Another post from my blog. Since I'm still getting a lot of random hits from my "10 Ugly Mistakes Women Make that Ruin Any Chance For a Relationship" post, I'm hoping to catch random assholes with this one, too. 
How to get her to suck *content warning*
This little charmer of a headline was waiting in my Spam mailbox this morning. Rather than see what glorious (read: gross/rapey/triggering) wisdom and/or product they have to offer, I thought I'd take the opportunity to offer my own sage advice.
How to get her to suck:
1. When in her presence, or posting anywhere online where the intended female may view your comments, reinforce gender stereotypes and laud women who do the same, whilst simultaneously complimenting and slut-shaming women you find sexually attractive. Make sure that you put out as many messages as possible, post them all over your Facebook wall, tweet them, blog about them, etc. Make sure she cannot escape reading them.
2, Compliment her on "not being like other girls" any time she does something misogynistic. Use it as a compliment of the highest order. Encourage her to prove how much better she is than other women, especially if that means degrading other women in the process.
3. Sexually harass her. If she reacts badly, tell her it was a joke. Get other female friends to tell her to lighten up. Keep this up until she accepts the sexual harassment as complimentary, ordinary, and something to look forward to. Encourage her to brow-beat other women who speak out against sexual harassment.
4. Tell rape jokes around her. Commend her if she laughs at them. Encourage her to tell some herself. Applaud her for being so "edgy" and "not like typical girls" and "just one of the guys".
5. If she has a grudge or grievance with another woman or girl, encourage her to slut-shame them. The other person's sexuality doesn't even need to be remotely connected to the issue. The more acrimonious her slut-shaming, the more you should laugh and cheer her on.
6. Have movie nights where you watch sexually violent and degrading movies and make fun of the female characters who are brutalized in these films. If she acts uncomfortable or tries to leave the room, make fun of her, saying "it's only a movie." Make sure she knows her feelings of discomfort are both unwelcome and completely unwarranted.
7. Any time she is mildly unhappy or not enthusiastic, accuse her of being on her period. Use her objections as proof of her being visited by her Aunt Flo. If she admits to being on her period, say "I knew it", and make a generalized statements about how menstruation makes women inferior to men. Make sure she laughs at the joke, otherwise it's further evidence of her menstrual moodiness.
8. Don't let her do anything for herself. Whether it be changing a tire, changing the channel, updating her computer operating system, or anything other than shopping, cooking, and child-rearing. If she doesn't let you do things for her, accuse her of being an uppity feminist. If she does let you, use it as proof that women can't do these things.
9. Always use her as an example of her entire gender when she's doing something wrong/ bad/ weird, etc, and as an exception to the rule any time she does something good/ right/ cool, etc. Make sure she agrees when you point these out. If she doesn't agree, go back to #7.
10. Make exaggerated and sexually-charged comments about women in the media who benefit from personal trainers, plastic surgery, and air-brushing. Point out all the flaws in women you see at the grocery store, on the news, online, etc. Make sure to add a few digs here and there about her complexion, figure, hair, and how they don't match Angelina Jolie or Megan Fox. If she remarks on the personal trainers, etc, go back to #7, and/or any of the other tactics.
11. Ensure she's never confident in her own opinion. Even if she's 100% right. If she has evidence, say she's misunderstanding your original point, or that her evidence doesn't quite apply exactly to the particular way you've phrased the issue. Correct her at every opportunity. And when she looks to you for validation, point out that she's not confident.
There. Now, if you go through all of the above steps with the intended woman or girl you were originally posing the question about, she will be one sucky human being. Or, she'll stop returning your calls and completely block you out of her life and devote the rest of her days to feminism and challenging schmucks like you. Really could go either way.
How to get her to suck *content warning*
This little charmer of a headline was waiting in my Spam mailbox this morning. Rather than see what glorious (read: gross/rapey/triggering) wisdom and/or product they have to offer, I thought I'd take the opportunity to offer my own sage advice.
