Dear fuckers,
Good evening to you, those delightful few who read my blog. May your scratch tickets be winners, your beers icy cold & your cocktails garnished with the all dazzling trimmings your eyes so rightly deserve.
In todays pointless rant, Lawn, Spring Heeled Jack, Spoons, In two minds, Hexy, Gone to the dogs, Killer Hornets & a dazzling musical spectacular, courtesy of the 2012 Eurovision song contest. So prepare, (as you must when reading my blogs) to lower your standards.
LAWN, when was the last time you smelt it freshly cut? (This question is rhetorical & will not be on next week’s test paper)
SPRING HEELED JACK was sighted in London in March this year. This guy tears women’s clothes apart & breathes fire in your face for fun. When cornered he bounds over buildings or dissolves in the darkness. He hasn’t been spotted since 1908. I think the people of London can sleep safely, reality factor...zero?
http://www.epsomguardian.co.uk/news/9600213.Taxi_driver_breaks_silence_over__dark_figure_/
SPOONS, no matter how far away you put them in the sink, they migrate to just under where the water spout is so that when you turn on the tap you get soaked. They lie in wait until nightfall when you wake up from a fish sponge induced dream to get a glass of water, I’m on to you spoons!
I’M IN TWO MINDS, I want to live in the inner city but I also want to live in a house near the mountains & have a dog called Bexley. Me and Bex will be the best of friends. Life will be a bit lonely as I’m not in the city & not near potential friends. However a dog is a better friend than a human. I can live in the city, not have a great little friend I can affectionately call Bexley Speed & still be lonely because I’m so damn socially awkward & eccentric that people generally beat a path away from me. This is the case in Melbourne as I haven’t lived there for 17 years like I have in Newtown. So people haven’t warmed to my take on existence. There are no friends to vouch for me, I’m not playing any gigs. I’m just treading in a sea of socially frigid waters. Just a strange fucker in a new town. Please give me your thoughts. knives2meatyou can reply in video form with a nightmare inducing meal.
A special hoy to HexcodeRose who’s always got something lovely & positive to say to me, God bless you & your cotton socks
GONE TO THE DOGS, this just doesn’t sound that bad. I can imagine a society of dogs. Yes they’d be the occasional fight, but without humans goading dogs to their deaths in the crazed pits of nefarious gambling dens, it would actually be peaceful. Handshakes would of course be replaced by a nose up the brown badger and that weird nose to ass ying yang thing they do.
KILLER HORNETS! Think hornets are bad in your neck of the woods? Spare a thought for the Japanese, they have a three inch variety that shoots acid into your eye. The acid also has a pheromone that attracts other three inch eye dissolving killing machines in the area to join in the ocular destroying activity. Vespa Mandarinia Japonica, (known by it’s cute critter name, the Japanese Giant Hornet), kills around 40 people a year. Thought you should know that.
Finally, from the polished turd that is the Eurovision song contest comes the entrant from Georgia, grab a drink, sit the children round, open a large family sized bag of crisps & enjoy. If Borat had a hip, good looking cousin, he would be in this band.
[YOUTUBE][/YOUTUBE]
Good evening to you, those delightful few who read my blog. May your scratch tickets be winners, your beers icy cold & your cocktails garnished with the all dazzling trimmings your eyes so rightly deserve.
In todays pointless rant, Lawn, Spring Heeled Jack, Spoons, In two minds, Hexy, Gone to the dogs, Killer Hornets & a dazzling musical spectacular, courtesy of the 2012 Eurovision song contest. So prepare, (as you must when reading my blogs) to lower your standards.
LAWN, when was the last time you smelt it freshly cut? (This question is rhetorical & will not be on next week’s test paper)
SPRING HEELED JACK was sighted in London in March this year. This guy tears women’s clothes apart & breathes fire in your face for fun. When cornered he bounds over buildings or dissolves in the darkness. He hasn’t been spotted since 1908. I think the people of London can sleep safely, reality factor...zero?
http://www.epsomguardian.co.uk/news/9600213.Taxi_driver_breaks_silence_over__dark_figure_/
SPOONS, no matter how far away you put them in the sink, they migrate to just under where the water spout is so that when you turn on the tap you get soaked. They lie in wait until nightfall when you wake up from a fish sponge induced dream to get a glass of water, I’m on to you spoons!
