4.30.09 2134. Waiting for jello to cool in the refrigerator. Work was slow today due to the rain coming down. It keeps the creeps at bay most of the time. Right as I was about to close shop today my friend came in with her 4 year old kid (she'll be 4 in a month so we'll call her 4) This kid is killer. She always says "Excuse me, Chris" before she asks me something and as soon as I see her she give me that look of "Guess who's gonna be holding me for the next 5 hours". It's me and I love it. Something about a kid clutching on to you and laughing is amazing. I never want kids myself but I love other peoples and it's so cool to hang with them sometimes. We walked to the coffee shop and while my coffee cooled my little friend took me into the other room and we pretended that we were in a castle. Mind you, I haven't pretended or played make-believe anything... Maybe ever. I'll hang with a kiddo but I've never been asked to do this before. I was determined to do the best I could though, as I couldn't let her down.
She told me what the secret word was that SHE had to say before I could let her in. It's the name of the artist whom her parent's gallery is filled with pieces from. Good call. Password strength:excellent. After I let her in the gates we had to get the layout down. There was a table for breakfast, a table for dinner, two sinks to brush our teeth in (I decided she could use a chair as it's more her height and I took another table), the floor were the beds and the cast iron chair in the corner by the door would be the throne.
I told her I though she would make the better princess and she agreed. There was no story here. We mostly just ate and brushed our teeth. At one point a monster started making some noise in the corner and we investigated. He was trying to scare her so I pulled her aside and told her to shake her fist and say "YOU DON'T SCARE ME, MONSTER". Thankfully, this worked. After we told the monster that we weren't scared I suggested that we open dialogue with him and try to work this out. He was lonely and I told my little buddy that we should probably teach him how to say that he wants to play in a nice way so he doesn't scare people if he's sad and want's friends. We taught him how to high five, though I really don't know if he had hands or not, and how to smile. It was fun. My first instinct was to un-sheath my pen kept tight to my bosom on the collar of my shirt and slay this horrible beast... I thought that for about 2.5 seconds when I realized thats probably not what I need to be showing a kid. I figured talking out our differences would be the best solution, and after all, if the monster didn't comply I still had my pen and could end his life quickly. I don't want to get all hippy dippy about not killing monsters and talking it out as a metaphor for what we could be teaching kids but, ya know, read into it as you will.
After we were done playing we said our goodbyes and I spent the rest of the evening talking about the prospect of a show space in Greensburg and what it would take and who would go and bla bla bla bla. This has been talked to death endless times. Throw in some shit about the new terminator movie and a friend selling his awesome bass guitar and that's the end of the road for me.
I'm back here, like I said, waiting for jello to cool. I'm restless and am going to do much pushups to burn myself out. I am reading F Scott Fitzgerald's "Tender is the Night" and I like it so far. FSF is a great writer and it's nice to read some fiction for once instead of trying to cram facts into my brain. One could liken my brain and knowledge to a stone trying to soak up water. In the famous words of Mr. M Tracy "It ain't happenin' brother,"...
She told me what the secret word was that SHE had to say before I could let her in. It's the name of the artist whom her parent's gallery is filled with pieces from. Good call. Password strength:excellent. After I let her in the gates we had to get the layout down. There was a table for breakfast, a table for dinner, two sinks to brush our teeth in (I decided she could use a chair as it's more her height and I took another table), the floor were the beds and the cast iron chair in the corner by the door would be the throne.
I told her I though she would make the better princess and she agreed. There was no story here. We mostly just ate and brushed our teeth. At one point a monster started making some noise in the corner and we investigated. He was trying to scare her so I pulled her aside and told her to shake her fist and say "YOU DON'T SCARE ME, MONSTER". Thankfully, this worked. After we told the monster that we weren't scared I suggested that we open dialogue with him and try to work this out. He was lonely and I told my little buddy that we should probably teach him how to say that he wants to play in a nice way so he doesn't scare people if he's sad and want's friends. We taught him how to high five, though I really don't know if he had hands or not, and how to smile. It was fun. My first instinct was to un-sheath my pen kept tight to my bosom on the collar of my shirt and slay this horrible beast... I thought that for about 2.5 seconds when I realized thats probably not what I need to be showing a kid. I figured talking out our differences would be the best solution, and after all, if the monster didn't comply I still had my pen and could end his life quickly. I don't want to get all hippy dippy about not killing monsters and talking it out as a metaphor for what we could be teaching kids but, ya know, read into it as you will.
After we were done playing we said our goodbyes and I spent the rest of the evening talking about the prospect of a show space in Greensburg and what it would take and who would go and bla bla bla bla. This has been talked to death endless times. Throw in some shit about the new terminator movie and a friend selling his awesome bass guitar and that's the end of the road for me.
I'm back here, like I said, waiting for jello to cool. I'm restless and am going to do much pushups to burn myself out. I am reading F Scott Fitzgerald's "Tender is the Night" and I like it so far. FSF is a great writer and it's nice to read some fiction for once instead of trying to cram facts into my brain. One could liken my brain and knowledge to a stone trying to soak up water. In the famous words of Mr. M Tracy "It ain't happenin' brother,"...
