Did someone of you ever know that you will in all probability will lose one of the most important people in you life ...and that it will happen in the near future?
How did you handle with that? How should I do it? There are so many questions in my head right now and I don't know what to do. There is NOTHING I can do about it. But I can't think about that because I am scared that would kill me.
I don't know what I should feel right now. I feel nothing at all and at the same time there are so many feelings in me that I am overstrained and confused.
My head feels like it will explode every minute. It's like a timebomb ticking over my head all the time.
I want to spend time with that person as much as I can but I can't because it is too hard and hurts me everytime. I want to run away and I feel so guilty for that. I should be strong and I am not. That makes me hate myself. I am totally overwhelmed.
A few months ago everything was ok, my life was good and I had so many dreams. Now, everything is broken into pieces ...my life...my future...my dreams. Nothing will ever happen...because if I would realise my dreams it would hurt the people that are closest to me.
I wanted to travel or maybe emigrate ...but I would leave my beloved alone. I can't to that. I hate myself for being that selfish and thinking about how MY life will be without this person. That's not right.
I don't want to talk to anybody and I CAN'T talk to anybody. I don't want to see this pitiful faces that don't know how I feel. And the people who know how I feel ..I can't talk to them either because it would be to hurtful and we are all trying to block it out.
Life goes on for everyone and I have to stay strong because no one want a aggressive and sad person around them all the time.
I don't know how life should go on ..... I can't handle it!
I have no idea what to do ... I am powerless and weak.
This situation makes a part of me die ...and it never will come back again.
I am not the person I was before ...