IPOD
RADIO
Well, this morning it finely happened, the car died. I'm pissed off, not because it died, I knew it was going to and not even that it happened a few weeks before I thought it would. Well, then why do you ask? Because I just filled the damn gas tank up last night! DAMN IT!
OK, so here's where I am so far. I spent the weekend banging around Skip's head, figuring out where everything had to go. It took forever, of course. I got a working mechanism for Skip's mouth finished.
All I need to do is finish painting the jaw, add the teeth and tongue to the jaw and permanently attach the jaw to the head. Then I can cut the permanent linkage rods from brass. After that I can install Skip's eyes and their control rod, and then figure out where on the headstick I want the eye control. After that I cut the permanent headstick, run the controls through it and cap the end. Once the mechanics are done I can finish painting the head and hands then that will be that, I can finish the assembly. Thank God. I know he'll be relieved.
I am seriously thinking of making Skip his own MySpace page when he's finished. Kind of sad, aint it?
All I need to do is finish painting the jaw, add the teeth and tongue to the jaw and permanently attach the jaw to the head. Then I can cut the permanent linkage rods from brass. After that I can install Skip's eyes and their control rod, and then figure out where on the headstick I want the eye control. After that I cut the permanent headstick, run the controls through it and cap the end. Once the mechanics are done I can finish painting the head and hands then that will be that, I can finish the assembly. Thank God. I know he'll be relieved.
I am seriously thinking of making Skip his own MySpace page when he's finished. Kind of sad, aint it?
Well I finely got to work on rebuilding my ventriloquist dummy, henceforth referred to as Skip, mainly because that is his name. Go figure. I forgot to get any shots of Skip's head before I got it primed and to be honest, you aren't missing much. It was a blotchy combination of the grey old primer and the white of the plastic showing through. Not that bid of a deal. But now...
...he's all primed and ready for paint. Isn't that just wonderful? I've also gotten Skip's eye assembly finished.
They eyes pivot on two screws that are bolted to the eye plate. Two springs stick out of the back of the eyes and are attached to the sychro bar and the eye movement linkage rod is attatched and the control rod will be threaded though it. When the control rod is released the springs will automatically pull the eyes back into the forward position.
Tomorrow I'll be working on the jaw control mechanism, mainly installing the control axel in the head and installing the jaw control lever. For that I get to cut brass plates, joy oh joy! Yeah, ok, that was sarcasm. Cutting brass is kind of a pain in the ass. I also need to plan out where I want the controls place on the control stick. Before I go to bed I'll probably paint Skip's jaw. The jaw is the first thing you paint simply because it is very difficult to paint once it's installed. On second thought I'll do it tomorrow, I'd rather go to bed.
...he's all primed and ready for paint. Isn't that just wonderful? I've also gotten Skip's eye assembly finished.
They eyes pivot on two screws that are bolted to the eye plate. Two springs stick out of the back of the eyes and are attached to the sychro bar and the eye movement linkage rod is attatched and the control rod will be threaded though it. When the control rod is released the springs will automatically pull the eyes back into the forward position.
Tomorrow I'll be working on the jaw control mechanism, mainly installing the control axel in the head and installing the jaw control lever. For that I get to cut brass plates, joy oh joy! Yeah, ok, that was sarcasm. Cutting brass is kind of a pain in the ass. I also need to plan out where I want the controls place on the control stick. Before I go to bed I'll probably paint Skip's jaw. The jaw is the first thing you paint simply because it is very difficult to paint once it's installed. On second thought I'll do it tomorrow, I'd rather go to bed.
This is a SuicideGirls exclusive rant.
I love this website. Of course I started my membership because of the pictures of all the hot girls but that quickly changed; I may look at a pic set about once every couple of months or so. What keeps me logging in several times a day (and I can't say that about any other website) are the boards and groups. The articles, particular from FTR have got me thinking about politics. I don't necessarily agree with everything he might say but he gets me thinking about things as well as wanting to look more into whatever topic he's skewering. The groups are great, I can pretty much find out anything I want to know, find others that share the same interests and I can participate in thoughtful or completely silly conversations. Yes, the girls are beautiful, but it's hardly the main reason I'm here now. But there are a few things I don't like about it, mainly certain other members. I'm sure you've seen them.
