Edit: Yay! Go welcome my friend AnnaLee back <3

Kluane Chilkat International Bike Relay: http://www.kcibr.org/

That's where I'm going to be this weekend. Unfortunately, I'm not competing because my Asthma has thwarted me. I'm going as official documentary maker and team support for our team "Yikes on Bikes". Fun! I've always wanted to go to Alaska, and while I'll only be just over the border at Haines Junction, it'll be a great experience. I'm going to be riding in the support vehicle behind our riders. It's apparently an extremely scenic and beautiful route and can last up to 10-12 hours.

Our team isn't really entering to win, or even come in the top numbers, but for the sheer experience. I have a lot of ideas for the documentary and I'll obviously be taking photos too. I'm thrilled. It was uncertain whether I'd actually be able to go without my residency (there being a border crossing involved and all), but luckily it got here just in time. Oh, and I want to thank everyone for the congratulations on that too. For the record, though, I'm not a Canadian citizen (yet), think of it like the American Green Card. I'll be eligible for citizenship in three years.

I'll update you all on the bike race early next week when I'm home again.

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This past week I've been fairly sick again. It was either a mild flu or summer cold, plus I've been having numerous stomach troubles for the past six weeks. I feel like I've been sick forever now, I just want to be well and healthy again. One of my main problems is I don't seem to know when to take a break. Even this weekend when I had just 3 or 4 hours of sleep and I was so sick it hurt to move I was still working away. Today, I went to the doctor again (still no medical coverage - again not eligible for 3 months, but it's necessary), and things seem to not be too serious, I just need to get myself well. I need a holiday or a break or something... maybe just a week where I say "right, no work" and I do other things. I soon start to feel so guilty though...

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I have a couple of projects in the works because it's about time I really got myself putting my passion back into my art rather than other stuff that doesn't pay off any kind of progress. I don't want to say too much, but one of them is regarding my last reserves of Polaroid film, ever. It's sad days, but it's good to have a project to feel like I'm "seeing it out with a bang" or however you say it.

Talking of which, here are some of my recent Polaroids:


bigger
- Vancouver's Chinatown is N. America's second biggest (after San Francisco)


bigger
- Annual car free day on The Drive in Vancouver (The Drive is a street named Commercial Drive in East Vancouver)


Glitch


Anila

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I thought you might be interested to see my sets as they go into member review, so I am simply going to list them here. I am getting more and more in there I have shot on film, and I know some of you are keen on those.

Thanks to you guys, both Archie's and Ala's sets have made it to the front page, so far.


Film

India - HeatwaveNEW
Silencia - Sleeping with Ghosts NEW
Meshell - Button Button
Moira - Lady Lazarus
Anila - Strength is...
Pirate - het piraat bier



Digital

Kit+Frankie - Moments like These
Moira - In a New Light
Miranda - From Within
Rin - My Own Madness
Lumiere - Liberty
Candee - Hard Candy
Dotty - Seafront
Dis - Skylines
Enola - Swedish Seduction
Miyo - In the Clouds
Korento - The Lover's Card
Djinn - Pinball Wizard
Morrigan - Dynamic


Check back soon as I'll be updating this section even if I don't post a new entry to my journal.
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june 15th 2007 i entered canada as a "temporary visitor". this meant no canadian work, no healthcare, no banking, half of my belongings being stuck in the uk, not being allowed to leave the country and no permanent address.

after a long year of waiting, it's finally over. today was the day. i received my canadian permanent residency visa in the post and we drove down to the port roberts land crossing to do a "flag pole" procedure (yes they officially call it that - even at the u.s border the guards wrote that on a form).

[flag poling is basically entering the u.s, not even leaving the car park and returning directly to canada]

i have to say my experience at port roberts was almost fun once it got going. some of you know the nasty time i had at the peace arch last december and part of me was expecting something similar, but no. both the u.s and canadian guards were even (dare i say it) friendly.

this was part of our drive down there - the george massey tunnel between richmond and delta. the rain made the tunnel highly reflective and pretty to boot. watch as the raindrops and radio reception disappear along with the daylight. coming out of the other side is much like i felt after getting everything checked and officially stamped.

i am finally an official candian resident. thank god the last year is over.

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It has been raining a lot here in the PNW. Good job I love storms and rain. It's difficult to think that I landed here almost a year ago in 90-100F heat and blistering sun. It's certainly not like that this year. I think May used it all up.


I'd like for you to see that clip, so take a look.

