yeeah so it was my birthday, i had fun, looked nang, and now i'm ill! purely snot ras.
so listen, to those of you who know Lulubelle, she MAY be taking over this account soon cos all i really wanted it for was drawing ref. her account went byebye for UNDISCLOSED REASONS.
roobear has no internet atm so if she does take it she might not be back for awhile.

thankyou to everyone who was nice!


let me know if you want my email etc.

hello.

for lunch i am going to have rice and peas. i remember reading/hearing about a caribbean family who had christmas lunch with tons of food crammed on the table, different rice and fish and jerk chicken and plantain and it sounded so fucking lush.
i want it to be summery. i like that word it's like "buttery". want to go to finsbury and get jamaican take-away, wanna shop on walthamstow market, brick lane market, camden market. i want to go with frienddss.

soon there will be pictures soon there will be music, and moonlight, and love and ro-mance.
right now all i got is this:

TEKNO !

im going to cook my ja-fake-an lunch now and play some bashment.
KEEP IT DOWN PHASS.

why does suicidegirls keep deleting all the information on my GODDAMN PROFILE.
yeah so anyway. my life is still fucking governed by horrible horrible deadlines i do not want to face.



this is what i look like mostly. i need to be blonde really. soon.
i feel half like my life is all sorted out: job, driving lessons, i go to THE GYM NOW!! but at the same time i feel so ugh so trapped so kept-in-a-box and i dont know what by. i feel free, surveying, ON TOP and also trapped in a little cloth house where i can see out i can feel outside the air of it through the loose weave of my house but, still i sit inside it.
i dont even care about this stupid play. make it die. brian friel you are shit.

here is my belly:



all stretchy. and im going to take another picture in EZAMAZACKLY SIX WEEKSSSSSS and see if i am skinnier.
the gym is like this:
bike
stretchy
weights
treadmill
weights
bike
stretchy and i can go whenever i want and it makes me feel good.

HAPPY VALENTINES EVERYBODY, love lives in our bellies. as you can see my belly is already very much full of love (with room for roxy too ok)
what are you doing for it?
XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxoxoxoxoxx

I AM SO FUCKING BEHIND IN WORK OH MY GOD OH MY GOD OH MY GODDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDD

seriously this isnt even funny stuff i have to do:

• photography project one - needs 5 images of perfect copies and some more text - NINTH OF FEB
• photog project two - needs me to print about 3 SETS of photos (lonngting), shoot my final set, design outfits for my final set, a bunch of annotation and text - NINTH OF FEB
• at least a draft of one english essay, about 1000 words by TOMORROWWWWWW or i get put on contract
• gotta do one cohesive argument for my massive philosophy essay FOR FRIDAY!!!!!
• also: save money, get job, book driving lessons.
• the rest of my art project including THREE FUCKING FINAL PIECES by march 5th

ive got, so much to do. i don't see how i'm going to do it, unless i spend most of next week either in the darkroom or skiving. waaaah. i hope i CAN do it all. my english teacher really fucking pissed me off by telling me i'd get put on contract with my tutor who i DONT. EVEN. KNOW. what a fucking cunt, right? ras.
and im gwan LDN this weekend. so i cant even do any work! i think i might die of stress?


anyway, i'll probably edit later BECAUSE I NEED TO SHARE MY STRESS WITH AN INANIMATE OBJECT.
also something that pissed me off: my mum's home early?! fuck offff i need this one hour in the house alone you bitch. arrrrgh. mums are wastegash.

and i'm back with my boyfriend, luke.

today has made me feel weird and i dont really know why. maybe just because little things keep going not-quite-as-expected.
im a bit less-behind in art (at college) but it's still kind of boring.
i need to drive again but i'm worried i've forgotten after having a post-op SPAK leg for so long.
in photography my films KEEP coming out with only a handful of developed frames and i NONO why and it's really getting to me because the images are the only parts i need to do. those deadlines are SO fucking close, too.
taling about jack twice put me in a really weird mood to - he royally fucked me off last night and it made me kinda weirdly angry-depressed-sad-bored. aaaaaaahi dunno.

plus my cardigan is fucking itchy.


here is my crack whore shlut make up rom roxy's the other night.



and here is me and roxy trying to convince the world we are not lesbians. and probably failing right.

anyway. just give me something nice to think about tell me something, nice about you
or something to make me happy.
xxxxxxxx

MY MOTHERFUCKING ART.

please check it out (on a regular-ish basis) and tell me what you think okay.
love xzxzx

hiya! happy motherfucking friday everyone.

today i had an exam and i missed the WHOLE back page which means i missed out half the WHOLE FUCKING EXAM. ah well, it was only general studies. and i decided to carry on studying philosophy and so am starting to study satre (and aristotle). it's very existentially and makes me feel like, a big sexy geek. even though je ne suis pas aussi intelligent que les autres danse ma classe! trés philosophique uh?!

i want to go to paris in my february half term.

me dancing. heartshearts.


okokok so, luke (my ex..sort of sorting it out with thing) is coming this weekend WHAT SHALL WE DO?
i feel kind of excited for some reason - about, growing up.

roxy is my thelma. AND I LOVE HER.
next week: plans for selling my art and plans for getting skinnier.
LOVE xzxzx

on friday night i went to [BANGFACE (in electrowerkz in angel in london in england in the world in the univerrrse). it was pretty good but i didn't really get high but i spent alot of time talking to my ex-boyfriend and we are working it out. maybe getting back together. it's just that, i see things (not boys i mean just, things, inspiration you know.) ad i want to be free and on my own. and he lives in london not here. which is okay sometimes but when i'm poor it doesn't help. and the fact i'm being so practically-minded means something i think.
i notice it in my writing too. when i handwrite, my letters are sticking way more to the line theyre on than ever before. maybe i have changed a little.
anyway - drop the lime was fucking HEAVY and i danced on stage (pretty much on my own) for like all of his set. i felt like i was leading the crowd like a little cheerleader. it was awesome; euphoric. but aaargh man i was fucking knackered. getting home was gash boi, scon is miserable after a night out. we had to stay up all night, we were out for about 14 hours. awake for about 40-41 hours. ouch yeah?

i bought books and films in cheltenham in a fast, bad mood. i blame the tired.
i had a lovely tea. a lovely sleep.

i hope everthing works out okay with me and him. i feel today like i should be doing things with my life. i am starting today i think. to do those things i always wanted to get to magazines to get to doing some things like that.


ALSO i had a brownie this morning and it is my last cake, biscuit, chocolate or anything like that until my birthday.
alrighhhht.
xzxzxzx


bangface after.