The first type I'll talk about is a particular class of SG, the ones that think that this website has turned commercial and is now beneath them. Well la-de-fucking-da. Of course this is a commercial site, it was commercial when you signed on you dumb fuck! From what I've seen from their moronic rants they are bitching because 'SG accepts anyone now'. What's wrong, sunshine? Don't feel so special anymore because there are more than a handful of SGs now? And there is always their sausage guard replying to them with, 'yeah, this place sucks now. I'm not going to renew my membership next year.' I have this to say to both of you, if you don't like it here FUCKING LEAVE! It isn't' that hard. Delete your account or just stop logging in. If this place sucks so much why do you keep logging in and posting? Oh yeah, just so you can keep up with your whiny little bitchfest. Yeah, you just can't leave or you won't be able to have your verbal masturbation sessions.
The second are the people who post on anything that FTR writes with how much of an asshole he is or how he doesn't know what he's talking about. First off, THE GUY IS A FUCKING STAND UP COMIC! How were you expecting him to write about politics? Besides what's really pissing you off is the fact he's usually pointing out something you don't want to admit might be right. And like I've stated above, if you don't like FTR stop reading what he writes. FTR regularly says that he can't believe the level of stupidity on this site and I have to agree with him. If you don't like what he does, stop reading or write something better and submit it. Like I said, I don't agree with FTR 100%, but I'm smart enough to understand that I don't have to.
/end rant
I love this website. Of course I started my membership because of the pictures of all the hot girls but that quickly changed; I may look at a pic set about once every couple of months or so. What keeps me logging in several times a day (and I can't say that about any other website) are the boards and groups. The articles, particular from FTR have got me thinking about politics. I don't necessarily agree with everything he might say but he gets me thinking about things as well as wanting to look more into whatever topic he's skewering. The groups are great, I can pretty much find out anything I want to know, find others that share the same interests and I can participate in thoughtful or completely silly conversations. Yes, the girls are beautiful, but it's hardly the main reason I'm here now. But there are a few things I don't like about it, mainly certain other members. I'm sure you've seen them.
The first type I'll talk about is a particular class of SG, the ones that think that this website has turned commercial and is now beneath them. Well la-de-fucking-da. Of course this is a commercial site, it was commercial when you signed on you dumb fuck! From what I've seen from their moronic rants they are bitching because 'SG accepts anyone now'. What's wrong, sunshine? Don't feel so special anymore because there are more than a handful of SGs now? And there is always their sausage guard replying to them with, 'yeah, this place sucks now. I'm not going to renew my membership next year.' I have this to say to both of you, if you don't like it here FUCKING LEAVE! It isn't' that hard. Delete your account or just stop logging in. If this place sucks so much why do you keep logging in and posting? Oh yeah, just so you can keep up with your whiny little bitchfest. Yeah, you just can't leave or you won't be able to have your verbal masturbation sessions.
The second are the people who post on anything that FTR writes with how much of an asshole he is or how he doesn't know what he's talking about. First off, THE GUY IS A FUCKING STAND UP COMIC! How were you expecting him to write about politics? Besides what's really pissing you off is the fact he's usually pointing out something you don't want to admit might be right. And like I've stated above, if you don't like FTR stop reading what he writes. FTR regularly says that he can't believe the level of stupidity on this site and I have to agree with him. If you don't like what he does, stop reading or write something better and submit it. Like I said, I don't agree with FTR 100%, but I'm smart enough to understand that I don't have to.
/end rant
At this point, I'm not sure how long my car is going to last before it self destructs. My new car should be ready in a couple of weeks and I'm reasonably certain that my current POS will last that long. Of course I have been wrong before. No seriously, it's happened. I wouldn't lie to you, would I?
I watched the Presidential Debate last night and I have to admit McCain did better than I thought he was going to. He still had his douche bag moments, repeatedly calling Obama 'naive', blatantly lying about Obama's record and omitting things from his own record (which Obama called him on a few times), and going on patriotic rants to avoid the question asked (again, Obama had to steer the discussion back on track). Even though McCain didn't to a terrible job I still have to ask, 'is he really the best that the Republicans had to offer?' All this and the fact that McCain's campaign will not let Palin even talk to the press. No, wait, I take that back. She did an interview with Katie Couric a few days ago. It was sad. Couric had to talk to Palin like she was a small, stupid child and Palin couldn't answer the questions most of the time. It was this bizarre mix of being pathetic and being hysterically funny. I'm not sure what is going to happen to Palin in the Vice Presidential Debates but I plan on watching with a bowl of popcorn.