How to get her to suck:
1. When in her presence, or posting anywhere online where the intended female may view your comments, reinforce gender stereotypes and laud women who do the same, whilst simultaneously complimenting and slut-shaming women you find sexually attractive. Make sure that you put out as many messages as possible, post them all over your Facebook wall, tweet them, blog about them, etc. Make sure she cannot escape reading them.
2, Compliment her on "not being like other girls" any time she does something misogynistic. Use it as a compliment of the highest order. Encourage her to prove how much better she is than other women, especially if that means degrading other women in the process.
3. Sexually harass her. If she reacts badly, tell her it was a joke. Get other female friends to tell her to lighten up. Keep this up until she accepts the sexual harassment as complimentary, ordinary, and something to look forward to. Encourage her to brow-beat other women who speak out against sexual harassment.
4. Tell rape jokes around her. Commend her if she laughs at them. Encourage her to tell some herself. Applaud her for being so "edgy" and "not like typical girls" and "just one of the guys".
5. If she has a grudge or grievance with another woman or girl, encourage her to slut-shame them. The other person's sexuality doesn't even need to be remotely connected to the issue. The more acrimonious her slut-shaming, the more you should laugh and cheer her on.
6. Have movie nights where you watch sexually violent and degrading movies and make fun of the female characters who are brutalized in these films. If she acts uncomfortable or tries to leave the room, make fun of her, saying "it's only a movie." Make sure she knows her feelings of discomfort are both unwelcome and completely unwarranted.
7. Any time she is mildly unhappy or not enthusiastic, accuse her of being on her period. Use her objections as proof of her being visited by her Aunt Flo. If she admits to being on her period, say "I knew it", and make a generalized statements about how menstruation makes women inferior to men. Make sure she laughs at the joke, otherwise it's further evidence of her menstrual moodiness.
8. Don't let her do anything for herself. Whether it be changing a tire, changing the channel, updating her computer operating system, or anything other than shopping, cooking, and child-rearing. If she doesn't let you do things for her, accuse her of being an uppity feminist. If she does let you, use it as proof that women can't do these things.
9. Always use her as an example of her entire gender when she's doing something wrong/ bad/ weird, etc, and as an exception to the rule any time she does something good/ right/ cool, etc. Make sure she agrees when you point these out. If she doesn't agree, go back to #7.
10. Make exaggerated and sexually-charged comments about women in the media who benefit from personal trainers, plastic surgery, and air-brushing. Point out all the flaws in women you see at the grocery store, on the news, online, etc. Make sure to add a few digs here and there about her complexion, figure, hair, and how they don't match Angelina Jolie or Megan Fox. If she remarks on the personal trainers, etc, go back to #7, and/or any of the other tactics.
11. Ensure she's never confident in her own opinion. Even if she's 100% right. If she has evidence, say she's misunderstanding your original point, or that her evidence doesn't quite apply exactly to the particular way you've phrased the issue. Correct her at every opportunity. And when she looks to you for validation, point out that she's not confident.
There. Now, if you go through all of the above steps with the intended woman or girl you were originally posing the question about, she will be one sucky human being. Or, she'll stop returning your calls and completely block you out of her life and devote the rest of her days to feminism and challenging schmucks like you. Really could go either way.
I made the following blog post as a larf, but it turns out it's been attracting the most accidental hits to my blog. HAH! Suckers!
"10 Ugly Mistakes Women Make that Ruin Any Chance For a Relationship"
Apparently that's the title of an ad that came up on Dictionary.com. I missed the ad itself and couldn't track it down and now feel like I'm missing out on some vital and life-changing information.
To correct this injustice, I'm going to take a crack at that list:
"10 Ugly Mistakes Women Make that Ruin Any Chance For a Relationship"
Apparently that's the title of an ad that came up on Dictionary.com. I missed the ad itself and couldn't track it down and now feel like I'm missing out on some vital and life-changing information.
