I think you just think to much about sex, it's really just sex, it's because we are pushed with this whole abstinence thing when we are young and it fucks a lot of people up in the head.

I have known so many people who said they were going to wait until marriage and the only ones who did wait are the ones who got married at 18.

I think that Americas are just to uptight about sex.

You didn't do anything wrong, there are so many worse things you could have done, you could be fucked up on drugs, you could be living on the streets, you could have done so many things.

You just need to forgive yourself, it's not that bad of a thing.

I think you may be giving this too much thought. There's no use crying over spilled milk.

Ok let me rephrase that, 'cause ick, double ick. Erm... Yeah well, the point is, let go of the guilt and move onward, and don't hate yourself for something as trivial as fornication.

WOW.

*digests journal entry*

I'm with the others above me. Although I'm aware you can't just turn off your guilt, you need to work toward getting past it. I'm sure it was hard on Samantha, but I bet she's fine with it.

Seems to me it's really about you thinking you let yourself down.

We've all done that. Hell, I do it with stunning regularity.

You're not a bad person for it, and you don't get to redo the past and I'd wager anything it wouldn't really help anyway. You'd just be ridden with other franticisms.

Try not to be so hard on yourself.

Okay, I'm trying not to be judgmental here, because I genuinely don't understand people who want to wait until marriage. In my opinion, you have to "try before you buy" with respect to sex, because some people just aren't compatible, and if you marry them, you will never be happy with that sphere of your life. No, sex isn't everything, but it IS important, especially if you love someone and want to show them that in a physical way.

People are sexual beings, and as the others have noted, it's not wrong to have sex. It sounds like you might have a religious reason for not wanting to have sex before marriage, but let me ask you this: what if you NEVER get married? It's a possibility, and linking sex with marriage is definitely going to cause problems for you if you continue to believe that sex outside of marriage is wrong. Sex is not something that has to be linked with marriage, especially if you aren't trying to create babies. There are plenty of ways to prevent pregnancy (condoms, birth control pills, spermicidal lubricant, etc.), and when used in combination, they are nearly 100% effective.

If you are worried about the emotional aspect, I think you just need to be selective in the people whom you sleep with. This is much more reasonable and likely to cause you much less anxiety. Reserve sex for the people you truly love, but remember that you can do plenty of sexual things with people that don't involve vaginal penetration with your penis (oral sex, heavy petting, kissing, etc.), and perhaps that will help people understand your desire to preserve your virginity, to some degree. There's "secondary virginity," so you can decide not to engage in sexual penetration until marriage, but still do those other types of sexual activities with people in order to keep yourself from being entirely sexually frustrated.

That's my two cents.

Guilt and self loathing will eat you alive.
You must learn to let them go.
It won't be easy, but it's worth it. And will make life so much easier.

I agree with what everyone said above.
Take care bro!

i think i kind of understand what you are going through and I don't think the answer is to trivialize the idea of sex and try to convince yourself that it is unimportant to you. It seems to me that part of your problem is that your ideas are changing and you feel like you've betrayed your ideals. again it seems like, to me, you think that because you said that you wanted to wait for so long and now haven't that you are somehow a liar or less true to yourself. You have to understand that people and their ideas change and evolve and that doesn't make them worse, its just not what you had planned.

I hope that helps a little.

i think its cool that you wanted to be with one and only one person.

i hope you learn how to deal with your guilt bro.

wow theres some good advice here..hun it's the past there are a couple people i wish i didn't have sex with but you just have to accept it and move on. the only people i regret are the ones i knew i shouldnt have had sex with in the first place...but i let myself give in because i was depressed...thats never the right thing to do. you have to follow your instincts. everyone else, whether we ended or not, i dont regret sleeping with because it felt right at the time...and whether the situation was good or bad it taught me alot of things so i dont regret it. there's no point in feeling guilty sweetie, it'll only tear you apart. forgive yourself and learn from your mistakes. im sorry youre going through this you know im always here for ya

I think that you're putting far too much thought into this.

If you had waited until marriage - how do you know THAT would have been the right choice for you?

What does a physical act have to do with marriage? Marriage is about love, not sex.

How would you know what's right for you sexually? I think a key part of being human is understanding the sexual being that you are...and when you are in tune with that - it can be an even more gratifying and beautiful experience to share with your partner.

Don't allow guilt and "shoulda, coulda, wouldas" to consume you. Move forward and embrace what you've experienced and learned.

thanks for the response.

as for the sex thing, its tough. there are 2 people I've had sex with (if you simply use sexual intercourse). both times we were dating, perhaps it screwed things up, perhaps it didn't.

however, I've also learned that hindsight is 20/20. the problem I see is that our society is really good at the entire guilt trip ideas, and we have the entire "abstinence only" thing shoved down our throat. the entire concept of waiting for marriage and such.

if you were to wait, perhaps it would have been good, perhaps not. you never know. however, the idea of beating yourself up over this, its tough. and it will eat you up. every day and night. I've done the entire "Could of, should of" with other things in my life (my uncle's suicide) for a while. and it really is a vicious cycle.

I got a feeling that you might need a way to break out of the vicious cycle. perhaps look at things. are you equating sex with love? are you seeing sex as something else? what does it really mean to you? do you rush in? or do you wait? there are a lot of questions to think about.

and, as for your choice, its your choice. I often have people look at me weirdly because I don't drink and never have been drunk in my life. I view it as my choice in life. if people accept it or not, it is their decision. as for yourself, if you have sex or not with someone, again, its your choice. the other person should respect your choice. if they do not, then it tells you something. and if they do accept your choice, it tells you something as well!

hope this helps...I only know so much of the story. however, those are my thoughts right now.

and now, on a totally different note, my cousin has the Hillary is a Skrull picture up in his comic book store...however, she's missing the furrows in the chin!

You can't go back, you can only go forward.

Learn from the past, live in the present, plan for the future as best you can.

Roll with the punches, and adapt as such.

We're too uptight about sex in America.

I'm not sad I waited but I could use some more in my life and that makes me a little sad.