I cursed out my boss and walked out on that asshole.

And I am so freaking happy I did.

It seems that I love hurting myslef.
No not in the cutting, stabbing, hitting myself kind a way. So don't worry.
But in the putting myself in a situation in which I cannot come out of feeling good. Regardless of what is going on.
There was a blog I had read during the weekend that basically detailed everything that I am going through. That is "wanting the person you'll never have".
Out of my league. Too intimidating to approach. Never go for me. The person with the stellar good looks, intelligence to match, and sweetness to boot.
They dominate my fantasies.
The irresistible seduction of sanity.
And I'll never have them.

HA I am pathetic.
Ah the pain of not being a perfect looking person and too damn shy to even say anything

I saw a movie that has opened my eyes and mind to somethings that have been nagging me.
My inability to be who I am.
I have no life. I wake up to go to work and service the idiots, dumbfucks, retards, prissy, uneducated, illmannered, cocksuckers, wealthy, assholes, pathetic, sacks of shit, worthless, etc. human beings for over 12 hours a day. And at the end of the day sleep to just wake up and
do it all over again. I get no praise when things are done well. No one notices those. All they see are the wrongs and then they shit on you.
Stress, depression, hatred, lonliness, pain, and suffering are my friends and lovers. They wake me in the middle of the night. They hang out with me during the day. They torment me to sleep.
My heart is a icey, black, stone pumping the fluids that keep me going day to day.
I am no one. I am nothing. I am a speck of dirt that needs to be wiped clean.

I want my life back.
I want myself back.