To correct this injustice, I'm going to take a crack at that list:
10. Menstruating - ick! Lock that shit up, ladies
9. Farting - sttoooooppppp!!!! BLARGHUGHJKH!!!!!
8. Belching - what is this, a frat house? COME AWN!!!
7. Drinking beer - leads to the above (although not sure about menstruating, but I'm sure it doesn't help)
6. Wearing grannie panties - amirite, ladies? No man will ever love you if you dont' spend your days being sliced in two by ass floss
5. Cellulite - if you truly loved your body and the mens, you wouldn't let this happen. It's just downright disrespectful.
4. Pooping - this can be easily resolved by not consuming solids. Come on, ladies. Priorities!
3. Getting fat - icky! See above
2. Being hairy - shave everything below the hairline, including eyebrows. They can be pencilled back on, so what's the biggie? And don't let anyone touch you when you have stubble anywhere. That's just mean.
1. Getting old - this is the most dastardly trick of all. No more luring men in when you're 20 and having the audacity to turn 30, ladies. It doesn't just make your face and body ugly, it makes your soul ugly.
There. I hope I've improve your lives by dropping this knowledge on y'all.
So, I decided to try my hand at blogging again. Last year's attempt was a dismal failure because I was relying on my gf and our roommate to contribute. Big mistake. But, this time it's just me and I figure I'll be more successful since it doesn't rely on my cooking for every entry (which would mean I'd have to keep the kitchen clean - THE HORROR!!!!)
Here it is.
It might be lame, but it keeps me entertained and it's gotten me to keep focus on stuff I keep pushing off to the backburner (HAH! Food pun!). Let me know whatcha think.
As an extra incentive, there's furbabies. Lots and lots of furbabies.
Here it is.
It might be lame, but it keeps me entertained and it's gotten me to keep focus on stuff I keep pushing off to the backburner (HAH! Food pun!). Let me know whatcha think.
As an extra incentive, there's furbabies. Lots and lots of furbabies.
Canada suffered a devastating loss today. RIP, Jack Layton.
You were a great man who has left a great legacy. Here's to you, Jack.
You were a great man who has left a great legacy. Here's to you, Jack.
Time for some life-direction ponderings. I know I tend to make resolution-style To Do lists, but this is a little different. I've got a steady job (2 of them, actually) and will be caught up on bills in about 3 weeks, so I'm getting the money thing under control. I haven't volunteered any where (outside of participation in protests surrounding the Metro Bus strikes and the Slut Walk movement) in over a year. I did some intense and awesome writing last fall for the 3 Day Novel Writing Contest, and NaNoWriMo, but not a heck of a lot since (largely bc of the Slutwalks).
So, now I've got some intellectual space to fill. I mean, I have been extremely active almost non-stop since February in conversations surrounding the Slut Walk movement and how it relates to consent, slut-shaming, victim-blaming and rape culture. I feel like I've gotten to the point where I've perfected a lot of my arguments and am wondering if I can do more with them. More, perhaps, in the form of a blog or a book? I know there are millions of blogs out there that are effectively covering a lot of these same issues, so perhaps a book would be better and more concise?
I feel like it's time to get back into my writing and less internetness, and perhaps that would be one way to go about it. With my schedule, I just don't have the time or energy to get back into volunteering, yet, and likely won't until next year, after I've paid down my debts and can just stick to one job.
What say you? And what are the personal projects you want to start taking on?
So, now I've got some intellectual space to fill. I mean, I have been extremely active almost non-stop since February in conversations surrounding the Slut Walk movement and how it relates to consent, slut-shaming, victim-blaming and rape culture. I feel like I've gotten to the point where I've perfected a lot of my arguments and am wondering if I can do more with them. More, perhaps, in the form of a blog or a book? I know there are millions of blogs out there that are effectively covering a lot of these same issues, so perhaps a book would be better and more concise?