I’M IN TWO MINDS, I want to live in the inner city but I also want to live in a house near the mountains & have a dog called Bexley. Me and Bex will be the best of friends. Life will be a bit lonely as I’m not in the city & not near potential friends. However a dog is a better friend than a human. I can live in the city, not have a great little friend I can affectionately call Bexley Speed & still be lonely because I’m so damn socially awkward & eccentric that people generally beat a path away from me. This is the case in Melbourne as I haven’t lived there for 17 years like I have in Newtown. So people haven’t warmed to my take on existence. There are no friends to vouch for me, I’m not playing any gigs. I’m just treading in a sea of socially frigid waters. Just a strange fucker in a new town. Please give me your thoughts. knives2meatyou can reply in video form with a nightmare inducing meal.
A special hoy to HexcodeRose who’s always got something lovely & positive to say to me, God bless you & your cotton socks
GONE TO THE DOGS, this just doesn’t sound that bad. I can imagine a society of dogs. Yes they’d be the occasional fight, but without humans goading dogs to their deaths in the crazed pits of nefarious gambling dens, it would actually be peaceful. Handshakes would of course be replaced by a nose up the brown badger and that weird nose to ass ying yang thing they do.
KILLER HORNETS! Think hornets are bad in your neck of the woods? Spare a thought for the Japanese, they have a three inch variety that shoots acid into your eye. The acid also has a pheromone that attracts other three inch eye dissolving killing machines in the area to join in the ocular destroying activity. Vespa Mandarinia Japonica, (known by it’s cute critter name, the Japanese Giant Hornet), kills around 40 people a year. Thought you should know that.
Finally, from the polished turd that is the Eurovision song contest comes the entrant from Georgia, grab a drink, sit the children round, open a large family sized bag of crisps & enjoy. If Borat had a hip, good looking cousin, he would be in this band.
[YOUTUBE][/YOUTUBE]
CAN ANYONE EXPLAIN THIS?
I had this amazing dream where I lived in this huge mansion, well it was actually four giant walls & this amazing garden of Eden stretching in terraces down the slope of this hill, down to where I had a garage & the street met the front of the house. From the top, this stream ran down & went into this maze of awesome aquariums full of beautiful fish. My ex was round & we were walking down the stairs on the left hand side of the house which lead down to the aquariums, This house was so huge, there were pillars supporting a glass roof & the sky was overcast with rays of sunlight piercing the clouds and beaming into my house/slash fuck off amazing mansion. When we got to the aquariums the glass was leaking & all the fish were falling out, when I went to pick them up they were just sponges in the shape of fish.
Hellllooooooooooooo fuckers! In todays rant...
Backs, estranged dog, boondocks, toilet dreams, paper planes, top tips
BACKS, a special shout out to my back. Your pain lets me know you are there and a valuable member of my body. I’ve taken your complaints on board & will no longer make you lift heavy things by yourself. Now that we have that sorted let me drown you in codeine.
ESTRANGED DOG, my dog Gin pictured below. My ex now has custody, I miss you so much it hurts like fuck on a daily basis. I also berate myself for not putting up a fight but I know my ex loves you as well. It was great catching up with her & my ex on my trip back.
Came across this the other week in Cranbourne it sums up the boons in one picture.
Do you ever have your REM sleep smoothly interrupted by the need to pee? You know your dreaming about driving and all of a sudden you’re pulling into the driveway heading up in the steps & opening the toilet door, and WAKE THE FUCK UP PEEING EMERGENCY IN PROGRESS CODE AMBER!
