I have returned. Who knew a sausage breakfast sandwich, a banana, and a mini-bottle of Sunny D would put me in a mood to type again? Well, kids, I have a lot to talk about and I'm sure as hell that I'll forget a bit in my ramblings, but first thing's first, Happy belated Xmas and New Year! I don't care how late I am, you should know by now how sparse my blogs are.
I spent Christmas at home with the family. The usual annual family gathering at our church hall went off without a hitch. I almost didn't make it in time to play Santa for my nieces/nephews/younger cousins due to work and weather. Thankfully I showed up with a little help from one of the guys at work who lives downtown. Just my luck (Thanks, Jim, happy 60th bday!). I got almost everything I wanted for Jesus' birthday. Would have liked to have received a copy of Rosetta Stone, but knowing the price now, I'm glad the folks didn't splurge. Good choices with everything else, mom and dad. I do have to go replace my cross necklace, however. Stupid clasps not wanting to be durable enough to handle everyday wear...whatever, mom kept the receipt. Many thanks also to the crazy folks who partied with me the day after, you know who you are (especially Mike Bindie - I send you my blessings of a safe journey overseas. You're like my brother from another mother and I wish you all the best and that you make it home in one piece...we all do...Biscuits). More thanks to all my close friends who invited me to a kickass party on NYE at the Oyster Bar. Chronic Cure played a good show, the food was awesome and I had enough to drink to just barely feel it in the morning, but not wake up naked on my couch like last year. Fun times...
So, moving on, what else has been going on in my world? Oh, I had a stupid Trojan virus hit my computer where it hurts, my WoW. Yes, as I've stated on many occassions, I am a huge gamer dork and I make no apologies for it. I was extremely pissed when this thing wouldn't let me log in without crashing the game, much less play it. I was relieved when I found out what the problem was, but pissed when I couldn't figure out how to get rid of it. Enter Dan Helfer, a kid I graduated with who never got enough credit as a friend in my book. Sure he smells a bit, but he has a heart of gold, that and a cat who can't breathe properly, but Weezer's a cool little dude. Anyway, Dan and I haven't spoken to each other much since high school ended. He used to get on my nerves and all that, but over time, people change, and for him, it's been for the better. Last weekend started on Thursday for me, so I decided to go out to karaoke with my buddy Jody when I got home from work (may have to go with her again tonight if I'm home before 10:30...).
Anywho, she and I had a good time down Thunder Road that night (speaking of which, ToolShEd Jack there this Saturday), singing and drinking our respective issues away while acting like fools with microphones. We're there about an hour or so, and Dan shows up. He and I get to hanging out, exchanging numbers, and having a couple drinks over reminiscing about the old days of high school drama (literally, like Grease, Little Shop of Horrors, and Into the Woods). More drinks and more silly songs later, last call hits and Jody's heading home (great times, hon, much love) while Dan and I are heading into town with our friend Chris and his daughter Sherika (sp). Chris, you probably don't have access to this blog, however, you have got the best chili I have tasted in a long while, quite comparable to my dad's own, and I hope to see you this Saturday as well...that wine was awesome, too.
Well, I bring up Dan for the fact that the very next day, I'm hit with a phone call out of nowhere - Dan's got a dinner/movie date with a friend and he's setting me up with her. Well, I did have plans to go play Rock Band over Jody and Mya's, but I did owe him, plus this would be my first official blind date. I couldn't have been more of a bumbling fool getting ready. For the record, I hate my hair when I grow it out since mowhawks don't constitute as proper dress for first impressions. I had just managed to get my coif under control when Dan picked me up. I had originally dreaded going along with him since I didn't imagine he would be able to snag a cutie for a date, much less a cute friend for me. Damnitall, I was way wrong on that estimate. April (Dan's date) is a 21-year-old Air Force lady with the getup and haircut to accompany (obviously downplayed for the night), quite nice and my kinda party friend who knows how to rock out. Valerie (my date) is a 20-year-old student on hiatus from Alvernia who just recently moved back into the area (no lie, just a week ago) and could not have looked better. My God, a knockout in my book she was, she was.