I feel like it's time to get back into my writing and less internetness, and perhaps that would be one way to go about it. With my schedule, I just don't have the time or energy to get back into volunteering, yet, and likely won't until next year, after I've paid down my debts and can just stick to one job.
What say you? And what are the personal projects you want to start taking on?
Well, here I am. Thhhhuh.... Thhhuh..... ahem. In the tenth year of my 20's.
So, as I am oft wont to do, I am going set a list of stuff I'd really like to accomplish. Perhaps my age and experience will help me formulate a likely plan that I will easily accomplish. Perhaps I will use my past accomplishments to really inspire myself to kick some serious ass now that I've got my angsty 20's out of the way. Or maybe I'll stick pretty close to the status quo. We'll see.
1. Stop letting so much food go to waste - the problem is no longer that we're eating out at restaurants all the time. we're broke as fuck and our usual splurge is to get ourselves a $5 pizza on payday. A big part of this problem is that we don't have enough tupperware containers to chop up veg as soon as we bring it home, so it gets tossed in the crisper, out of sight, out of mind, until it liquefies. Nom. So, the first step will be to get more tupperware containers. Then, for me to actually use them. Challenging, I know.
2. Eat more fresh veg - see step above.
3. Get money situation sorted - it's funny, bc this has been on my list since I've started making lists, and in the past 3 years my situation has only gone from bad to worse. I'm in the most financially vulnerable spot I've ever been in in my entire life. BUT, I also have the best job prospects now and I currently have 2 jobs, one of which will be starting tomorrow. My efforts to make myself a more valuable and sellable tech employee have been fruitful, and as a result since we've been back in Toronto, I've had a hell of a lot easier time finding work than I did when we were in St. John's or even when I was in Toronto last time. So, I might actually have a chance to get ahead on this now. Especially since Smurph and I don't plan on moving across Canada any time soon. Did you know moving is ludicrously expensive?
4. Get my career on track - I don't have a permanent position, yet, so this is no time to get complacent. I've got 3 months ahead of me on my current contract to prove to them they need to keep me around forever, or else to find another company that will. So I've got to make sure to use my big, sexy brain to soak up as much knowledge as I can before the fall and to rock some managerial socks right off.
5. Write more - last year was pretty good for this. I participated in the 3-Day Novel Contest in Sept and NaNoWriMo in November. I didn't finish either, but I've got decent stories started that I'm pretty proud of. I'm going to participate in both again this year, and hopefully I'll finish both. Fingers crossed.
6. Be less lazy - I am the epitome of lazy. My default position is glued to my computer. I really need to be better to my body by actually using it on a regular basis. Sometimes my work helps with this, in that I'll be basically getting a good weight-lifting workout when moving around workstations, but that's not nearly a regular enough occurrence to count.
7. Be more affectionate with Smurph - it's hard to cuddle with her when I've got a laptop on me.
8. Spend more time with friends and family - this has already been remarkably easier since moving back to Toronto. The location and layout of our apartment is perfect for entertaining, and we've already had more friends over since April 1st than we did the entire 2 years prior. That's pretty cool and makes me happy.
9. When things get tough, tally up the good stuff - I've got and done a lot to be proud of. Sure, finances suck and there are bound to be days when I'm so depressed I can't get out of bed, but I'm really lucky. I have an amazing gf who loves me, 2 healthy fur-babies, 2 healthy feather-babies, an awesome apartment in a building and location we love, a great career, family and friends who are loving and supportive, and I'm healthy and one sexy cougar. Win, amirite? I've just gotta remember that if I start getting collections calls.
Now, I'll start all of this a little later in the week. Right now I'm off sick at home with strep throat and think I'm gonna have a popsicle then take a nap.
So, as I am oft wont to do, I am going set a list of stuff I'd really like to accomplish. Perhaps my age and experience will help me formulate a likely plan that I will easily accomplish. Perhaps I will use my past accomplishments to really inspire myself to kick some serious ass now that I've got my angsty 20's out of the way. Or maybe I'll stick pretty close to the status quo. We'll see.
