So I've been changing my name here a lot in the past few days. I want something to really stick. I want it to interesting and slightly differ from many of the other names here. I think Carnelian may be a good one. It is the name of a certain kind of red quartz crystal. It is said to be good for giving the wearer of the stone creative power, courage, inspiration and eloquence in speech. Here is what it looks like.
This necklace is amazing. . .
The first day of class is quickly approaching. I've bee working on waking up early and staying awake all day haha!! Every morning I take a walk. When school starts I will have to walk to the train station. There is nowhere to park downtown. So I wont be driving. My legs still hurt from that damn car but I try to put that out of my mind. Hopefully if I can ignore it it will get better. I have thought of seeing an accupuncturist. Meh ...
I think the world or the universe wants me to eat more mushrooms
g]
I doubt that Yogi would mind.
I'm also trying to think of a name for my vagina's Mohawk.
this is about halfway through a Kurt Vonnegut novel. I fold the corners of every page that either makes me laugh or provides some form of insight.
My divorce should be finalized next month!!
I'd like to have a party of sorts once I receive that special letter from the judge.
Anyway.
I'm watching the evil dead trilogy and I really must pay closer attention to detail haha
later I will be trying to make contact with this beautiful old man
This necklace is amazing. . .The first day of class is quickly approaching. I've bee working on waking up early and staying awake all day haha!! Every morning I take a walk. When school starts I will have to walk to the train station. There is nowhere to park downtown. So I wont be driving. My legs still hurt from that damn car but I try to put that out of my mind. Hopefully if I can ignore it it will get better. I have thought of seeing an accupuncturist. Meh ...
I think the world or the universe wants me to eat more mushroomsg]
I doubt that Yogi would mind.
I'm also trying to think of a name for my vagina's Mohawk.
this is about halfway through a Kurt Vonnegut novel. I fold the corners of every page that either makes me laugh or provides some form of insight.
My divorce should be finalized next month!!
I'd like to have a party of sorts once I receive that special letter from the judge.Anyway.
I'm watching the evil dead trilogy and I really must pay closer attention to detail haha
later I will be trying to make contact with this beautiful old man
She came into my home. She shared strawberries and whipped cream with me. I shared wine with her. We pushed paint around. We laughed. I don't know if there is anything romantic about it. She helped me undress and took a picture with a ribbon tied around my head to cover my eyes.
. . .that was yesterday. Today I watched a man drink wine out of a jar. I saw him tighten the lid and tuck the jar into his coat pocket. My ears were cold and head ached. I walked away.
I miss hot sands. Sometimes I burn myself in various ways. . .I miss the heat. Feeling like you could die its so hot!
Yesterday I had laid naked in the yard in the sun. It became hot on my skin. I closed my eyes and felt the back of my head open up so I could see in all directions. The wind kissed me sweetly. I remembered the way water acts when the sun watches her.
So I think I may get the net hooked up in my office at home next month.
I start school on the 31st of this month!! I am as nervous as I am excited. Class hours are 8-5 monday through Friday beginning in January and ending in October. I am excited to be doing something more interesting and artistic with my time. I am enrolled in a barbering program. In April, I will begin a part time job at a nice salon. So between April and October I will be so very busy!
The past few months since I quit my job at Xenon, I have been relatively lazy uninspired depressed blah blah blah. But in just the past few weeks things have really drastically turned around for me. I have met some interesting people and had great experiences with them.
I have been painting everyday and learning to lucid dream. which is very exciting. My male is teaching me to play guitar. I'd much rather have a bass though as it seems to be much more simple. I still pretend to be an amazing drummer and wake the neighbors with my drunken beats. But I think bass guitar would be good for me to learn so that I can express the things I feel in my dreams. I dont really feel like any of this is very important as if I were watched and admired or anything but I do think it is important in a basic way that it is part of the human condition to want to connect and flow through life in pure emotions, intellectual discoveries and spiritual awakenings.
I made a new friend. I had met her in the summer and never thought we would get along. She and I had both judged each other wrongly and so avoided each other. We added each other on facebook anyway and what we found is that we think about the same things and have very similar view points. So I had her over to my house. She brought her male. Our males played well together as we drank and messed around in the music room. (not that kind of "mess around" she is 100% faithful to her male) It was a good night. I am happy to have gotten to know her.