My mother has decided she wants to see where I work now so I'll be taking her down to the new store. Oh joy. I also need to go to Overland Park to the hobby store to get my brass tubing and rods for my ventriloquist dummy. I am suspending the work on magic right now because I want to try to work some of the local renaissance festivals around next season, which means I need to get my dummy rebuilt, my script written and polished and my costuming done, not to mention all of my promotional material. The only thing that's worrying me is the script writing. I had a script finished a few years ago, it took months to do and it was all lost when my hard drive failed. Yeah, I never backed it all up. I did have hard copies but those were lost too. I am much better at performing than I am at writing, so this isn't going to be the most fun I've had. Hmmm, maybe I can hire a writer? Oh, wait, I can't, I'm broke. Never mind.
I am also official done with online dating. I'm not sure what happened since my last foray into the online dating world but the people now on these sites are worthless. I refuse to spend anymore money on them. I guess gone are the days where you could find people who actually wanted to meet. It's kind of sad.
I watched the Presidential Debate last night and I have to admit McCain did better than I thought he was going to. He still had his douche bag moments, repeatedly calling Obama 'naive', blatantly lying about Obama's record and omitting things from his own record (which Obama called him on a few times), and going on patriotic rants to avoid the question asked (again, Obama had to steer the discussion back on track). Even though McCain didn't to a terrible job I still have to ask, 'is he really the best that the Republicans had to offer?' All this and the fact that McCain's campaign will not let Palin even talk to the press. No, wait, I take that back. She did an interview with Katie Couric a few days ago. It was sad. Couric had to talk to Palin like she was a small, stupid child and Palin couldn't answer the questions most of the time. It was this bizarre mix of being pathetic and being hysterically funny. I'm not sure what is going to happen to Palin in the Vice Presidential Debates but I plan on watching with a bowl of popcorn.
My mother has decided she wants to see where I work now so I'll be taking her down to the new store. Oh joy. I also need to go to Overland Park to the hobby store to get my brass tubing and rods for my ventriloquist dummy. I am suspending the work on magic right now because I want to try to work some of the local renaissance festivals around next season, which means I need to get my dummy rebuilt, my script written and polished and my costuming done, not to mention all of my promotional material. The only thing that's worrying me is the script writing. I had a script finished a few years ago, it took months to do and it was all lost when my hard drive failed. Yeah, I never backed it all up. I did have hard copies but those were lost too. I am much better at performing than I am at writing, so this isn't going to be the most fun I've had. Hmmm, maybe I can hire a writer? Oh, wait, I can't, I'm broke. Never mind.
I am also official done with online dating. I'm not sure what happened since my last foray into the online dating world but the people now on these sites are worthless. I refuse to spend anymore money on them. I guess gone are the days where you could find people who actually wanted to meet. It's kind of sad.
You know what? I'm tired. It seems to be taking longer to adjust to getting up at 6am than I thought. I just don't feel like doing anything when I get home from work. I've been pushing to get some work done on my magic, but so far it hasn't been that much. I've selected fifteen effects that I'm going to be developing. I have a bit of research done and I have my file folders labeled. Yeah, that's about it so far. I need to get a bit more research done, select a few effects to start serious work on and make sure I have all of my props. And prop shopping means one thing, a trip to my favorite magic shop, Goodwill. Yep, Goodwill is usually the first place I go to when I'm looking for props. I was thinking of heading up to the KCK library annex but they've had the same 5 magic books for the past 20 years or so. I might go anyway since I am looking for something specific now.
Right now I could use about 14 hours of sleep more. And just for the record.
I just got a call from Gary, he's one of my old customers from the old store that I've made friend with. He's a pretty cool guy, sort of an ex biker, counter culture movement, artist type of guy; in other words far more interesting than most of the people I run into around here. I've also been trading emails with my friend Erica. She's a casher at the old store that is almost as sick and twisted as I am. I would also like to do nasty things to her, but she has a boyfriend. Of course I don't think that would stop her, but it does stop me. Damn my sense of ethics. No, seriously, DAMN IT! I think I'm going to bed now.
