Has officially decided, I need to fucking decorate. Lived here almost a year and it doesnt feel homey because its not painted and decorated. Theres pics, theres `decor`, but its not `decorated`. Ugh. I need paint, and pictures (other then of family of course), and carpets (I have all ugly ass tile and hardwood), and plants (fake because I kill live ones QQ), and mirrors (cuz I love them), and candles, and shelves, and border (wallpaper costs to much to take off). Im DYING without being able to decorate. Half tempted to go back to my teen ways and start painting the fucking walls with nail polish.
Im doing a college course for interior decorating for this reason. Reading about different decorating styles, different window and floors types is making it worse. I need to make curtains, and slip covers, and ugh. AGONY I tell you.
Now thats not to say I havent somewhat decorated. I got pics up, and a fake tree, and blah blah. But its all white. I HATE white. Its bland, neutral, cold. I want it to feel like my home instead of a borrowed place. Which it is, but still. And the not having carpet is driving me nuts.
Ugh. So annoyed. Fucking money. I blame Christmas, although thats not entirely the problem. Being left with debt from your gay ass ex because hes a douche started it. Fucker.
Im doing a college course for interior decorating for this reason. Reading about different decorating styles, different window and floors types is making it worse. I need to make curtains, and slip covers, and ugh. AGONY I tell you.
Now thats not to say I havent somewhat decorated. I got pics up, and a fake tree, and blah blah. But its all white. I HATE white. Its bland, neutral, cold. I want it to feel like my home instead of a borrowed place. Which it is, but still. And the not having carpet is driving me nuts.
Ugh. So annoyed. Fucking money. I blame Christmas, although thats not entirely the problem. Being left with debt from your gay ass ex because hes a douche started it. Fucker.
Got into a fight with my best friend today because I was upset over the fact that my ex has my daughter for Christmas instead of me. When we celebrated, my boyfriend wasnt even there. This whole holiday seems pointless. Shes trying to tell me to be happy he manned up and is trying to take care of her. HA!
So ya, Im a bit pissed off.
So ya, Im a bit pissed off.
Not having the best day. Was ok earlier, then it blew up. My boyfriend and I almost broke up again. Beginning to wonder why I even date to begin with. Men are just freaking retarded anyways (meaning ones Ive dated and/or slept with).
Yule is getting closer, and every damn place I go to get cloves and peppermint extract, theyre out. Its fucking annoying.
Totally have another idea for a photo shoot for my first set. Still kinda sad my first idea was taken, I was SOOOO excited, but meh. Its obviously going to happen. If it happens again, obviously it just wasnt destined to be. For my first one, no Im not using a staff photographer. I know I know, I have less of a chance of going pink if I dont use one, but Im honestly ok with that. I did my first shoot ever (fully clothed) in October, and this will be my first time being naked in front of my photographer, and in front of a camera. I would much rather do it with someone I know first, then someone I dont know, have never met, and BAM. Call it my social anxiety disorder if you will, but no. I dont need to be so nervous I throw up lol. I want to at least be comfortable naked in front of a camera first before I throw new people in there as well. If that makes sense. Its a me thing.
I have another idea as well, its just putting it together. Apparently all my ideas arent simple,easy ones - theyre complicated and lots of work. I always have to do things the hard way. It drives me nuts.
I have discovered the joys of the amazon.ca wishlist, and am in love. I started one a few times ago, and anything I find I like and want, I wishlist. So yes, its gonna be big lol. I think its also more of a bookmark/list for myself as much as a wishlist for others as well though. Something thats simple to get to, that has everything I want in an easy list, so I can save up and not have to go to 50 different sites to see it all. But its also got me `wishlisting` things even when Im in a store in my city. Ya, not funny lol. Meh. I cant wait til I can start buying shit off it and get my tats covered up!! Soon I hope!
Still no cam cord. Hoping tomorrow. If I do end up getting one, I promise I will give pics
Yule is getting closer, and every damn place I go to get cloves and peppermint extract, theyre out. Its fucking annoying.
Totally have another idea for a photo shoot for my first set. Still kinda sad my first idea was taken, I was SOOOO excited, but meh. Its obviously going to happen. If it happens again, obviously it just wasnt destined to be. For my first one, no Im not using a staff photographer. I know I know, I have less of a chance of going pink if I dont use one, but Im honestly ok with that. I did my first shoot ever (fully clothed) in October, and this will be my first time being naked in front of my photographer, and in front of a camera. I would much rather do it with someone I know first, then someone I dont know, have never met, and BAM. Call it my social anxiety disorder if you will, but no. I dont need to be so nervous I throw up lol. I want to at least be comfortable naked in front of a camera first before I throw new people in there as well. If that makes sense. Its a me thing.
I have another idea as well, its just putting it together. Apparently all my ideas arent simple,easy ones - theyre complicated and lots of work. I always have to do things the hard way. It drives me nuts.
I have discovered the joys of the amazon.ca wishlist, and am in love. I started one a few times ago, and anything I find I like and want, I wishlist. So yes, its gonna be big lol. I think its also more of a bookmark/list for myself as much as a wishlist for others as well though. Something thats simple to get to, that has everything I want in an easy list, so I can save up and not have to go to 50 different sites to see it all. But its also got me `wishlisting` things even when Im in a store in my city. Ya, not funny lol. Meh. I cant wait til I can start buying shit off it and get my tats covered up!! Soon I hope!
