IPOD
RADIO
PICS
Time is just tick tick ticking away now, I wish my perception of time would remain consistent throughout the day and NOT seem to pass quicker when Im enjoying myself and slower when Im not.
A lot has been happening in and around "my world", but its all just a blur of "incidents" that wrap up and intertwine until they form an enormous knot that sits nicely in the pit of my stomach and just rots there for quite some time.
I cant remember the last time I was just "ash", for the longest time now there's been another person attached to my soul as if they were just an extension of "ash". When times got excrutiatingly rough for me, all I had to do was put things into perspective: I've always felt that I'd be specifically given a very difficult life because of this "gift" I was given, the gift of a soul mate. A person cant have *everything*, you know. Some people are given the gift of a great family, some are given the gift of a great career & financial stability. I dont have stability or a family, but I have a soulmate .. yes, things have been shitty, but I still considered myself fortunate because every night I didnt sleep alone, or every time I felt bad I was hugged. Things are going to be a whole lot different without my other half. Im proud that he's joining the army and doing something for both himself and our family, but Im also just upset that he has to do this in the first place. If I had a nice career, this wouldnt have to happen.
I cant sleep lately. Well, I cant ever sleep unless I have weed, or pills, but right now I dont have either .. so I remain awake for several days straight until my body cant push any longer and I just collapse, knock right out for abt 10 hrs or so. I hate that "edgy" feeling I get at 4am, I feel like Im going to start laughing maniacally at any second because Im just so ANGRY abt being awake. Right now I just feel like Im bordering on the edge of hysteria, being choked by the invisible hand of fate.
My teeth still hurt. I thought they just hurt because they were re-adjusting to all the new room they have without the other teeth there to cramp their style, but it gets worse every day, no pill can help the amount of pain I feel from these fuckers. I think I caught dry socket. They gave me antibiotics, but I didnt have the money to fill them. Well, thats sort of not true .. I *did* have money for cigarettes, and I made the choice any addict would. "NO SMOKING AFTER U GET YOUR TEETH PULLED!" Ha, yeah right!
***Rant of the day*** You know what drives me nuts? English accents!! Yeah, I do realize that I speak ENGLISH and I should probably have NO problem understanding my own native language, but I was watching the movie "Children of Men" last night (takes place in brittain), and could NOT, for the LIFE of me, understand wtf they were saying 2/3rds of the time!! I have this problem when I play with my splinter cell squad on xbox live, too. Im the only american on my squad .. the rest of us elitist bastards are from the UK. I feel like such a dolt when Im speaking to them.
"so ash, whatdoyoudoforaliving?"
....
"... wait, what?"
"I *said*, WHAT do you DO for a LIVING?"
...
...
"uhhh ... come again?"
(repeat the back and forth "what?!" abt 3 more times before they eventually give up)
***2nd rant of the day!!*** There's too much sexism in the video game world today. Why is it always assumed that girls DONT play video games, or if they DO, they're not as good as guys?! I cant even begin to tell you how many times someone I played with was made fun of because they were "beaten by a girl". So who cares if Im a girl?
And now I leave you people for a short while. MY man leaves me on Wednesday, so I dont imagine I will be able to reply to messages until afterwards. I'd like to spend as much time with him as possible before he takes off. I'm sure you understand.
~You truly *do* find out who your real friends are in times of great desperation. Thank you, you know who you are~
A lot has been happening in and around "my world", but its all just a blur of "incidents" that wrap up and intertwine until they form an enormous knot that sits nicely in the pit of my stomach and just rots there for quite some time.
I cant remember the last time I was just "ash", for the longest time now there's been another person attached to my soul as if they were just an extension of "ash". When times got excrutiatingly rough for me, all I had to do was put things into perspective: I've always felt that I'd be specifically given a very difficult life because of this "gift" I was given, the gift of a soul mate. A person cant have *everything*, you know. Some people are given the gift of a great family, some are given the gift of a great career & financial stability. I dont have stability or a family, but I have a soulmate .. yes, things have been shitty, but I still considered myself fortunate because every night I didnt sleep alone, or every time I felt bad I was hugged. Things are going to be a whole lot different without my other half. Im proud that he's joining the army and doing something for both himself and our family, but Im also just upset that he has to do this in the first place. If I had a nice career, this wouldnt have to happen.