4.25.09 0054. Sore and awake. Came home from work and hit the gym tonight. Feels really good to be back at it. Tightening up the diet too. I don't know why I never ate Jello but it's really good and barely has anything in it so it's a nice nighttime snack. It's got some sugar but at least it's real sugar and not some bullshit HFCS. Fuck that. I'm sure the Corn Growers Association would have something to say about it... I think they actually did... Some stupid commercial campaign to make people who know that high fructose corn syrup is not something that your body needs seem like morons when confronted with the question "Well why is it bad,". Fuck these cowards. I can't believe that this shit is allowed to be in food and that we subsidize products like corn when we could be subsidizing organic shit or... I don't know... Spinach. Whatever. I don't have the time for this tonight...
The rain was cool tonight. DW and I walked to the gas station because he wanted to get something to drink and I wanted to get out of the house for a second. I haven't walked around in the heat/rain for a long time. I'm not some hippy that wants to splash in puddles and get my dreadlocks wet but I'd be lying if I said it wasn't kinda cool to be out there when it's coming down. It's whatever you make of it. I accept that I'll be soaked and smelly when I get home and then it instantly becomes okay and I'm not so worried about keeping my shirt dry for some reason... I can just take it off when I get inside, right?
I found out that my friend is having a chapbook printed this summer and I'll be supporting her at a reading. That means I need to get some new material. That's good thought because a new book is in the works for me too. It's good to do productive things. It's all I have, really, to keep me from driving myself crazy...
I mailed out much mail last week and hope to get some in return this week. At the very least I ordered some records and books from amazon and those should get here soon. Some of which is more CD's from this chick Julie Doiron who fucking rocks. I'm still listening to her new album "I can wonder what you did with your day" This song the second track from that album and it fucking rocks. This girl knows how to work a guitar. The tone is amazing and the minimalist playing kills my heart slowly. Check this out... Watch her fucking wail on the thing at 3:18.
The rain was cool tonight. DW and I walked to the gas station because he wanted to get something to drink and I wanted to get out of the house for a second. I haven't walked around in the heat/rain for a long time. I'm not some hippy that wants to splash in puddles and get my dreadlocks wet but I'd be lying if I said it wasn't kinda cool to be out there when it's coming down. It's whatever you make of it. I accept that I'll be soaked and smelly when I get home and then it instantly becomes okay and I'm not so worried about keeping my shirt dry for some reason... I can just take it off when I get inside, right?
I found out that my friend is having a chapbook printed this summer and I'll be supporting her at a reading. That means I need to get some new material. That's good thought because a new book is in the works for me too. It's good to do productive things. It's all I have, really, to keep me from driving myself crazy...
I mailed out much mail last week and hope to get some in return this week. At the very least I ordered some records and books from amazon and those should get here soon. Some of which is more CD's from this chick Julie Doiron who fucking rocks. I'm still listening to her new album "I can wonder what you did with your day" This song the second track from that album and it fucking rocks. This girl knows how to work a guitar. The tone is amazing and the minimalist playing kills my heart slowly. Check this out... Watch her fucking wail on the thing at 3:18.
4.26.09. 0127. Tonight was a very real reminder of the months to come. This restlessness and anxiety always comes with the spring and summer seasons. It's like clockwork. I spent a lot of the night just walking around my town. Anything to not be in my room tonight. I can't be the only one who gets that feeling of impending doom when they come home to an empty house and can't muster up the attention to read or listen to music. It's not like I want to be around someone or anything and it's not like the house is any different than when I left in the morning but on hot nights like these it almost feels like a prison cell.
After work and grabbing something I came home and passed out for about an hour. I don't know why on earth I was so tired or when exactly it happened. I remember at a point, sitting on my couch, but then I woke up an hour later on my floor with a shirt crumpled up under my head for a pillow. I was sweating and the clothes that I had on were soaked. I got up and headed straight out the door. I like taking walks but I just wanted to get out of the house this time. I like to smell the smells and hear the sounds of my little town. I like to see lights on and pretend that the homes are filled with happy families and playful dogs and well behaved children. A family or a life like that is nothing that I'd ever want but I hope that people who want that get it. I believe the statistics would prove otherwise though and I know it's not usually the case though as I have to listen to people fighting in the apartment building next door all summer long. I have to see little children crying on their porches while their parent's scream at them or eachother from inside the houses. My roommate and I hear explosions followed by people screaming "MY BABY! MY BABY!" ...Seriously.
I guess I just get overwhelmed. I think that there is just so much great shit out there in the world and I want to be apart of it so much. So much great stuff that it kind of puts me into a state of anxiety because I have trouble focusing and finding a direction to go in. Sometimes I can just read a book or sit at the computer and write. Sometimes I play guitar. Sometimes I can put Miles Davis' 'Kind of Blue' on and shut my eyes and pretend that I'm in another time and place. I really feel like I lack discipline sometimes and I know that everyone says "Don't be so hard on yourself" but what's the alternative. Become an overweight, under-stimulated couch potato? Fuck that shit.
