this whole thing i'm doing now seems to be doining good i'm mellow and somewhat content, i've also changed my diet cuase i was hungey and found a box of mac and cheese my old roomate left it was quite good actually i'm not going to go vegan i'll still eat meat when i can afford to go grocery shoping again

i've been bad its been 11 days since i masterbated last i was doing good on teh self imposed celibacy then my hand got drunk and had its way with pedro now i feel dirty and time to start counting again with 11 days of self imposed no sex and 0 days of masterbation

ok i try posting in journals and just my name pops up nothing that i typed what the hell is that about? also ideas for name change?
kobyashi
Qeegyunka uncree
linoge
Malphas

i got a present for the first to correctly figure out what those names have in common plus cool points go to whowver can correctly pick my actuall name from this list and yes this name appears on my birth certificate

6 days of self imposed celibacy complete but its starting to get difficult i went clubbing last nite and was molested by several attractive young females mostly they just grabbed me and dry humped me and tried to take me home. question what is up with females?????? when a guy is seeing one girl every time he goes bar hopping with the guys the girls are all over him?? second when a guy is not even looking for a girl the girls are again all over him, why the fuck is that? but anyways i was able to behave mesylef and not go home with any of the lovely young ladies that approached me last nite but its starting to become very difficult to be good so i'm wondering if i should tempt myself tonight?

5 days no sex no molesting of my self and all is well.
still smoking and drinking though. but the weekend is here and supposedly there are going to be some intersting parties going on so i shall see if i can go through the weekend without picking any girls up or molesting myself

4 days no sex no molesting of my self and all is well.
still smoking and drinking though. you know i never thought i could quit touching my self but i think i'm going to be able to do it this time. i figure teh next couple of weeks i'll quit smoking and the day after new years i'll quit drinking. besides that i spent all day today in the sanding booth wearing a resperator i still have the lines from my mask and a sore neck from the way i was standing whilst sanding. that is all for today

3 days no sex no molesting of my self and all is well.
still smoking and drinking though. been reading alot of taoist stories and books reread the Sun Tzu i feel enlightened but not happy. i quit taking my meds alltogether so i shall see what effect that has. i'm also giving serious thought to changing my board name but havent come to any deffinate decisions thank you for your time that is all

ok ive gone 2 whole days with no sex and no masturbation i got rid of all my fuck friends i'm doing good now i just need to quit drinking and smoking as for the church bit i'm still looking but i may have found one the church of body mods. from what i read it sounds fairly interesting but i'm still not quite sure about it. i would aslo like to thank those of you that read my journal entries if i dont post in yours dont feel bad i'm probably just trying to come up with something clever to say as i am slow of wit it takes me awhile. i now return you to your regularly scheduled net surfing thank you and have a good day

lets see i'm thinking of giving up cigarrettes, alchol, sex and masterbation........ well maybe not cigarrettes but everything else i'm seriously considering quiting i might even start attending church again but i'm stiill not sure on that one. as for the reason ive been doing a lot of thinking as of late and have come to the conclusion that all these things are a way of attaining temporary happiness. but i would like to find true and permanent happiness and all these things seem to hinder my goal.

Cruelty has a Human Heart,
and Jealousy a Human Face,
Terror the Human Form Devine,
and Secrecy the Human Dress.

The Human Dress is Forged Iron,
The human Form a Firey Forge,
The Human Face a Furnace Seal'd,
The Human Heart its Hungry Gorge.
William Blake