I cant sleep lately. Well, I cant ever sleep unless I have weed, or pills, but right now I dont have either .. so I remain awake for several days straight until my body cant push any longer and I just collapse, knock right out for abt 10 hrs or so. I hate that "edgy" feeling I get at 4am, I feel like Im going to start laughing maniacally at any second because Im just so ANGRY abt being awake. Right now I just feel like Im bordering on the edge of hysteria, being choked by the invisible hand of fate.
My teeth still hurt. I thought they just hurt because they were re-adjusting to all the new room they have without the other teeth there to cramp their style, but it gets worse every day, no pill can help the amount of pain I feel from these fuckers. I think I caught dry socket. They gave me antibiotics, but I didnt have the money to fill them. Well, thats sort of not true .. I *did* have money for cigarettes, and I made the choice any addict would. "NO SMOKING AFTER U GET YOUR TEETH PULLED!" Ha, yeah right!
***Rant of the day*** You know what drives me nuts? English accents!! Yeah, I do realize that I speak ENGLISH and I should probably have NO problem understanding my own native language, but I was watching the movie "Children of Men" last night (takes place in brittain), and could NOT, for the LIFE of me, understand wtf they were saying 2/3rds of the time!! I have this problem when I play with my splinter cell squad on xbox live, too. Im the only american on my squad .. the rest of us elitist bastards are from the UK. I feel like such a dolt when Im speaking to them.
"so ash, whatdoyoudoforaliving?"
....
"... wait, what?"
"I *said*, WHAT do you DO for a LIVING?"
...
...
"uhhh ... come again?"
(repeat the back and forth "what?!" abt 3 more times before they eventually give up)
***2nd rant of the day!!*** There's too much sexism in the video game world today. Why is it always assumed that girls DONT play video games, or if they DO, they're not as good as guys?! I cant even begin to tell you how many times someone I played with was made fun of because they were "beaten by a girl". So who cares if Im a girl?
And now I leave you people for a short while. MY man leaves me on Wednesday, so I dont imagine I will be able to reply to messages until afterwards. I'd like to spend as much time with him as possible before he takes off. I'm sure you understand.
~You truly *do* find out who your real friends are in times of great desperation. Thank you, you know who you are~
It was nice to get out of the house for a change and visit with some friends, thank you Beau & Boss for a lovely time. Forgive my lack of posting as of late, honestly I've been rather down. A lot has been going on here in Ashland. My man is leaving me to go to the army in a couple wks and I will again be alone to raise my son for a fairly long time. I havent been without him for yrs now, so it'll be like losing a limb. School will start soon after and hopefully keep my mind preoccupied enough so that I dont lose it. Im still working on getting my ass to florida to see my Gram once more.
Heres some pics from the party last night, taken by The Boss.
Will n Ash sittin on a swing ...
The Boss and Ash are cooler than U
Beau and Ash telling poker secrets.
No questions for today, I will resume questioning and examinations when the time comes. Instead .. look at these photos and tell me what u think:
(think u can beat me? Then lets go ... gamertag- Maniacle Ash)
Heres some pics from the party last night, taken by The Boss.
Will n Ash sittin on a swing ...
The Boss and Ash are cooler than U
Beau and Ash telling poker secrets.
No questions for today, I will resume questioning and examinations when the time comes. Instead .. look at these photos and tell me what u think:
(think u can beat me? Then lets go ... gamertag- Maniacle Ash)
I normally dont update my blog until the week is up, but several things are propelling me to do so.
First because I apparently "goofed". My wishlist isnt just for ME, it's for the opportunity to create new photosets, so I kind of realize how selfish it sounds to say "I made a wishlist for myself" since I've never really been into the whole wishlist thing anyways, I reserve that for gifts for my son ... who needs a lot more than I do. I've made an exception because I simply cannot create a set out of the blue, it costs money to make a set because of all the expenses, so if ppl can at least help with the cost of the wardrobe items and props, well then that's all I really need. Of course everyone could use the money .. but photos for me have never really been abt just "money" so much as it is abt creating something and physical/visual expression. I look at my dated sets and I feel like I no longer represent everything Im capable of on this site. In fact .. no one really knows who I *am* when they look at those photos. It's abt time I start to crank out half a dozen sets that represent each side of ASH. The good, the bad .. even the ugly.