This new year has been heavy for me. We finally finished the new tattoo shop and that's a huge relief... The big turning point in my life this year was this Mike Watt interview that I keep plugging and talking about. That dude has been my hero for a long time and I got to interview him on the phone. I had no idea what I was going to do with the interview once I got it but I eventually submitted it to SuicideGirls and they fucking published it. I mean... Me?!?! Published?!?! Talking to Watt I realized a lot of things, mainly because he was telling them to me, about how you just really have to stay inspired. You have to stay active and creative. You just have to or else you go stale! I feel like I'm always fighting the mediocrity and complacency inside of me and it is seriously an uphill battle. Those voices inside that say, "That's good enough" or "Fuck it, why even try," You know the ones I'm talking about. The shit that keeps you from kicking the ass that's out there to be kicked by every one of us. All of us have infinite potential and it tough to realize that sometimes. I do poetry readings when I can. I self published 3 or 4 fold 'n staple poem books. I've played in a few bands too but I did something that a lot more people than I ever thought possible are going to be exposed to and at this point it's still kind of surreal. And the real reason I did the interview was because I wanted to find a way for Mike to inspire people the way that dude has inspired me. His music is fucking killer but he's got the ethos to match. Talking to him I realized that I could really do anything I put my mind to. I mean he's the one that told me that so the proof is kind of in the pudding in this case. So that's the Watt thing.
It's late and... I don't know man, life is a trip sometimes. I have a job that I like, my work is published on a pretty popular website, I made an awesome new friends from a killer band who gives great suggestions on things to read/listen to (which is hard to find because we all have those friends who suggest things that you know off the bat would to end up in a box in your attic or on the free section of craigslist). This has been one of the most eventful and inspiring few months of my life and I still can shake these bad vibes sometimes. I always think of this shit in spring too! It never fails. So what's got me down right now? Maybe it's because my sleep will soon be irregular, staggered and hard to come by. Maybe it's because I feel like no matter how good I do at something, being a loser again is right around the corner. Maybe it's because I can't seem to be as productive as I'd like? This is why I need discipline and routine... And the summer is always the true test of how I'm holding up... The heat and sleepless nights don't let me slide. You either sink or swim, ya know? Fuck it man... Realize you did something good and move on to the next thing quickly...
After work and grabbing something I came home and passed out for about an hour. I don't know why on earth I was so tired or when exactly it happened. I remember at a point, sitting on my couch, but then I woke up an hour later on my floor with a shirt crumpled up under my head for a pillow. I was sweating and the clothes that I had on were soaked. I got up and headed straight out the door. I like taking walks but I just wanted to get out of the house this time. I like to smell the smells and hear the sounds of my little town. I like to see lights on and pretend that the homes are filled with happy families and playful dogs and well behaved children. A family or a life like that is nothing that I'd ever want but I hope that people who want that get it. I believe the statistics would prove otherwise though and I know it's not usually the case though as I have to listen to people fighting in the apartment building next door all summer long. I have to see little children crying on their porches while their parent's scream at them or eachother from inside the houses. My roommate and I hear explosions followed by people screaming "MY BABY! MY BABY!" ...Seriously.
I guess I just get overwhelmed. I think that there is just so much great shit out there in the world and I want to be apart of it so much. So much great stuff that it kind of puts me into a state of anxiety because I have trouble focusing and finding a direction to go in. Sometimes I can just read a book or sit at the computer and write. Sometimes I play guitar. Sometimes I can put Miles Davis' 'Kind of Blue' on and shut my eyes and pretend that I'm in another time and place. I really feel like I lack discipline sometimes and I know that everyone says "Don't be so hard on yourself" but what's the alternative. Become an overweight, under-stimulated couch potato? Fuck that shit.
This new year has been heavy for me. We finally finished the new tattoo shop and that's a huge relief... The big turning point in my life this year was this Mike Watt interview that I keep plugging and talking about. That dude has been my hero for a long time and I got to interview him on the phone. I had no idea what I was going to do with the interview once I got it but I eventually submitted it to SuicideGirls and they fucking published it. I mean... Me?!?! Published?!?! Talking to Watt I realized a lot of things, mainly because he was telling them to me, about how you just really have to stay inspired. You have to stay active and creative. You just have to or else you go stale! I feel like I'm always fighting the mediocrity and complacency inside of me and it is seriously an uphill battle. Those voices inside that say, "That's good enough" or "Fuck it, why even try," You know the ones I'm talking about. The shit that keeps you from kicking the ass that's out there to be kicked by every one of us. All of us have infinite potential and it tough to realize that sometimes. I do poetry readings when I can. I self published 3 or 4 fold 'n staple poem books. I've played in a few bands too but I did something that a lot more people than I ever thought possible are going to be exposed to and at this point it's still kind of surreal. And the real reason I did the interview was because I wanted to find a way for Mike to inspire people the way that dude has inspired me. His music is fucking killer but he's got the ethos to match. Talking to him I realized that I could really do anything I put my mind to. I mean he's the one that told me that so the proof is kind of in the pudding in this case. So that's the Watt thing.
