accept this wonderful plate of scones as a visual reward. My they are delightful and I'd do some pretty regrettable things just to have a piping hot plate of them right now.
In todays rant...
Now usually my rants are fairly long winded, pointless and given to excesses of folly. Today shall not be the day I deviate from this format, and as I'm practically the only person who reads my posts I choose to indulge myself. So to the literally handful of people who read my shit, today is...USELESS HORRIFYING FACTS DAY!
Ever eaten a food product that's red? Next time read the ingredients, if it says Natural Red 4, CI 75470, E120, cochineal or natural colour then you've eaten an insect. These are food dyes made using crushed red beetles. The females are killed then dried and their eggs sacks chock full of little red eggs are added to your favourite red or pink coloured confectionery. Yum yum.
Today is Hitler's birthday, he was born on this day the 20th of April in 1889. Still think birth control is evil?
The US was a world leader in frontal lobotomies in the 1940's & 50's, 40,000 people were subjected to the procedure, amongst the patients, *ahem*, victims was John F. Kennedy's sister Rosemary, who was incapacitated by the operation and institutionalised. When Rosemary died in 2005 at age 86 she was the fifth of the Kennedy children to die but the first to die from natural causes. By the time lobotomies were recognised as quackery on par with the most fucked up medieval treatments 70,000 people had been fucked over.
1 in 3 people will agree with popular opinion even if they don't share that opinion themselves. Your mothers warning about peer pressure was quite correct, especially if you are part of that feeble minded 33%. Great news for advertisers, the media in general, cult leaders, preachers and dictators. (The Asch Conformity Experiment 1953)
Trampolines, providing chaos, mayhem and a steady flow of punters to the ER since 1940. In calendar year 2006, reports the Consumer Product Safety Review, trampolines caused an estimated 109,522 injuries. Of those injuries, children from 4 years old and younger sustained an estimated 15,541; children from 5 to 14, an estimated 71.265; older children and young adults 15 to 24, an estimated 14,571; adults 25 to 64, an estimated 7,836; and adults 65 and older sustained an estimated 309 injuries. About 104,729 of those individuals of all ages who were injured were treated in emergency rooms and released. The rest, an approximately 4,793, were either hospitalised or dead on arrival.
Los Angeles, the San Andreas fault is set to go off in the next 10 years. "The big one' as it's known will be over 7.0 magnitude and will be felt all over the LA metropolitan.
That story about how the average person swallows 20 spiders in their lifetime while asleep, is thankfully an urban myth.
Holy shit I do go on, and I had so many more facts to share! Anywho, that will suffice. Please accept this wonderful plate of scones as a visual reward. My they are delightful and I'd do some pretty regrettable things just to have a piping hot plate of them right now.
Now usually my rants are fairly long winded, pointless and given to excesses of folly. Today shall not be the day I deviate from this format, and as I'm practically the only person who reads my posts I choose to indulge myself. So to the literally handful of people who read my shit, today is...USELESS HORRIFYING FACTS DAY!
Ever eaten a food product that's red? Next time read the ingredients, if it says Natural Red 4, CI 75470, E120, cochineal or natural colour then you've eaten an insect. These are food dyes made using crushed red beetles. The females are killed then dried and their eggs sacks chock full of little red eggs are added to your favourite red or pink coloured confectionery. Yum yum.
Today is Hitler's birthday, he was born on this day the 20th of April in 1889. Still think birth control is evil?
The US was a world leader in frontal lobotomies in the 1940's & 50's, 40,000 people were subjected to the procedure, amongst the patients, *ahem*, victims was John F. Kennedy's sister Rosemary, who was incapacitated by the operation and institutionalised. When Rosemary died in 2005 at age 86 she was the fifth of the Kennedy children to die but the first to die from natural causes. By the time lobotomies were recognised as quackery on par with the most fucked up medieval treatments 70,000 people had been fucked over.
1 in 3 people will agree with popular opinion even if they don't share that opinion themselves. Your mothers warning about peer pressure was quite correct, especially if you are part of that feeble minded 33%. Great news for advertisers, the media in general, cult leaders, preachers and dictators. (The Asch Conformity Experiment 1953)
Trampolines, providing chaos, mayhem and a steady flow of punters to the ER since 1940. In calendar year 2006, reports the Consumer Product Safety Review, trampolines caused an estimated 109,522 injuries. Of those injuries, children from 4 years old and younger sustained an estimated 15,541; children from 5 to 14, an estimated 71.265; older children and young adults 15 to 24, an estimated 14,571; adults 25 to 64, an estimated 7,836; and adults 65 and older sustained an estimated 309 injuries. About 104,729 of those individuals of all ages who were injured were treated in emergency rooms and released. The rest, an approximately 4,793, were either hospitalised or dead on arrival.