To my American friends enjoy National Paper Airplane Day 26th May
TOP TIP of the day: SMARTIES tubes pushed over cats' legs make for a futuristic 'space cat'. For a really space age look, cover the tubes in tin foil as well as your pet's tail. This also works with small dogs and the middles out of kitchen rolls.
That’s about it, thanks for reading my drivel. Go out and buy yourself something nice, pat a stray cat, fly a kite, tell your mum you love her, eat something delicious & have fun. Remember a society that’s too busy giving itself a blowjob can’t walk into the light, darkness is an eternal journey inwards.
Backs, estranged dog, boondocks, toilet dreams, paper planes, top tips
BACKS, a special shout out to my back. Your pain lets me know you are there and a valuable member of my body. I’ve taken your complaints on board & will no longer make you lift heavy things by yourself. Now that we have that sorted let me drown you in codeine.
ESTRANGED DOG, my dog Gin pictured below. My ex now has custody, I miss you so much it hurts like fuck on a daily basis. I also berate myself for not putting up a fight but I know my ex loves you as well. It was great catching up with her & my ex on my trip back.
Came across this the other week in Cranbourne it sums up the boons in one picture.
Do you ever have your REM sleep smoothly interrupted by the need to pee? You know your dreaming about driving and all of a sudden you’re pulling into the driveway heading up in the steps & opening the toilet door, and WAKE THE FUCK UP PEEING EMERGENCY IN PROGRESS CODE AMBER!
To my American friends enjoy National Paper Airplane Day 26th May
TOP TIP of the day: SMARTIES tubes pushed over cats' legs make for a futuristic 'space cat'. For a really space age look, cover the tubes in tin foil as well as your pet's tail. This also works with small dogs and the middles out of kitchen rolls.
That’s about it, thanks for reading my drivel. Go out and buy yourself something nice, pat a stray cat, fly a kite, tell your mum you love her, eat something delicious & have fun. Remember a society that’s too busy giving itself a blowjob can’t walk into the light, darkness is an eternal journey inwards.
Evening fuckers, in today's rant...
Irish Pubs, music videos.
IRISH PUBS, I was dismayed to find my favourite 'Old Man' pub in Sydney 'The Criterion' had been bought out by the PG Gallagher's franchise of Irish pubs. The dank sticky carpet, the gloomy mens room, renovated! Massed produced 'Irish shit' placed in every available area of every goddam wall. You know, fucking miniature wheelbarrows, Whiskey Jugs, period posters of Guinness. All those irritating Irish blessings relating to wind & its proximity to your exposed back. Shit, if I go to Ireland I'd expect real Irish pubs, but I'm in Australia. Sydney has more than it's fair share of these fucking Scruffy Murphys, Kellys, O'Briens et al, they're now fucking ubiquitous. You also have to expect to pay more for beer because there's a picture of a fucking toucan drinking a Guinness by your table. RIP The Critereon, when I was in art school I stopped by on the way home for your cheap schooners and to hit on Annabelle, Brooke & Lindsay.
MUSIC VIDEOS. I was in Sydney last week for work & play. I was waiting at the pub for a mate to meet me and was staring at the TV playing music vids on silent & it occurred to me. Their is very little difference between a Coca Cola or tampon commercial & a music vid. Don't know what the significance is but all those posers dancing & singing into the camera...kinda gay without the sound. No wonder I hate mainstream music. It's all yay! We're singing a song! I'm having so much fucking fun! Woohoo yeah! I sat there for 1/2 hour watching this inane shit, then went to bar & got a coke. Next day at the 7-Eleven for no reason I felt compelled to buy tampons...strange.
Anyway, back hurts, thanks for reading & remember mainstream society is a sick little bitch.
Irish Pubs, music videos.