It's late and... I don't know man, life is a trip sometimes. I have a job that I like, my work is published on a pretty popular website, I made an awesome new friends from a killer band who gives great suggestions on things to read/listen to (which is hard to find because we all have those friends who suggest things that you know off the bat would to end up in a box in your attic or on the free section of craigslist). This has been one of the most eventful and inspiring few months of my life and I still can shake these bad vibes sometimes. I always think of this shit in spring too! It never fails. So what's got me down right now? Maybe it's because my sleep will soon be irregular, staggered and hard to come by. Maybe it's because I feel like no matter how good I do at something, being a loser again is right around the corner. Maybe it's because I can't seem to be as productive as I'd like? This is why I need discipline and routine... And the summer is always the true test of how I'm holding up... The heat and sleepless nights don't let me slide. You either sink or swim, ya know? Fuck it man... Realize you did something good and move on to the next thing quickly...
4.25.09 0116. It's hot in here. It's not usually hot in here. It got up to eighty degrees today and it reminded me of what's to come soon. Endless nights spent sweating in my bed wishing I could do something to fall asleep. I've tried sleeping pills before but they seem to just make me more spaced in the morning than help me get a good nights rest. Sleep is different than rest and I'd rather not take pills and not get rest than to take pills and still not get rest...
Right now I'm digging hard on this album by Julie Doiron called "I can wonder what you did with your day". It's really good. It's the most recent of hers and the only one I could find on LP right away so I bought it. A friend of mine suggested her to me and I'm really happy about it. I don't remember what else I ordered of hers but I looked on wikipedia to see what was early and tried to get some of that too. I love new music!
Speaking of music... Tonight I saw the legendary Buddy Guy at the Palace Theater in Greensburg. He fucking killed out there. At one point he was walking around the seats and up in the balcony cocky as all hell and tearing his guitar to shreds. It was AMAZING. He said some pretty cool stuff about being cool to each other and just trying to be nice. He also briefly touched on the fact that good music isn't all over the radio anymore. My theory is that the ratio is fucked in that there's good music out there but so much bad (yet marketable) stuff that the good stuff usually gets pushed aside.
My shoulders and neck are really sore from who knows what and I know I won't get to sleep any time soon. I'm gonna finish this album again (I'm on listen #3) and then maybe watch some tv to slow my brain a little. I thought about mailing my friend a package but I'm gonna wait til the morning and do that. I love getting and receiving REAL mail. Nothing makes your day like a good letter. I have saved every letter that I was ever sent and keep them in a box somewhere. I like the idea of having records but I try to not look at them. It's a real bummer to think about how things used to be... Don't get me wrong though, I have a lot going for me now but it's just too heavy of a trip sometimes to open those things up. I'm not even talking about ones from old flames or any bullshit like that. Even just from old friends... I wonder if people have kept anything that I've ever sent them? I'd like to, lets say every 5 years, have some sort of mailing extravaganza where everyone would photocopy old letters that they've been sent and mail them back to the original sender. "Here Chris, remember how much you used to fucking whine about everything..." Ha!
Usually I am on point but tonight I feel a real lack of purpose... I want to be playing music out but without a car right now that's kinda fucked. I also need to be writing more but have been letting myself slack. I think I'm going to start organizing a new chapbook which will keep me busy and productive.
Fuck... I just realized that I forgot to eat tonight. Where is my brain today...?
Right now I'm digging hard on this album by Julie Doiron called "I can wonder what you did with your day". It's really good. It's the most recent of hers and the only one I could find on LP right away so I bought it. A friend of mine suggested her to me and I'm really happy about it. I don't remember what else I ordered of hers but I looked on wikipedia to see what was early and tried to get some of that too. I love new music!
Speaking of music... Tonight I saw the legendary Buddy Guy at the Palace Theater in Greensburg. He fucking killed out there. At one point he was walking around the seats and up in the balcony cocky as all hell and tearing his guitar to shreds. It was AMAZING. He said some pretty cool stuff about being cool to each other and just trying to be nice. He also briefly touched on the fact that good music isn't all over the radio anymore. My theory is that the ratio is fucked in that there's good music out there but so much bad (yet marketable) stuff that the good stuff usually gets pushed aside.