Los Angeles, the San Andreas fault is set to go off in the next 10 years. "The big one' as it's known will be over 7.0 magnitude and will be felt all over the LA metropolitan.
That story about how the average person swallows 20 spiders in their lifetime while asleep, is thankfully an urban myth.
Holy shit I do go on, and I had so many more facts to share! Anywho, that will suffice. Please accept this wonderful plate of scones as a visual reward. My they are delightful and I'd do some pretty regrettable things just to have a piping hot plate of them right now.
In today’s rant...
It’s been a while since I last posted, why? Cause I’ve been angry. At the world, at society, at poorly named businesses, the shit on TV and the feeble minded people who watch that shit and cry out for more mind gruel.
Anywho, for the first time in a long while I have some fucking good news, I’ve got a job! All I had to do was move 1100km’s south to a new city! Eat shit Account director bitch that was responsible for my redundancy! Eat shit General manager who gave me the speech about how sad they were to see me go! Yep you can both go eat a jaw dislocatingly big dick & get a grenade up ya!
Good thing I have a fake name & am not on Facebook, a friend of mine nearly lost his job for saying the same thing on FB. Yeah Facebook I’m talking about you, you disgustingly transparent tool of Big Brother.
Getting back to poorly named businesses. This is a real pet hate. Can people please stop using the word ‘World’ in their business name, like Plumbers World or Battery World? What a frightening concept. Who the fuck wants to live in a world entirely populated by batteries or plumbing fixtures? It’s a business not a planet orbiting some distant sun. It takes the whole romance out the word. You don’t see the USS Enterprise closing in on a planet & Spock advising that they have arrived at Tyre World, population - tyres. Don’t even get me started on ‘King’. Is there a kingdom called Burgonia with mountains made of burgers, forests of fries & rivers of icy cold coke out there? No, no there isn't.
Yep pointless rant complete, here's a picture of some gents enjoying their own company.
It’s been a while since I last posted, why? Cause I’ve been angry. At the world, at society, at poorly named businesses, the shit on TV and the feeble minded people who watch that shit and cry out for more mind gruel.
Anywho, for the first time in a long while I have some fucking good news, I’ve got a job! All I had to do was move 1100km’s south to a new city! Eat shit Account director bitch that was responsible for my redundancy! Eat shit General manager who gave me the speech about how sad they were to see me go! Yep you can both go eat a jaw dislocatingly big dick & get a grenade up ya!
Good thing I have a fake name & am not on Facebook, a friend of mine nearly lost his job for saying the same thing on FB. Yeah Facebook I’m talking about you, you disgustingly transparent tool of Big Brother.
Getting back to poorly named businesses. This is a real pet hate. Can people please stop using the word ‘World’ in their business name, like Plumbers World or Battery World? What a frightening concept. Who the fuck wants to live in a world entirely populated by batteries or plumbing fixtures? It’s a business not a planet orbiting some distant sun. It takes the whole romance out the word. You don’t see the USS Enterprise closing in on a planet & Spock advising that they have arrived at Tyre World, population - tyres. Don’t even get me started on ‘King’. Is there a kingdom called Burgonia with mountains made of burgers, forests of fries & rivers of icy cold coke out there? No, no there isn't.
Yep pointless rant complete, here's a picture of some gents enjoying their own company.
Who can you trust?
Hello, today’s edition of shit that passes through my brain is trust. I was chatting on FB & made a kind of impromptu survey. Trust is an amazing thing, we’ll give it to strangers, professionals our friends, lovers & family. Not everyone is deserving of trust and some people as much as you love them would not take their advice in a freakin’ fit, still others, you’d be so paranoid of their advice actually being of benefit to you that you’d just do the exact opposite, then stop & wonder if they weren't pulling some reverse psychology stunt, and ignore it completely. So here’s the survey, this is a copy & paste dealy, simply number from 1 to 20 the list below in order of trust, it’s harder than you think! Here’s mine, I’ve also added notes:
Remember there are no wrong answers & feel free to add your own!
Doctor:4
Real Estate Agent: 17
Car salesman: 16
Politician: 18
Teacher: 6
Lover: 8
Partner: 1
Mother: 12 not that I don’t trust you, but your advice is really crap, astoundingly so, unless it's food related, then your words are culinary genius.
