into: cynicism, smutty innuendo, self-referential humour, music that makes me want to thump out a beat on my thigh so hard it leaves bruises at 2am in the morning, conversation that makes you lose track of time, time spent in blissful oblivion with precious people, the sublimely bizarre and the bizarrely sublime.

5 things i can't live without: Head, Shoulders, Knees and Toes, Knees and Toes

vices: Calling them vices implies they're somehow regrettable. The only ones I regret are occasional flirtations with self-pity and insecurity.

occupation: Rock n Roll Librarian Pimp Daddy Extraordinaire (it sounds better than 'Library Officer')

current crush: Orange

stats: Wanted in 15 different countries for charges of illegal hoarding of awesome

gets me hot: The Sun

favorite position: If the woman isn't trying to pepper-spray me, it's alllllll good

fantasy: See above.

sign: Cynicus the Contrarian Shit

most humbling moment: When a small 5-year-old girl with no shoes made me realise that my problems ain't shit.

CIGARETTES: Nope

ALCOHOL: I am a complete drunkard

MY DRUG USE: Drug Free

I AM LOOKING FOR: a woman

MY KINK FACTOR: I'll try anything once, especially if you beg for it.

MY POLITICS: Bleeding-heart Liberal

POT: Nope

MY STATUS: single

MY PIGEONHOLES: Punk, Hipster, Bookworm, Geek, Gamer