My shoulders and neck are really sore from who knows what and I know I won't get to sleep any time soon. I'm gonna finish this album again (I'm on listen #3) and then maybe watch some tv to slow my brain a little. I thought about mailing my friend a package but I'm gonna wait til the morning and do that. I love getting and receiving REAL mail. Nothing makes your day like a good letter. I have saved every letter that I was ever sent and keep them in a box somewhere. I like the idea of having records but I try to not look at them. It's a real bummer to think about how things used to be... Don't get me wrong though, I have a lot going for me now but it's just too heavy of a trip sometimes to open those things up. I'm not even talking about ones from old flames or any bullshit like that. Even just from old friends... I wonder if people have kept anything that I've ever sent them? I'd like to, lets say every 5 years, have some sort of mailing extravaganza where everyone would photocopy old letters that they've been sent and mail them back to the original sender. "Here Chris, remember how much you used to fucking whine about everything..." Ha!
Usually I am on point but tonight I feel a real lack of purpose... I want to be playing music out but without a car right now that's kinda fucked. I also need to be writing more but have been letting myself slack. I think I'm going to start organizing a new chapbook which will keep me busy and productive.
Fuck... I just realized that I forgot to eat tonight. Where is my brain today...?
4.24.09 0847. Woke up before the alarm at 6:50am. I went to bed kind of late and I have no idea how I wake up that early. It's hard on the brain sometimes because it makes the days seem to last forever.
It's warm and beautiful here in Greensburg. For a while there you could hear thunder too and that's great.
Working on an article to post on Monday, hopefully...
I know that I have posted this video before but it's fucking amazing. Mark Lanegan singing with the Soulsavers. The song is called Revival and it's just heartbreaking...
It's warm and beautiful here in Greensburg. For a while there you could hear thunder too and that's great.
Working on an article to post on Monday, hopefully...
I know that I have posted this video before but it's fucking amazing. Mark Lanegan singing with the Soulsavers. The song is called Revival and it's just heartbreaking...
4.23.09 2245. My stomach is still killing me and my neck is sore from
sitting at this computer making a myspace for my shameless self promotion.
I'm listening to the Dirty Three's 'Cinder' album and it's great. There is
a song on there called "Great Waves" and it features Chan Marshall of Cat
Power singing. It is fucking incredible. I think that's actually how I
found out about Cat Power...The first time I listened to this record I had
my record player set to play 45's instead of a 12'' and I just remembered
thinking "This seems totally out of character... even for the Dirty Three."
I didn't realize it until I got to the track with her singing. I must have
been totally spaced out or something.
sitting at this computer making a myspace for my shameless self promotion.
I'm listening to the Dirty Three's 'Cinder' album and it's great. There is
a song on there called "Great Waves" and it features Chan Marshall of Cat
Power singing. It is fucking incredible. I think that's actually how I
found out about Cat Power...The first time I listened to this record I had
my record player set to play 45's instead of a 12'' and I just remembered
thinking "This seems totally out of character... even for the Dirty Three."
I didn't realize it until I got to the track with her singing. I must have
been totally spaced out or something.
4.23.09 0837. I really do not understand this weather here. It's not getting abouve 54 degrees today but tomorrow it's going to be 80! Gotta love southwestern Pennsylvania!!!
SO! Here I am on SuicideGirls. The Mike Watt Interview that I is going up on Saturday as far as I know. Be sure to check it out. Talking with that man was probably the high point of my life up til then. I have never talked to anyone so forward driving and inspiring and so hellbent on young people staying creative! He had a lot of good things to say and he drops a line from Walt Whitman's 'Leaves of Grass' which if you don't have I suggest reading. I honestly prefer the later editions to the original... It's a little more user friendly as far as comprehending what he's saying goes (at least to me)
It's great to be writing on here and I am promising that I will not do you wrong, my friends. I am in constant fear of remaining stagnant and always afraid of getting a little too much time to myself because I know the places that your mind will take you in that situation.
Right now my stomach is killing me and coffee doesn't seem like a logical remedy but I know different. My stomach hasn't felt right since I got back from my trip. It could have something to do with the fact that while I was in Philadelphia (read my journal entries that I've posted on April 22) I ate at a place that gets referred to as "Dirty Wok". I honestly couldn't tell you the places real name. That is of little consequence though, as in my heart it will live on as Dirty Wok.
I'd like to offer up something to think about today while you're trying to sleep in the bathroom at work or taking a 2 hour long lunch and pretending that you just forgot to clock out because no one really knows when you left (remember, let people know that you're 'going to the bathroom' before you try anything sneaky. It's confusing and no one knows when you really split)
This was what my roommate brought up to me two days ago: America requires that you file paperwork to own a dog. With certain breeds they even inspect your house and make sure that you have enough square footage and that your income is sufficient... The thing to thing about is this... You need to do paperwork to own a dog, but people are allowed to pop out babies without discretion. Hmm...?
SO! Here I am on SuicideGirls. The Mike Watt Interview that I is going up on Saturday as far as I know. Be sure to check it out. Talking with that man was probably the high point of my life up til then. I have never talked to anyone so forward driving and inspiring and so hellbent on young people staying creative! He had a lot of good things to say and he drops a line from Walt Whitman's 'Leaves of Grass' which if you don't have I suggest reading. I honestly prefer the later editions to the original... It's a little more user friendly as far as comprehending what he's saying goes (at least to me)
It's great to be writing on here and I am promising that I will not do you wrong, my friends. I am in constant fear of remaining stagnant and always afraid of getting a little too much time to myself because I know the places that your mind will take you in that situation.