We all decided to meet up at Ricky's in Minersville for Chinese food. Well, Dan and I arrive only for his only means of getting in touch with the girls craps out on him...stupid blackberries. We run into my uncle Brian and chat with him for a bit - he just leaving Ricky's with takeout as we're headed in - as Dan futily tries to fix his phone. We go in the restaurant and, as we're about to break our phones down to swap SIM cards, the girls finally show up. I'm just glad I didn't need to be blind for this date and my hair decided to stay calm the whole time. The girls were great company and we all seemed to get off on the right foot. Dan covered the meal and we left together to Hazleton.
Now, Dan and I enjoy the same music and the girls seemed to go in their own directions. April a rocker like us, but Val more of a hip-hop/rap enthusiast who only dabbles in rock here and there (definitely not an AC/DC fan, get me?) I can deal with that since I noticed her singing Matt Nathanson's "Come On, Get Higher" to herself as Dan fiddled around with the stations. Personally, with no blow to my masculinity, I love the song, and humming along with her, I kind of eased into talking to her more when she noticed I had joined in with her, the two of us smiling shyly.
Well, the movie (The Unborn) was sold out for the time we had intended due to ungodly large lines, but the girls were all for the later showing and we boys minded not. After I bought everyone's tickets, we headed over to the mall and rounded the stores before crashing into the arcade for almost an hour. I was stoked to see Revolution X for the first time in ages and started plugging my tokens away. I don't care if you don't know/don't like the game, fuck you then. I had spent plenty of cash on it in my youth. The girls had somehow managed, though, to suck us boys into a skee-ball marathon to use up the last of our tokens, and we graciously donated our tickets to the local riff-raff when the mall closed up. With an hour or so left to kill, we headed to the bowling alley to game some more. Over a few cigarettes, Val and I opened up a little more, understanding that under that shell (and my coat), she's hiding things in common with me. While she and I put in a few games at the pool table, Dan and April went at it in air hockey. Side-stories aside, we made it back to the theater in time to sneak snacks along with a bitchin' large cherry Coke and gummi bears, at my expense.
The movie would have been better if the scary parts made her jump to hide in my shoulder, but she seemed content enough to comment with me here and there...between texting on her phone. She couldn't put the damn thing down, texting so much, an usher had to yell at her once. It was funny since he left and she went right back to it. The movie itself was okay...kinda dragged but picked up for an enjoyable end.
The ride back was nice, with the girls talking to their respective dates a little more, making me realize that I still have no idea if I ought to pursue Val as something more than a friend. I do have to say that one clear drawback is that she isn't of-age yet, so no hanging out in a bar/club yet. Come August, this may change, but for right now, I'm just not sure about anything yet. She is still unbelievably good looking and she's incredibly intriguing to boot. Nonetheless, I hope to see Dan and April at T.R. Saturday, too. Oh yes, and thank you Dan for fixing my computer, getting back to that point, heh (told you I was a long-winded nut). Also, more thanks for letting me crash on your couch, Resident Evil: Degeneration was awesome...moreso with a few beers in you...
I guess the only other things to report with me are that I got my raise at work at the beginning of the month, and am spending the next few Fridays off with the vacation days I picked up, along with a visit to West Chester to visit many old friends of college yore. Also, maybe lastly, I'll finally be getting my car back next week. Yes, it fucking took them that long, but I don't care, I'm getting my Cobo back!
All I have left to say is that if you ever have a whole mess of things to get out of your system, holy shit, don't wait like I do and blog them sooner or you'll just end up with a big freakin' mess like this. Trust me.
I'll delve into my latest dreams about work, death, travel, and more next time...maybe...
Over and out, folks, now to prep for work. Ciao!