1. Stop letting so much food go to waste - the problem is no longer that we're eating out at restaurants all the time. we're broke as fuck and our usual splurge is to get ourselves a $5 pizza on payday. A big part of this problem is that we don't have enough tupperware containers to chop up veg as soon as we bring it home, so it gets tossed in the crisper, out of sight, out of mind, until it liquefies. Nom. So, the first step will be to get more tupperware containers. Then, for me to actually use them. Challenging, I know.
2. Eat more fresh veg - see step above.
3. Get money situation sorted - it's funny, bc this has been on my list since I've started making lists, and in the past 3 years my situation has only gone from bad to worse. I'm in the most financially vulnerable spot I've ever been in in my entire life. BUT, I also have the best job prospects now and I currently have 2 jobs, one of which will be starting tomorrow. My efforts to make myself a more valuable and sellable tech employee have been fruitful, and as a result since we've been back in Toronto, I've had a hell of a lot easier time finding work than I did when we were in St. John's or even when I was in Toronto last time. So, I might actually have a chance to get ahead on this now. Especially since Smurph and I don't plan on moving across Canada any time soon. Did you know moving is ludicrously expensive?
4. Get my career on track - I don't have a permanent position, yet, so this is no time to get complacent. I've got 3 months ahead of me on my current contract to prove to them they need to keep me around forever, or else to find another company that will. So I've got to make sure to use my big, sexy brain to soak up as much knowledge as I can before the fall and to rock some managerial socks right off.
5. Write more - last year was pretty good for this. I participated in the 3-Day Novel Contest in Sept and NaNoWriMo in November. I didn't finish either, but I've got decent stories started that I'm pretty proud of. I'm going to participate in both again this year, and hopefully I'll finish both. Fingers crossed.
6. Be less lazy - I am the epitome of lazy. My default position is glued to my computer. I really need to be better to my body by actually using it on a regular basis. Sometimes my work helps with this, in that I'll be basically getting a good weight-lifting workout when moving around workstations, but that's not nearly a regular enough occurrence to count.
7. Be more affectionate with Smurph - it's hard to cuddle with her when I've got a laptop on me.
8. Spend more time with friends and family - this has already been remarkably easier since moving back to Toronto. The location and layout of our apartment is perfect for entertaining, and we've already had more friends over since April 1st than we did the entire 2 years prior. That's pretty cool and makes me happy.
9. When things get tough, tally up the good stuff - I've got and done a lot to be proud of. Sure, finances suck and there are bound to be days when I'm so depressed I can't get out of bed, but I'm really lucky. I have an amazing gf who loves me, 2 healthy fur-babies, 2 healthy feather-babies, an awesome apartment in a building and location we love, a great career, family and friends who are loving and supportive, and I'm healthy and one sexy cougar. Win, amirite? I've just gotta remember that if I start getting collections calls.
Now, I'll start all of this a little later in the week. Right now I'm off sick at home with strep throat and think I'm gonna have a popsicle then take a nap.
Here it is. My last blog post as a 20-something woman, before I turn 30 tomorrow. And I'm shitting myself.
Now, I'm not exactly sure what I'm shitting myself over. I mean, I'm not worried about not having settled down, gotten married, bought a house, and had a stable white-picket-fence lifestyle. Because I've had that. I had all that before I was 25. I decided that all that wasn't where I needed to be and got a divorce.
It's not that my biological clock is ticking. I don't want kids and never have. That's another reason my marriage fell apart. I have furbabies, and they make me ridiculously happy and I'd just like to grow my family with more kids with 4 legs or feathers or gills, etc.
It's not that I haven't traveled or experienced the world. I've experienced a lot. Before my ex and I separated, we did a 3-week tour of Europe that took us through 9 different countries. Since I moved out from his place, I've taken greyhound trips across Canada from Ottawa to Vancouver, then flew from Vancouver to Halifax, and took the greyhound back from Halifax to Ottawa. And I lived in Burnaby, BC for one month before not being able to make rent and having to come back to Ontario. And I've lived in Toronto, ON, twice now, and spent a year in St. John's, NL in between.