IRISH PUBS, I was dismayed to find my favourite 'Old Man' pub in Sydney 'The Criterion' had been bought out by the PG Gallagher's franchise of Irish pubs. The dank sticky carpet, the gloomy mens room, renovated! Massed produced 'Irish shit' placed in every available area of every goddam wall. You know, fucking miniature wheelbarrows, Whiskey Jugs, period posters of Guinness. All those irritating Irish blessings relating to wind & its proximity to your exposed back. Shit, if I go to Ireland I'd expect real Irish pubs, but I'm in Australia. Sydney has more than it's fair share of these fucking Scruffy Murphys, Kellys, O'Briens et al, they're now fucking ubiquitous. You also have to expect to pay more for beer because there's a picture of a fucking toucan drinking a Guinness by your table. RIP The Critereon, when I was in art school I stopped by on the way home for your cheap schooners and to hit on Annabelle, Brooke & Lindsay.
MUSIC VIDEOS. I was in Sydney last week for work & play. I was waiting at the pub for a mate to meet me and was staring at the TV playing music vids on silent & it occurred to me. Their is very little difference between a Coca Cola or tampon commercial & a music vid. Don't know what the significance is but all those posers dancing & singing into the camera...kinda gay without the sound. No wonder I hate mainstream music. It's all yay! We're singing a song! I'm having so much fucking fun! Woohoo yeah! I sat there for 1/2 hour watching this inane shit, then went to bar & got a coke. Next day at the 7-Eleven for no reason I felt compelled to buy tampons...strange.
Anyway, back hurts, thanks for reading & remember mainstream society is a sick little bitch.
In today’s rant...tiredness, amazing invention, foolish drunken posting and extra cash.
TIREDNESS, I’m all so tired, need some good news to cheer me up. If you have good news let me know. I needs to hear it. All work & very little happy fun times drain on my brain. I’ve also had some very unwelcome news (which I knew was coming). Some people are weak, I can be weak, but the goal is to endure and make it to greener pastures without folding.
AMAZING INVENTION. After untangling my iPod headphones for the 536,126th time from themselves, buttons, chair legs, every conceivable obstacle & the occasional passersby. I have decided to re-engineer these pesky music delivery devices. I will be applying them for use as a foolproof grappling hook, there is also scope for an anchor. When I work out how to conveniently unravel them once deployed, I may just become very wealthy. This will of course make me incredibly attractive, but only to the wrong kind of people.
FOOLISH DRUNKEN POSTING, I do it when I’m alone & drunk. I regret it later when I come across them. *Face palm* Did I write this shit? What the fucking fuck is fucking wrong with you man, FUCK!!!?
EXTRA CASH, I could sure use some! I’ve just got myself one those 1900 numbers like the ones they use for phone sex. I’m just putting the finishing touches on a ‘How’s my driving?’ bumper sticker. I will affix said sticker on my dear old mum’s car. Since she drives like a crazy, erratic elderly person, it shouldn’t be too long before the calls start coming in. At $3.95 a minute, I could stand to make a tidy windfall.
Well, that's another blog down, thanks for popping by what must Undoubtedly seem like another drunken post, I'm sober I swear! If you like this post why not let me know, just call 1900...
TIREDNESS, I’m all so tired, need some good news to cheer me up. If you have good news let me know. I needs to hear it. All work & very little happy fun times drain on my brain. I’ve also had some very unwelcome news (which I knew was coming). Some people are weak, I can be weak, but the goal is to endure and make it to greener pastures without folding.
AMAZING INVENTION. After untangling my iPod headphones for the 536,126th time from themselves, buttons, chair legs, every conceivable obstacle & the occasional passersby. I have decided to re-engineer these pesky music delivery devices. I will be applying them for use as a foolproof grappling hook, there is also scope for an anchor. When I work out how to conveniently unravel them once deployed, I may just become very wealthy. This will of course make me incredibly attractive, but only to the wrong kind of people.
FOOLISH DRUNKEN POSTING, I do it when I’m alone & drunk. I regret it later when I come across them. *Face palm* Did I write this shit? What the fucking fuck is fucking wrong with you man, FUCK!!!?
