It has been almost a full month since I last updated this. didja miss me? no? yeah, I thought not. fickle bunch, aren't ya? anyway. i decided I'd update this instead of actually working today. go me.

so now, now that I've spent at least half an hour watching various music videos and NOT updating this, now I think I'll type some words in here. hopefully they'll make sense.

I'll get the obvious out of the way first, I think: waffle. acorn. ambivalent. Styrofoam tubing. I'm Old Greg.

anyway, hi. how are you? I'm honestly a little surprised you're still reading, after that nonsense. and for you, the faithful (and probably very bored) reader, a treat. an actual update about my life. Body Massage Machine, Go!

I'm not sure if I put in here, I probably didn't, that I was transferred to .Mac. I don't take calls, I just answer e-mails, I get to listen to music all day long without any interruptions save food and waste control. jolly good. EXCEPT: I'm totally slacking. without the stimulus provided by that little *beep* in my ear to tell me another helpless schmuck is ready to yell at me because he or she doesn't know what the hell they're doing, I just don't do much. oh well. so, when a message went out, asking anyone if they'd like to go back to whatever group they were in, I signed up. my choices were: underperform badly in .Mac, or be, at worst, adequate--or heaven forbid, good at my job-- in WMM, where I was before. so it's not much of a choice, is it? since this is my last stretch at this job, I have to consider where I'm more likely to be hired as a full-time employee. so good luck to me, I guess. anyway.

meeting new people, making new friends. whee! I've gotten several people to play Lunch Money with me, which means I've been able to play more often, makes me happy. I had a housewarming thing for my new place a few weeks ago. it was fun. a dozen people, at most, showed up. which was pretty much how I wanted it. no big huge debacle, no vomiting, no "what the fuck is he/she doing here? I thought he/she hated you!" or anything like that. no drama. was nice. most of my friends got along pretty well with most of my friends, which is always a good feeling for me. I like my friends to like my friends. I'm weird like that.

I'm kind of seeing this girl I met from work, we're not really sure what's up with that, honestly. we hang out, we have fun, she has a daughter and copious tattoos, and lives with her ex-boyfriend, and yeah. from a logical standpoint it's not the best decision, I'll admit. still working on that, let me check my notes...

apparently, I'm an amateur phillumenist. there's a word for it, who knew?

I've been talking to R more lately, which amuses me greatly. it's nice to have some semblance of that back, honestly. feels almost normal, almost.

for some reason, I feel like punching people in the back of the head today.

so now I have a Starbucks coffee-cup thingy that keeps my coffee warm. it's blue, I like it. I feel like holding it and petting it and wandering around mumbling "all I need..." with my pants around my ankles.

I can't tell if I worry too much, or don't worry enough. probably both.

"Originality is the art of concealing your sources" - Benjamin Franklin.

alright, I've got 20 minutes till lunch, I should probably work a little before then. wish me rong ruck!

do you think IHOP started out as "House of Pancakes", then later became "International", or do you think they started out International?

this freakin' mixtape i'm making has me all emotional, sharing things i wouldn't normally. it's weird. which may or may not be a good thing. oh well. i'd give examples, but it really has to be more of a conversational thing.

this has been an interesting weekend. Stephanie's in the States, visiting from China, so Friday was drinking and Saturday was recovery from drinking. twas, generally, a good weekend. aside from the Beard From Outer Space. but whatever. Saturday i saw Cloverfield. goddamn that was one scary zombie rabbit! good movie, i'm sad they're making a sequel. as good as it may be, it'll only sully the memory of the first one. oh well. viva la greed!

and today was a wedding, of all things. first wedding i've been to since... since my uncle got married, in... jebus, the early 90's. plus, it was the marriage of two kids i met at church, which i haven't been inside a church since... 2002? something like that. haven't seen most any of those guys since then. the groom, i go see his band when i can, so i've kept in touch. but it was weird to see all these people for the first time in years and years. kind of awkward, since the last time they saw me i was religious. but oh well. fun was had by some, at least. dry weddings are difficult when it comes to dancing. so yeah. generally, it was a good weekend.

i got hit on twice in as many days. i think that's a record for me. weirdness. not bad, just weird.

freakin' mixtape. i'm going to bed. g'nite!

hi. how are you?