Today I received a package in the mail. This is a serious rarity for me, so it was exciting to see my name printed across the slender padded envelope. A book? Felt like one. From ... my grandma? Hmmm. Funny it would be from her ... its not my birthday, or any other special occaision .. tho even still I cant remember when I last received an actual gift from someone in the mail. Anyways ..
I opened the package to find ... hundreds of photos? They were photos of me. From the time I was born and up until adulthood and the ever many different HORRIBLY ugly and homely stages in between. I chuckled at first, thinking "why on EARTH would my grandmother be sending me these? Doesnt she WANT them anymore?"
And with that thought came the devistating reality of the situation. She was sending them to me because she knew she wouldn't be alive the next time I flew down to florida. My hands shook so uncontrollably that I dropped the ziplock bag of photos and watched them scatter abt the floor.
My first instinct was to collapse in a pile of tears on top of them like a pathetic old ragdoll that has finally lost her "stuffing". I'm not entirely certain if I'm more angry or saddened by this situation. It feels much to me like she has reached a point in life where she is putting up her white surrender flag, ready to "throw in the towel" so to speak. I suppose at her age she has every right, of course. What do *I* know of the pain that comes along with growing so old that each day is almost like a fight for your life? But this isnt my grandmother ... she's so much more than that. This woman and her loving husband (my grandfather) had sacrificed so many years of their lives raising my sister and I, years that should have been spent enjoying each other and life in peace, not with the hassle of 2 little orphaned brats to cause them grief and suffering. Not so much my sister, the family favorite ... but me, the hellion. I cant ever possibly express to her how much her sacrifices meant to me, even if it wasnt anywhere near what one would consider a "normal" life.
Not that Ive ever been able to relate to this girl EVER in all my days on this earth, but oddly enough .. I just wanted to call my sister. I knew as Grandmas "favorite" and given their wonderful relationship that she would know what I was feeling. It's just not "time" yet to have no one left at all, it just ISNT. It feels so wrong and unjust. I want to shake my grandmother or slap her or jesus even BEG her to just *try* the chemo. I know that watching your soul mate slowly dwindle away to practically nothing, yr after yr, that seeing what he went through when he passed is traumatic enough to be terrified to go thru with it yourself. I mean .. *sigh*. I know that. I understand it completely and not at all, which makes no sense. It hurts to think that her life is not fullfilling enough to fight through this ... not for herself, not for her family .. not for anyone. It's hard to accept that no one she loves today is worth fighting for.
I've always asked her if she thought of us girls as her "daughters" and not just "granddaughters" because I had always equated her to being my "mother" and hoped that she had felt the same. Back then, she didnt, or she had said so anyways. It hurt to hear that at the time, but I know now that she had only said that because even after my mother giving us up, she didnt want us to hate our mother or even stop hoping she would "come around". She knew how important it was for girls to have their mother around. How little girls always believe their mother is the most beautiful woman on earth, want to dress up like mom and walk around in her shoes that are 10 sizes too big and things of that nature. My grandma felt guilty. She would even send us things in the mail from our "mother" on every holiday and occaision ... until we were old enough to realize that it was always *her* all along. Bless her heart for trying so hard not to break ours.
My grandmother said in the hospital recently that she wished that "Debbie" could be contacted abt her serious condition. MY sister and I both wondered WHY she would even ask this, knowing that our "Mom" wouldnt even attend her own fathers funeral, and it would be a cold day in HELL before she ever attended her mothers. My sister was brave enough to track her down to deliver the news as my grandmother had requested. Gram just wanted to say goodbye, thats all. But we were right, "Debbie" gave no reply and showed absolutely NO emotion what so ever. She did not ask my sister how she was. She did not ask what she had been doing all these yrs. She did not ask abt me.
And what have I been doing here in chicago all these yrs, away from my "family"? (Or rather, whats left of it.) Well not much, really. Nothing substantial. Nothing of interest. Nothing to make anyone proud. Just here to AVOID everyone and every thing, wasting away basically. I'm pissed that I just spent my grandmothers last few yrs away from her ... doing NOTHING. I could have done NOTHING by her side, at the very least. I dont want my grandmother to die thinking that she had failed because I cant succeed, I wanted her to remember me as someone who might have given her a hard time for most my life .. but turned out "ok" afterall. Theres no time to change her mind now, which has really caused me to re-examine my current situation and really THINK abt everything thats gone wrong and why.