I watch things like raindrops collecting together all the time. I watch them grow, get bigger, and travel across surfaces and I wonder if they think. Of course, I know they don't but it makes me wonder...

I seriously anthropomorphise things far too often. I've really begun to notice it recently.




I thought you might be interested to see my sets as they go into member review, so I am simply going to list them here. I am getting more and more in there I have shot on film, and I know some of you are keen on those.

Thanks to you guys, both Archie's and Ala's sets have made it to the front page.


Film
Meshell - Button Button NEW
Moira - Lady Lazarus NEW
Anila - Strength is...
Pirate - het piraat bier
Silencia - Sleeping with GhostsCOMING SOON
India - HeatwaveCOMING SOON


Digital

Kit+Frankie - Moments like These
Moira - In a New Light
Miranda - From Within
Rin - My Own Madness
Lumiere - Liberty
Candee - Hard Candy
Dotty - Seafront
Dis - Skylines
Enola - Swedish Seduction
Miyo - In the Clouds
Korento - The Lover's Card
Djinn - Pinball Wizard
Morrigan - Dynamic


Check back very soon as I'll be updating this section even if I don't post a new entry to my journal.
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Who in the hell gave the go-ahead to shorten the week? I mean, how is it possibly Thursday night already?

I've been catching up on a lot of the following:

1. Scanning sets
2. Overdue Holga Customs
3. Emails (both work and for friends)
4. Prepping
5. Reading

And I just can't believe it's almost the weekend already.

So, as I have nothing much to report (except what I have listed in... well, list form) here is what I have been looking at on the internet in the last few weeks:

Comics

COCO WANG:
5.12 EARTHQUAKE STRIPS
- read the intro here. There is nothing like someone portraying heartbreaking reality to give yourself some perspective. Warning: you will cry.

Penny Arcade: The Unhorse
- I have read and adored Penny Arcade for many years. This is a recent one that gave me the giggles. Warning: Penny Arcade is mostly video game humour or in-jokes.

xkcd - Forks and Spoons
- another old favourite of mine. This one was particularly funny and probably one of the least "geeky". Warning: xkcd is full of nerdy nerdy humour.

exploding dog - sleeping to dream about you
- I'm pretty sure everyone around here has heard of exploding dog by now. This one was on my desktop for a while, it sums me up. Warning: If you haven't seen exploding dog before, prepare to waste some time going through the archives.

Blogs:

crush.the.red
- our own Vermelho's neatly organised pile of thoughts

http://www.treehugger.com/
- stay ahead of the game

http://www.allthingscupcake.com/
- it is really interesting to me how trends take over the universe. currently it seems to be cupcakes.

Photos

Lou O'Bedlam
- one of my favourite portrait photographers. He recently photographed Zoetica too.

Garage Flower
- John is an English man in Russia. He has a really unique and experimental look on his world. He professes he is just "learning" but he has an eye most would be jealous of.

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I read another book this week. This one was called Un Lun Dun by China Miéville, I really want to talk about it but every time I come to my journal to write about a book I've read I feel like I am saying the same things over and over with the same terrible adjectives and the same awe I have of any book I fall in love with.

So, I am not really sure what to say about it, other than - read it. It's a modernised, Londonised take on stories like Alice in Wonderland - fantastical and improbable worlds of mischief. It's truly a masterpiece, too, not just some half-arsed derivative like so many books are of similar genres.

Did I mention, that time is moving too fast for me lately? Well, it is.







I thought you might be interested to see my sets as they go into member review, so I am simply going to list them here. I am getting more and more in there I have shot on film, and I know some of you are keen on those.

Thanks to you guys, both Archie's and Ala's sets have made it to the front page.


Film

Moira - Lady Lazarus NEW
Anila - Strength is... NEW
Pirate - het piraat bier - NEW
Meshell - Button Button COMING SOON (June 10th 5pm PST)

Digital

Moira - In a New Light
Miranda - From Within
Rin - My Own Madness
Lumiere - Liberty
Dotty - Seafront
Dis - Skylines

Check back very soon as I'll be updating this section even if I don't post a new entry to my journal.
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i'm one of those strange people that like salty and sweet things. yes, i like chocolate covered pretzels, yes i dip my tamago nigiri in soy sauce, yes salt and vinegar crisps (chips) and chocolate make great sandwich fillings (yes together). no, i don't often eat this way, but thought i'd let you know...