Right now my stomach is killing me and coffee doesn't seem like a logical remedy but I know different. My stomach hasn't felt right since I got back from my trip. It could have something to do with the fact that while I was in Philadelphia (read my journal entries that I've posted on April 22) I ate at a place that gets referred to as "Dirty Wok". I honestly couldn't tell you the places real name. That is of little consequence though, as in my heart it will live on as Dirty Wok.
I'd like to offer up something to think about today while you're trying to sleep in the bathroom at work or taking a 2 hour long lunch and pretending that you just forgot to clock out because no one really knows when you left (remember, let people know that you're 'going to the bathroom' before you try anything sneaky. It's confusing and no one knows when you really split)
This was what my roommate brought up to me two days ago: America requires that you file paperwork to own a dog. With certain breeds they even inspect your house and make sure that you have enough square footage and that your income is sufficient... The thing to thing about is this... You need to do paperwork to own a dog, but people are allowed to pop out babies without discretion. Hmm...?
4.23.09. 0130. This is me trying to see if the mobile blog thing works.
Over and out.
ChrisG
Over and out.
ChrisG
Journal Transcription From Philly Trip.
4.22.09 Right now it's 0942 and I'm drinking coffee and getting ready to mail a friend some things. Here's how Philadelphia went down...
4.16.09. 0811. On the train. An Horse show is tonight and I'm excited. They crush. Right now I'm stuck in a shitty seat on the train with very little window to look out of.
1105. Woke up from some sort of staggered half-sleep. Some of the people around me are different and I don't remember anything about it. To the back and right of me is an icy older woman who reminds me of what a girl I used to talk to will look like in 20 years. She has on a skirt with stockings and high boots.
1722. This city really makes me feel like and alien sometimes. It took me a good while to find the M Room where the band is playing. I saw the Poe House and got to hang out in a cool park with a carousel for a little bit. Right now I'm sitting a block away eating goldfish crackers and drinking a Coke. I've got hours to kill before the show. It's really nice to sit here in the shade but I feel really lonely and like I wish someone was just here to talk with me. Honestly though, I'll come out stronger if I just sit here and deal with it... I wish there was a place to get a cup of coffee around here.
4.17.09. 0930. After I got off the train yesterday I spent most of my time reading and walking. At one point I had a bad spell of anxiety about something and just wanted to leave. These feelings are good though because if you just ride them out and don't give in you come out a lot stronger on the other side. It's hard sometimes though. A little before the show I found a joint that sold coffee and ended up hanging out there for a little bit. The two people working there were cool and we talked for a little while. We hung out outside for a while and this dude, Alex, could really skateboard. No bullshit. I read about half of Henry Miller's Black Spring yesterday.
Kate from An Horse found me and we talked for a good bit while the first band was on. I met her in pGH after a show and recently interviewed her in hopes to get it on SG. She wrote down some books that I'm going to order when I get back home. I told her I'd mail her some Nick Cave lectures that I have on cd. We talked about relationships for a while at one point and she said something I hope I never forget... "I went to a great private school because my dad was a divorce lawyer." HA! Right on!
Their set was crushing. Fast and short. After they played I was really tired and told Kate that I was gonna head home so we said our goodbyes and I was out the door. I love to talk to transient people with many things going on. They're always the most interesting.
Later once I was in West I met a bunch of people at a karaoke night thing and it was hilarious and great to catch up with them.
Today I popped at eight bells and had coffee and oatmeal with CC who is putting me up for the trip. Talked to JG too. I haven't seen him in years?
The whole train ride here I thought about the possibility of moving back here. There is much more 'to do' and many motivated people. The best thing about this place is the people. Period. My friends and my friends friends are so welcoming and it feels good. Something about this place gives me anxiety though...
1250. Back at Catherine st. Grabbed a tofu hoagie and read at the part for a while. I'm tired. Time for pushups and a shower.
1851. Took a big sleep then met ES at the Satellite. Got coffee and a wrap. After that I walked to DA's and watched his band the Blacks and Blues record. [I took pictures and will post them] Back at Catherine again now. Everyone left. I feel really depressed and anxious for no reason. I feel okay when someone is around but being alone in this apartment is a bummer for some reason. Time for more pushups...
I am really really looking forward to breakfast at AG's tomorrow. She's a cool chick and I wish I knew her better. There is also some Earth Day thing at Clark Park which PS's sister will be selling shirts at. I haven't seen here in about three years. Right now I'm thinking about 4-seed cookies and how this city is killing me slowly right now without rhyme or reason. I hope I make it til Monday.
4.18.09. 0737. Popped at seven today. I feel very rested in spite of crazy people screaming outside of the window all night.