Father: 2 we had our differences but he was a fucking rock, you could take anything this man said & bank on it. PERIOD!
Sister: 19
Brother: NA
Bestie: 3
Colleague: 10
Mate: 7
Hairdresser: 9
Lawyer: 11
Waiter: 10
Telephone company customer service rep: 15
Priest/religious figure head type dude/woman: 14
TV newsreader: 13
Hello, today’s edition of shit that passes through my brain is trust. I was chatting on FB & made a kind of impromptu survey. Trust is an amazing thing, we’ll give it to strangers, professionals our friends, lovers & family. Not everyone is deserving of trust and some people as much as you love them would not take their advice in a freakin’ fit, still others, you’d be so paranoid of their advice actually being of benefit to you that you’d just do the exact opposite, then stop & wonder if they weren't pulling some reverse psychology stunt, and ignore it completely. So here’s the survey, this is a copy & paste dealy, simply number from 1 to 20 the list below in order of trust, it’s harder than you think! Here’s mine, I’ve also added notes:
Remember there are no wrong answers & feel free to add your own!
Doctor:4
Real Estate Agent: 17
Car salesman: 16
Politician: 18
Teacher: 6
Lover: 8
Partner: 1
Mother: 12 not that I don’t trust you, but your advice is really crap, astoundingly so, unless it's food related, then your words are culinary genius.
Father: 2 we had our differences but he was a fucking rock, you could take anything this man said & bank on it. PERIOD!
Sister: 19
Brother: NA
Bestie: 3
Colleague: 10
Mate: 7
Hairdresser: 9
Lawyer: 11
Waiter: 10
Telephone company customer service rep: 15
Priest/religious figure head type dude/woman: 14
TV newsreader: 13
Anyways I’m visiting my ma’s today. Some Jovies come to door & I could hear my ma saying proudly in her thick French accent, “Yes we ave’ plenty of Bible, Sorry” The Jovie then bangs on about how the answers are in the Bible and not from the words of men. My ma replies “I am Katolic we don’t read ze Bible ze Pope will tell us what to do.” Funny, if there was a heaven the last people you’d want there was Catholics, Jovies & Pentacostals, what a fucking drag. I can imagine Jesus standing there saying, “All right, all right people. You’ve all made it, no one’s’ better than anybody else just calm down... COOL IT!! since you’re such a bunch of stupid bitches here’s how things should go from now on.
Pentecostals, The Anglicans are complaining that you’re making too much noise. Tambourines & live bands are great but even I got to admit, you can go on with your lives without praising me every second of the day. This is your last warning, tone it down or I’m going to have to move you.
Catholics, WILL YOU GET OFF YOUR KNEES FOR MY SAKE! You guys are just creeping me out with your ‘smite me O’Lord & I’m not worthy, cut it out! You’re here end of story. Mary & the saints are sick to death of you bothering their eternal bliss. You don’t have to keep touching them every time you walk past. Stop looking to pope, I’m the boss, not him. Remember this is heaven, you are not better than anyone else! For my sake peoples, please try to mingle with the others, I'M NOT GOING TO SMITE YOU!
Christian Orthodox I’ve had complaints about the smell, knock it off with the incense, and stop asking me to come to your services they’re long & boring. I don’t know how you put up with it yourselves but you guys have been flying solo for centuries. Take a leaf out of the Pentecostals they maybe over the top but they have some cool services. Also Priests, you don’t have to keep wearing the spooky robes. I was never down with them in the first place. You look like death, I’m all about life, you see where I’m going with this?
Jovies you were wrong about alot of things, I’m down with blood transfusions for one thing. I should smite your sorry asses but I’m very forgiving. What I’m not down with is the watchtower, stop asking when the next copies are coming in. There will be no more editions & stop preaching to the converted.
Am I going to have to build fences people? SHEESH!
Pentecostals, The Anglicans are complaining that you’re making too much noise. Tambourines & live bands are great but even I got to admit, you can go on with your lives without praising me every second of the day. This is your last warning, tone it down or I’m going to have to move you.
Catholics, WILL YOU GET OFF YOUR KNEES FOR MY SAKE! You guys are just creeping me out with your ‘smite me O’Lord & I’m not worthy, cut it out! You’re here end of story. Mary & the saints are sick to death of you bothering their eternal bliss. You don’t have to keep touching them every time you walk past. Stop looking to pope, I’m the boss, not him. Remember this is heaven, you are not better than anyone else! For my sake peoples, please try to mingle with the others, I'M NOT GOING TO SMITE YOU!
