Today seems to be alittle better. Went to my step dad's memorial service and i felt relieved after I left. I could feel my soul is at ease but only wish that i could see him one last time and wish him a happy birthday

Came home, chill then took the boys out to get something to eat. My SSI check came in today. I don't get my other check till the 3rd. ugh, I can't wait. I got my drawing done for my next tattoo on my chest and I'm hoping to get it done by the following week or wkend. I think my friend will be coming along,i hope, to take photos of it or perhaps a short video. Talking about it gets me more excited and the more excited I get seems to make the ime slower Yea, that probably doesnt even make sense.. Whatever, lol. I've been wanting to do this for almost a year! I was going to get both my feet done first but I ended up having this crazy picture in my head that I wanted,with the design i saw off my mother's shirt. Just to imagine it, i can already see that it's gonna be beautiful. Goodnight guys! Boys are already settling in their beds and I'm going to hop on the couch and read "watership down" again.. lol.

I'm having the most wonderful time of my life. Everything is going according the lifes plan. Ha.. Yea, right.. I wish. Seriously, I swear my life is going down the drain. Or.. feels like it. But i'm not gonna be a baby about it. I'm a grown woman and I need to set examples for my boys.

My step father who raised me since I was 18 months ago, Died previously, on Sunday and it's really sucking right now. I'm dying to work to make decent money but ofc, I can't because I don't have a daycare for boo ( my 3 yr old.) Good thing for Evin (8) is attending elementery. I'm just sick and tired of living my life on a disability check once a month thats not even enough to cover all three of us. Whole world is fucking up and people losing jobs. It's really crazy and I just have so much shit on my chest right now that I don't even know how to get it out. Yeah, I have a tendacy of bottling up till it's gets so full, I actually explode. I only wish my best friend still lives close by so I could always go see her when I'm in a hole. I can't even tell my mom shit because she always say shit that I hate to hear. She's more of a "face it, its reality honey" not even, " I know it's hard and this is reality...... Keep your head up, it's not the end of the world." something like that. I don't know.. I'm just really tired in my body and mind, trying to take care of my boys while I have my mother and not to mention... My grandmother! yes.. we all live in this double wide trailor. I'm also tired of people including my brother, putting me down. Also my 2nd boy's father, Marc Wiseman.. He quote " Youre deaf, and dumb. You can't mind battle me." Even at this rough time of my father's death, my brother got nasty to me and started saying, "you don't have a life, get a job, take care of your boys or they won't forgive you." I mean, yea that shit hurts and I do let it get to me that easy. I'm just passive and I had a horrible... No, let me rephrase that, I had a ROUGH childhood and I have been teased, picked on by few kids and abused by my brother. I know this for sure... I'm not gonna be his doormatt and let him walk all over me, anymore. BUT, it hurts I just can't stand this shit. I find this easy to get it all out by typing and I guess it helps alittle.. Not as much as my best friend, Soni!! I love her so much! she's everything to me and she has been there since the day I first met her back in freshmen. well, I guess I better hop off and get to bed.. My dad's memorial service is tomorrow morning and gotta get up. I wish I could post some more pictures on here but I don't have any on this computer.. My ex's computer is filled with viruses now and he is not living here anymore so I gotta wait till Sunday for him to come up and clean it out. I'm using my grandmother's right now so I can't really be downloading anything or uploading any pictures or she'll Raise n Hell lol but I love her to death. she's the only one sees whats really going on. Also another bad news too, I'm not sure how much longer my ex's computer is gonna be here beacuse once he's moving back to his mother's house in tampa, he's taking all of his stuff Thanks for listening and love you guys..