... oh, one other thing while we're talking about my strange eating preferences - i have a very specific way that i eat most foods. mostly i take them apart and eat them in a certain order, but it's specific to each thing. i could give an example but i'm not ready for that... some people who know me in person find it endearing. some people find it flat out odd. a lot of people don't notice unless they spend real time with me. really they're just obsessive little habits that keep my busy little brain occupied and stimulated. i don't like eating things together. i like to appreciate the individual parts... individually.

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you should look at that bigger: http://farm4.static.flickr.com/3168/2547117162_b0181d02ce_b.jpg


i read a book last week called blindsight by peter watts. it's a great science fiction book written by a marine biologist. he has a really interesting taking on life in the universe. but, i don't want to talk too much about the book as such. the protagonist of the book made me think a lot about myself.

i thought i was a very emphatic person before reading this book. i empathise remarkably with all kinds of creatures around me (human and non - although it's arguable if i really empathise with non-humans because after all i'm anthropomorphising them). i often empathise to the point that i'm moved to feel someone else's pain. or, that was the way i thought of it before now.

but then this book came into my life and it caused me to really examine myself. the question i put to myself is - do i really empathise (i.e. do i really feel what the other person is feeling) or do i merely know the outcome of the situation and can therefore deduct the base nature of the other person's feeling and in turn just relate it to some part of my brain that tells me to react a certain way?

normally i wouldn't question myself in such a way but the book made me face a fact that i'd been thinking about for years - in many situations involving other people i interact in a certain way because it's expected of me (me as in a human being, not my personality). my response to people is often a carefully learned response that i learn from observing (similarly to the protagonist in the book). in the past i make mistakes (and still do) but this is how i find myself interacting in social situations with people i am not extremely close to. yes, even sometimes friends.

but is that really all that unusual? i suspect not; not in certain situations. most interactions are nurtured rather than intrinsic to our nature, but where does the line appear and where do we stop doing what comes naturally to us? i believe this is the sticking point - that line is different in every person.

let me explain some more - to many people most of their responses are natural, personal and they respond without thinking. somewhere the line exists where they have to process more and decide how to react, but in many people there are only a very limited number of interactions (say, interviews for jobs, important meetings, interactions with people they don't like etc) where the responses must be processed and played out in accordance with decisions they've made.

then there is a smaller subset of people where the number of interactions in which they must process and play out learned reactions is much greater. i've always (since i can remember) felt like the latter kind of person. in social interactions i have felt like an actor my whole life who is unable to learn the exact lines ahead of time but is, instead, given sets of circumstances and common outcomes. i believe the social anxiety i have suffered in recent years has been a direct result of my conscious awareness of this trait.

so, what was so special about this book if it was something i already knew about?

this book taught me it's okay to be like that, and that, yes, this makes me a beautiful person inside too, even if it conflicts with the person everyone else thinks they know. really, we only know people based on our own assumptions and inner self, so this is just natural, right?

people that have to process situations and slowly and deliberately play out learned responses are capable of great love and care too. there is just much more internal doubt to sit with it. this won't make the doubt go away for me, but it does help me feel like i am okay and i am more human than i give myself credit.





I thought you might be interested to see my sets as they go into member review, so I am simply going to list them here. I am getting more and more in there I have shot on film, and I know some of you are keen on those.

Thanks to you guys, both Archie's and Ala's sets have made it to the front page.


Film

Anila - Strength is... NEW
Pirate - het piraat bier - NEW
Moira - Lady Lazarus COMING SOON
Meshell - Button Button COMING SOON

Digital

Moira - In a New Light
Miranda - From Within
Rin - My Own Madness
Lumiere - Liberty
Dotty - Seafront
Dis - Skylines

Check back very soon as I'll be updating this section even if I don't post a new entry to my journal.
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in case you want to read that book

Finally a proper update...

As I mentioned India and her guy were here for a week on their holiday. This basically means I get a holiday too. They were here last November, and things couldn't have been more different this time. No, wait, they were basically the same - we spent most of our time relaxing, eating good food, watching films, playing board games and discovering Vancouver. So, what was different? Well, the weather for one. Instead of 8C and rain it was around 30C and blistering sun most days. It was beautiful, and I was so happy to be able to show them this other side to Vancouver.

This is one of the reasons I love this city so much - every season it becomes a different city, and even sometimes in each season it switches things up a bit. There really is "stuff to do" for all weather, and all occasions.

Last November we took them into the mountains and we went out to lots of hot and comfort food type restaurants.

This year we got to take them to Wreck Beach and the Aquarium, Stanley Park, and we got to eat a lot of lighter and more summery food. Instead of staying indoors at night playing board games we played them in the park instead.