EXTRA CASH, I could sure use some! I’ve just got myself one those 1900 numbers like the ones they use for phone sex. I’m just putting the finishing touches on a ‘How’s my driving?’ bumper sticker. I will affix said sticker on my dear old mum’s car. Since she drives like a crazy, erratic elderly person, it shouldn’t be too long before the calls start coming in. At $3.95 a minute, I could stand to make a tidy windfall.
Well, that's another blog down, thanks for popping by what must Undoubtedly seem like another drunken post, I'm sober I swear! If you like this post why not let me know, just call 1900...
Hello Thursday, you glorious herald of the weekend. I heard you whispering ‘tomorrow’s Friday in my ear’ and I was of good cheer.
In today’s rant, fame, human lemmings, misplaced faith in the human race and a delightful musical number.
Fame, it seems like a rather attractive notion to some people. I personally, being a shy & retiring creature, like to stay in the bliss of obscurity. Some people are meant to be famous they’ve for whatever reason earned it. Through the sweat of their brow, artistic endeavours or keen cognitive faculties. I do pause to think though, when peeps like the Kardashies ride the fame horse bare back like a filthy whore in assless leather chaps. Who the fuck invented the internet or the plasma screen TV which broadcasts their irrelevant lives? Shouldn’t they be famous?
As you may or may not know I’m the Melbourne super-commuter. I spend a lot of time in transit. This week alone my train was delayed twice by people who were hit by trains. Who the fuck gets hit by a train? They’re separated from road traffic, you really need to put yourself out there and make yourself available for this to happen. It requires planning as trains don’t roll by like regular road traffic. The answer is lemmings, human lemmings. Yes you are doing the gene pool a favour by removing yourself from it but you need to stop. You’re making me late! Find a cliff, a rope or some other fatal conveyance to end your life.
Misplaced faith in human beings. I don’t work for a multinational corporation but I wonder about those who do. There isn’t a week that goes by that I don’t hear of layoffs from banks, airlines, car makers etc. When you look deeper, it’s not about the corporation going broke, it’s poor profits. This brings me to my next point, how much profit is enough when profit itself isn’t enough? Why do we persist in tolerating these anti-social organisations that create unemployment, expect tax breaks and diminish the rights of individuals? I think we as a society need to draw a line in the sand, we could do it during the ad break.
Finally, a musical number! I sure hope you enjoyed last week's Pizzicato Five as much as I did, you can never have too many chefs dancing. Today's treat is a remake of Michael Jackson's Thriller, Bollywood style. So turn your volume up to eleven, break out the naan bread and prepare yourself for a thrill! Or slight amusement, the level of which may vary for each individual. To the handful of people who read my thoughts, thanks.
In today’s rant, fame, human lemmings, misplaced faith in the human race and a delightful musical number.
Fame, it seems like a rather attractive notion to some people. I personally, being a shy & retiring creature, like to stay in the bliss of obscurity. Some people are meant to be famous they’ve for whatever reason earned it. Through the sweat of their brow, artistic endeavours or keen cognitive faculties. I do pause to think though, when peeps like the Kardashies ride the fame horse bare back like a filthy whore in assless leather chaps. Who the fuck invented the internet or the plasma screen TV which broadcasts their irrelevant lives? Shouldn’t they be famous?
As you may or may not know I’m the Melbourne super-commuter. I spend a lot of time in transit. This week alone my train was delayed twice by people who were hit by trains. Who the fuck gets hit by a train? They’re separated from road traffic, you really need to put yourself out there and make yourself available for this to happen. It requires planning as trains don’t roll by like regular road traffic. The answer is lemmings, human lemmings. Yes you are doing the gene pool a favour by removing yourself from it but you need to stop. You’re making me late! Find a cliff, a rope or some other fatal conveyance to end your life.
Misplaced faith in human beings. I don’t work for a multinational corporation but I wonder about those who do. There isn’t a week that goes by that I don’t hear of layoffs from banks, airlines, car makers etc. When you look deeper, it’s not about the corporation going broke, it’s poor profits. This brings me to my next point, how much profit is enough when profit itself isn’t enough? Why do we persist in tolerating these anti-social organisations that create unemployment, expect tax breaks and diminish the rights of individuals? I think we as a society need to draw a line in the sand, we could do it during the ad break.