Hi y'all. I know it's been awhile since Ive post anything on here. Been a busy week, my son's school will be over soon and I'm getting myself ready for the big summer break.. It's been two years I have not attended school nor even finished my college degree.. I was attending FCCJ in business in photography then I transferred to the FMU for medical billing/coding.. Ok, yeah. I really don't know what the fuck I wanna do but basically, I'm into the big ART thing and I'm prettying much sure I wanna get back into something related to Art. Not medical ( I was only doing it for my mother, apparently that didn't work out to well ) Actually it got screwed up because they couldn't find a note taker and interpreter and I was going to classes for a month without knowing what is going on in class.. SUCKS! yeah... felt really out of place.. Anyway.. Then I got involved with modeling. I went to the modeling school when I was 15. Never continued after that (dunno why) I got hung up with friends and parties.. Yeah those crazy days, I tell ya.. lol. I fell into tattoos and piercings and open up to "body art." I loved it ever since then. Men and Women.. I am an artist in my own little ways because I love shooting nature enviroment and animals.. Sometime people but mostly its all about the wildlife in this world. I'm gonna try to get into this school they opend up here in Jacksonviile. Arts Institute of Jacksonville. I really truely want to go back to school and finish it. Get a degree in Art so I'm gonna take this whole summer off to see what I need to do to get my fucking ass back in school and support my little family.. And, yeah... Don't worry, I'll still model for the SG!

Here is what I do on my spare time.

The Major change!!!! Holy FUCK! I'm impressed!!





Hair done at, For Your Eyes Only, the best salon ever in North East FLORDIA! Check it out, their place rocks. Color by Courtney! Cuts and styles by Tammy!! I LOVE IT!

Living life in both world





both worlds? hmm. Yea. Growing up being Hearing Impaired is fucking tough. I tell you that, right now. Even to this day. Still fucking tough. At least I can sit here and look back all the shit I've been through and say, wow. All that is what made me become this person right now. I mean, I'm thankful, I'm tough, and I can see clearly how curel this world can be for everyone. Even those people who don't even realize.. Yeah, I've been teased, descriminated, laughed at, and neglected. Growing up also isn't fun either. My brother used to beat the shit out of me. I still love him though. I've been put in the middle of a lot of shit between my mom and my real dad. I never really got to know him till I got in high school. Most of my younger days I never really like wearing my hearing aid. I get less destracted. I don't have to hear my mom and step dad fight all the time. I don't have to worry about hearing my brother talk shit to me but I just can't believe that I actually missed out most of what was going on around me. To hear a convo out in the other room. Sucks missing so much and not even know whats going on till I reallly sit back, wear my damn hearing aid and just. Listen.. With my hearing aid on (right ear only) and raised in a hearing family is like living in a hearing world and attended a deaf school from middle to high school is like living in a deaf world. You have NO idea what I've been through. Its just the SAME as living in the hearing world; I was mistreated badly! Yup! I'm serious. Their deaf pride is huge to them. When I enrolled there at the deaf school and I speak and hear (hearing aid on) like a hearing person. I've had to show my brother's friends the "little thing" in my ear to get them to believe that I am deaf. Only when I don't have my hearing aid on. Yeah.. With it on, I can hear well. So, the kids at the deaf school would just walk by and tell me that I don't belong here and they will do this sign language to insult me by saying "stupid hearing." NO FUN!! Once I got in high school, A lot has changed. There were MORE "hard of hearing" like me, enrolling in the deaf school and I guess it has a lot to do with the society, too. I started mainstreaming into the hearing school for morning classes and my afternoon classes I go back to the deaf school. I see how the kids at the hearing school were so interested and motivated to learn sign language. I felt like, that was where I needed to be. I have more deaf friends than hearing and its so hard to try to explain to few of my friends not to put so much burden on them about why they can't do shit in the hearing world and blaming them for being descriminated when I know they're really not. Same for hearing. Hearing people. They are always nervous or scared to confront deaf people sometimes because they think they are always mad or looking at them dirty. They have A LOT of facial expressions and I will have to tell them, no.. It's ok, he/she is not mad or looking at you dirty. It's how they talk It's very interesting to sit back now and watch them how they treat eachother, how different their culture,and a lot of miscommunication..

Living my life on one side of my world is slient and the other is just noise.. I would say, after all my life, I will live a pretty interesting life

All My Life...

We live our lives day by day, always wondering what tomorrow might bring. We choose our own path to walk. We make mistakes and if we're lucky, we learn from those mistakes. We laugh, We love, and We cry. "Thats life" as they say. We experience the good and the bad. We easily give advice that we can't take ourselves. We think we're prepared for the worse without having a clue as to what the worse might be. We wear a smile sometimes just to hide our sadness. We somehow believe it's easier to deal with, if no one else sees your pain. All these things describe- ME