im feeling the melancholy way i do before i have to leave, i know this feeling too well. fucking the idea of getting on a plane and going home tomorrow sucks, but we have had fun, we have drank wine, played games, enjoyed each other, stared into each others eyes, flirted, touched, cuddled, teased, and decided we want to see each other the end of Jan for some wine event in Calgary - and then again for Valentine's Day.
I'm excited about what the future holds bc i really love him, and i feel it every time he looks at me.
it's gorgeous here today snowed tons (like 4-5 inches), and it makes me smile. i have to be on a plane in 24 hours and i can't figure out how to spend the last few hours together. we bought gorgeous wines, so we're gonna drink them, but man, i just wanna lay in bed and stare into his eyes and smell his hair <3 i forgot completely about xmas, b/c i've been gone so long and off in my own little world, lols.
how is everyone doing?
<3
Cass

everything actually ended up working out fine <3 now I'm starting to get sad about leaving Monday- fucking back to work on tues meh.

first day on my own haven't done anything. washed some laundry but really just feel like i want to sleep, not sure why. sad i guess. maybe.
i'm here for another week, we'll see how it goes.
spent a lot of money - had a lot of expectations, somethings don't go the way you want them to, but it's life right??
i need to look inside myself for the strength and make my own mind up about what is right.
although everyone's been awesome about giving advice and stuff.
i can't continue to feel like crap inside, or hate my body - i've never loved it but i've surely never hated it.
anyhow, we'll see what we shall see.
happy monday all,
Cass

spent today running around again, exploring the city and shopping. we must have walked like 2 mi in the fucking snow, i had on a sweater and t-shirt, and no gloves, i was pissy -but he was taking me to this artisan donut shoppe...which ended up being pretty good.
we wandered into this amazing place, that had a leather bound journal, something i've always wanted, and the price was right, so i got it , then to the store to pick up stuff for dinner, etc...
i wanna get up early tomorrow am and making him breakfast before he goes to work. i have a feeling it's going to be a hard day on me, with him gone all day what am i going to do? well we'll see.
tonight we made this fantastic asian inspired soup, with szechuan peppercorns, and star anise, and bay leaf, and garlic, and noodles, yellow and orange peppers, cilantro, green onion, shallot, thai chilis....the leftover roasted chicken and this FANTASTIC sausage we bought, and i HATE sausage normally lols.
oh and it snowed last night, lookey.

it's crazy when you have mad destiny with a person. it's not so easy to just walk away - when you have a sort of connection that u can't put into words.
isn't it strange though, maybe you find yourself putting up with crazy things nobody else would understand but for some reason, there's a force inside of you that makes you tolerant. and no, this isn't the thing everyone feels when they first meet a person, this is like a cosmic connection.
do you think i'm a looney toons for saying this? likely - but i don't care. i have my reasons for believing what i do which is obvs quite unconventional - quite old fashioned, and really what can we say about today's modern society and relationships as a result anyhow?
this world has been long for this sort of thing....it needs it, we need it.
it's easy to get mad, and stomp your feet - drink and say some things you don't mean but it doesn't mean b/c you were drunk you don't mean them, like i say a lot of honest shit i'm scared to say when i'm drunk. but, for the most part it's just ghosts.
i had a fabulous day for those who are reading. went to this amazing chocolatier, AMAZING. they have giant chocolate snowmen, and santas, and gingerbread houses, i was blown away seriously. then to a french bakery - croissants are one of life's greatest pleasures for sure. we had a vanilla custard filled one, and a chocolate one which we have yet to try.
then we went to a spice store, the coolest i've ever seen, and spent like 100.00 on spices oh and the wine sale where we bought tons of really awesome wine on deals. then we went to the cheese shoppe b/c i really want to make him fondue.
and now it's just time to chill, and video game a bit maybe xmas lights at the zoo later - hopefully.
how are you guys doing this fine saturday?

i want him to just grab my hand and hold it, i want him to look into my eyes, and touch my face softly and then lean in and kiss me.
i want to feel his hands up and down my legs, and my back, the way he's described it to me so many times.
i want him to kiss my neck from my ear to my shoulder.
i want him to caress my legs, i want to kiss him and touch him too
i want him to feel the softness of my skin, and see my pretty panties...and crave them the way he always has from afar, but now i'm here.
man
i want this
real bad.

i am emo for sure.
i don't know why it's bothering me so much, but i feel like i miss him, and i'm here.
it's so weird.

lols <3

today was a good day <3 really.
how is everyone else doing?
i hope we can get a tree tomorrow
tonight we got tons of food at costco, so we can cook, and i'm excited.
Cass

today was better actually when he got home, he took me to the farmers market and to the liquor store (yay) for wine and mead so that willl be good later for sure.
just gonna hang out and play video games. also we were totally flirting and giving each other shit in the liquor store, and i told him that i noticed people were smiling at us, and he said he didn't look but he knew they were, and that i loved it, lol.
so
things are actually moving up i guess.
i need to have patience, and not freak out.

thanks to all who have been super supportive, with their kind words, and such, means a lot to me really <3