The last girl I wrote about who I was attracted to, well she turned out to have a LOT of emotional and spiritual baggage and negative energy. I stopped talking to her. She messaged me yesterday wanting to see me. I figure I will see her but only if she puts forth the energy. I've invested a lot of myself in her trying to help her. So I dont want to give much more if she doesnt seem willing to help herself. I dont want to feel like I have to save her or anything. Nobody saved me. I think we all have within us our own savior. But I cant lie, I do have desire for her and I want her smile to be mine. It will be difficult for me to keep a distance. When I want something badly enough, I do what I can to get it with great passion.
So my new friend analyzed my birth chart for me. She said I have a lot of male energy and a strong sexual drive. She said that according to it, I am mostly attracted to quiet or innocent seeming girls or else aries men. I find this funny because I do work well with Aries men but the girls I like vary in signs and generally do come across as sweet and cute but they always have a deep mysterious side which I find fun in uncovering. She said that like a male, I don't really have a lot of that mystery I just put everything out there and this could be why my best friends are usually men. All the guys I've been with at some point will say something like, "youre not even attracted to me." Or at some point most my male friends will be angry because they wanted to be more than just a friend and I never picked up on that. I just thought our relationships were perfect. haha! It's weird to have other people show you things you already know about yourself but in a slightly different way...its like waking up and seeing yourself in the mirror for the first time. That is something I avoid...looking at my reflection.
Strange.
My debts from hospital vistits and student loans add up to the price of a two bedroom one bathroom house with a basement and garage in Washington Park. It is rather depressing. But hopefully I can dig myself out.
I start school on the 31st of this month!! I am as nervous as I am excited. Class hours are 8-5 monday through Friday beginning in January and ending in October. I am excited to be doing something more interesting and artistic with my time. I am enrolled in a barbering program. In April, I will begin a part time job at a nice salon. So between April and October I will be so very busy!
The past few months since I quit my job at Xenon, I have been relatively lazy uninspired depressed blah blah blah. But in just the past few weeks things have really drastically turned around for me. I have met some interesting people and had great experiences with them.
I have been painting everyday and learning to lucid dream. which is very exciting. My male is teaching me to play guitar. I'd much rather have a bass though as it seems to be much more simple. I still pretend to be an amazing drummer and wake the neighbors with my drunken beats. But I think bass guitar would be good for me to learn so that I can express the things I feel in my dreams. I dont really feel like any of this is very important as if I were watched and admired or anything but I do think it is important in a basic way that it is part of the human condition to want to connect and flow through life in pure emotions, intellectual discoveries and spiritual awakenings.
I made a new friend. I had met her in the summer and never thought we would get along. She and I had both judged each other wrongly and so avoided each other. We added each other on facebook anyway and what we found is that we think about the same things and have very similar view points. So I had her over to my house. She brought her male. Our males played well together as we drank and messed around in the music room. (not that kind of "mess around" she is 100% faithful to her male) It was a good night. I am happy to have gotten to know her.
The last girl I wrote about who I was attracted to, well she turned out to have a LOT of emotional and spiritual baggage and negative energy. I stopped talking to her. She messaged me yesterday wanting to see me. I figure I will see her but only if she puts forth the energy. I've invested a lot of myself in her trying to help her. So I dont want to give much more if she doesnt seem willing to help herself. I dont want to feel like I have to save her or anything. Nobody saved me. I think we all have within us our own savior. But I cant lie, I do have desire for her and I want her smile to be mine. It will be difficult for me to keep a distance. When I want something badly enough, I do what I can to get it with great passion.
So my new friend analyzed my birth chart for me. She said I have a lot of male energy and a strong sexual drive. She said that according to it, I am mostly attracted to quiet or innocent seeming girls or else aries men. I find this funny because I do work well with Aries men but the girls I like vary in signs and generally do come across as sweet and cute but they always have a deep mysterious side which I find fun in uncovering. She said that like a male, I don't really have a lot of that mystery I just put everything out there and this could be why my best friends are usually men. All the guys I've been with at some point will say something like, "youre not even attracted to me." Or at some point most my male friends will be angry because they wanted to be more than just a friend and I never picked up on that. I just thought our relationships were perfect. haha! It's weird to have other people show you things you already know about yourself but in a slightly different way...its like waking up and seeing yourself in the mirror for the first time. That is something I avoid...looking at my reflection.
Strange.
My debts from hospital vistits and student loans add up to the price of a two bedroom one bathroom house with a basement and garage in Washington Park. It is rather depressing. But hopefully I can dig myself out.
I have a lot I'd like to share but my battery is about to die. So I will say that I am really happy right now.
my Christmas was quite dandy.everything was nice except for the part of the night in which I was traveling in time cold water and a couple gallons of whiskey flavored vomit and trashing a hotel suite with my kitties. Well I guess that wasn't so bad.
I have court in the morning.