Finally, a musical number! I sure hope you enjoyed last week's Pizzicato Five as much as I did, you can never have too many chefs dancing. Today's treat is a remake of Michael Jackson's Thriller, Bollywood style. So turn your volume up to eleven, break out the naan bread and prepare yourself for a thrill! Or slight amusement, the level of which may vary for each individual. To the handful of people who read my thoughts, thanks.
In today’s rant, cue the music of harps...
Thoughts on my move to Melbourne. I’ve been here a little while now and am slowly getting used to the whole ‘this city isn’t Sydney thing’. Here are some of my thoughts. Due to my complete inability to communicate telepathically with anyone I will write these thoughts down.
Melbourne inner city, I have to admit, fucking rocks. I still miss my Newtown though, but shit the live bands are blowing me away!
I hate the public transport. I thought Sydney was bad. Nuff said.
I am still trying to get my head around everything. I even believe some people are warming to me. Now only 99% of the people I have met hate me.
Melbourne’s graf shits all over Sydney’s hands down, no fucking contest.
Giant 3.5 metre crocs don’t like Melbourne.
Melbourne is very cold. This is how the beer in my fridge feels all the time. Speaking of which, I think I need to stop drinking, my liver feels bloated.
Cranbourne is mind dessicatingly dull. My goodness, it’s so fucking boring. They should have a sign on the freeway, ‘Welcome to Cranbourne, just keep driving’. There’s only two pubs. A fake colonial style pub called the settlement bar, which is surprising dull for a place that sells intoxicating liquor. What it lacks for in drinkers is made up by an impressive array of gay Daleks. The other one 2 km’s away is a fake Irish themed pub imaginatively called, wait for it... Kellys. I have yet to see anyone of Irish extraction behind the bar. This place sells overpriced beer & food and is generously appointed with about 10,000 pokie machines dwarfing the Settlement bars offering of about 5000. Day & night punters of all ages come to say goodbye to their hard earned cash or government benefits as the case may be. Bills of all denominations feed the hungry slots while slack jawed faces leer at garish screens. The punters sit quietly and with zombie like movements press the blinking buttons, the last of their pensions or pay ebbing in a fanfare of colourful flashing lights.
I’m starting to look for a place which I hope happens sooner rather than later. Cranbourne is the very antithesis of the smart culture which Melbourne is renown for.
I’m hitting the town tomorrow so I’m looking forward to some fun & intelligent conversation with my mate Mikie, which I’m sorely missing.
Anywho, thanks to anyone who reads this I'll leave you with a song.
Thoughts on my move to Melbourne. I’ve been here a little while now and am slowly getting used to the whole ‘this city isn’t Sydney thing’. Here are some of my thoughts. Due to my complete inability to communicate telepathically with anyone I will write these thoughts down.
Melbourne inner city, I have to admit, fucking rocks. I still miss my Newtown though, but shit the live bands are blowing me away!
I hate the public transport. I thought Sydney was bad. Nuff said.
I am still trying to get my head around everything. I even believe some people are warming to me. Now only 99% of the people I have met hate me.
Melbourne’s graf shits all over Sydney’s hands down, no fucking contest.
Giant 3.5 metre crocs don’t like Melbourne.
Melbourne is very cold. This is how the beer in my fridge feels all the time. Speaking of which, I think I need to stop drinking, my liver feels bloated.
