my car has a blown head gasket.

arrrrrrrrgggggggg!




on the bright side, it will be fixed this weekend.

so this is my tattoo, 90% complete.



i have had this song stuck in my head for days.

"Vindicated"

Hope dangles on a string
Like slow spinning redemption
Winding in and winding out
The shine of it has caught my eye

And roped me in
So mesmerizing, so hypnotizing
I am captivated

I am Vindicated
I am selfish
I am wrong
I am right
I swear I'm right
I swear I knew it all along

And I am flawed
But I am cleaning up so well
I am seeing in me now the things you swore you saw yourself

So clear
Like the diamond in your ring
Cut to mirror your intentions
Oversized and overwhelmed
The shine of which has caught my eye
And rendered me so isolated, so motivated
I am certain now that

I am Vindicated
I am selfish
I am wrong
I am right
I swear I'm right
I swear I knew it all along

So turn
Up the corners of your lips
Part them and feel my finger tips
Trace the moment, fall forever
Defense is paper thin
Just one touch and I'd be in
Too deep now to ever swim against the current
So let me slip away
So let me slip against the current
So let me slip away

Slight hope
It dangles on a string
Like slow spinning redemption...

i have managed to survive my first month of working at the titty bar.it really isnt so awful. i mean, im not planning on making it a career by any means, but i have learned a lot of interesting and valuable things about both myself and people in general.

the pixies are playing today.


i would give my left arm to be able to see them.

how bout getting off these antibiotics
how bout stopping eating when I'm full up
how bout them transparent dangling carrots
how bout that ever elusive kudo

thank you india
thank you terror
thank you disillusionment
thank you frailty
thank you consequence
thank you thank you silence

how bout me not blaming you for everything
how bout me enjoying the moment for once
how bout how good it feels to finally forgive you
how bout grieving it all one at a time

thank you india
thank you terror
thank you disillusionment
thank you frailty
thank you consequence
thank you thank you silence

the moment I let go of it was the moment
I got more than I could handle
the moment I jumped off of it
was the moment I touched down

how bout no longer being masochistic
how bout remembering your divinity
how bout unabashedly bawling your eyes out
how bout not equating death with stopping

thank you india
thank you providence
thank you disillusionment
thank you nothingness
thank you clarity
thank you thank you silence

THE EXTERMINATOR COMES TODAY.




take that you venom spewing eight legged assholes.

i went to the emergency room after the spider incident. they didnt seem to be very concerned by my arachnid assault. they just stabbed me with a really really large needle and let the huge amount of pus drain out. i had no idea that much nastiness could come from a little bite. ewwwwwwwww


then they sent me on my way with antibiotics and painkillers.

my biggest fear has been realized. i got bit by a brown recluse. oh my fucking god. i hate spiders.

its not so bad.

actually, it kinda rocks.

yikes. in the morning i am officially an "adult entertainer".

i am so fucking scared. what if i fall? what if no one tips me? what if i freeze up while on stage and start crying?

oh my god. i dont think i can do this.

last night a certain sg member who shall remain nameless and i made out like high school kids at an unsupervised keg party.

its a lame analogy, i admit. but its early and my brain is not yet functioning.

anyhow, yeah. making out rules.


on a completly unrelated note, i start a new job on monday. i am so over being broke that i am now down to my last resort......the naked club. yikes. this cracks me up, considering my total lack of social skills when it comes to the opposite sex, and my complete lack of grace in high heeled shoes. i will be the first stripper ever to be tipped out of sympathy and not out of sexiness.