It was a wonderful whirlwind of a week, much like their first visit last November. Now they're gone and both Matthew and I are missing them a lot. I find them so relaxing and fun to be around. I've known India for several years now and I am so glad that all this time later she's still in my life. Without friends like her I'd be lost.

Okay, enough with the words. Here's what you came for; the photos:





















I have many more than this (of course) but they are all polaroids and in film...

Going through my photos of their visit I realised that I never take any photos of India and I. should change that someday...

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I'm not going to pester you with "help me get these sets to the front page" posts. But, I thought you might be interested to see my sets as they go into member review, so I am simply going to list them here, in spoilers. I am getting more and more in there I have shot on film, and I know some of you are keen on those.

Thanks to you guys, both Archie's and Ala's sets have made it to the front page.


Film

Anila - Strength is... NEW
Pirate - het piraat bier - NEW

Digital

Moira - In a New Light
Miranda - From Within
Rin - My Own Madness
Lumiere - Liberty
Dotty - Seafront
Dis - Skylines

Check back every so often as I'll be updating this section even if I don't post a new entry to my journal.

Edit: Okay, just one photo, but only because I'm proud of it:

Pirate

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It's summer and I'm really loving it. I am so much more positive lately...

Remember this video?



Here's the set:

http://suicidegirls.com/members/Anila/albums/site/6490/









What are you waiting for? Go say hello!

Anila


P.S Yes, I'm still a bit of a misery guts... hence why I have so little to say and am posting one of those journal entries where I say nothing of any interest, but really... Anila is amazing, so she's worth it.

India and her guy were here for a week. It seemed like no time at all. We got up to so many great things.

Tonight we said goodbye at the airport (again). I wanted to somehow sabotage their flight. I feel at a loss, like there's a piece missing.

I wanted to do a proper update about their stay but I'm just too sad and too tired.

I don't even have a photo to post...

Fuck, I love Vancouver:



Wear a Helmet! Mine literally saved my life last year, in case you missed that epic event. And it doesn't take a car to make you need one!

http://bcclettes.ca/


(sorry if you can't see that link to my "epic event" unfortunately flickr recently marked my whole stream as moderate content. don't worry, i'm appealing it. i know lots of you without accounts like to follow the photos i upload there and most of them aren't of boobs, surprisingly. i just have to convince them of that, and that i'll appropriately mark my own photos of boobs, bum and burlesque in the future. if you can't see it, here is the slightly longer version: http://suicidegirls.com/girls/Cherry/1742544/ )

I often sit and think, dream, wonder; almost like I'm floating in space.

A space full of everything and nothing at the same time. A space, so dense you feel like you're pushing through a confused and winding undergrowth of pain and misery. But, at the same time, there are clearings of such blinding clarity that it makes you shade yourself from a truth that is bound to hit you from an unexpected angle. That truth might be something you want to find or something you are trying to hide from. You're back in the undergrowth longing for the clearing and the sun and the deafening brilliance of silence. It's a game of back and forth, of hide and seek.

It is a journey, like any others. It has it's good moments, it has it's bad; it has it's in betweens and it's complete lack of sense, but most of all it is a necessary journey - a time of self discovery so completely innate that without it I would run into a brick wall and keep running into it; like a wind up toy with no sense of direction, time, dimension, or a giant to pick it up and turn it around.

This is me. The real me, the one that lives inside of me and is constantly battling to be the one on the surface: serenity, intelligence, beauty and an awareness so deep that it makes me deaf and blind. But with flaws and caves and tangles and scars and a history that makes me both ashamed and proud of who I am. I'm imperfect, but I'm me, and that I am learning to like and one day maybe even Love like I Love so many things and beings and particles in this deep space already.

This is me, inside my own personal space, floating, discovering, fighting, and clambering to be among the stars. I am in charge of this space, and it is mine, but it is unconquerable...

...at least for now. This won't stop me trying. Just wait and see, time tells us so many things...



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I'm not going to pester you with "help me get these sets to the front page" posts. But, I thought you might be interested to see my sets as they go into member review, so I am simply going to list them here, in spoilers. I am getting more and more in there I have shot on film, and I know some of you are keen on those.

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Thank you for all the concern for my infection. It wasn't due to my cheek piercings, and some of you noticed I removed them. I actually removed them two days before my infection for completely unrelated reasons, yes, I was incredibly sad to see them go. My infection was due to a dental infection.

I am doing much better, am still sick and exhausted, but I'm on the mend. The kindness shown in my journal always overwhelms me.