Home! Though it was a short deployment, it was challenging and stressful. I am so glad to be back in the land of the free. It's time to decompress, rest and relax, enjoy time with friends and family, go shopping, hang out at the beach and ease myself back into life.

This is my last morning of enjoying the creature comforts of home before I deploy to the Sandbox for a few months. *sigh*
Hopefully the weeks will fly by.

Sometimes being optimistic sucks. I'm tired of looking on the bright side. I want to wallow in my misery. At least for now.
I found out today that I am leaving for Afghanistan for several months sometime this Spring. The deployment part isn't what I am upset about. That's an accepted occupational hazard. It's the motherfucking timing that I have a huge issue with. I finally met my equal, who happens to be a badass who works in Iraq most of the year, and he's due to come home around the same time that I am leaving. This also shouldn't be an issue, but this is a new and developing relationship. Whatever one on one time we get together is mad important. We met face to face in December after a few months of internet communication and hit it off terrifically. I don't want our prolonged separation to affect the development of what I feel is complete awesomeness.
So yeah, I'm freaking a bit. I keep telling myself that if he feels that I am worth it, then he'll wait. He says he will and not to worry so much. I feel he's totally worth waiting for, but I also feel that the floor is going to drop out from under me at any moment.
this whole situation will pan out exactly how it's supposed to, but right now...I feel like I am going to explode.

Today sucked. Maybe tomorrow will be better, but the next several weeks/months will be rough.
First, the guy I just started seeing left for his 100+ day tour in Iraq. As a contractor of sorts, it's just the way his job works. I get it; I live a similar lifestyle being Active Duty myself. We both want to try and make it, whatever 'it' is, work. I guess we'll see how 'it' goes.
Second, one of my Mom's dogs, whom I love as my own, was diagnosed with cancer in his lymph nodes. Other than being given meds to ease his pain, Mr. Bocephus does not have long to live. It REALLY breaks my heart. I seriously love that dog. Also, when my Mom broke the news to my step-dad...damn. Let's just say when I see a grown ass man weep like a baby, I can't take it. I break down, too.
Such is life...what doesn't kill you makes you stronger. Damnit.

Sooooo.....I met someone recently and, quite frankly, I am head over heels. I am super stoked about the prospect of forming a relationship with this guy. He and I speak the same language, the dynamic isn't forced and the sexual chemistry is intoxicating. It just feels right. I haven't exactly struck gold in the relationship department over the years, and I feel like I deserve something good in my life. I guess we'll see how it pans out.

I visited the town of Metropolis, Illinois during my trip to the St Louis area about a week ago. Superman rocks.

I love being back in Florida. I love living closer to my family. I love the fact that I am 10 minutes away from the beach (which is thankfully clean and free of oil). I love the food. I love/hate stupid rednecks and their giant 4X4 pickup trucks. I love that I can cuss an idiot up and down and they understand everything I say. I love that it's October and still warm enough to go swimming. And lastly, I love that once I get sick of living here after 3-4 years I can request orders and get stationed elsewhere! Yep, life is good.

Back in the good, old USA. 5 years of living overseas has come to an end and beachside living is about to start.
Spent my last European weekend drinking wicked awsome Belgian beers in Brussels with my degenerate friends. I've had the equivilant to one solid night of sleep over the past 4 nights. I'm toast. So is my liver. I do believe I will spend a few weeks drying out while settling into my new house and base. I owe my body some recovery time fo' sho'.
Now all that needs to happen is for my flight to depart Dallas on time. Layovers suck.

Holy crap, I am stressed the fuck out. I'm in the final weeks of prepping for my move back to Florida from Germany and I feel like I am being pulled into a thousand directions at once. I know that 90% of what I am feeling is perceived and not actual stress, but that knowledge is not helping me cope. I've been waking up with a start most nights, sometimes in a terror, because of all the lists I keep making in my head. Also, the inevitable lifestyle changes that will occur with my move has me trembling and not in a good way. I keep thinking that some important detail will be forgotten sending the whole moving process into a downward spiral of failure. I'm somewhat of a control freak, so leaving responsiblity in the hands of others out of necessity goes against my entire state of mind.
I keep telling myself that I need to just fucking relax. I'm moving back to the US, about 1 hour away from home. I already have a great support structure of friends and family in the area. I won't have to worry about learning about a new location; it's home and I know it like the back of my hand. It's just the whole process of settling into a new house and learning the ins and outs of a new shop and new base that has my head spinning.
I've got the scene from Airplane: The Movie going through my head where the female passenger is having a hysterical fit and all the passengers are taking turns smacking the shit out of her. Maybe that's what I need.

Oil has washed up on Pensacola Beach. My home is now polluted and destroyed. I feel so helpless. It's like watching a close family member or friend die from an illness that's curable, but they are unable to afford the treatment. I know I am not alone in this sentiment, but I can't help feeling isolated and impotent. All I can think about are the many long summer days running the sand dunes with my sister and cousins, 'surfing' the dunes with old Nash skateboard decks, playing in the waves and wiping out, watching schools of dolphins pass by in the distance, getting sand all over and not caring, the glorious briny smell of salt-water and seaweed, watching the sunset look like fire in glorious contrast to the crystal clear water...and knowing that I may not again have the opportunity to create any more memories like these in my lifetime. My friend is close to death, and with Her a part of me will die, too.