Off. It's the only way I can describe how I feel today... just off. I woke up this morning like any other day, but the only difference was the stench and filth lingering in the air from the kitchen. My two roommates had decided to terrorize said kitchen before leaving for the weekend. The first two days I had told myself that I would not succumb to cleaning up after someone else's mess, but this morning I could not hold myself back. A mixture of fury and disgust motivated me to tackle the dishes, sweep the floor, scrub the counters and a list of other things that were not my mess. After I had finished any sense of pride and accomplishment I thought that I had, faded into sadness because I knew this sterile paradise would not hold through the week. I was still upset. I decided to go for a long walk to clear my head and also so I would not have to be home when they came home. Cool heads, Marcus... cool heads.
So I struck out into the fall night and picked a direction that suited me at the time: straight into the sunset. It started to rain lightly as I rounded the first corner, but I kept moving forward not looking back to home. I needed some peace. After about thirty minutes I found myself in front of the Walmart in town, and I thought that I would step out of the rain and into something more climate controlled.
I had no pre-meditated shopping agenda when I walked in the door, but I picked up a few things that I figured I should get now and spare myself a future walk a few days later. Who knew how much colder it would get in the coming days. At first I didn't notice it but by the eighth or ninth person passed me by, I saw that people were looking at me. It's so odd having others look at you and over the years I had been used to it since I was so freakishly tall, but for some reason it really bothered me. I found the nearest bathroom and checked myself over in the mirror. Nothing. I was good. I shook it off and struck back out.
A few minutes later I had come to the conclusion that Sunday nights at Walmart was the place for couples to hang out. 20-somethings and younger were strutting around the place, showing off their love to the world. Perhaps even trying to outdo others' "happiness." It made me feel very alone. I couldn't help but think about how solitary a life I lead. I've always kept to myself and over the years have grown accustom to taking care of no one else but me. Since I returned home those old friendships that I had left behind before I left for the service were nothing but hollow shells of something long forgotten. Texts and phone calls aren't returned after weeks on end, and the people that once swore up and down to have your back when you needed it where no where to be found. I was and am truly alone.
So I purchased my things and headed home. I feel no better now than I did before and to be honest, I think it's just an "off" day. If that makes sense... I know I suffer from depression, but this feels different. I am not stressed about finances or anything material like that. I don't know, and I have no idea why I blogged in narrative form, but it felt like the right thing to do.
I wish you all well.
El Fin <3
So I struck out into the fall night and picked a direction that suited me at the time: straight into the sunset. It started to rain lightly as I rounded the first corner, but I kept moving forward not looking back to home. I needed some peace. After about thirty minutes I found myself in front of the Walmart in town, and I thought that I would step out of the rain and into something more climate controlled.
I had no pre-meditated shopping agenda when I walked in the door, but I picked up a few things that I figured I should get now and spare myself a future walk a few days later. Who knew how much colder it would get in the coming days. At first I didn't notice it but by the eighth or ninth person passed me by, I saw that people were looking at me. It's so odd having others look at you and over the years I had been used to it since I was so freakishly tall, but for some reason it really bothered me. I found the nearest bathroom and checked myself over in the mirror. Nothing. I was good. I shook it off and struck back out.
A few minutes later I had come to the conclusion that Sunday nights at Walmart was the place for couples to hang out. 20-somethings and younger were strutting around the place, showing off their love to the world. Perhaps even trying to outdo others' "happiness." It made me feel very alone. I couldn't help but think about how solitary a life I lead. I've always kept to myself and over the years have grown accustom to taking care of no one else but me. Since I returned home those old friendships that I had left behind before I left for the service were nothing but hollow shells of something long forgotten. Texts and phone calls aren't returned after weeks on end, and the people that once swore up and down to have your back when you needed it where no where to be found. I was and am truly alone.
So I purchased my things and headed home. I feel no better now than I did before and to be honest, I think it's just an "off" day. If that makes sense... I know I suffer from depression, but this feels different. I am not stressed about finances or anything material like that. I don't know, and I have no idea why I blogged in narrative form, but it felt like the right thing to do.
I wish you all well.
El Fin <3
So this morning I decided to go run some errands, while I still had my friend's car at my disposal. I was on the hunt for jeans... yes, jeans because apparently I went up a size in the year I have been gone. I went to the cheap places first (Salvation Army, Target) but to no avail. So then I went to the mall and checked out American Eagle. They have some recycling jeans promo right now where you save 20 percent off anything when you donate old jeans. And since I was wearing old jeans, I was able to trade in the ones I wore and wear the new ones out. My ass has never happier in a new pair of jeans then it is right now. Mundane story, I know, but it put a smile on my face.
Ass pictures to follow.
El Fin <3
Ass pictures to follow.
El Fin <3
A blog is in order, I think. It has been far too long since I was on here. The six week break was needed, and now that I am back I feel a lot better. Thanks for all the warm welcome backs that I have been receiving 
I have missed you all quite a bit.