Cranbourne is mind dessicatingly dull. My goodness, it’s so fucking boring. They should have a sign on the freeway, ‘Welcome to Cranbourne, just keep driving’. There’s only two pubs. A fake colonial style pub called the settlement bar, which is surprising dull for a place that sells intoxicating liquor. What it lacks for in drinkers is made up by an impressive array of gay Daleks. The other one 2 km’s away is a fake Irish themed pub imaginatively called, wait for it... Kellys. I have yet to see anyone of Irish extraction behind the bar. This place sells overpriced beer & food and is generously appointed with about 10,000 pokie machines dwarfing the Settlement bars offering of about 5000. Day & night punters of all ages come to say goodbye to their hard earned cash or government benefits as the case may be. Bills of all denominations feed the hungry slots while slack jawed faces leer at garish screens. The punters sit quietly and with zombie like movements press the blinking buttons, the last of their pensions or pay ebbing in a fanfare of colourful flashing lights.
I’m starting to look for a place which I hope happens sooner rather than later. Cranbourne is the very antithesis of the smart culture which Melbourne is renown for.
I’m hitting the town tomorrow so I’m looking forward to some fun & intelligent conversation with my mate Mikie, which I’m sorely missing.
Anywho, thanks to anyone who reads this I'll leave you with a song.
People, it’s the reason why planet earth can’t have nice things. This is another rant and it begins...now.
I can’t remember the last time I saw a sunset & went wow. This is entirely my fault. I can however remember most of those highly irritating Red Bull commercials. Dammed stupid advertisers & their inane brainwashing! *shakes fist* Haha, jokes on you, I will never buy a Red Bull ever!
Anywho, from the turgid depths of my soul, further ramblings.
What the fuck happened to Kony 2012? So J.Russ jerks off & that’s it? We leave those African kids to their fate? Funny, Uganda doesn’t have oil, just a diminished copper mining industry & coffee. So nuts to that, they ain’t getting any help soon, just rhetoric.
A 3.5m croc was spotted in Maryborough in Queensland today. The network news was all over it, with headlines like, CROC INVASION HEADS SOUTH! Am I the only voice of reason? It’s one fucking crocodile, admittedly a large one, but this does not constitute an invasion. Maybe save that headline for the next time a 300 metre crocodile attacks a town like Godzilla, smashes tall building, eats cars & shits out thermo nuclear rockets.
End rant.
I can’t remember the last time I saw a sunset & went wow. This is entirely my fault. I can however remember most of those highly irritating Red Bull commercials. Dammed stupid advertisers & their inane brainwashing! *shakes fist* Haha, jokes on you, I will never buy a Red Bull ever!
Anywho, from the turgid depths of my soul, further ramblings.
What the fuck happened to Kony 2012? So J.Russ jerks off & that’s it? We leave those African kids to their fate? Funny, Uganda doesn’t have oil, just a diminished copper mining industry & coffee. So nuts to that, they ain’t getting any help soon, just rhetoric.
A 3.5m croc was spotted in Maryborough in Queensland today. The network news was all over it, with headlines like, CROC INVASION HEADS SOUTH! Am I the only voice of reason? It’s one fucking crocodile, admittedly a large one, but this does not constitute an invasion. Maybe save that headline for the next time a 300 metre crocodile attacks a town like Godzilla, smashes tall building, eats cars & shits out thermo nuclear rockets.
End rant.
In today’s rant...
Today’s rant is brought to you by the letter Y.
Why does the Big Bang Theory still pervade mainstream science when the idea that something popped into existence out of nothing is akin to the idea that God did it? It seems to me that faith is required to believe both theories & as far as I know science is not about faith but fact. Get back to work physicists!
Brand name clothes, I’m paying a shit load of money so I can become a walking billboard for your stupid overpriced brand? Yes this makes me a complete & utter moron.
Why do we insist on calling our political system a democracy? It’s clearly an oligarchy run by wealthy & powerful corporate interests who pay for the official’s election campaign. This therefore indebting said politicians to them. We could just cut the crap, reinvent the term & call it a ‘corporatocracy’.
Ever wanted to weigh your own poo?
Why haven’t the aliens landed on the front lawn of the White House to say hi? Is it because we are the cosmic equivalent of living next door to a violent, belligerent drunkard?
Why is it ok to show violence on TV, you know, people beating the crap out of each other but nudity is seen as offensive? What’s more offensive, seeing the naked human form, or someone reducing it to a bloody mess?
