Yeah. I'm really pissed this morning. I recommend staying out of my way.

I'm posting this here because I know no one will read it. It was a mistake for me to be here. I have no friends here like I have none in real life. So I cancelled my account. I'm paid up for the year so my account will remain open until May, but then it will be closed. I don't belong here. This place is for the young, the beautiful and the hip. I am none of these things. Frankly it seems that I never belong anywhere. I don't seem to make any connections with people at all. I don't belong with the geeks and nerds at convention. The bikers don't seem to want me around either. It's like I never seem to exist no matter where I am.

They look away so they don't have to see me. I can understand why they do it but it still makes me sad when it happens.

So, I've concluded some time ago that I don't belong here. I've cancelled my renewal and my account should terminate sometime late May. I've paid for the year so I'll continue to use the services I've paid for during that time, but I understand that I really should never have renewed again. I've have no real connections to anyone. I'll be removing my contents. Should I decide to not return, it has been nice talking to people for what it was worth. Thank you for your attention.

There is no emotion, there is peace.
There is no ignorance, there is knowledge.
There is no passion, there is serenity.
There is no death, there is the Force.

OK...I give you fair warning that this is going to be a rant. So if you have a weak system or children present, you may want to change your blog selection.

OK, I think i may haev figured out my problem. Well, at least one of my problems anyway. I've put myself in a very impossible position. Depending on the internet has made me socially inept. Growing up with a distant and cold father and frightened and narcisistic mother have left me with little to no social skills and the inability to form proper adult relationships with people of the opposite sex. Along with my depression, I feel worthless and undesireable, and these conditions get exacerbated by feelings of rejections when my online inquiries throught internet dating sites are ignored and/or rejected...example, message unread and deleted.

OK...that all being said, I'm basically unable to form any type of romantic adult relationship, but yet a romantic adult relationship with a woman is something I constantly look for, and when it doesn't happen over and over again I get worse and the whole cycle repeats itself again. The solution to this is to stop the cycle.

If I really am incapable of a romantic relationship with a woman then this constant cycle of search, rejection, repeat is just making things worse. If I will never have a romantic relationship then it will be my fate and I have to accept it. So I'm ending the search. At my age it's got to become my reality.

What you all think about that?

I've heard that the very definition of insanity is doing the same thing over and over again, expecting a different result. I need to learn that I'm beaten and just give up because I can't keep doing the same thing over and over again hoping change will happen. It won't.