Right now I could use about 14 hours of sleep more. And just for the record.
I just got a call from Gary, he's one of my old customers from the old store that I've made friend with. He's a pretty cool guy, sort of an ex biker, counter culture movement, artist type of guy; in other words far more interesting than most of the people I run into around here. I've also been trading emails with my friend Erica. She's a casher at the old store that is almost as sick and twisted as I am. I would also like to do nasty things to her, but she has a boyfriend. Of course I don't think that would stop her, but it does stop me. Damn my sense of ethics. No, seriously, DAMN IT! I think I'm going to bed now.
I am currently transferring one of the magic instructional video tapes my friend gave me to DVD and this guy SUCKS!. It's not that he's a bad magician, (I admit he's defiantly not the greatest) but he is boring as fuck to watch. It's kind of like watching a bad Vegas lounge act on valium. Basically he has the energy of your average sea slug. Well, I checked my pay stub online and my raise on this check, only for one week though, I started my new job halfway through the pay period. It looks like I may actually have some cash now, who would have guessed. I have a few things to pay off but at least I won't be totally broke. I am going to start budgeting some cash each paycheck for magic. Not much, only about $15 - $20 per paycheck. I'm thinking of getting one of those reloadable Visa cards to put it on, that way I can use it to order something from the net if I wanted to. Right now it's probably just going into an envelope on my desk. I have also decided that the new break lines I just put on my car are going to be the last thing I repair on it. I'm going to kick back as much as I can for a down payment on another car. I also seriously need to look into winning the lottery…
Putting in another tape to copy to DVD, this time it's a good one. Dai Vernon, you will be missed…
I'm tired and I just want this week to be over now. I'm getting sick of dealing with the former department manager. He alternates between being on OK guy and a total dick and I'm just getting mentally exhausted dealing with him. I need to find some new friends to talk magic with. Preferably cute, female, single ones…
I think I'm going to bed now; I'm in serious need of a nap.
Putting in another tape to copy to DVD, this time it's a good one. Dai Vernon, you will be missed…
I'm tired and I just want this week to be over now. I'm getting sick of dealing with the former department manager. He alternates between being on OK guy and a total dick and I'm just getting mentally exhausted dealing with him. I need to find some new friends to talk magic with. Preferably cute, female, single ones…
I think I'm going to bed now; I'm in serious need of a nap.
I think I'm getting sentimental in my old age. I find myself wanting to find love and romance, which is quite disturbing. I seem to remember having those desires surgically removed from my brain years ago. I guess a small bit of it remained and began to re-grow, you know like mold or cancer. What? I sound cynical? Why thank you, I've worked very hard to become so. I had to out of pure self defense, trust me. It's been next to impossible to find anyone that I have much in common with, and when I do they're usually in their early 20's. I'm not sure what that says about me but I'll be self indulgent and say that means I still have a youthful out look on life. Of course the flip side of that is that most women in their early 20's are, well, kind of stupid. OK, maybe that isn't the right word, maybe saying they lack life experience is better? Nah, stupid is more accurate in most cases. And the very rare times I find someone who is romantic, they are so uninterested in sex it's unbelievable. It seems that I am always forced to make a choice, either someone who likes sex or someone who is romantic and caring. I have yet to find anyone who encompasses both. Will I ever? Probably not. I have long ago resigned myself to that fact. The only thing I'm looking for now is someone to see a movie with or whatever every once in a while. The whole 'Great Romance', well, just aint gonna happen. Besides, do you know any woman alive that would put up with the whole magic and ventriloquism thing? Yeah, I didn't think so.
OK, now that's out of the way, I'm getting back to my book, "The Encyclopedia of Egg Magic'. Yep, there is such a thing. Yeah, I know, I need professional help.
OK, now that's out of the way, I'm getting back to my book, "The Encyclopedia of Egg Magic'. Yep, there is such a thing. Yeah, I know, I need professional help.