y'know, i didn't really consider exactly how depressing a mixtape about suicidal songs would really be. i actually shed a tear yesterday. crazy.

so i'm all moved in to my new place, and i'm definitely gonna have a get-together soon. mostly i just want to have people over, maybe watch some TV, listen to music, drink a little (beer or mix drinks or whatever. i'll be having my port), and yeah. just chill. anyway. i'm not sure when it'll be, probably like, the 22nd-ish or so. right after i get all my posters hung, i'm sure. more details to come.

this week has been .Mac training at work. no more phone calls! no pay raise or anything, but a lot less pressure, and i get to listen to music ALL DAY LONG while i work. whee! totally looking forward to it.

i'm pretty sure i got hit on at work today, which is weird. mostly cuz i'm weird, but also because it happens so rarely. i'm actually still not sure it happened, it's kind of surreal to think about. yeah, that sounds weird. but that's okay.

i think once i start typing, i just kind of want to keep typing, no matter how inane or useless or meaningless or pedantic or... see? that's what i'm talking about!

okay, enough of my crap. enjoy.

jacob.

hello all. i keep meaning to update this, but for some reason, never do. anyway.

a notice to anyone who's interested: i'm either moving sometime this week, or i will be homeless by the weekend. not sure which. either way, i probably won't have internet for a bit. if that's the case, then i'll be checking this site less than daily. so if you want to get a hold of me, attempt to do so well in advance of when you'll be wanting/needing me/my presence. if you have my number, that's even better. if you want my number, let me know. anyway, that's it. thought i'd let you know, and i'll keep you updated as to my housing situation as i'm able. have a nice day/week/month/whatever!!

jacob.

I keep meaning to update this.



oh well.

I'm feeling festive, so...

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=t9VqlvPT640

MERRY CHRISTMAS!!!!

so, as my last blog said, i kept a journaly thingy for about a week. before i posted it, i cut out the single-sentence random thoughts, and the stuff i thought needed to be/could be reworded/rewritten/whatever. anyway, since all i could do on this site is post a link to another site for the last blog, i figured i'd give you guys the "b-sides" a day or two early. but i gotta warn you, this one's pretty long too. anyway, here ya go:

so, seriously. girls scare me. they intimidate me, and i'm not sure how to explain it. fear of the unknown, i suppose? *pause for chuckle from audience* i'm always so very scared, "what if she doesn't like me? what if she says 'no'? what i get rejected again?" like it's the end of the world, like if one girl rejects me, they all will, i dunno. i get scared, and gladly enter the "friend zone". ha! about half the girls i'm friends with, i made friends with them because i like(d) them, and was too scared/pansy to do anything about it. go me. in regards to my current friends, i'm fine with it, generally. if i'm not, you'll probably never know, so whatever. i just, don't want it to happen again, but i know it will. i'll not grow a spine overnight, i don't know how. i think what i do, is i go for... softer looking girls. because i think if they look soft, they'll be softer in all areas. i'm usually wrong. i also have a history of more... aggressive girls. not violent, but more... yeah, aggressive. can't think of a better word for it. it's easier for me to be with an aggressive girl because i have to do less work, and there's less fear of rejection. if an aggressive girl is into me, i'll know right damn quick, without any self-doubt. there's no "does she like me? what if she rejects me?" it's more "you're cute, let's make out" from her. problem solved! which is kind of a problem in itself. there's a song lyric, "i'd never want someone so crass as to want someone like me". i've been thinking about it and i think it kind of applies to me. maybe not "crass", but the general thought. the kind of girl who'd be into me, is not necessarily the kind of girl i'd be into. i should work on that. on trying harder when i'm interested, on being less scared. i mustn't run away, i mustn't run away, i mustn't run away, i mustn't run away

i should probably stop listening to sad music. might help, might not. who knows?

so, if i have one beer every night consistently, does that make me an alcoholic?

i'm starting to wonder if maybe i look at so much porn that maybe when/if i do meet a girl, i won't know what to do with her. that worries me.

maybe all my journal entries are various strengths of depressing. i should work on that.

