Not updated in ages! Hope everyone is having a wonderful Christmas

The thought that I may be one of theses people who are apparently ‘addicted’ to porn has always been in the back of my mind, since I was at High School my humour and behaviour often revolved around sexual themes and innuendo, enjoying many of the more adult-themed shows through the last couple of years of high school (I would have been fifteen) and often fantasising about sexual scenarios involving many of the girls in and below my year… and in some cases even teachers.

I tend to watch a vast, vast amount of porn, I would estimate probably five-six hours a day! And now, of course, I have started to produce, edit and distribute pornography.

Lately I have started visiting strip clubs and lap dancing clubs and have in fact contemplated visiting a brothel or paying for an escort – I do not know why, I can truly not answer that question. If I was to hazard an analysis I would suggest perhaps that everything is set-up and ready, all the work and effort required to date and settle down really is all done for you in an adult film or with the use of escorts/brothels. Fantasies are often better than reality and that is what each of the aforementioned ‘products’ offer, a pre-built environment/scenario that you can participate in without finding the time to converse or met others.

Last weekend I dropped over £250 in a local strip club and am now financially crippled for this month as that cash really was required to settle debts and I also have three shoots lined up before my next pay day in January which will in turn generate more debts. The possibility to reschedule the shoots exists but I really don’t like to date, especially if my shoddy budgeting gets in the way… It’s not very professional is it?

The proposed definition of Pornography addiction:

I wouldn’t necessarily say my viewing or production for that matter was detrimental to my own life; I hold a non-porn related Office job, am an active member of my family and am able to focus on other activities. I would say that perhaps my ability in securing long-term relationships/friendships are hindered, with both sexes.

Some days are worse than others in terms of porn consumption, and time spent depends on time spent elsewhere at work and such like. However my mind is constantly latched on to sex, I’m always imagining sexual scenarios and adventures, even scenes that are too elaborate to ever make to a production stage, I will be sitting at my desk at work and out of the blue i’ll be watching my own dirty little fuck film in my head as if the back of my eye lids had large projector screens….

I can see and feel the danger of too much time turned to the sexual, but is it really as dangerous as I have been lead to believe or rather something that if I embraced it and let go of these worries, largely created by others, something that I could enjoy even more and perhaps be happier and content with the desires that I find myself having each and every day.

To be clear, though, I don’t consider porn to be dangerous in the sense that it might turn me into some kind of sex maniac… I do not buy in to all that shit, if your a sex maniac or predator you are before any kind of excessive porn exposure, I mean I feel it’s danger in a way that the ever-growing frequency of exposure, for me personally, could eat up my life and ultimately, honestly, be a waste of time that could be better spent doing something else, that is probably more productive.

I really don’t have time for people who self-diagnose themselves with illnesses or diseases, even more so when a health professional’s advice isn’t even sought in fact I more likely to discount their claims as attention-seeking or worse – lies!

My love of porn has taken me on quite a journey, most of which has been enjoyable to date and an awesome adventure, the totally awesome, strongest people in the World that I have met so far from performers to producers to crew to sex toy testers have really made my current confused state worth it and something I couldn’t possibly regret.

I've been fairly busy of late with my new(ish) site, a promotion at work, several new shoots and the usual living stuff on top! Life is terribly frustrating at present.

Sometimes, no matter how many steps forward I take - I take twice as many back, my passion and enthusiasm is brought crashing down by many of my 'friends' and their perceptions blur their thoughts and opinouns against me and my work. I am literally on my own and it's lonely... sometimes and fun others!

My smut production is rolling forwards, after deciding to change the domain and title of benyatesphotography, to one that allowed me more anonymity for my day to day life and work with local government... More and more people at work are finding it through google and a flick through the site would shine the spot light right at me.

During the process of rebranding, changing watermarks and validating each of my pages code I made the decision to start researching how I could begin recouping production costs through the web. Minutes later I had applied to CCBILL for a merchants account.

Today, my account is active, payments and subscriptions is set up and my members content almost ready

I'm pretty damn stoked, one of my biggest goals since I started shooting was to establish and actively run a pay site. I hope this is one of many and that i get to turn my other ideas in to member earning sites.

The lack of a serious, commercial adult industry in the U.K saddens me and not only makes the pursuit of a career in adult entertainment more expensive but way more difficult than in other countries, notably the United States.

An industry isn’t non-existent on our little Island but it is definitely smaller and more restricted than it’s International counter parts, this all adds to what makes it one of the smallest adult industries in the World. Also, there are fewer, practically none, advisory entities such as; legal professions specialising in this area of industry, medical professionals like AIM and adult DVD shops are very few and far between.

It seems that so much of our legislation these days in the UK comes from existing American Law, though heavily changed, Our Government has still literally ‘borrowed’ it from across the Atlantic. Yet we fail to see adult entertainment as a viable business and still treat it with a certain level of disdain, we fail to protect it and we fail to see the value of offering the U.K up as a platform for the continued growth and distribution of adult entertainment.

Are we still a nation of prudes?

…and is pornography any more ‘dangerous’ and ‘corrupting’ of Society than Alcohol and Tobacco – industries we have welcomed with open arms, largely due to the revenue it brings our Government, despite they’re enormous effects on our health.

Went back to my fave club in Manchester on Friday night. I went straight from work with a couple of colleagues so I was suited and booted, we only got in because the bouncer knows my face.

I was shocked, a culture, a movement that prides itself on being accepting, welcoming and non-judgemental against others turned out to be pretty vile in fact. Several patrons, mostly made up of emo chicks, were incredibly rude throughout the time we was there.

It didn't get to me emotionally, but it did make me think that the alt culture, especially in Manchester, is not as it once was!

Back from my kinky weekend... more to come on that later

Some more pics from my shoot last week:

Just got a nice little check from CCBILL for affiliate cash - at a time when I'm skint and really need a bit of extra cash

Later I'm off to be a slave for the weekend. I'm gutted that Stoya is leaving Digital Playground

Yes, I've in deed spent more money. It's unending.

I feel the results justify, to a degree, the expense this time round. Fresh from a 2-Day shooting spree (the photography kind), I shot three models over ten hours, two of whom I have worked with before and another I had not but will be booking again. I'm sure you'll agree she is hot.

I've not got around to downloading Katie's pics yet. More to come when do.


Jodie was awesome to shoot, a new favourite of mine.








Paradise was as good as ever.



Obviously full sets with ruder content will be available on my site as soon as it relaunches.

Sometimes I want to give up, I have these days where I look at what I've got, what I think I'll have and all that I dream about... It all seems distant and so far away from where I wish I was.

My bank balance is in the red more than ever. I have lots more responsibility at work and still only on basic salary. Reality is slowly squashing the passion I once had for my dreams, desires and ambitions out of me to the point that making it through a day is joyous enough.

I feel unrealized and so completely overwhelmed.

Had my corporate photo taken today for my involvement with Staff Reps - totally wasn't expecting to be acosted for my photo. Glad they smoothed it out a bit.



It goes up on the company's web site and staff Intranet on Monday - eeeeeeeek!