I spent Christmas at home with the family. The usual annual family gathering at our church hall went off without a hitch. I almost didn't make it in time to play Santa for my nieces/nephews/younger cousins due to work and weather. Thankfully I showed up with a little help from one of the guys at work who lives downtown. Just my luck (Thanks, Jim, happy 60th bday!). I got almost everything I wanted for Jesus' birthday. Would have liked to have received a copy of Rosetta Stone, but knowing the price now, I'm glad the folks didn't splurge. Good choices with everything else, mom and dad. I do have to go replace my cross necklace, however. Stupid clasps not wanting to be durable enough to handle everyday wear...whatever, mom kept the receipt. Many thanks also to the crazy folks who partied with me the day after, you know who you are (especially Mike Bindie - I send you my blessings of a safe journey overseas. You're like my brother from another mother and I wish you all the best and that you make it home in one piece...we all do...Biscuits). More thanks to all my close friends who invited me to a kickass party on NYE at the Oyster Bar. Chronic Cure played a good show, the food was awesome and I had enough to drink to just barely feel it in the morning, but not wake up naked on my couch like last year. Fun times...
So, moving on, what else has been going on in my world? Oh, I had a stupid Trojan virus hit my computer where it hurts, my WoW. Yes, as I've stated on many occassions, I am a huge gamer dork and I make no apologies for it. I was extremely pissed when this thing wouldn't let me log in without crashing the game, much less play it. I was relieved when I found out what the problem was, but pissed when I couldn't figure out how to get rid of it. Enter Dan Helfer, a kid I graduated with who never got enough credit as a friend in my book. Sure he smells a bit, but he has a heart of gold, that and a cat who can't breathe properly, but Weezer's a cool little dude. Anyway, Dan and I haven't spoken to each other much since high school ended. He used to get on my nerves and all that, but over time, people change, and for him, it's been for the better. Last weekend started on Thursday for me, so I decided to go out to karaoke with my buddy Jody when I got home from work (may have to go with her again tonight if I'm home before 10:30...).
Anywho, she and I had a good time down Thunder Road that night (speaking of which, ToolShEd Jack there this Saturday), singing and drinking our respective issues away while acting like fools with microphones. We're there about an hour or so, and Dan shows up. He and I get to hanging out, exchanging numbers, and having a couple drinks over reminiscing about the old days of high school drama (literally, like Grease, Little Shop of Horrors, and Into the Woods). More drinks and more silly songs later, last call hits and Jody's heading home (great times, hon, much love) while Dan and I are heading into town with our friend Chris and his daughter Sherika (sp). Chris, you probably don't have access to this blog, however, you have got the best chili I have tasted in a long while, quite comparable to my dad's own, and I hope to see you this Saturday as well...that wine was awesome, too.
Well, I bring up Dan for the fact that the very next day, I'm hit with a phone call out of nowhere - Dan's got a dinner/movie date with a friend and he's setting me up with her. Well, I did have plans to go play Rock Band over Jody and Mya's, but I did owe him, plus this would be my first official blind date. I couldn't have been more of a bumbling fool getting ready. For the record, I hate my hair when I grow it out since mowhawks don't constitute as proper dress for first impressions. I had just managed to get my coif under control when Dan picked me up. I had originally dreaded going along with him since I didn't imagine he would be able to snag a cutie for a date, much less a cute friend for me. Damnitall, I was way wrong on that estimate. April (Dan's date) is a 21-year-old Air Force lady with the getup and haircut to accompany (obviously downplayed for the night), quite nice and my kinda party friend who knows how to rock out. Valerie (my date) is a 20-year-old student on hiatus from Alvernia who just recently moved back into the area (no lie, just a week ago) and could not have looked better. My God, a knockout in my book she was, she was.
We all decided to meet up at Ricky's in Minersville for Chinese food. Well, Dan and I arrive only for his only means of getting in touch with the girls craps out on him...stupid blackberries. We run into my uncle Brian and chat with him for a bit - he just leaving Ricky's with takeout as we're headed in - as Dan futily tries to fix his phone. We go in the restaurant and, as we're about to break our phones down to swap SIM cards, the girls finally show up. I'm just glad I didn't need to be blind for this date and my hair decided to stay calm the whole time. The girls were great company and we all seemed to get off on the right foot. Dan covered the meal and we left together to Hazleton.
