Aaaaaaannnd he's in jail again.

Please, please PLEASE heavens, universe, god, whatever... don't let this happen. He needs to get out. This bogus fucking charge needs to get dropped. Please. Fuck...

>>>>>>>>>>>>>><<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<

R.I.P Aunt Bev Winter. Hope you have all the chocolate santa's in the world and your Christmas's are forever wonderful. I love you.

Pros:
You're one of the sweetest people I know.
You'd do anything for me, anything.
The loyalty you have, I can't begin to explain.
You're adorable.
Sexy.
Blue eyes.
You make me laugh so hard.
You were my first, I was yours.
We've stayed in contact for the last 17 years.
I can be myself 100% around you.
You never judge me.
You're trying your best to go straight.
Such a huge heart.
Your voice, face, laugh, makes me warm and safe.
You would never, ever, lie to me.


Cons:
You're a felon.
You're on your 2nd strike.
Your heart may be too big and trusting of others.
You can never leave the gang life; unless you move and even then...
I know you have certain tattoos for reasons I'd rather not know, but do.
You know nothing other than the life you've been born into.
You believe in protecting someone by means of violence.
Your pride gets you into too much trouble.


No matter how many lists or thoughts or conversations I have with people about you, you will always, forever, be one of the main focus's of my heart. I will never stop loving you.

I'm so fucked....

-Chi

Scar tissue is stronger than regular tissue. Realize the strength, move on. --Henry Rollins

I didn't get the job. I blame Apple One. No, I blame myself for GOING to Apple One.

Also, fuck boys. BOYS. I've always hated the comparison of men and boys, but I'm starting to believe there is some truth to the maddess. A man will step up and take responsibility if to blame or asked a question. Not run away and not respond. Not pretend to be a friend then ignore you. FFFUUUUUUU!!!!! I am NOT in High School anymore. Grow a pair, step up and tell me what the fuck you're thinking.

So until I happen upon one of those few and lesser known "guys"... I'm all about me and what makes me happy. I'm so tired of being heartbroken over stupid bullshit and I'm tired of being a jaded bitch. Cause I really am a nice girl. And if having fun sex or just flirting and having a hot touchy feely make out session makes me happy, so be it. SO BE IT!!!!!!

-Chi

Things seem to be looking up.

I had a job interview yesterday after work and I think it went very well. Cross your fingers! Its a pharmacy tech help desk position w/ $3 more in pay and better hours. Also w/ the chance of some OT on Saturdays which I will GLADY take. I need to start saving money for so many things... including furniture. I have no dressers, desk anything. Just a bed. Boo...since I decided to try and stick it out here in Vegas, I need at least a few things. I've always traveled light since I seem to just pack my car up with what I owned and flee. Not this time fucker. YOU GO! hehe and he kinda did, all the way to fucking Boulder City w/ Grandma. Suck it.

Also have a very nice friend I've been seeing for about 3 weeks now. Since I'm not ready for any type of relationship, its good to have this available. Once last Wednesday, 3 times on Sunday and 3 more times today. NICE! Thank you my little brown video game boy. I do really appreciate it. You're such a giver! haha Not to mention Claim Jumper and Olive Garden after the deed was done. Double nice. He really is adorable though and an amazing cuddler. hehe

I would like to date someone though. Someone with similar interests to go to bars with or some shows. Seems so far, like thats very dificult to find though. I can find people who I can sleep with or who want to date me, but no one who wants to go do those things. All the friends I've made here with in the past year or so are amazing people and I really do enjoy their company, but we're not into the same things. And thats really starting to get to me. -- What I REALLY want is someone cute, who I can go out with on a regular basis, listens to the same music I do, smokes, drinks, and will hold hands and kiss me while we're out. Come over and watch movies/tv on a Wednesday night or sleep over on the weekends and cuddle. -- I really didnt think that was being too picky, but apparently it is. For shame. It may seem like I want another boyfriend, I DON'T. They can see other people, I dont care. We dont have to spend every day or weekend together. Remember, I have my own fun group of friends. But I would like to be able to bring them to a party w/ my friends. That'd be nice. Meh...



-Chi

Dun dun dun... another one bites the dust.... dun dun dun

UGH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Glad I got out of that one. I'm better off with out him. WTF!?!?!? Beer is my friend.

End of December. End of the year. What else could happen? I can loose a great loving friend. I can't say in words how much you will be missed. Sincerely. I can't understand what they will tell your son when he asked where you went. Please know how many lives you have touched. And remember that we will never forget you. -- This is still way to unreal... it doesn't seem like it happen. Just feels like a time where we aren't talking. Even though I just talked to you only a few weeks ago. I'm so sorry I couldn't do more for you. I loved you with all my heart. I truly did.

Abner "BJ" Neal
R.I.P




-Chi

I really need this year to be over.

I have lost..

My closest Cousin....
My Friends Father
The Boyfriends Grandfather
My Dog (5 yrs old)
My Mom



Please stop it now.... I'd appreciate it. I won't be able to handle anymore.


-Chi

So, I came back. Looking to see if there's anyone in Vegas that's actually trust-worthy. I've been here for over a year now, and I can count the people I'd call friends on one hand. So sad to be living in a city like that.