Well, this has been an interesting week. I started my new job Monday. I knew that the previous manager didn't really know what he was doing but holy shit! I've been with my current employer for almost ten years now, I've reset a few copy departments and this was by far the worst I've ever seen. Nothing was in any kind of order, there were product binders that should have been gotten rid of about six years ago, supplies were just put anywhere and even the placement of the machines made no sense. Of course I started cleaning the place out and not only did the manager and assistant manager (both of whom I worked with for a year when they were in my old store) told me that I had their full support in doing whatever I wanted to get the place up and running again but several of the employees said that as well. Cool. Then Thursday came a long. The old manager is still working in my department part time and Thursday was his first day back since I took over Monday. Within the first ten minutes he was already trying to start a pissing contest with me. He was questioning everything I was doing, talking over me when I tried to explain something and generally being a dick. Friday I had left a job with him. I went in yesterday because I had to get some copier parts from another store and lo and behold the job was sitting right where I left it, apparently he couldn't get the large format color copier to work right so he just left it, didn't leave a note for the person who opened Saturday and apparently didn't bother to call the customer. You know, I'm only going to put up with this bullshit for so long, and the assistant manager knows it. Not only does he know it, but he finds it extremely funny. You see, he knows I'll end up busting this clowns balls, and do it hard. I'm already looking into either writing his ass up formally or sticking him on a register. Either way, he isn't going to fuck things up back there anymore. I'm still trying to figure out how he lasted those two years he was in charge without getting fired.
In other news, I blew a break line when I pulled out of my parking space at the store I got the copier parts from. It shouldn't be that bad fixing it but I will have a tow charge added to the bill. Still it shouldn't run more than two hundred. Yeah, it sucks but it could have been worse, like it going out on me when I was driving home on the highway. All things considered I came off lucky. It also seems that about half of the magic instructional videos that my friend gave me were beta format, which means I'll have to track down a Betamax VCR somewhere so I can get them ripped to DVD, or at least watch them. And since I'm going to be strapped for cash again for about a month or so, I'll have to put rebuilding my ventriloquist dummy for a while. Oh well, I can still work on my magic, which is fine because that is what I was doing anyway. I need to go through everything and catalog it so I know what I have. And last but not least, yes I did rewrite my Adult Friendfinder profile and I put it up this afternoon. For your reading enjoyment I'll post it here:
Just face it, you didn't make the cut.
About Me
Yes, that's right; chances are you are not going to be good enough for me. Just stop crying, you're getting your keyboard wet, besides, blubbering like a two-year-old that didn't get the candy at the check out line is just plain unattractive and you're scaring off all of those guys with low standards you may have a shot with.
I am a confident, optimistic, motivated, perceptive and realistic; pretty much the antithesis of almost everyone else on this site. I don't put up with bullshit, I won't chat online with you, I don't exchange emails for a couple of months first and I don't have cybersex. I'll exchange a few emails with you and then we meet in person and get to know each other. Period. I'm a manager of an in store print shop, I'm a magician and magic historian not to mention that I'm starting a body art business so have a lot on my plate and I just don't have the time to put up with all that nonsense. Also, I don't have sex on the first date, or the second and probably not the third either. If all you want it a quick 'Wham Bam Thank You Sam', move on to the next guy, I hear he's horny, has a short attention span and isn't too choosy; sounds perfect for you. I happen to be one of those bizarre kinds of guys who think that in order to be a 'friend with benefits' you have to be a friend. You know, having a relationship with someone you actually like and at least care about? I want to hang out with you and have fun, you know, out there in the real world. I will take the time to know you, your fantasies, your deepest desires, your fears, and your needs and I expect the same in return. There is no such thing as 'no strings sex' and if there is, I wouldn't want it. The strings are the relationship; the connection with each other and without that, sex is meaningless. If you're looking for 'no strings sex', yes, that's right, you didn't make the cut. I am open to exclusivity but it isn't a requirement. Being exclusive with me is something that is earned. If you do email me, don't bother to send a friend network invitation. Putting you in my friend network I reserve for people I've met and will actually be friends with. You see, I don't run around calling everyone I meet a friend, that title I reserve for those who I have the right chemistry with.