I really need to be in florida now. I know that even if I do get there before her time, I wont want to leave, which is obviously an impossibility. I mean ... how do u just ... say goodbye and just leave?
I dont normally get this personal abt anything in my journal. But I guess thats what a JOURNAL is for. Getting thoughts out. I will probably change this very soon ... but I just needed it to be written.
First because I apparently "goofed". My wishlist isnt just for ME, it's for the opportunity to create new photosets, so I kind of realize how selfish it sounds to say "I made a wishlist for myself" since I've never really been into the whole wishlist thing anyways, I reserve that for gifts for my son ... who needs a lot more than I do. I've made an exception because I simply cannot create a set out of the blue, it costs money to make a set because of all the expenses, so if ppl can at least help with the cost of the wardrobe items and props, well then that's all I really need. Of course everyone could use the money .. but photos for me have never really been abt just "money" so much as it is abt creating something and physical/visual expression. I look at my dated sets and I feel like I no longer represent everything Im capable of on this site. In fact .. no one really knows who I *am* when they look at those photos. It's abt time I start to crank out half a dozen sets that represent each side of ASH. The good, the bad .. even the ugly.
Today I received a package in the mail. This is a serious rarity for me, so it was exciting to see my name printed across the slender padded envelope. A book? Felt like one. From ... my grandma? Hmmm. Funny it would be from her ... its not my birthday, or any other special occaision .. tho even still I cant remember when I last received an actual gift from someone in the mail. Anyways ..
I opened the package to find ... hundreds of photos? They were photos of me. From the time I was born and up until adulthood and the ever many different HORRIBLY ugly and homely stages in between. I chuckled at first, thinking "why on EARTH would my grandmother be sending me these? Doesnt she WANT them anymore?"
And with that thought came the devistating reality of the situation. She was sending them to me because she knew she wouldn't be alive the next time I flew down to florida. My hands shook so uncontrollably that I dropped the ziplock bag of photos and watched them scatter abt the floor.
My first instinct was to collapse in a pile of tears on top of them like a pathetic old ragdoll that has finally lost her "stuffing". I'm not entirely certain if I'm more angry or saddened by this situation. It feels much to me like she has reached a point in life where she is putting up her white surrender flag, ready to "throw in the towel" so to speak. I suppose at her age she has every right, of course. What do *I* know of the pain that comes along with growing so old that each day is almost like a fight for your life? But this isnt my grandmother ... she's so much more than that. This woman and her loving husband (my grandfather) had sacrificed so many years of their lives raising my sister and I, years that should have been spent enjoying each other and life in peace, not with the hassle of 2 little orphaned brats to cause them grief and suffering. Not so much my sister, the family favorite ... but me, the hellion. I cant ever possibly express to her how much her sacrifices meant to me, even if it wasnt anywhere near what one would consider a "normal" life.
Not that Ive ever been able to relate to this girl EVER in all my days on this earth, but oddly enough .. I just wanted to call my sister. I knew as Grandmas "favorite" and given their wonderful relationship that she would know what I was feeling. It's just not "time" yet to have no one left at all, it just ISNT. It feels so wrong and unjust. I want to shake my grandmother or slap her or jesus even BEG her to just *try* the chemo. I know that watching your soul mate slowly dwindle away to practically nothing, yr after yr, that seeing what he went through when he passed is traumatic enough to be terrified to go thru with it yourself. I mean .. *sigh*. I know that. I understand it completely and not at all, which makes no sense. It hurts to think that her life is not fullfilling enough to fight through this ... not for herself, not for her family .. not for anyone. It's hard to accept that no one she loves today is worth fighting for.
I've always asked her if she thought of us girls as her "daughters" and not just "granddaughters" because I had always equated her to being my "mother" and hoped that she had felt the same. Back then, she didnt, or she had said so anyways. It hurt to hear that at the time, but I know now that she had only said that because even after my mother giving us up, she didnt want us to hate our mother or even stop hoping she would "come around". She knew how important it was for girls to have their mother around. How little girls always believe their mother is the most beautiful woman on earth, want to dress up like mom and walk around in her shoes that are 10 sizes too big and things of that nature. My grandma felt guilty. She would even send us things in the mail from our "mother" on every holiday and occaision ... until we were old enough to realize that it was always *her* all along. Bless her heart for trying so hard not to break ours.