Last night I ate at Dock st. with KBO and her boyfriend. The food was delicious. We got a Sicilian pizza and some sweet potato french fries with leeks. So good! I came back to Catherine and JG came home soon after. We stayed up talking about art while listening to Cat Stevens. Today is breakfast at AG's and the market. I'm feeling good...
0817. I don't know if it was planned because I'm in town but there will be a breakfast at AG's today. She's a good artist and I need to remember to buy something from her while I'm here. Sometimes I wonder if I'm the only person up at seven on their day off...
4.19.09. 0828. Yesterday was eventful! Went to AG's for breakfast and it was un-fucking-believable. We hit the farmers market a little before and it was way cool. Breakfast consisted of some french toast with some crazy banana stuff on top of it. I can't explain it but it was amazing. Bought a shirt off of P's sister. I know she used to work for Ecko and Victoria's Secret but now she's doing design herself and it seems to be going well.
After breakfast I rode with CC to Eastern Penitentiary and her boyfriend took us on a tour. That place is amazing but the coolest part is that Steve Buscemi narrates the audio tour. Ha! I bought a book about the place that C's boyfriend wrote. He knows everything about this place. After that we went and got salsa fixings and sausage to grill for a party at P's sisters. The food was great and the people were incredible. These cats out here make me really feel loved. AG and P and I made up the worst jokes ever and it was HILARIOUS!
Got back to Catherine around 10 or 11pm and sat outside and talked for a while. Everyone split at one point so A and I got ice cream cones and walked around West. It was great. The houses at night in this city fill me with some feeling I could never explain. To just walk around and look at lights and the trees and smell the smells of this place was wonderful. A is beautiful and hilarious and walking around with her made me remember what it is about that people dig about being in a relationship. That feeling of everything just being right. I don't know how much I trust that feeling but I'd be lying if I said it wasn't really nice to hang out with a female and eat ice cream. I'm actually meeting her for coffee soon.
I've been thinking about the idea of being 'emotionally underfed'. Basically not letting people in too far and keeping things at a safe distance all the time. I think it kind of keeps you sharper and clear minded. Think of it like ice cream. It's great but too much and it ends up not being so good for you. I don't know what the fuck I'm talking about...
1522. Took a nap and walked to the Satellite to grab coffee. The girl at the counter saw my left thumb and said "Aw! A little Black Flag Tattoo, that's so cute!". I showed her the cup on my other thumb. It was funny but of little consequence.
Earlier today I grabbed coffee with A. She is a riot and hanging with her is good. Right now I'm at Catherine listening to Black Sabbath. Best band ever?
Sometimes I think about trying to talk to a girl but I think it's better that I don't. I just don't trust it anymore. I guess I'm afraid of embarrassing myself. A lot of these feelings are good to keep inside. At least no one can fuck with them there. It's hard to tell what's what anyhow. If you're caught up or if you've fully realized something.
4.20.09. 1123. At 30th st. Station right now. Have an hour or so to kill until my train leaves. Last night was a great last night in town. I didn't hit the bed til about 4 but I was up at 7. Go figure. Visiting this city was great and I'm glad the first day or two had me anxious and bummed. I rode it out and this ended up being an amazing trip. Kind of an uneventful 'Last Day Here' entry. Fuck it...
4.22.09 Right now it's 0942 and I'm drinking coffee and getting ready to mail a friend some things. Here's how Philadelphia went down...
4.16.09. 0811. On the train. An Horse show is tonight and I'm excited. They crush. Right now I'm stuck in a shitty seat on the train with very little window to look out of.
1105. Woke up from some sort of staggered half-sleep. Some of the people around me are different and I don't remember anything about it. To the back and right of me is an icy older woman who reminds me of what a girl I used to talk to will look like in 20 years. She has on a skirt with stockings and high boots.
1722. This city really makes me feel like and alien sometimes. It took me a good while to find the M Room where the band is playing. I saw the Poe House and got to hang out in a cool park with a carousel for a little bit. Right now I'm sitting a block away eating goldfish crackers and drinking a Coke. I've got hours to kill before the show. It's really nice to sit here in the shade but I feel really lonely and like I wish someone was just here to talk with me. Honestly though, I'll come out stronger if I just sit here and deal with it... I wish there was a place to get a cup of coffee around here.
4.17.09. 0930. After I got off the train yesterday I spent most of my time reading and walking. At one point I had a bad spell of anxiety about something and just wanted to leave. These feelings are good though because if you just ride them out and don't give in you come out a lot stronger on the other side. It's hard sometimes though. A little before the show I found a joint that sold coffee and ended up hanging out there for a little bit. The two people working there were cool and we talked for a little while. We hung out outside for a while and this dude, Alex, could really skateboard. No bullshit. I read about half of Henry Miller's Black Spring yesterday.
Kate from An Horse found me and we talked for a good bit while the first band was on. I met her in pGH after a show and recently interviewed her in hopes to get it on SG. She wrote down some books that I'm going to order when I get back home. I told her I'd mail her some Nick Cave lectures that I have on cd. We talked about relationships for a while at one point and she said something I hope I never forget... "I went to a great private school because my dad was a divorce lawyer." HA! Right on!