Christian Orthodox I’ve had complaints about the smell, knock it off with the incense, and stop asking me to come to your services they’re long & boring. I don’t know how you put up with it yourselves but you guys have been flying solo for centuries. Take a leaf out of the Pentecostals they maybe over the top but they have some cool services. Also Priests, you don’t have to keep wearing the spooky robes. I was never down with them in the first place. You look like death, I’m all about life, you see where I’m going with this?
Jovies you were wrong about alot of things, I’m down with blood transfusions for one thing. I should smite your sorry asses but I’m very forgiving. What I’m not down with is the watchtower, stop asking when the next copies are coming in. There will be no more editions & stop preaching to the converted.
Am I going to have to build fences people? SHEESH!
Hello beloved fuckers, my story begins...now
I'm off to Melbourne next week to seek my fortune. Sydney has become the job equivalent of playing Marco Polo by yourself. There's a lot of Marcos but the Polos have left the area, enjoying a macchiato by the pool cafe & laughing at your expense. So with that weird analogy thrown to the wind I shall continue. With the closing and acquisition of so many of Sydneys’ printers. Print specialists like me have become as welcome as a straight guy at the Sydney Roller Derby League after party. There just isn’t the work around there was 3 years ago and hell, I'm proud, smart as fuck and have a short temper. It's only a matter of time before I beat the tar out of a recruitment agent of some knob jockey HR proffesional who hasn't returned my calls. So I'm packing my shit up & moving down south to the place where my family live. The land of bogans & hipsters, Melbourne.
Now I'm a robot when it comes to feelings, but I must admit, it sure brings a lump to my throat to be moving from Newtown, my home since 1995. Lots of memories are stored up. Mostly good. So as a way of saying goodbye to my beloved town I've prepared a few words.
So long Newtown, Here’s what’ll I miss about you:
Henson Park on Saturday, watching the Jets with sasuage sandwiches in had drinking KB gold & hearing Frenzal Rhombs' version of the Jets anthem when they score a try
Dog shit smeared streets.
Annoying hippy chicks with flowers on their bikes riding on the footpath and pissing everyone off.
The blow-ins from the suburbs swelling the streets on the weekend with their prettiest hair, make up and off the rack punk wear and that brand new band shirt that they have bought for just the occasion.
The dude who whistles like a canary in Wilson St.
The dude who asks me for money all the time on the way to the station.
The Buskers, the street markets.
I won’t miss the yuppies, who like a time release fertiliser have bought in to the neighbourhood pushing up housing prices to ridiculous levels because they think its so fucking bohemian to own a $900,000 rat infested, shit hole 2 bedroom cottage. They then decide that it’s a good idea to do up these pads and paint over street art icons that have been painted on the sides of their houses. I haven’t forgotten the Marsha Brady coming out of the TV with a 9mm you fucking yuppie vandals! The Louis Armstrong playing the trumpet on Wilson lane & The Cat in the Hat. Classic street art that’s been around since they were suckling at their mothers’ teats in Dover Heights or Pymble. I will miss seeing their walls repainted every second week as outraged bombers make them pay for the sacrilege by tagging the shit out of their walls.
I won't miss yuppie mums pushing prams the size of a small family car down the sidewalk that houses an infant the size of a loaf of bread. No I'm not getting out of your way, you can manouver that baby tank with 47 wheels around me. Sidewalks are for regular people with regular sized prams bitch!
I will miss the 37,563 Thai Restaurants lining King St. (In my drunken rants I’ve argued for Newtown to be renamed ‘Thairestuarantown’
I’ll miss the Sando, The first place where I drank in Newtown back in 1987. The Union and that delightful fox Nicki behind the bar. The Botany View, The Duke & The Warren View. Not the Barley, my drunken shame forever bars me from that establishment.
I’ll miss Caketown cakes but not the chick behind the bar she has an attitude I'd like to cure with several stiff backhanders across the face.
I won’t miss my neighbours who have been nothing but rude fucks since I moved in last year. He’s a passing comment I will make on Friday. “Smile you walking piece of assmonkey tittyfuck”
I’ll miss Sydney Park, Gin loves that place, I speak for her when I say that she’ll especially miss the ducks. Not seeing her run around there makes me emotional. Yes me, Mr no feelings.