My grandmother said in the hospital recently that she wished that "Debbie" could be contacted abt her serious condition. MY sister and I both wondered WHY she would even ask this, knowing that our "Mom" wouldnt even attend her own fathers funeral, and it would be a cold day in HELL before she ever attended her mothers. My sister was brave enough to track her down to deliver the news as my grandmother had requested. Gram just wanted to say goodbye, thats all. But we were right, "Debbie" gave no reply and showed absolutely NO emotion what so ever. She did not ask my sister how she was. She did not ask what she had been doing all these yrs. She did not ask abt me.
And what have I been doing here in chicago all these yrs, away from my "family"? (Or rather, whats left of it.) Well not much, really. Nothing substantial. Nothing of interest. Nothing to make anyone proud. Just here to AVOID everyone and every thing, wasting away basically. I'm pissed that I just spent my grandmothers last few yrs away from her ... doing NOTHING. I could have done NOTHING by her side, at the very least. I dont want my grandmother to die thinking that she had failed because I cant succeed, I wanted her to remember me as someone who might have given her a hard time for most my life .. but turned out "ok" afterall. Theres no time to change her mind now, which has really caused me to re-examine my current situation and really THINK abt everything thats gone wrong and why.
I really need to be in florida now. I know that even if I do get there before her time, I wont want to leave, which is obviously an impossibility. I mean ... how do u just ... say goodbye and just leave?
I dont normally get this personal abt anything in my journal. But I guess thats what a JOURNAL is for. Getting thoughts out. I will probably change this very soon ... but I just needed it to be written.
I've been having this re-occuring dream the last few nights where I am so unstable that I've actually been institutionalized. Whats even more weird is that in every dream ... they medicate me by feeding me this weird pinkish-grey paste, which I guess is also how they feed us in this odd psyche ward. Medicated food paste. Awesome!
School starts on the 24th and I havent done my financial aid papers, so I guess I'll have to start in 6 wks when the next class starts. It sucks, but that also gives me more time to examine my situtation and find out if this really is the school I want, or if a cheaper school will suffice.
I made a wishlist for myself ... yes ME! It's only going up for a short time because there are things on it that I actually *need* in order to do another photo set .. and make some much needed money! If and when I get these items, my sons wishlist will go back up in place of mine. I know u might be thinking "wtf do u *need* to do a photoset besides YOU?" Well a shitload! The costs of getting everything prepared and the props and wardrobe can cost an eye and a leg. To make $ u must spend $, right? Well yes ... unless you're like me and have no $ to begin with
U know u wanna help Ash get nekkid
Wishlist items covered=2 new Ash sets! Can we get a
?
If my modem doesnt get fixed soon, I will have to move into one of your homes to use yours daily, I hope thats ok. But seriously .. I do so apologize greatly for the serious LAG in replying to comments lately but I swear it's not my fault! Really! Would I leave YOU? Cmon now. Seriously.
Q's
~What makes u happy in times of shittiness?
~Are u driven to create things (as far as art, music, or what have you) in times of great stress? Or does great stress make you unable to create things?
~Could you fall in love with someone without meeting them in real life? How abt over xbox live? lol (I've been gaming online too much lately)
~True or false: You are nice to everyone u meet.
School starts on the 24th and I havent done my financial aid papers, so I guess I'll have to start in 6 wks when the next class starts. It sucks, but that also gives me more time to examine my situtation and find out if this really is the school I want, or if a cheaper school will suffice.
I made a wishlist for myself ... yes ME! It's only going up for a short time because there are things on it that I actually *need* in order to do another photo set .. and make some much needed money! If and when I get these items, my sons wishlist will go back up in place of mine. I know u might be thinking "wtf do u *need* to do a photoset besides YOU?" Well a shitload! The costs of getting everything prepared and the props and wardrobe can cost an eye and a leg. To make $ u must spend $, right? Well yes ... unless you're like me and have no $ to begin with
U know u wanna help Ash get nekkid
Wishlist items covered=2 new Ash sets! Can we get a
?If my modem doesnt get fixed soon, I will have to move into one of your homes to use yours daily, I hope thats ok.