Now, Dan and I enjoy the same music and the girls seemed to go in their own directions. April a rocker like us, but Val more of a hip-hop/rap enthusiast who only dabbles in rock here and there (definitely not an AC/DC fan, get me?) I can deal with that since I noticed her singing Matt Nathanson's "Come On, Get Higher" to herself as Dan fiddled around with the stations. Personally, with no blow to my masculinity, I love the song, and humming along with her, I kind of eased into talking to her more when she noticed I had joined in with her, the two of us smiling shyly.
Well, the movie (The Unborn) was sold out for the time we had intended due to ungodly large lines, but the girls were all for the later showing and we boys minded not. After I bought everyone's tickets, we headed over to the mall and rounded the stores before crashing into the arcade for almost an hour. I was stoked to see Revolution X for the first time in ages and started plugging my tokens away. I don't care if you don't know/don't like the game, fuck you then. I had spent plenty of cash on it in my youth. The girls had somehow managed, though, to suck us boys into a skee-ball marathon to use up the last of our tokens, and we graciously donated our tickets to the local riff-raff when the mall closed up. With an hour or so left to kill, we headed to the bowling alley to game some more. Over a few cigarettes, Val and I opened up a little more, understanding that under that shell (and my coat), she's hiding things in common with me. While she and I put in a few games at the pool table, Dan and April went at it in air hockey. Side-stories aside, we made it back to the theater in time to sneak snacks along with a bitchin' large cherry Coke and gummi bears, at my expense.
The movie would have been better if the scary parts made her jump to hide in my shoulder, but she seemed content enough to comment with me here and there...between texting on her phone. She couldn't put the damn thing down, texting so much, an usher had to yell at her once. It was funny since he left and she went right back to it. The movie itself was okay...kinda dragged but picked up for an enjoyable end.
The ride back was nice, with the girls talking to their respective dates a little more, making me realize that I still have no idea if I ought to pursue Val as something more than a friend. I do have to say that one clear drawback is that she isn't of-age yet, so no hanging out in a bar/club yet. Come August, this may change, but for right now, I'm just not sure about anything yet. She is still unbelievably good looking and she's incredibly intriguing to boot. Nonetheless, I hope to see Dan and April at T.R. Saturday, too. Oh yes, and thank you Dan for fixing my computer, getting back to that point, heh (told you I was a long-winded nut). Also, more thanks for letting me crash on your couch, Resident Evil: Degeneration was awesome...moreso with a few beers in you...
I guess the only other things to report with me are that I got my raise at work at the beginning of the month, and am spending the next few Fridays off with the vacation days I picked up, along with a visit to West Chester to visit many old friends of college yore. Also, maybe lastly, I'll finally be getting my car back next week. Yes, it fucking took them that long, but I don't care, I'm getting my Cobo back!
All I have left to say is that if you ever have a whole mess of things to get out of your system, holy shit, don't wait like I do and blog them sooner or you'll just end up with a big freakin' mess like this. Trust me.
I'll delve into my latest dreams about work, death, travel, and more next time...maybe...
Over and out, folks, now to prep for work. Ciao!
Music is selling out like never before...
Well, it's true, damnit. Ozzy's popped up in two new commercials in the past month. One I noticed while I was playing World of Warcraft - as it happened to be a World of Warcraft commercial...the other one for Samsung's awesome text machine or whatthehellever. I still think Ozzy could bite Arthas' head off...
So we had a weird work week. Well, getting Friday off is not an all-too uncommon occurrence. However, working on a Sunday is a first for me at B!L. So it shall be weird...I clarify...and digress. We earned our Thanksgiving (or as the textheads call it, "Thxgvg") turkeys at work on Thursday. Makes working Sunday worth it, even if I only get to see the first hour of the Eagles game from the comfort of home. Not nearly enough time to fully enjoy the pummeling we're going to dole on the Ravens.