I'm not the 'average' guy; I have ambition, dreams and will drop you faster than you thought possible if you try to play games with me. I am an honest and fair person and don't put up with people who aren't. I am who I am, plain and simple. I also believe you have to be dedicated to what you want in life or else you never will get anywhere. Letting life just pass you by is probably the worst thing that can happen to you. I am also strict about my age and relationship status requirements. I want someone at least reasonably close who isn't married or serious relationship and I will not change my mind. If any of these things bother you or you want someone you can manipulate for your own pleasure, you didn't make the cut. Don't worry; the next guy will be more than happy to be your whiney, insecure lapdog.
My Ideal Person
Well, let's start by who I'm not interested in, which would include morons, gold diggers, game players and attention whores. If you've been referred to as any of these, kindly fuck off, you didn't make the cut.
If you think that passion is only related to sex, you didn't make the cut. I know you like to spend your time watching Gossip Girl and Survivor and flip through Cosmo so you can learn those top 5 sex secrets men want you to know, but seriously, you need to get off your ass. Find something you love to do and do it. Just remember, the following topics do not count; eating, work, TV, makeup, clothing and how much of a bitch that Jennifer is at work. If I've used words that were too big and scary for you to understand, you didn't make the cut. Your reading comprehension and intelligence, like your emotional development needs to have progressed beyond the 6th grade level. There are a couple of things I think are important to know about, one is called 'soap' and the other is called 'water'. If you don't have a personal relationship with them, you didn't make the cut. You may believe in being 'natural', go right ahead but I don't have to be assaulted with by a stench that would make an elephant vomit from a distance of one-hundred yards.
If you're a paying member and you send me a wink instead of emailing me like a grown up, you didn't make the cut. I only tolerate winks from standard members who can't initiate emails with someone. But be warned, if you have the guts to wink at me and your profile consists of only one or two sentences or if your profile reads like it was written by a kindergartener with severe self esteem issues, you didn't make the cut. If you wink at me and you live in California, Washington or someplace outside of a reasonable driving distance, you have the brains of an avocado. While you're at it, if you don't have one on your profile, send me a picture of your face. That's right, your face, I actually want to see who I'm talking to. So you have breasts and a vagina, big deal, so does every other woman on this site. Know this, I am looking for intelligence and personality and if the only thing you have going for you is your looks, please move on to the next guy, I've heard he's just a shallow as you are; you'd be perfect together, providing you didn't scare him off with your blubbering a minute ago. Try dazzling me with your wit and intelligence because shaking your ass like a baboon in heat just isn't doing it.
Those are the conditions to talk to me, take it or leave it. If you leave it, you obviously weren't going to be worth the effort anyway. Don't be too disappointed though, we do have some lovely parting gifts for you however; see Johnny on the way out. He's got a doorknob that'll hit you in the ass on your way out.
In other news, I blew a break line when I pulled out of my parking space at the store I got the copier parts from. It shouldn't be that bad fixing it but I will have a tow charge added to the bill. Still it shouldn't run more than two hundred. Yeah, it sucks but it could have been worse, like it going out on me when I was driving home on the highway. All things considered I came off lucky. It also seems that about half of the magic instructional videos that my friend gave me were beta format, which means I'll have to track down a Betamax VCR somewhere so I can get them ripped to DVD, or at least watch them. And since I'm going to be strapped for cash again for about a month or so, I'll have to put rebuilding my ventriloquist dummy for a while. Oh well, I can still work on my magic, which is fine because that is what I was doing anyway. I need to go through everything and catalog it so I know what I have. And last but not least, yes I did rewrite my Adult Friendfinder profile and I put it up this afternoon. For your reading enjoyment I'll post it here:
Just face it, you didn't make the cut.
About Me
Yes, that's right; chances are you are not going to be good enough for me. Just stop crying, you're getting your keyboard wet, besides, blubbering like a two-year-old that didn't get the candy at the check out line is just plain unattractive and you're scaring off all of those guys with low standards you may have a shot with.
