It's 10:00 on a Monday night and I feel so lonely. Fireworks from Sea World are crackling right outside my window, and the happy voices of my neighbors are cackling down in the courtyard. It's just my little cat and me here in my bedroom.

Most days I'm happy with my life, and everything's where it should be. Then nights like this happen... a hollowness seems to build up inside of me, an empty pit getting larger and larger, swallowing up my insides. I don't know how to explain it in words, it's just an indescribable aching need for something that I know I haven't found yet. Of course I have friends and family, but at times like this, it's just not enough.

I want peace of mind. I want to feel ok about myself. I want to curb this loneliness. I want friends to be there when I call. I've called some of my best friends within the last week just to talk and none of them have called back. Why do I get the feeling that no one really cares? I mean, they care enough, but everyone's always so wrapped up in their own lives to really care. To really be there for me. This is what happens when friends move far away.

I guess I can't expect that of everyone. People just get busy. I do too, but I make time for people at least. Maybe I'm just bored because I'm unemployed right now and have too much thinking time on my hands. Too much alone time.

I've been aching to move out of here. Live with a new roommate in a new place in OB. Hopefully that'll work out soon because I'm so tired of living with my roommate and her boyfriend. I never liked Kevin that much and now Rachel's so endlessly boring because all she does is hang out with him. They're always together, like leeches to skin. God, they're annoying. Haha, I'm just being a bitter bitch I guess. I need a change of scenery and of people badly.

I wish I actually knew some of you on my friends list. So I could call you up to hang out. Sigh. This is what happens when I get lonely - I end up whining and bitching and feeling sorry for myself. Damn depression. It does no good for anyone.