Car's still in the shop, but the mechanic, Myron, is working on it, so, I'm looking at about a week from Thxgvg to get it back. Much to be done. He and my dad know each other well. Though sinners may desire, patience is a virtue...and that is all on that subject.
Waiting on the holidays more often now. Then again, we're in the middle of the seasonal hat-trick. Halloween is dead (pun intended) and gone, Turkey Day and its wake of gluttony is around the bend, and I'm sick of throwing the damned trees for it at work, but Xmas I'm looking forward to. Thxgvg is more than likely going to be at my dad's aunt Cheryl's again. Kinda becoming tradition at this point. Nothing compared to the Ulicny Xmas Eve get-together at the hall. I may not be the religious type, but being at that church hall kinda gets me in the mood for going for the holiday. That, and the majority portion of the choir that sings prior to and during mass consists of my extended family. We heart singing, coming from a guy who's profile pic kinda proves just that.
More to say another day, auf wiedersehen!
Well, it's true, damnit. Ozzy's popped up in two new commercials in the past month. One I noticed while I was playing World of Warcraft - as it happened to be a World of Warcraft commercial...the other one for Samsung's awesome text machine or whatthehellever. I still think Ozzy could bite Arthas' head off...
So we had a weird work week. Well, getting Friday off is not an all-too uncommon occurrence. However, working on a Sunday is a first for me at B!L. So it shall be weird...I clarify...and digress. We earned our Thanksgiving (or as the textheads call it, "Thxgvg") turkeys at work on Thursday. Makes working Sunday worth it, even if I only get to see the first hour of the Eagles game from the comfort of home. Not nearly enough time to fully enjoy the pummeling we're going to dole on the Ravens.
Car's still in the shop, but the mechanic, Myron, is working on it, so, I'm looking at about a week from Thxgvg to get it back. Much to be done. He and my dad know each other well. Though sinners may desire, patience is a virtue...and that is all on that subject.
Waiting on the holidays more often now. Then again, we're in the middle of the seasonal hat-trick. Halloween is dead (pun intended) and gone, Turkey Day and its wake of gluttony is around the bend, and I'm sick of throwing the damned trees for it at work, but Xmas I'm looking forward to. Thxgvg is more than likely going to be at my dad's aunt Cheryl's again. Kinda becoming tradition at this point. Nothing compared to the Ulicny Xmas Eve get-together at the hall. I may not be the religious type, but being at that church hall kinda gets me in the mood for going for the holiday. That, and the majority portion of the choir that sings prior to and during mass consists of my extended family. We heart singing, coming from a guy who's profile pic kinda proves just that.
More to say another day, auf wiedersehen!
Ugh, how the hell can the Eagles game end in a tie? Oh well, no use bitching about it, at least we didn't lose to Cinci...well I'm here to bitch and moan usually, but since I got the football highlight of my week out of the way, I'm kinda looking forward to the rest of the week. Not going out Saturday and actually working Sunday, but whatever. Thxgvg is right around the corner, so I'll have to think of something to be thankful for besides paychecks and family. As for right now though, the only thing I have to ask is: who cares to join me for my shower? I need someone to wash my back...another week of quaint chaos is well underway. Later, gators! 
~Chiron
~Chiron
Okay, so somewhat sober in the head, and in need of venting again. Feeling a lot better than I did yesterday...
Left eyebrow is sore, my weekend to West Chester is shot, car's in the shop, gonna cost an arm and a leg, and my insurance policy is going to skyrocket, but everything happens for a reason, right? Why shouldn't I be calm about it? I'm taking the time to temporarily numb my senses, take it all in and digest what's going on in my life while simultaneously saying, "Fuck it. I'm gonna be fine."
Chin up, and just keep swimming.
(Yes, I do enjoy Charlotte's Web and Finding Nemo. They both are children's classics - old and new - with good moral themes...on the other end of my eclectic spectrum of film faves is Shaun of the Dead, soooo...)
It's late now and you should be watching [adult swim] with me...
I'm tired...
Little thoughts in little bursts...
Yeah, that's about it for now...
ZZZ...