Their set was crushing. Fast and short. After they played I was really tired and told Kate that I was gonna head home so we said our goodbyes and I was out the door. I love to talk to transient people with many things going on. They're always the most interesting.
Later once I was in West I met a bunch of people at a karaoke night thing and it was hilarious and great to catch up with them.
Today I popped at eight bells and had coffee and oatmeal with CC who is putting me up for the trip. Talked to JG too. I haven't seen him in years?
The whole train ride here I thought about the possibility of moving back here. There is much more 'to do' and many motivated people. The best thing about this place is the people. Period. My friends and my friends friends are so welcoming and it feels good. Something about this place gives me anxiety though...
1250. Back at Catherine st. Grabbed a tofu hoagie and read at the part for a while. I'm tired. Time for pushups and a shower.
1851. Took a big sleep then met ES at the Satellite. Got coffee and a wrap. After that I walked to DA's and watched his band the Blacks and Blues record. [I took pictures and will post them] Back at Catherine again now. Everyone left. I feel really depressed and anxious for no reason. I feel okay when someone is around but being alone in this apartment is a bummer for some reason. Time for more pushups...
I am really really looking forward to breakfast at AG's tomorrow. She's a cool chick and I wish I knew her better. There is also some Earth Day thing at Clark Park which PS's sister will be selling shirts at. I haven't seen here in about three years. Right now I'm thinking about 4-seed cookies and how this city is killing me slowly right now without rhyme or reason. I hope I make it til Monday.
4.18.09. 0737. Popped at seven today. I feel very rested in spite of crazy people screaming outside of the window all night.
Last night I ate at Dock st. with KBO and her boyfriend. The food was delicious. We got a Sicilian pizza and some sweet potato french fries with leeks. So good! I came back to Catherine and JG came home soon after. We stayed up talking about art while listening to Cat Stevens. Today is breakfast at AG's and the market. I'm feeling good...
0817. I don't know if it was planned because I'm in town but there will be a breakfast at AG's today. She's a good artist and I need to remember to buy something from her while I'm here. Sometimes I wonder if I'm the only person up at seven on their day off...
4.19.09. 0828. Yesterday was eventful! Went to AG's for breakfast and it was un-fucking-believable. We hit the farmers market a little before and it was way cool. Breakfast consisted of some french toast with some crazy banana stuff on top of it. I can't explain it but it was amazing. Bought a shirt off of P's sister. I know she used to work for Ecko and Victoria's Secret but now she's doing design herself and it seems to be going well.
After breakfast I rode with CC to Eastern Penitentiary and her boyfriend took us on a tour. That place is amazing but the coolest part is that Steve Buscemi narrates the audio tour. Ha! I bought a book about the place that C's boyfriend wrote. He knows everything about this place. After that we went and got salsa fixings and sausage to grill for a party at P's sisters. The food was great and the people were incredible. These cats out here make me really feel loved. AG and P and I made up the worst jokes ever and it was HILARIOUS!
Got back to Catherine around 10 or 11pm and sat outside and talked for a while. Everyone split at one point so A and I got ice cream cones and walked around West. It was great. The houses at night in this city fill me with some feeling I could never explain. To just walk around and look at lights and the trees and smell the smells of this place was wonderful. A is beautiful and hilarious and walking around with her made me remember what it is about that people dig about being in a relationship. That feeling of everything just being right. I don't know how much I trust that feeling but I'd be lying if I said it wasn't really nice to hang out with a female and eat ice cream. I'm actually meeting her for coffee soon.
I've been thinking about the idea of being 'emotionally underfed'. Basically not letting people in too far and keeping things at a safe distance all the time. I think it kind of keeps you sharper and clear minded. Think of it like ice cream. It's great but too much and it ends up not being so good for you. I don't know what the fuck I'm talking about...
1522. Took a nap and walked to the Satellite to grab coffee. The girl at the counter saw my left thumb and said "Aw! A little Black Flag Tattoo, that's so cute!". I showed her the cup on my other thumb. It was funny but of little consequence.
Earlier today I grabbed coffee with A. She is a riot and hanging with her is good. Right now I'm at Catherine listening to Black Sabbath. Best band ever?
Sometimes I think about trying to talk to a girl but I think it's better that I don't. I just don't trust it anymore. I guess I'm afraid of embarrassing myself. A lot of these feelings are good to keep inside. At least no one can fuck with them there. It's hard to tell what's what anyhow. If you're caught up or if you've fully realized something.
4.20.09. 1123. At 30th st. Station right now. Have an hour or so to kill until my train leaves. Last night was a great last night in town. I didn't hit the bed til about 4 but I was up at 7. Go figure. Visiting this city was great and I'm glad the first day or two had me anxious and bummed. I rode it out and this ended up being an amazing trip. Kind of an uneventful 'Last Day Here' entry. Fuck it...