I am a confident, optimistic, motivated, perceptive and realistic; pretty much the antithesis of almost everyone else on this site. I don't put up with bullshit, I won't chat online with you, I don't exchange emails for a couple of months first and I don't have cybersex. I'll exchange a few emails with you and then we meet in person and get to know each other. Period. I'm a manager of an in store print shop, I'm a magician and magic historian not to mention that I'm starting a body art business so have a lot on my plate and I just don't have the time to put up with all that nonsense. Also, I don't have sex on the first date, or the second and probably not the third either. If all you want it a quick 'Wham Bam Thank You Sam', move on to the next guy, I hear he's horny, has a short attention span and isn't too choosy; sounds perfect for you. I happen to be one of those bizarre kinds of guys who think that in order to be a 'friend with benefits' you have to be a friend. You know, having a relationship with someone you actually like and at least care about? I want to hang out with you and have fun, you know, out there in the real world. I will take the time to know you, your fantasies, your deepest desires, your fears, and your needs and I expect the same in return. There is no such thing as 'no strings sex' and if there is, I wouldn't want it. The strings are the relationship; the connection with each other and without that, sex is meaningless. If you're looking for 'no strings sex', yes, that's right, you didn't make the cut. I am open to exclusivity but it isn't a requirement. Being exclusive with me is something that is earned. If you do email me, don't bother to send a friend network invitation. Putting you in my friend network I reserve for people I've met and will actually be friends with. You see, I don't run around calling everyone I meet a friend, that title I reserve for those who I have the right chemistry with.
I'm not the 'average' guy; I have ambition, dreams and will drop you faster than you thought possible if you try to play games with me. I am an honest and fair person and don't put up with people who aren't. I am who I am, plain and simple. I also believe you have to be dedicated to what you want in life or else you never will get anywhere. Letting life just pass you by is probably the worst thing that can happen to you. I am also strict about my age and relationship status requirements. I want someone at least reasonably close who isn't married or serious relationship and I will not change my mind. If any of these things bother you or you want someone you can manipulate for your own pleasure, you didn't make the cut. Don't worry; the next guy will be more than happy to be your whiney, insecure lapdog.
My Ideal Person
Well, let's start by who I'm not interested in, which would include morons, gold diggers, game players and attention whores. If you've been referred to as any of these, kindly fuck off, you didn't make the cut.
If you think that passion is only related to sex, you didn't make the cut. I know you like to spend your time watching Gossip Girl and Survivor and flip through Cosmo so you can learn those top 5 sex secrets men want you to know, but seriously, you need to get off your ass. Find something you love to do and do it. Just remember, the following topics do not count; eating, work, TV, makeup, clothing and how much of a bitch that Jennifer is at work. If I've used words that were too big and scary for you to understand, you didn't make the cut. Your reading comprehension and intelligence, like your emotional development needs to have progressed beyond the 6th grade level. There are a couple of things I think are important to know about, one is called 'soap' and the other is called 'water'. If you don't have a personal relationship with them, you didn't make the cut. You may believe in being 'natural', go right ahead but I don't have to be assaulted with by a stench that would make an elephant vomit from a distance of one-hundred yards.
If you're a paying member and you send me a wink instead of emailing me like a grown up, you didn't make the cut. I only tolerate winks from standard members who can't initiate emails with someone. But be warned, if you have the guts to wink at me and your profile consists of only one or two sentences or if your profile reads like it was written by a kindergartener with severe self esteem issues, you didn't make the cut. If you wink at me and you live in California, Washington or someplace outside of a reasonable driving distance, you have the brains of an avocado. While you're at it, if you don't have one on your profile, send me a picture of your face. That's right, your face, I actually want to see who I'm talking to. So you have breasts and a vagina, big deal, so does every other woman on this site. Know this, I am looking for intelligence and personality and if the only thing you have going for you is your looks, please move on to the next guy, I've heard he's just a shallow as you are; you'd be perfect together, providing you didn't scare him off with your blubbering a minute ago. Try dazzling me with your wit and intelligence because shaking your ass like a baboon in heat just isn't doing it.
Those are the conditions to talk to me, take it or leave it. If you leave it, you obviously weren't going to be worth the effort anyway. Don't be too disappointed though, we do have some lovely parting gifts for you however; see Johnny on the way out. He's got a doorknob that'll hit you in the ass on your way out.
