Been a long tinme since I have posted here.

Life has been this mix of rare really cool moments and mostly really fucked up crappy shit.

I have managed to fall in love with a woman who has absolutely no time for me. I think she has the interest, but she cannot get her shit well enough together to have the time. It is quite depressing.

My depression has not improved at all and while I am griping about everyone else I have no room to throw stones, I am barely functional most of the time (although apparently I am faking it better than the people around me).

My roomate cannot keep a job, or get his shit together financially. So naturally he invited his girlfriend to live with us. Sometimes she is nice. At least she is finally employed after about 5 months living here.

I just got a friend request from someone here. That is only the second time that has happened. I wonder why the invite was sent. Guess I should ask.

So I just found out an acquaintance of mine died from a drug overdose. It is sad really, I knew her boyfriend had drug problems and I know she was submissive in the extreme, so I wonder how much the two combined to create her misfortune. I am having a hard time feeling bad though. I kinda feel like she made a choice and suffered the consequences and that feels uncharitable or judgmental.

But what really has me upset is that about 30 minutes after I found out, my reaction was "guess I won't get back that book I loaned her". That just makes me feel really selfish.

Been a long time since I posted.

Since my last post involved remodeling and the bathtub from hell. I will say this. We got it done without injury.

More recently....I have completely fallen for a wonderful woman who absolutely hasn't got her shit together. In fact, I have rarely met someone with more fucked up shit going on at one time. Scratch that, I don't think I have ever met anyone with more fucked up shit going on (perhaps a few that come somewhat close and I am probably the person who comes in second).

ya know what? I don't care. when we are together the world is a wonderful place. Too bad I get about an hour of her time a week right now (so mostly the world is NOT a wonderful place).

My seasonal depression has been really bad this year. Oh Joy!

In addition, I have had insomnia for about 3 months. I was originally sleeping about 3-4 hours nightly. Now I am sleeping 3-4 hours every 2 days or so. It has made focusing on anything nearly impossible and driving not such a good idea.

In other news, my mother informed me Christmas morning that she hasn't really approved of anything I have done with my life in the last 25 years.That set the tone for what I already consider to be the worst day of the year. I hope she isn't too upset when I fail to answer or return her calls for a while, but I really do not want to speak to her.

Thats about it.

I hurt all over.

Monday - I helped my friend Alex demolish the upstairs bathroom of his girlfriend Beth. We took the room down to the studs so they could get a plumber and electrician in. We discovered that the tub was cast Iron. It is still at the top of the stairs. I am guessing it weighs at least 400 lbs and probably more like 600+ lbs. Poor Beth, she has a massive tub blocking one of her rooms upstairs, a bathroom with nothing at all in it (and no shower or tub anywhere else in the house) and a front porch loaded with debris from her bathroom because the dumpster wasn't delivered like it should have been. Add to that, on Tuesday the plumber said he can't get in there for about a week.

Tuesday - Helped my friend Heather by putting doors on the 2 bedrooms in her tenants apartment. The guy she paid to do the work, both took her money and her doors (with hardware). It was a bit of a comedy or errors, I thought it might take 3-5 hours. Turned out it took 11hours. But, they are in and they are done properly.

Today - The plan is to load the Dumpster at Beths. The dumpster was delivered yesterday. The plan also includes bringing the tub down the stairs. This later part of the plan frightens me. The stairs are narrow and steep. Only 1 person is going to be able to do the vast majority of the work (from the low side). There is nothing to hold onto on the tub (the shape just doesn't offer any good handle). If the low side person loses control I cannot see how they are going to escape without a permanently crippling or fatal injury. I also know Alex is not strong enough to be on the low side.

I woke up at 3:30 in so much pain that I need to try and at least delay the tub moving part of the plan. My knees and back are screaming from the work of the last 2 days. I have become so sedintary it is disgusting. Mostly I work from a home office and sit in a chair at the computer. I need to get more exercise. Certainly I cannot just jump in to long days of physical labor anymore. As much as they say it sucks to get old or fat. Doing both if represented mathematecially is not "old + fat = suck" nor is it "old x fat = Suck", it would be more like "old to the power of fat = SUCK!" (sorry can't seem to figure out superscript here.)

Ah well, aspirin and bed for me.

Cut my hair today.

