Fighting old habits can be so difficult at times. It's when I'm at my weakest everything comes crashing together. A torrent of emotions take a hold of my psyche the moment I let my guard down. The flood pours in and the pain sweeps through my already bruised and embittered heart. Self discovery, self doubt all seem to prevail. I know what I must do. But the things I would do, I do not, and the things I should not, I do. Trust, compassion and acceptance are the only way out of the black pit which at times encompasses my mind. You only become free when you accept that you have no control and that life is impermanent. But even in that statement life is an on going cycle of beginnings and ends. Black and white. Good and evil. Saints and Sinners. Darkness and Light. Why do I still fight the darkness? The more I fight and turn away, the more my inner demons prevail. When I accept and not fight the pain, I finally am calm. When will wisdom prevail in those moments of darkness? Why do I try to fight it from happening? I must let go, I must move on. It'll happen whether I'm aware or not. Might as well be present for it.