It's not entirely the concern of my education all going to waste, either. I have my Advertising Diploma and I spent about 3 years in Pembroke working for various non-profit organizations in a marketing/ fundraising/ event-planning capacity. And then, since I got my Computer Systems Technician Diploma, last year in St. John's I only did IT work (aside from 1 banquet waitressing shift), and have already started and completed an IT contract here in Toronto, with rave reviews from my supervisor.
So, I think my problem is just money. For the first time in my life, I have bills that are a couple months overdue and no way at present to get caught up on them. Man, if money weren't an issue, I'd be fucking excited about turning 30. I'd be strutting my almost-30-y/o-ass around downtown and saying, "Yeah, that's right. I've got 3 decades under my belt, and look like I've only had time for maybe 2 1/2. Aw, giggity."
I think tomorrow I should do my just-turned-30-now-what resolution list. It feels about that time.
And I know how to throw together a sic Halloween costume in half an hour. With age comes wisdom.
Now, I'm not exactly sure what I'm shitting myself over. I mean, I'm not worried about not having settled down, gotten married, bought a house, and had a stable white-picket-fence lifestyle. Because I've had that. I had all that before I was 25. I decided that all that wasn't where I needed to be and got a divorce.
It's not that my biological clock is ticking. I don't want kids and never have. That's another reason my marriage fell apart. I have furbabies, and they make me ridiculously happy and I'd just like to grow my family with more kids with 4 legs or feathers or gills, etc.
It's not that I haven't traveled or experienced the world. I've experienced a lot. Before my ex and I separated, we did a 3-week tour of Europe that took us through 9 different countries. Since I moved out from his place, I've taken greyhound trips across Canada from Ottawa to Vancouver, then flew from Vancouver to Halifax, and took the greyhound back from Halifax to Ottawa. And I lived in Burnaby, BC for one month before not being able to make rent and having to come back to Ontario. And I've lived in Toronto, ON, twice now, and spent a year in St. John's, NL in between.
It's not entirely the concern of my education all going to waste, either. I have my Advertising Diploma and I spent about 3 years in Pembroke working for various non-profit organizations in a marketing/ fundraising/ event-planning capacity. And then, since I got my Computer Systems Technician Diploma, last year in St. John's I only did IT work (aside from 1 banquet waitressing shift), and have already started and completed an IT contract here in Toronto, with rave reviews from my supervisor.
So, I think my problem is just money. For the first time in my life, I have bills that are a couple months overdue and no way at present to get caught up on them. Man, if money weren't an issue, I'd be fucking excited about turning 30. I'd be strutting my almost-30-y/o-ass around downtown and saying, "Yeah, that's right. I've got 3 decades under my belt, and look like I've only had time for maybe 2 1/2. Aw, giggity."
I think tomorrow I should do my just-turned-30-now-what resolution list. It feels about that time.
And I know how to throw together a sic Halloween costume in half an hour. With age comes wisdom.
Aaaaaand I'm unemployed again. Boo-urns.
BUT, I've got cheap (yummy) pizza and sparkling wine and expensive (yummy) cheese, and I turn 30 in less than a week. And the supervisor at the company I just finished my contract for loves me and really super desperately wants to hire me on, and is hoping to be able to fire someone who is being a lazy douchetard to make room for me, or else he might have to wait until September. So.... it's been a good day?
BUT, I've got cheap (yummy) pizza and sparkling wine and expensive (yummy) cheese, and I turn 30 in less than a week. And the supervisor at the company I just finished my contract for loves me and really super desperately wants to hire me on, and is hoping to be able to fire someone who is being a lazy douchetard to make room for me, or else he might have to wait until September. So.... it's been a good day?
MAY 2012
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APRIL 2012
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MARCH 2012
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FEBRUARY 2012