Left eyebrow is sore, my weekend to West Chester is shot, car's in the shop, gonna cost an arm and a leg, and my insurance policy is going to skyrocket, but everything happens for a reason, right? Why shouldn't I be calm about it? I'm taking the time to temporarily numb my senses, take it all in and digest what's going on in my life while simultaneously saying, "Fuck it. I'm gonna be fine."
Chin up, and just keep swimming.
(Yes, I do enjoy Charlotte's Web and Finding Nemo. They both are children's classics - old and new - with good moral themes...on the other end of my eclectic spectrum of film faves is Shaun of the Dead, soooo...)
It's late now and you should be watching [adult swim] with me...
I'm tired...
Little thoughts in little bursts...
Yeah, that's about it for now...
ZZZ...
I made my dad cry tonight. It's not often something like that happens. Let's just say tonight was the worst night of my life. Now, in detail, everything was fine until after work.Work went about as okay as one could expect when one labors away on the shipping dock of a distribution center for a national retail chain. Today was also payday, so everything was on the up and up. I had just paid for a new car recently, and a new insurance policy to boot, along with a fine I'll be paying 'til next year, due to a DUI back in April, but that's besides the point. Like I said, everything was fine until after work.
Some of the guys on the dock and I hang out for a little bit after our shift, depending on my uncle, who is one of the supervisors in another section of the building (not mine). See, I carpool from home with him since it's a bit of a drive and gas prices are gas prices. Regardless, I had some time to waste while waiting for uncle Tom to do his paperwork and whatever else. One of the shipping guys needed a ride home, so I happily obliged since he only lived a few miles down the road - plenty of time to make it there and back again to pick my uncle up. I enjoy doing good deeds for people, but tonight should have thrown up a red flag in my face stating that my friend could just walk the hell home instead...
We turned out of the lot around 12:45 and made our way to his house, turning then onto a back road that I've familiarized myself with well over the coarse of the seven months I've been employed (speaking of which, today marks my seventh month there). Anyway, this road has some twists and turns, but nothing that I can't handle in my new '05 Chevy Cobalt. I had just purchased the car three weeks earlier and established my insurance policy the same day, mailing in the paperwork for all the etceteras today. On top of that, I'm freshly relicensed, so like I had said earlier, on the up and up...
12:50: Crash. Coming around one of the turns (at a proper speed, mind you), I hit a patch of wet road and wet leaves. Even with a new car, new tires can only help you so much. My back end fishtailed and we spun a clockwise 360 and then some down the road before the car ended up perpendicular to the road and somehow rolled back into a tree overlooking a good 25-30 foot drop. Honestly, if it wasn't for the tree, Brent and I probably would not be alive right now. The damned tree stopped us with so much force that the back windshield shattered, the corner of the car crumpled and a chunk of the trunk of the tree found itself embedded in my exhaust pipe.
Brent and I sat for a moment until the initial shock subsided. Then came the obscenities, then the millions of thoughts pouring through my head, like why the hell did it have to happen to me and why now? Of all the times (I was supposed to go visit a lot of my college friends near the campus itself, one girl in particular who I miss more than anything right now), why now? My weekend is absolutely shot, but that's the least of my worries. I'm honestly ready to just say fuck it and go rob a bank or something, because there's no amount of money or anything for that matter to make this all up to my dad. I feel the worst for him. I mean, I've been a shit of a son to him these past five years or so, and this is just like the icing on the multi-layered cake of mishaps I've put myself through, and him as well. Mom's never had any sage advice when approaching dad with issues like arrests, accidents, failed classes, and the list goes on. The poor guy can only handle so much before he loses his mind. I really think that after tonight, there's that line that I've crossed, that point of no return, and I don't think I'll ever be in his good graces again...and we had just really started bonding as step-father and son...
Wish in one hand, shit in the other, but I honestly wish that tonight never happened. I'm too stressed to care anymore about tomorrow, and I probably won't sleep, but I just don't care anymore. I'm ready for death, or - if God ever peruses my blog on a whim and decides on mercy - a miracle. Words can never justifiably express how sorry I am, dad, but one day, someday, somehow, I'll make it up to you. I just hope you'll still call me son when the time arrives...