But seriously .. I do so apologize greatly for the serious LAG in replying to comments lately but I swear it's not my fault! Really! Would I leave YOU? Cmon now. Seriously. Q's
~What makes u happy in times of shittiness?
~Are u driven to create things (as far as art, music, or what have you) in times of great stress? Or does great stress make you unable to create things?
~Could you fall in love with someone without meeting them in real life? How abt over xbox live? lol (I've been gaming online too much lately)
~True or false: You are nice to everyone u meet.
Dont u hate when u say something and ppl misinterpret what u were saying and think it was something negative when REALLY that wasnt your intent at all? Apparently I do this a lot, and I seriously dont mean to! I'm friendly, really! It's not just the internet, either ... I do this in real life, too. Now, I wonder at times if its *me* who is communicating wrong or if the person Im communicating with is just extra sensitive or maybe paranoid? Who knows!
After a HUGE blowout with several family members, Ive decided that there is a *lot* in my life I need to change. I just feel ... stuck. I need to finish school, which takes 12 months if I go *full time*. However, I cant find a job that doesnt conflict with my school hours, and I need to make money somehow, obviously. Now if I go part time ... it'll take me twice as long and I will be stuck in this horrid living situation for extra long, which isnt really a great environment for my son. Plus, if I go to school part time .. I can only WORK part time, which isnt enough to cover my bills anyways! It's like a catch 22 situation, I dont know wtf to do abt it. But sitting here doing NOTHING abt it doesnt help either, gah!
I wish life came with a REFERENCE book that you could use to look up individual problems and the solution would be clearly written out for you. I might just make that book, damnit.
q's
~What are some tips u can offer for making money? (besides the obvious "get a job")
~What types of sets would u like to see from girls on this site? Do u prefer skinny models or thicker models?
~What kind of "style" attracts u in another person?
Here's the link to our video, we are going to *try* to win in June, though the contest in June is MUCH more broad since the contest is for "2 girls doing *anything*", so our competition will be more fierce this time around!
Sioux & Ash~ "Closer" video
After a HUGE blowout with several family members, Ive decided that there is a *lot* in my life I need to change. I just feel ... stuck. I need to finish school, which takes 12 months if I go *full time*. However, I cant find a job that doesnt conflict with my school hours, and I need to make money somehow, obviously. Now if I go part time ... it'll take me twice as long and I will be stuck in this horrid living situation for extra long, which isnt really a great environment for my son. Plus, if I go to school part time .. I can only WORK part time, which isnt enough to cover my bills anyways! It's like a catch 22 situation, I dont know wtf to do abt it. But sitting here doing NOTHING abt it doesnt help either, gah!
I wish life came with a REFERENCE book that you could use to look up individual problems and the solution would be clearly written out for you. I might just make that book, damnit.
q's
~What are some tips u can offer for making money? (besides the obvious "get a job")
~What types of sets would u like to see from girls on this site? Do u prefer skinny models or thicker models?
~What kind of "style" attracts u in another person?
Here's the link to our video, we are going to *try* to win in June, though the contest in June is MUCH more broad since the contest is for "2 girls doing *anything*", so our competition will be more fierce this time around!
Sioux & Ash~ "Closer" video
Well the May contest is over, and unfortunately ... Sioux and I did NOT win for our make out video. Just for shits, if u want to see it ... Best makeout video EVER
I must admit, I am a bit dissapointed, considering the amount of time, effort, and creativity that went into our video. The production quality of our video was superb, thanks tobinaryZen, and I thought our video was very unique. It will always be the winner in my head
Congrats everyone!
p.s. I would like to thank those of u who left comments on the video to help it win, and for those of u who didnt ... shame on you!
In case u were wondering which videos were better than ours, here are the Video winners for May:
and
And yes, we have tagged our video for the JUNE contest as well, however .. the video contest for June is MUCH more vague, so we probably have even less of a chance of winning in June since we have NO idea what these crazy girls will come up with.
I must admit, I am a bit dissapointed, considering the amount of time, effort, and creativity that went into our video. The production quality of our video was superb, thanks tobinaryZen, and I thought our video was very unique. It will always be the winner in my head
Congrats everyone!
p.s. I would like to thank those of u who left comments on the video to help it win, and for those of u who didnt ... shame on you!