In the multi-universe view, do you ever wonder whether there is another version of you that wears horrible clothes, listens to mainstream music & loves watching reality TV? Similarly is there another way better version of you out there that if you ever met would make you jealous & hate them?
Have you ever wanted to meet the makers of a particularly annoying TV or radio commercial just so you could punch them in the face?
Do attractive women protest over female exploitation?
Why do people in the movies throw away their firearm when the bullets run out? It’s my understanding that firearms can be reloaded with more ammunition.
Finally, also on the topic of movies, why is the US the only country that teaches it’s servicemen to shoot straight & take cover when necessary? What are the other countries teaching their servicemen? Is there a lecture in some Russian or Middle Eastern army base on how to run directly into the line of fire? Is accuracy with firearms frowned upon in non English speaking countries?
Anywho, again if you've made it this far, thanks. Please have a nice day & remember, society is to blame.
Today’s rant is brought to you by the letter Y.
Why does the Big Bang Theory still pervade mainstream science when the idea that something popped into existence out of nothing is akin to the idea that God did it? It seems to me that faith is required to believe both theories & as far as I know science is not about faith but fact. Get back to work physicists!
Brand name clothes, I’m paying a shit load of money so I can become a walking billboard for your stupid overpriced brand? Yes this makes me a complete & utter moron.
Why do we insist on calling our political system a democracy? It’s clearly an oligarchy run by wealthy & powerful corporate interests who pay for the official’s election campaign. This therefore indebting said politicians to them. We could just cut the crap, reinvent the term & call it a ‘corporatocracy’.
Ever wanted to weigh your own poo?
Why haven’t the aliens landed on the front lawn of the White House to say hi? Is it because we are the cosmic equivalent of living next door to a violent, belligerent drunkard?
Why is it ok to show violence on TV, you know, people beating the crap out of each other but nudity is seen as offensive? What’s more offensive, seeing the naked human form, or someone reducing it to a bloody mess?
In the multi-universe view, do you ever wonder whether there is another version of you that wears horrible clothes, listens to mainstream music & loves watching reality TV? Similarly is there another way better version of you out there that if you ever met would make you jealous & hate them?
Have you ever wanted to meet the makers of a particularly annoying TV or radio commercial just so you could punch them in the face?
Do attractive women protest over female exploitation?
Why do people in the movies throw away their firearm when the bullets run out? It’s my understanding that firearms can be reloaded with more ammunition.
Finally, also on the topic of movies, why is the US the only country that teaches it’s servicemen to shoot straight & take cover when necessary? What are the other countries teaching their servicemen? Is there a lecture in some Russian or Middle Eastern army base on how to run directly into the line of fire? Is accuracy with firearms frowned upon in non English speaking countries?
Anywho, again if you've made it this far, thanks. Please have a nice day & remember, society is to blame.
Hello world!
Aren't you a little gem of shining blue & green on a field of stars!
Hello peoples!
Aren't you the verruca on that shining little gems' ass!
Anywho, I thought I'd lighten the mood by posting my favourite yootoos. Please feel free to watch them or not, as the case maybe.*
*Please note these clips are not in order of preference. Clips are meant to be of a humorous or informative nature. Any relation to other clips you've seen or heard is purely coincidental. No negotiations over content will be entered into, if you think my taste sucks ass then you can eat a dick.**
**The dick in question in no way relates to my dick.
Aren't you a little gem of shining blue & green on a field of stars!
Hello peoples!
Aren't you the verruca on that shining little gems' ass!
Anywho, I thought I'd lighten the mood by posting my favourite yootoos. Please feel free to watch them or not, as the case maybe.*
*Please note these clips are not in order of preference. Clips are meant to be of a humorous or informative nature. Any relation to other clips you've seen or heard is purely coincidental. No negotiations over content will be entered into, if you think my taste sucks ass then you can eat a dick.**
**The dick in question in no way relates to my dick.