I'd keep typing, but I'm just numb. I mean, I whacked my forehead on the steering wheel, but no bleeding anywhere, just a bump. However, emotionally, physically, and mentally, I'm drained to the point of collapse. I give up on today. Fuck.
Some of the guys on the dock and I hang out for a little bit after our shift, depending on my uncle, who is one of the supervisors in another section of the building (not mine). See, I carpool from home with him since it's a bit of a drive and gas prices are gas prices. Regardless, I had some time to waste while waiting for uncle Tom to do his paperwork and whatever else. One of the shipping guys needed a ride home, so I happily obliged since he only lived a few miles down the road - plenty of time to make it there and back again to pick my uncle up. I enjoy doing good deeds for people, but tonight should have thrown up a red flag in my face stating that my friend could just walk the hell home instead...
We turned out of the lot around 12:45 and made our way to his house, turning then onto a back road that I've familiarized myself with well over the coarse of the seven months I've been employed (speaking of which, today marks my seventh month there). Anyway, this road has some twists and turns, but nothing that I can't handle in my new '05 Chevy Cobalt. I had just purchased the car three weeks earlier and established my insurance policy the same day, mailing in the paperwork for all the etceteras today. On top of that, I'm freshly relicensed, so like I had said earlier, on the up and up...
12:50: Crash. Coming around one of the turns (at a proper speed, mind you), I hit a patch of wet road and wet leaves. Even with a new car, new tires can only help you so much. My back end fishtailed and we spun a clockwise 360 and then some down the road before the car ended up perpendicular to the road and somehow rolled back into a tree overlooking a good 25-30 foot drop. Honestly, if it wasn't for the tree, Brent and I probably would not be alive right now. The damned tree stopped us with so much force that the back windshield shattered, the corner of the car crumpled and a chunk of the trunk of the tree found itself embedded in my exhaust pipe.
Brent and I sat for a moment until the initial shock subsided. Then came the obscenities, then the millions of thoughts pouring through my head, like why the hell did it have to happen to me and why now? Of all the times (I was supposed to go visit a lot of my college friends near the campus itself, one girl in particular who I miss more than anything right now), why now? My weekend is absolutely shot, but that's the least of my worries. I'm honestly ready to just say fuck it and go rob a bank or something, because there's no amount of money or anything for that matter to make this all up to my dad. I feel the worst for him. I mean, I've been a shit of a son to him these past five years or so, and this is just like the icing on the multi-layered cake of mishaps I've put myself through, and him as well. Mom's never had any sage advice when approaching dad with issues like arrests, accidents, failed classes, and the list goes on. The poor guy can only handle so much before he loses his mind. I really think that after tonight, there's that line that I've crossed, that point of no return, and I don't think I'll ever be in his good graces again...and we had just really started bonding as step-father and son...
Wish in one hand, shit in the other, but I honestly wish that tonight never happened. I'm too stressed to care anymore about tomorrow, and I probably won't sleep, but I just don't care anymore. I'm ready for death, or - if God ever peruses my blog on a whim and decides on mercy - a miracle. Words can never justifiably express how sorry I am, dad, but one day, someday, somehow, I'll make it up to you. I just hope you'll still call me son when the time arrives...
I'd keep typing, but I'm just numb. I mean, I whacked my forehead on the steering wheel, but no bleeding anywhere, just a bump. However, emotionally, physically, and mentally, I'm drained to the point of collapse. I give up on today. Fuck.
So, I'm posting my first blog. What do I have to say about that? Well, I'm drunk and incredibly tired after a long week of work, so it might be best to save the "more interesting blogmarks" for the weekend...or whenever I feel like posting something noteworthy.
Ciao, folks, and remember: You should only feel guilty if you didn't pay her first...
~ Chiron
Ciao, folks, and remember: You should only feel guilty if you didn't pay her first...
~ Chiron