I am almost officially ready to chuck the idea of online dating. I don't know what the hell has happened to the online population since my last foray into the cyberspace dating scene, but people I'm finding now or totally fucking worthless. I had a friend of mine tell me she had found someone on match.com. I've checked them out before and the people there are about as interesting as a spoonful of oatmeal. Pretty much every profile reads like this, "I like movies and going out but I also like reading books and staying in too." Congratulations, you've qualified to be in the top 99% of the human race. Way to go Skippy! I swear the site that I'm a paying member of is going to get a surprise. I've been toying with the idea of rewriting my profile and letting those boring, weak, and generally mindless members know what I actually think of them. I'm thinking of starting with the subject line of, "Why are all the pretty girls fucking stupid?" and going downhill from there. Basically just letting them know why they will never qualify as being good enough for me, humorously of course. Sound a bit extreme? Good. Someone needs to shake them up. I honestly think it would be rather amusing to show them someone who isn't about to kiss their ass and have the attitude of, "oh please pick me!" Of course, this isn't too far from the truth anyway. Finding someone who actually piques my interest is getting pretty rare.
Speaking of rewriting profiles, I need to update this one to include the ventriloquism and magician stuff. Yep, I'm a magician, or at least I used to be before I started my current job. For one thing, not having a set schedule pretty much screws up performing. So, since I'll have a nice, set schedule of 8am to 4pm I can rejoin the IBM, that's International Brotherhood of Magicians not International Business Machines. The other thing is that my standards for my performances are extremely high. There have been very few routines that I've done that I've been really happy with. Also, I've never seemed to quite find my niche as far as magic goes, well, until recently. Remember that friend I told you about who was going to give me the ventriloquist dummy? Well, it turns that he probably already tossed it out because he couldn't find it anywhere (bastard), but he did find a bunch of his dad's old magic stuff. I think I mentioned the videos last time. I was expecting to get about half a dozen or so. I got a couple of dozen, along with another couple of dozen books and a trunk full of magic apparatus. Most of the magic stuff is just small things, I did get a dove vanish box that I'll never use and a couple of other things. Well this prompted me into going through my old notes, ideas and files when I found my notes for a trick called the Indian Mango Tree. This trick has pretty much been elevated to mythic status in the magic community, similar the Indian Rope Trick and as far as I know no one performs it outside of India. I looked for years to find out how to do this trick and I finely tracked down a couple of books, one published around 1940 and the other published in 1927 that had the explanation. Looking over these notes is when it hit me what my niche was. The official term, well the one that I came up with anyway, is Experimental and Legacy Magic. Legacy refers to magic done in the Golden Age of Magic (early to mid 1900's) and the Vaudeville era or earlier that has fallen out of fashion and generally not done anymore. Experimental is just that, experimenting with current magic and present it in a radically new way.
Well, that's all for now, it's my day off and I have about eight boxes of crap to go through to either trash or send to Goodwill.
Speaking of rewriting profiles, I need to update this one to include the ventriloquism and magician stuff. Yep, I'm a magician, or at least I used to be before I started my current job. For one thing, not having a set schedule pretty much screws up performing. So, since I'll have a nice, set schedule of 8am to 4pm I can rejoin the IBM, that's International Brotherhood of Magicians not International Business Machines. The other thing is that my standards for my performances are extremely high. There have been very few routines that I've done that I've been really happy with. Also, I've never seemed to quite find my niche as far as magic goes, well, until recently. Remember that friend I told you about who was going to give me the ventriloquist dummy? Well, it turns that he probably already tossed it out because he couldn't find it anywhere (bastard), but he did find a bunch of his dad's old magic stuff. I think I mentioned the videos last time. I was expecting to get about half a dozen or so. I got a couple of dozen, along with another couple of dozen books and a trunk full of magic apparatus. Most of the magic stuff is just small things, I did get a dove vanish box that I'll never use and a couple of other things. Well this prompted me into going through my old notes, ideas and files when I found my notes for a trick called the Indian Mango Tree. This trick has pretty much been elevated to mythic status in the magic community, similar the Indian Rope Trick and as far as I know no one performs it outside of India. I looked for years to find out how to do this trick and I finely tracked down a couple of books, one published around 1940 and the other published in 1927 that had the explanation. Looking over these notes is when it hit me what my niche was. The official term, well the one that I came up with anyway, is Experimental and Legacy Magic. Legacy refers to magic done in the Golden Age of Magic (early to mid 1900's) and the Vaudeville era or earlier that has fallen out of fashion and generally not done anymore. Experimental is just that, experimenting with current magic and present it in a radically new way.
Well, that's all for now, it's my day off and I have about eight boxes of crap to go through to either trash or send to Goodwill.