No big deal right? Well, it has been 7 years since I had more than just the ends trimmed (the profile pic is about 6 years old). So there was about 24 inches of hair taken off. My roomate freaked when I got home.

I wanted a physical change and can't afford new ink or piercings right now.

Well yesterday thoroughly sucked!

I bought plane tickets for someone I thought was a friend to come vist. She was to arrive yesterday and leave tomorrow.

Apparently she went out partying Thusday night and so overslept and missed her train to the airport, thus missing her 1:45 PM flight, which didn't actually leave until 2:43 PM. Stuff happens and I did get my feelings hurt a bit that she didn't make it enough of a priority to make the flight.

BUT WHAT PISSES ME OFF! ....is that she;
a) never called to tell me that she missed her train and wasn't going to make the flght (so I spent more than 2 hours at the airport waiting for her late flight, only to have to ask the airline long after the flight had arrived if she had boarded the flight, not to mention travel time, time I took out from my workday, and parking fees)
b) That it toook several calls and 5 hours on my part (trying to find out if she was ok) to find out from her brother that she had overslept.
c) That 28 hours have passed since she missed the flight and she still has yet to call me to even let me know she is alive.

Guess I should make this my "Most humbling moment". Certainly it is one that made me feel heinously used.

Am I being unreasonable?

For leWhitelines per her post.

1. Would you be in control?

2. Would you pull my hair?

3. Would you whisper in my ear?

4. Would you talk dirty to me?

5. Would you kiss me with a little tongue or a lot of tongue?

6. Would you say my name?

7. Would you go down on me?

8. Would you let me give you a hickie?

9. How many rounds would we go?

10. What would you wanna do afterwards?

11. Would you take off all ur clothes then take mine off slowly?

12. Would you lick and bite me all over?

13. Would you like 2 play or get straight to the point?

14. Would you want me to take my time?

15. Would u fall asleep when we were done?

16. Would u want me to go fast or slow?

17. Where would u wanna "do it" at?

18 Would u be loud or quiet?

19. Would you mind if i licked you?

20. Would you do it 2day?

21. Would you do it 2morrow?

So the gas company still hasn't found my check, so I have to pull $2k out of my ass in the morning to make sure I can get the service reconnected in time for this coming weekend. Since I lost most of last weekends income. Also, wouldn't you know tonight and tomorrow look to be the coldest 2 days of the winter. I have a ton of electric heaters running to try and keep the pipes from freezing. Can't wait to see my electric bill.

Ah the joys of entrepenuerial life!

My business bank and the gas company have fucked me good.

I was annoyed with my bank when I went to pay the clubs gas bll through online banking because there was a 6 day delay before the "earliest available delivery date" and the date that I tried to make the payment ( I tried to make the payment on the 19th and they said they couldn't deliver it until the 26th. Well, as it turns out the gas company doesn't accept electronic payments (this is not indicated anywhere), so the delay was actually the bank writing a check to the gas company (Which I would have done myself if I hadn't been led to believe that paying online would be quicker).

Unbeknownst to me, yesterday they cut the gas to the building and thus we had no heat or hot water (which I did not discover until I tried to turn the heat up mid-way through last nights shift, and apparently the shut off isn't absolute because the pilot lights remain lit, there just isn't enough gas to power the furnace or the water heater). So I was up all night trying to trouble shoot the furnace and water heater.

The good news is during winter months the Gas company offers saturday morning customer service so that I could talk to them (the rest of the year they only have CSR's Monday through Friday). Thus, I discovered this morning that the Gas company had discontinued my service. I also was informed it takes 7-14 days for the gas company to process a check, therefore, they have no record of my payment and want the entire balance paid by cashiers check at a "payment station" to resume service (with a reconnection fee added) and with service not being available until Monday at the earliest. So I lose tonights income as well.

They could have at least kissed me first and considered a little lube.

Feeling very much like the american male today. Was flirtingwith an attractive young woman last night who said she had no husband, wife, SO etc... I asked if there was some reason she had chosen this as I felt certain that she has had the opportunity. She answered that she was waiting for the person who she was going to marry and have children with, I had a very "woah, back off" kind of internal reaction. I didn't say anything and I didn't flee. But I didn't volunteer either.

I feel kind of bad and I don't know why. Tthat really is not where my head is and or what I am looking for/need right now.