What's new with me? Well, I am doing pretty well. I am still working on my writing and am about 200 pages into my novel. You are probably asking yourself "Oh wow, what novel is that?" Well for those of you that have been tuning in to this blog for some time, probably remember the little short posts from a piece I started writing back in May or so. I turned that little piece into a monster... that is eating a lot of my time. Besides that I am working out and see friends. Being home these past two months has been great, and I am very lucky to have the time to relax and collect myself before I finish school in the spring.
What's new in this world? Tell me what's going on with you! Also, if you want to get a hold of me... hit me up for my digits.
El Fin <3
I have missed you all quite a bit.What's new with me? Well, I am doing pretty well. I am still working on my writing and am about 200 pages into my novel. You are probably asking yourself "Oh wow, what novel is that?" Well for those of you that have been tuning in to this blog for some time, probably remember the little short posts from a piece I started writing back in May or so. I turned that little piece into a monster... that is eating a lot of my time. Besides that I am working out and see friends. Being home these past two months has been great, and I am very lucky to have the time to relax and collect myself before I finish school in the spring.
What's new in this world? Tell me what's going on with you! Also, if you want to get a hold of me... hit me up for my digits.
El Fin <3
I'm pretty sure that SG just shot themselves in the foot. Looks like my wanting to leave was well-timed.
Well this morning I was woken up by a very calm rain storm. Needless to say it made me not want to get out of bed for the rest of the morning... and I didn't
Today I have been browsing over the interwebs, looking at a few different local publications to send in a few editorials I have written over the last six months. I've been dying to test out the waters since I have been home, and now that I have all of this time, I figure that I could probably throw some effort and motivation into my writing. What's the worst that could happen?
Also for those of you with twitter should add me! @rhofactor
El Fin <3
Today I have been browsing over the interwebs, looking at a few different local publications to send in a few editorials I have written over the last six months. I've been dying to test out the waters since I have been home, and now that I have all of this time, I figure that I could probably throw some effort and motivation into my writing. What's the worst that could happen?
Also for those of you with twitter should add me! @rhofactor
El Fin <3
For some reason over the last couple of days I have really felt uneasy. It's nothing bad or anything, but I just feel like I want to make some changes. Tonight I decided I was going to disable my facebook for 24 hours and see how that goes. It seems like people get so hooked on checking it that it becomes a part of a normal daily routine. I want to try to shake up the "norm" for myself.
On another note, I am more than likely going to take a break from SuicideGirls. I really have felt the need for this the last month or so, and to be honest a big part of me wants to leave for good. I'm not going to commit to that just yet, but a break is definitely needed. I will supply contact information and an alternate for the blog I posted here for those that care to continue checking up on me.
Besides all of the above, life is good. I am settled here in Ames and enjoying all the down time. I do feel a bit restless and wish that I could find a good IT job here. The town is just so small that the potential for an abundance of jobs is not realistic. It's a college town which also means that I have to compete for the same jobs against someone five or more years younger than I am. Right now I am financially stable. Sad to say but unemployment is a great service and it's a benefit that I am entitled to because of my service. I'm not going to milk it, but I am not going to settle on a dirt job when I have the time and the opportunity to seek out something that I really enjoy. Hope you all are having a good weekend
El Fin <3
On another note, I am more than likely going to take a break from SuicideGirls. I really have felt the need for this the last month or so, and to be honest a big part of me wants to leave for good. I'm not going to commit to that just yet, but a break is definitely needed. I will supply contact information and an alternate for the blog I posted here for those that care to continue checking up on me.
Besides all of the above, life is good. I am settled here in Ames and enjoying all the down time. I do feel a bit restless and wish that I could find a good IT job here. The town is just so small that the potential for an abundance of jobs is not realistic. It's a college town which also means that I have to compete for the same jobs against someone five or more years younger than I am. Right now I am financially stable. Sad to say but unemployment is a great service and it's a benefit that I am entitled to because of my service. I'm not going to milk it, but I am not going to settle on a dirt job when I have the time and the opportunity to seek out something that I really enjoy. Hope you all are having a good weekend
El Fin <3
Today has been a rather large day for me.
This morning I had to call Verizon to dispute a claim for 300 dollars. They said that it was prior to my leaving to Korea and it was an early termination fee. Sadly, I saved all the documentation regarding the termination so I was able to throw it back in their face. Since I am in the military and I had orders to leave the country, it excludes me from the early termination fee. After I caught them in their fucked up logic, they apologized up and down to me and thanked me for my service to the country
Shortly after that triumph, I went into the Verizon store up the street and got my service reactivated. No credit check this time and I had to pay 0 today. So now I have a phone with a number.
For those of you out there that would like my digits, please hit me up with yours
El Fin <3
This morning I had to call Verizon to dispute a claim for 300 dollars. They said that it was prior to my leaving to Korea and it was an early termination fee. Sadly, I saved all the documentation regarding the termination so I was able to throw it back in their face. Since I am in the military and I had orders to leave the country, it excludes me from the early termination fee. After I caught them in their fucked up logic, they apologized up and down to me and thanked me for my service to the country
Shortly after that triumph, I went into the Verizon store up the street and got my service reactivated. No credit check this time and I had to pay 0 today. So now I have a phone with a number.
For those of you out there that would like my digits, please hit me up with yours
El Fin <3