In case u were wondering which videos were better than ours, here are the Video winners for May:
and
And yes, we have tagged our video for the JUNE contest as well, however .. the video contest for June is MUCH more vague, so we probably have even less of a chance of winning in June since we have NO idea what these crazy girls will come up with.
Closer to Sioux, thats all I wanted to do .. and my fantasy ended up coming true. Intrigued? Then you need to watch this video! May Contest for "best video of girls kissing"
Hot steamy sexy porno lesbians
Plz post a comment telling the site what u think ... because your comments and opinions count. The more kick ass the comment, the better!
To binaryZen : Thanks for not only fillming and editing this *amazingly* awesome video, but for allowing me to be her stand in "husband" for a while.
xoxoxo
~@sh
Hot steamy sexy porno lesbians
Plz post a comment telling the site what u think ... because your comments and opinions count. The more kick ass the comment, the better!To binaryZen : Thanks for not only fillming and editing this *amazingly* awesome video, but for allowing me to be her stand in "husband" for a while.
xoxoxo
~@sh
Whew, what a week its been. I'd like to thank all of you for wishing me a happy birthday on Friday, this years was *definitely* something to remember!
On Thursday Sioux called me up and told me I *had* to be at her house by 3pm. I asked why, but wasn't allowed to know. It was a secret b-day surprise. GAH!! I hate surprises!! All she said was "make sure you're comfortable".
Hmmm, ok?
After being anxious in the car for abt an hr, we arrived at a spa. Wtf? I've never been to a spa before, so all I could picture was that scene in Seinfeld with Elaine in the sauna talking abt whether the other chicks bewbs were real, so I'm thinking "this is either a sauna or a hot tub type deal". Nope! We get in and everything is all purple, ornate, and elegant looking ... with a very soothing type of music in the background. There are several snobby looking women sitting there .. and suddenly I feel *very* out of place. Sioux then reveals to me that I am abt to receive my very FIRST professional Sweedish massage!
I was both ecstatic and nervous at the same time, I didn't know how I felt abt getting naked in front of this strange woman and having her put her hands all over me. I went into the room and she tells me to strip to my underwear and lay face down on the table. I was feeling really awkward abt my ass being all out in the open & my face down in this hole, when she walked in and just paused ...
"Uhm ... you were supposed to get *underneath* the sheets, miss!"
Ok, as if I didnt feel stupid enough, I just felt so ridiculous in that moment as I scurried under the sheets as fast as I could. I'm asking a million questions abt how to position myself and what to do, and she just tells me to lie there and relax. She's not speaking to me. Am I supposed to talk to her? Is she bored? I imagine the woman is extremely bored so I start talking to her to make her feel more comfortable abt the situation. After and hr of a wonderful pampering, she tells me that she feels bad that I spoke to her the whole time and didn't get to really enjoy the *full* relaxation of the massage because of our conversating. Oops! If I knew that they were accustomed to ppl just laying there relaxing and not speaking, I probably would've gotten the FULL effect of the relaxing massage, but oh well. It was still the best present I've ever gotten for my birthday, and I really needed it. I was so tense. 
Thank you so much, Sioux, I will always remember that day. 
Then! As if that wasn't a good enough birthday present, we shot the video for the "best video of 2 girls kissing" on my actual birthday the following day. Talk abt memorable experiences, shit! I got there in the afternoon sometime and began getting things prepared, and when we left it was the following afternoon, we went on non-stop! It took forever to get ready, then forever to get the right scenes .. and the quickest part was of course the most fun part, which was (duh) the kissing.
*sigh* And now I'm back to reality.
Here are my next 5 photos of the week. These photos can be printed in 11x14's because they are very high resolution. So the deal is the same with the other sizes, I'm just adding a larger one. All photos come matted and signed on the front or back, whichever u prefer. Prices are:
$35 for 11x14 (or all 5 for $140)
$25 for 8x10 (or all 5 for $100)
$15 for 5x7 (or all 5 for $60)
Payments can be made to frauleinash@gmail.com. All purchases will come with a personal thank you note. Shipping will be an additional $3 per order.
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#5
Q's
~What is your chinese zodiac sign?
