Wow, I have no life. I've easily been perving on here all day. I figure I'll blog obsessively, then.

Things:

AWKWARD:
My friend and I have been having awkward experiences with men/boys lately. A few nights ago we went to a playwriting thing where it was us (2 twenty-something girls) and a bunch of men twice our age. They insisted we all write in different rooms and I was in the upstairs bedroom and my friend was in the back guest bedroom on the first floor. I told her, if we didn't know these guys, it seems like some creepy elder frat boy type of situation... Like, let's separate the girls and put them in the bedrooms! PERVY! I don't know, I don't deal with people well, I just think my mind is a little sick sometimes...

Then, the next night we tried to go to this new local bookstore and there were a bunch of guys hanging out in front in lawn chairs that told us we couldn't buy books but we could party with them. When we asked them why they said it was too dark in there and it was better to dance than read, even though we could clearly see the books on the shelves in front of us. We left. It was creepy.

RAIN:
It's Virginia Thunderstorm Season! I LOVE IT!



I think my rain song choices prove I'm old.

DANCE:
I really want to choreograph and dance modern ballet to these two radically different songs. I just feel the need to move when I hear them.



PICTURES:
I'm still a bit narcissistic - sorry, I'm sure I'll get over it soon! My mood tends to fluctuate wildly on how I feel about the body I'm trapped in.

I LOVE Yerba Mate Tea! (http://guayaki.com/)

(I just happen to be burping while drinking it though...)


I lay about creepily in bed.


The Pink Mustachioed Bandito strikes again! BWAHAHAHA! (I'm weird.)

So could you post a music video you like? I'd love to know everyone's favorite song lately, even if it's just for THIS EXACT moment.

I can't get up before 1pm anymore, my system is all shot to hell. Oh well - here's my morning routine:


Stretching out my back


Getting upright


Adjusting eyes to mid-afternoon sun


Gotta stretch out the arms too


Laying back down in bed for an additional 20 minutes


Eating something loosely classified as breakfast

Yup - I'm a bit self-indulgent, but I'm finally getting back to liking what my mind is encased in, so you'll have to forgive me for a bit while I try on this new body esteem.

Goal for the day: Go to bed at a normal hour so I can have lots of daylight to get things done in and get some sun on my skin.

"I still get laughed at but it doesn't bother me, I'm just so glad to hear laughter around me..."

My friend is looking to get this tattooed on herself over graduation - I just like the quote.

Best thing I drank this week: High Atlas Sage Tea
Best thing I ate: Coconut milk ice pop
Where I'd like to consume these things this summer: Topless beach
(What's yours? )

I was supposed to see "Hank Williams: Lost Highway" tonight, but the tickets fell through - hm, this not acting in things and just trying to watch them is not working out as planned...

Eh, here's some pictures while I dream of beach-going and walking about half naked in acceptable places:

Happy spring! YAY!

IT'S 100 degrees!

I've been scaring conservative moms and kids with my cleavage at Target. Thank you American Apparel.





ANYWAY - I'm now onto Season 2 of "True Blood" I found it online thanks to some of my friends. And my ISight broke, but I fixed it (clearly!) by taking out my Mac's battery - which surprisingly worked! That just proves Macs are made from fairies and unicorns. And I got a horrible migraine last night and threw up a lot so I slept on my bathroom floor. Which was lovely and cool and made my nausea go away, but I don't want to do that every night. Trust me, if you've never had a migraine you don't want one - they are the absolute worst.

I also have a new second cousin. My cousin and his wife who live in Thailand had a little girl Mia Evelyn. I'm so glad there's plenty of babies in my family so no one wonders why I don't have any. I'd rather be the cool aunt.

So what's new with y'all?

So... here was the remainder of my weekend:



FINALLY, I know I'm behind the times, but I decided to suck it up and buy it on ITunes. I love Alan Ball like Woah. I wish I would have had the courage to go up to him and let him know how much I love "Your Mother's Butt" when he was in C'ville... But I couldn't stand to be around people who wanted to know the soap opera drama of TV land.

And spoilered for being inappropriate during holy week, what can I say? I'm a lapsed Catholic... :

PS: "Magic Flute" Cast Picture - yup, I'm right in the middle, looking all crazy and cross-eyed with a tight blonde bun!

Happy Easter! (slash whatever holiday you happen to be debauching or restraining yourself on today. )

PEEP PEEP PEEP!


IT'S SO CUTE I CAN'T STAND IT!

Also - I hate stores that I know have Peeps (the candy) are closed today.

I wish I could do a photo journal of artsy backstage candid photos. There's nothing more beautiful than watching stars waiting to shine. I just love the beautiful random cuddle puddles of people that form backstage. Its so loving and sweet.

ANYWAY, Magic Flute is over, I am so tired that cried before we started and during the overture:
1) Because this is my LAST SHOW EVER in VA. I'm going to miss it SO MUCH! This show was a wonderful way to say goodbye to everyone. I feel so incredibly blessed that it was with this cast and this opera. (Of course I would have loved to have done another show or two before I leave in May, but that was sadly not in the cards.)
2) Our orchestra is so talented, I simply could not believe how lucky I was to work with them on my last show.
3) I hate not singing. It's so sad you never get to sing every day for people.

I applied for a job at Pittsburgh Public Theatre as an actor/education coordinator - so now I guess we'll see if I'm fortunate enough to be a paid artist!

And I really, really, really want to have some Peeps arts and crafts time tomorrow. I've become slightly enamored with the idea of Peeps Wreaths and Peeshi (Peeps Sushi)

I'm so tired!