I'll miss Rowda Yahabibi’s kebabs at the top of King St. The secret ingredient was love, it was always about the love peoples!
Klems chicken, you fed me when I was intoxicated & all I had was money.
Finally I shall miss Mel, we broke up well over a year ago but I still love her like the stupid fuck I am. Her beautiful red hair, great smile, eternally youthful body, her smartass quips & stinginging 'tell it how it is' attitude.
Anywho if you've read this far give yourself a good star and thanks. Drinks on this Saturday at the Townie!
I'm off to Melbourne next week to seek my fortune. Sydney has become the job equivalent of playing Marco Polo by yourself. There's a lot of Marcos but the Polos have left the area, enjoying a macchiato by the pool cafe & laughing at your expense. So with that weird analogy thrown to the wind I shall continue. With the closing and acquisition of so many of Sydneys’ printers. Print specialists like me have become as welcome as a straight guy at the Sydney Roller Derby League after party. There just isn’t the work around there was 3 years ago and hell, I'm proud, smart as fuck and have a short temper. It's only a matter of time before I beat the tar out of a recruitment agent of some knob jockey HR proffesional who hasn't returned my calls. So I'm packing my shit up & moving down south to the place where my family live. The land of bogans & hipsters, Melbourne.
Now I'm a robot when it comes to feelings, but I must admit, it sure brings a lump to my throat to be moving from Newtown, my home since 1995. Lots of memories are stored up. Mostly good. So as a way of saying goodbye to my beloved town I've prepared a few words.
So long Newtown, Here’s what’ll I miss about you:
Henson Park on Saturday, watching the Jets with sasuage sandwiches in had drinking KB gold & hearing Frenzal Rhombs' version of the Jets anthem when they score a try
Dog shit smeared streets.
Annoying hippy chicks with flowers on their bikes riding on the footpath and pissing everyone off.
The blow-ins from the suburbs swelling the streets on the weekend with their prettiest hair, make up and off the rack punk wear and that brand new band shirt that they have bought for just the occasion.
The dude who whistles like a canary in Wilson St.
The dude who asks me for money all the time on the way to the station.
The Buskers, the street markets.
I won’t miss the yuppies, who like a time release fertiliser have bought in to the neighbourhood pushing up housing prices to ridiculous levels because they think its so fucking bohemian to own a $900,000 rat infested, shit hole 2 bedroom cottage. They then decide that it’s a good idea to do up these pads and paint over street art icons that have been painted on the sides of their houses. I haven’t forgotten the Marsha Brady coming out of the TV with a 9mm you fucking yuppie vandals! The Louis Armstrong playing the trumpet on Wilson lane & The Cat in the Hat. Classic street art that’s been around since they were suckling at their mothers’ teats in Dover Heights or Pymble. I will miss seeing their walls repainted every second week as outraged bombers make them pay for the sacrilege by tagging the shit out of their walls.
I won't miss yuppie mums pushing prams the size of a small family car down the sidewalk that houses an infant the size of a loaf of bread. No I'm not getting out of your way, you can manouver that baby tank with 47 wheels around me. Sidewalks are for regular people with regular sized prams bitch!
I will miss the 37,563 Thai Restaurants lining King St. (In my drunken rants I’ve argued for Newtown to be renamed ‘Thairestuarantown’
I’ll miss the Sando, The first place where I drank in Newtown back in 1987. The Union and that delightful fox Nicki behind the bar. The Botany View, The Duke & The Warren View. Not the Barley, my drunken shame forever bars me from that establishment.
I’ll miss Caketown cakes but not the chick behind the bar she has an attitude I'd like to cure with several stiff backhanders across the face.
I won’t miss my neighbours who have been nothing but rude fucks since I moved in last year. He’s a passing comment I will make on Friday. “Smile you walking piece of assmonkey tittyfuck”
I’ll miss Sydney Park, Gin loves that place, I speak for her when I say that she’ll especially miss the ducks. Not seeing her run around there makes me emotional. Yes me, Mr no feelings.
I'll miss Rowda Yahabibi’s kebabs at the top of King St. The secret ingredient was love, it was always about the love peoples!
Klems chicken, you fed me when I was intoxicated & all I had was money.
Finally I shall miss Mel, we broke up well over a year ago but I still love her like the stupid fuck I am. Her beautiful red hair, great smile, eternally youthful body, her smartass quips & stinginging 'tell it how it is' attitude.
Anywho if you've read this far give yourself a good star and thanks. Drinks on this Saturday at the Townie!