Still no cam cord. Hoping tomorrow. If I do end up getting one, I promise I will give pics
Awesome. The Set of the Day right now, is basically the EXACT same one I was going to do. I even just bought the shirt 
So my idea for my shoot is now up in the air. My bf`s seasonal job is over, which means hes ALWAYS home. I cant do a photo shoot naked in front of him. Of course hes all `I see you naked all the time`, which ok yes, but not posing. Of course he said sometimes I do dumb poses but still, I just cant do it. Id feel like an idiot. So, Im trying to figure out something else at least until he gets a damn job. But, I need opinions.
I dont want to do the normal happy-go-lucky, bright cheery set. Back in the day of SG, there was a more gothic, dark feeling to it. Is that still ok? I would probably still do it anyways, just because I can, Im just curious. I see so much of the same thing hit the front page its sad. I love SG, dont get me wrong, but what happened to the creativity? The dressing up and actually having a theme instead of just pictures of someone taking a bath?
FP or not, mine will still be gothic-ish. Because thats me.
I mean ones such as this or or this
I dont want to do the normal happy-go-lucky, bright cheery set. Back in the day of SG, there was a more gothic, dark feeling to it. Is that still ok? I would probably still do it anyways, just because I can, Im just curious. I see so much of the same thing hit the front page its sad. I love SG, dont get me wrong, but what happened to the creativity? The dressing up and actually having a theme instead of just pictures of someone taking a bath?
FP or not, mine will still be gothic-ish. Because thats me.
I mean ones such as this or or this
So annoyed. I STILL cannot find my camera cord anywhere. Its like it grew legs and walked away, so hopefully this weekend when I go get winter boots, I will get a new one. Very irratating though.
Im not really celebrating Christmas this year, no point when your dumb ex decides you dont get your daughter until her bedtime Christmas day. So, were going to celebrate Yule instead, only problem is its a Wednesday and my son goes to school that day. Seriously thinking of keeping him home that day. Although with the way things are going now I wont keep him home just to save my sanity. Being an only child, I never realized just how much siblings fight. If its not over toys, theres pushing, biting, kicking, hitting. Ugh!
Hopefully I shoot my set on Wednesday as well!!! Taking longer then expected, but our schedules just havent matched. Soon though!
Im not really celebrating Christmas this year, no point when your dumb ex decides you dont get your daughter until her bedtime Christmas day. So, were going to celebrate Yule instead, only problem is its a Wednesday and my son goes to school that day. Seriously thinking of keeping him home that day. Although with the way things are going now I wont keep him home just to save my sanity. Being an only child, I never realized just how much siblings fight. If its not over toys, theres pushing, biting, kicking, hitting. Ugh!
Hopefully I shoot my set on Wednesday as well!!!
Taking longer then expected, but our schedules just havent matched. Soon though!Havent blogged in a few days, so figure I might as well. And no, no new pics yet 
This weekend was fucking horrible. In an attempt to discuss the lack of flame and kink in my sex life with my boyfriend, I pissed him off. Probably the way I worded it all but still, if it didnt get to this point after months of me trying to suggest and hint shit, it wouldnt have happened. So anyways, I misinterrupreted (I can never spell that) his going to bed and not speaking to me, as him giving up, and began discussing D/s and poly with a good friend of mine on FB. BIG mistake apparently.
After sleeping on the floor in my daughters room so as to not have to sleep in the same bed, I got woken up to him telling me he saw what we said to each other, and he didnt know if it was worth it to try to fix it. At that point, I couldnt even cry because I didnt care anymore. I missed my collar, missed being someones sex toy, and pretty much gave up.
Somehow between all that, we managed to work it all out and were still together. Not collared, hes as vanilla as they come, which is depressing but obviously because I love him, Im going to have to deal with. Hes also not poly, and wont be, so Im fucked in that area as well. But whatever. Were happy again which is good.
Other then discovering I dont get my daughter for the Santa Claus Parade AGAIN this year, any Christmas parties AGAIN this year, or for Christmas AGAIN this year because of my douche ex, life is good
Trying t ofigure out a day to do my set when my hubby aint here and neither are my kids, and the photographer has time appears to be harder then I thought though lol.
This weekend was fucking horrible. In an attempt to discuss the lack of flame and kink in my sex life with my boyfriend, I pissed him off. Probably the way I worded it all but still, if it didnt get to this point after months of me trying to suggest and hint shit, it wouldnt have happened. So anyways, I misinterrupreted (I can never spell that) his going to bed and not speaking to me, as him giving up, and began discussing D/s and poly with a good friend of mine on FB. BIG mistake apparently.
After sleeping on the floor in my daughters room so as to not have to sleep in the same bed, I got woken up to him telling me he saw what we said to each other, and he didnt know if it was worth it to try to fix it. At that point, I couldnt even cry because I didnt care anymore. I missed my collar, missed being someones sex toy, and pretty much gave up.
Somehow between all that, we managed to work it all out and were still together. Not collared, hes as vanilla as they come, which is depressing but obviously because I love him, Im going to have to deal with. Hes also not poly, and wont be, so Im fucked in that area as well. But whatever. Were happy again which is good.
Other then discovering I dont get my daughter for the Santa Claus Parade AGAIN this year, any Christmas parties AGAIN this year, or for Christmas AGAIN this year because of my douche ex, life is good
Trying t ofigure out a day to do my set when my hubby aint here and neither are my kids, and the photographer has time appears to be harder then I thought though lol.
K, for those of you that are into polygamy, how did you know it was for you? Did you just wake up one day and say, hm, I think this is me! Or was it a process??