Lately, I either want to just sleep (or sleep with someone).

But dang it all, I love singing in the opera. I'm going to miss "The Magic Flute" after it closes this weekend.

Hopefully, I'll have some videos/pictures to post soon!

XOXO

Imperfect ranting time!

I realize that we are coming up on a time where someone relatively notorious or famous will arrive at schools across our country and give students a pep talk. These people will talk about overcoming obstacles, weathering the adversaries of the past to attain success of the future. Basically, change is inevitable – so “just do it”. Change yourself into someone better, smarter, faster, more worthy. But we can’t change junk into gold. Don’t we have to start with a wonderful ingredient to gain an incredible product?

I’m not saying I’m perfect, or infallible, or a role model. But I believe I am a sort of inadvertent role model, since we look to other humans to dictate our place in society. I’m not saying to fight the resistance or not to change for the better, but I do want us all to embrace our mistakes and our imperfections. Because we are a great product that can be improved upon, we can all be the best people we can be, all because we have started with the best raw ingredients from our genetics.

Why am I writing this all out? Maybe because I’ve gotten to this point in my life that I realize through my friends and students that everyone has insecurities. Maybe because I’m sick of wonderful and beautiful people defining themselves as unworthy through the perceptions of others. Maybe because I realize I might only have 30 years left and I don’t want to waste the rest of my life the way I wasted the last half of my life.

We cannot control what people think of us when they see us. It’s human nature. But we can control how we define ourselves. I wasted a lot of my life taking my body and my mind for granted. If someone liked me, it was a fluke. If someone disliked me, they were right, I should change to a more neutral, inoffensive version of myself to please more people. Yes, there were times when I thought I was pretty awesome and did what I wanted to do because I was smart or pretty, or rarely, at times both.

But as I reach the end of my 20’s, I wish I had the courage ten, 15, or 20 years earlier to appreciate who I am. My frizzy hair that I hated, I now love because it reminds me of my dad’s hair. My big bosom that I hated because it was either “pornographic”, “motherly” or “unhealthy”, I’m now quite proud of it, because it reminds me how strong my mom is fighting breast cancer. My short frame and weight that I hated made me not want to eat in hopes that I may look more generically attractive, I can now appreciate because I am lucky to be healthy and have it to do activities I love.

I can now appreciate who I am and what I am because my body housed and nourished a smart brain with good ideas. My body, although not “perfect”, allows me to swim and dance and sing and act and do things I love and causes me great daily happiness. My body has always taken care of me, even when I haven’t fed it, walked it or appreciated it. I always thought it was not good enough for me, but over the years, I admit, I have been proved wrong.

Other people who did not think similarly to me told me my ideas were stupid, silly and bad. I was told that “I couldn’t wear that” or that I can only look a certain way because of my shape. I wasn’t worth other people’s time because of how I looked, what I said or how I acted. I was an inconvenience on public transportation or in warm weather because I took up too much unattractive space. My self worth was exponentially decreased if my dress/pants size were in the double digits. I really wished I hadn’t wasted so much of my life listening to this, forgive my language, but shit.

So anyway – I am saying this now because I see and hear other people with similar but different issues. If you are thin, fat, marked with scars and birthmarks and acne, tall, short, have bad hair, too tan, too pale, you hate your hands, or you don’t like your feet, whatever… None of these outward things matter. Isn’t uniqueness important to society? Isn’t diversity of ideas, backgrounds and outward appearances important? I believe they are. I know others that do too. And I regret the years I limited myself because I thought I had nothing to contribute to others. I regret not asking people out because I admired them. I regret not going swimming when it was really hot. I regret not eating chocolate in front of other people in fears they’d say “Oh, no wonder she’s unhealthy.” I regret dying my hair brown when I wanted to have blonde hair. I regret not going out in fears it would make me look “less smart”. I regret not saying something when I thought I had a good idea that went against the status quo. I regret not applying for a job because I did not think I was qualified or smart enough. I realize now that even when I was chastised for doing these things, feeling bad for two seconds by someone else was not as bad as feeling bad for months or years because I wasn’t proud of who I was. Rejection never hurt as bad as not being proud of myself.

So, yes, society and other people will try and define you. But so what? We have to be a part of society in order to be successful. However, we can all think these things, but until we bring them out and talk about these issues, we’re never going to change anything. We’re never going to be happy in whom we are and what our backgrounds are if we allow this myth to pervade our thoughts and actions.

So yes, maybe this might have been more effective coming from that famous person in a springtime scholastic speech, but I don’t think so. You know me. I think from that simple fact may allow you to be proud of yourself in he same way that I have become proud of myself. And why I am proud of you and why we’re friends.

Will I not change just because I’m happy with what I am currently? Of course not! I can only get better. I can take better care of myself to live longer so that I can have more ideas, learn new dances, sing new songs, and try new things. I want everyone to have that chance. Oh yeah, and I don’t want to be seen as someone who simply is an androgynous or asexual waste of space – I want to be, and will be, a genius sexpot. So there. The more people who are brave to put themselves out there, I believe that society will change for the better; we will become healthier as a society. We won’t have people being alone and outcast, we won’t have girls not eating because they don’t like themselves, we won’t have people with good ideas pushed aside and into obscurity.

Anyway, that’s my rant. I’m glad I was able to get that out in the open and express that to others because I love you the way that you are. I want us all to be the best, different, versions of ourselves that we can be. And I don’t want us to all wait until we are halfway done with our one life to realize they could have done so much more.

Aw - my mom sent me this movie and overall, it's cute. But this last speech made me cry!



It makes you want to walk around naked all the time - never surrender JOY!