WHO HAS AWAKEN ME FROM MY SLUMBAAARR?

Thanks Brenda. The only other option is Chris, and I'm sure he'd rather have a bottle to be angry at the sun with. Or I guess it could be some psycho stalker. Or Suicide Girls themselves, using this as some sort of ruse to get back some old members from retirement.

I'm getting fucking OLD. I used to love this site, but my view of the women has changed. I used to think, 'Man, look at that fucked up chick. She's so goddamn hot with those quadruple zero gauge hoops in her ears and the green hair and tatoo that covers her torso.'

Now I think, 'Shit, poor little girl must have had some shit happen to her in her life. Someone needs a hug. And a shrink.' Why I even looked at a bunch of sets today and my little guy didn't move. Not even a little happy jumpy jump.

But oh well. During these three months I will most certainly take advantage of the Battlestar Gallactica group and maybe see if there's a group for Joss Whedon. And Lost. And Heroes, so I can join in on the collective shit-talking. Man that show took a dive.

Ugh, I actually do read Playboy for the articles.

Anyway, thanks Bren! And if Chris did this, then that's kinda gay, dude.

So I'm in Chicagoland. Christmas in St. Louis was a bit dull. Christmas Eve was fun, got horrificly ripped at my Aunt's house and fed the underagers liquor. But then it was off to boring land in Illinois, a place void of liquor. Not because they're against it, simply because they just don't think to buy it and bring it to Christmas. Fucking weird.

But that's all over and I'm back in Chicago. I need a job. WIthin two weeks. Something to do with writing, preferably. I know my fan base on this site is immense, you can tell by my friends. I'll be expecting job offers by tomorrow morning. Please, no calls before noon, that's the time for my beauty rest. Not that I need it. OOOOOHHHH!!!

Thanksgiving rocked. I got good food and celebrated how my people were destroyed by the white man and I was annexed. Good times all around. Mom makes a great fucking... well everything actually. She's a better cook than your mom. Seriously.

So then it's three or four weeks or so and I'm moving to Chicagoland. Yes, I know it's gonna be fucking cold there, shut the fuck up. I'll have a wonderful woman to keep me warm. Plus central heating. Hopefully.

Then it's off to finding a job in my career. Would anyone like an unexperienced copywriter? Anyone?

Beuler?

Or however in the fuck you spell his name?

If all goes well this will be fun. I'll be on my own, 'networking' or so the big people call it, making some sort of living before selling something worth selling. Maybe a book. Hell, maybe I'll get some crazy fuck to produce a play down there.

Till then I'll be spending my time with a beautiful woman, having sex, eating decent italian food, watching nip/tuck and scraping ice off my car at 6 am.

You know what tastes good at noon on a Saturday when it's five degrees out? Whiskey. I know, just save your jealousy for the next guy. We're all out of crazy here.

Why are there a bunch of smartasses on this site? Nothings happened to me specifically, I don't participate really. But everytime I read news stories or groups, it's always somebody saying something, then some asshole making the original person feel like a tool so the asshole can feel intelligent. Is that what this site is now? A bunch of elitest fucks waving their intellectual cocks around?

That's the problem with the internet. The only way to show dominance is with words. Now I'm no fighter, but man it'd be nice to get drunk and meet some of the assholes on this site in a dark fucking alley.

I'm off to heaven for a week. Hold my calls.

SO.

FUCKING.

IN LOVE.

Its... its finally over.

School.

No more homework...

...actual life starting...




I CAN'T BREATHE.

So I'm in Susanville. Five and a half hours NE of San Francisco. It's... a small town. I'm in Safeway, buying beer. Low and behold, its on special with a 'Safeway' card. I've never been to a Safeway, but I wonder if I can use another card (Ralphs, Vons) to get the discount. I decide to ask an employee. She was talking to a local. Here's how the conversation went:

me: Hello, mam, I was just wondering if your store was associated with any other grocery stores? Like, Ralphs or something?

her: Well I'm just some stupid chick in a hick town, why don'tcha go up front an ask one the fellers up there?

me: I... I...

Hick friend: Haw, haw, haw.

her: What choo want? Discount on sumthin'?

me: ...I just want to save money on beer.

her: well sure, go ahead and use yer "Ralph's" card or yer "Albertson's" card. Whatever. One of 'em ull work. Go on now!

Hick friend: Haw, haw, haw.

Then I scurried away.

I am so moving here.

I saw one of the most beautiful things in my life today.

A homeless man, skinny, burnt, probably in his 40's looking like 60, held a sign in the middle of the road to on-comming traffic.

"Bad Times."

The other side of it,

"Praise the Lord."

I gave him 83 cents.

I'd love to have a beer with Saddam Hussein.

Dude's a freakin' badass.