i mustn't forget how this feels. my mom does massage for... handicapped people. both mental and physical. some of them are born with it, some got in a car wreck or something. i can't hear her talk about it for very long. i start to go all to shit. i mean, think about it. some of them are born this way. are they cognizant of the fact that they're different? there's a line, probably from somewhere else, but i got it from the Clerks animated series: "are they cognizant of how bad they've got it? i hope not. poor bastards." something like that, except less... less "poor bastards", because some of them... some of them are braver than i've ever been. these are guys who collect cans because they need the $70 they'll get a month, just to live. they sell flowers by the side of the road. there's one guy who inherited land when his father died, but he can't own it because they'll dock his disability check if he does. i'd like to think that, with the short end of the stick he's been given, maybe one day he'll be able to retire to the land that should be his, owned by his brothers, but it'll be his. not legally, but his nonetheless. i'd like to think he'll at least have that, but he won't. never ever never. he can't live without the facilities and support he gets here in town. just one shit deal after another. there's one girl she works on, she can only communicate in squeaks. another guy thinks he's Captain Kangaroo. there's a guy who can't move his foot because there's a steel rod in it, so he can walk normally. hasn't been able to move his foot in 40 years. when my mom massages his feet, she can feel it, he can feel her pressing on it. that always makes me shudder, both from sadness, and the thought of the physicality of it. what about the people who were born normally, but suffered an accident? one day you've got all your mental facilities, the next... do you think they remember life before the accident? does it seem one long, vague dream? do they wish they could just go back to sleep again and keep dreaming? I mustn't forget how this feels. I mustn't forget how to feel.

Q: what's green and has wheels?
A: grass. i lied about the wheels.

why is one of the most common and popular fonts also one where the capital "i" looks exactly like the lowercase "L"? proof: "Ill". "Illegal" "l'Il". that last one is actually "L'iL", with the caps switched. craziness. you'd think that would annoy people more. that's why i generally don't use the capital "i".

i miss my old knife, Spike. that was a good knife.

i've decided the last song i hear before bed tonight is going to be Radiohead's No Surprises. the guitar line is just begging to be a lullaby. which it is now, i guess. google it if you want, Radiohead lullaby. seriously. what's weird is the lullaby versions of Tool songs. that's borderline demented, methinks. not for an adult, but it'd be messed up to do that to a baby. just weird.

so, i WAS going to post this huge-ass entry, put it behind a cut or whatever, just to be polite. but then i couldn't figure out how to make a cut. so instead, i'll just put a link to my LiveJournal, where i WAS able to figure out the cuts. read it if you want.

http://sleepingstars.livejournal.com

so, a few things really quickly:

d'you ever get the feeling that you're just filling time? not really wasting it, but also no spending it wisely, if at all? what's up with that?

my car's going to get fixed next week, and that makes me happy in my socked area.

after this weekend, my work schedule will be Mon-Fri, 11:30am-8:30pm. not thrilled with the hours, but the days are awesome, and i didn't bother to submit my schedule preferences in the first place, so i'm just happy i didn't get the iQuit schedule. HUZZAH!

so, i've got a spare ticket for Brand New, Thrice, and mewithoutYou at Stubbs on the 16th. who wants it? it's a challenge: convince me you're worth it. or just ask really nicely. my brother thinks he's automatically got it, but i'm gonna make him work for it too. MwaHaHa!

there ya go, enjoy!

a few thoughts from today:

my pants have been unusually staticky lately. weird...

being on hold sucks.

i hit a deer on my way home last night. i was slack-jawed and stunned for the rest of the way home. saw him on the way to work this morning, dead. made me sad. my car looks like crap now, too.

i'm totally gonna make instant mashed potatoes for dinner tonight, and they will be delicious. (editor's note: they were, in fact, delicious.)

making weird faces at a toilet as it flushes is probably a very strange thing to do.

i'm in love with my new iPod. i've got it no more than an eighth full so far. weeee!!!!

i haven't been going out on Thursday nights for the past two weeks. just staying in, no real reason. i've saved money from it, and the number of sexual encounters i've had has actually doubled. of course, double of none is still none, but it sounds like a promising statistic, doesn't it? i've not noticed any increase or decrease of personal happiness or enjoyment as compared to when i do go out, and nobody i know has asked me where i've been. perhaps i'll just stop going out. perhaps not. although on the plus side, with my car now looking like shite, i'm that much less likely to have it broken in to.

i should... do something... more often. or less, depending on what the "something" is.

being on hold still sucks.

okay, that's all the energy i feel like expending on youse mooks for today. i'll talk to you tomorrow. or not. bye!