~What brought you to the location u are currently living in?
~Your favorite type of art?
~Explain to me something abt yourself that you think I might not know.
On Thursday Sioux called me up and told me I *had* to be at her house by 3pm. I asked why, but wasn't allowed to know. It was a secret b-day surprise. GAH!! I hate surprises!! All she said was "make sure you're comfortable".
Hmmm, ok? After being anxious in the car for abt an hr, we arrived at a spa. Wtf? I've never been to a spa before, so all I could picture was that scene in Seinfeld with Elaine in the sauna talking abt whether the other chicks bewbs were real, so I'm thinking "this is either a sauna or a hot tub type deal". Nope! We get in and everything is all purple, ornate, and elegant looking ... with a very soothing type of music in the background. There are several snobby looking women sitting there .. and suddenly I feel *very* out of place. Sioux then reveals to me that I am abt to receive my very FIRST professional Sweedish massage!
I was both ecstatic and nervous at the same time, I didn't know how I felt abt getting naked in front of this strange woman and having her put her hands all over me. I went into the room and she tells me to strip to my underwear and lay face down on the table. I was feeling really awkward abt my ass being all out in the open & my face down in this hole, when she walked in and just paused ...
"Uhm ... you were supposed to get *underneath* the sheets, miss!"
Ok, as if I didnt feel stupid enough, I just felt so ridiculous in that moment as I scurried under the sheets as fast as I could. I'm asking a million questions abt how to position myself and what to do, and she just tells me to lie there and relax. She's not speaking to me. Am I supposed to talk to her? Is she bored? I imagine the woman is extremely bored so I start talking to her to make her feel more comfortable abt the situation. After and hr of a wonderful pampering, she tells me that she feels bad that I spoke to her the whole time and didn't get to really enjoy the *full* relaxation of the massage because of our conversating.
Oops! If I knew that they were accustomed to ppl just laying there relaxing and not speaking, I probably would've gotten the FULL effect of the relaxing massage, but oh well. It was still the best present I've ever gotten for my birthday, and I really needed it. I was so tense. Thank you so much, Sioux, I will always remember that day. Then! As if that wasn't a good enough birthday present, we shot the video for the "best video of 2 girls kissing" on my actual birthday the following day. Talk abt memorable experiences, shit! I got there in the afternoon sometime and began getting things prepared, and when we left it was the following afternoon, we went on non-stop! It took forever to get ready, then forever to get the right scenes .. and the quickest part was of course the most fun part, which was (duh) the kissing.
*sigh* And now I'm back to reality.
Here are my next 5 photos of the week. These photos can be printed in 11x14's because they are very high resolution. So the deal is the same with the other sizes, I'm just adding a larger one. All photos come matted and signed on the front or back, whichever u prefer. Prices are:
$35 for 11x14 (or all 5 for $140)
$25 for 8x10 (or all 5 for $100)
$15 for 5x7 (or all 5 for $60)
Payments can be made to frauleinash@gmail.com. All purchases will come with a personal thank you note. Shipping will be an additional $3 per order.
#1
#2
#3
#4
#5
Q's
~What is your chinese zodiac sign?
~What brought you to the location u are currently living in?
~Your favorite type of art?
~Explain to me something abt yourself that you think I might not know.
Yesterday was my mans bday, but he bought *me* a gift instead of the other way around. I told him we would go buy his gift on *my* bday on friday, lol. For those of u who dont know ... I'll be turning 21 ... again.
There have been many sweet ppl here that have asked me what I wanted for my bday, and I couldn't help but feel a bit humbled I dont have a wishlist made for myself, only for my son, & I contemplated actually making one this yr, but I cant fathom receiving gifts when right now my family is struggling. What I would really love is to NOT have to need anything.
A gift for me would be just to help out my situation by buying some prints, which I will be selling from now on until I find work. What I'll be doing is showcasing 5 prints in my blog per week, some will be available in high resolution and therefor larger sizes, and some will only be available in 5x7. All high res will be available in 5x7 also. Prices will be listed for all prints, and will have to be split 50/50 with the photographer who shot them. They will also come matted and signed.
Here are my 5 for the week, all done by Ed Emering of Chicago:
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#4
#5
8x10's will be $25 , and 5x7's are $15. If you'd like all 5 8x10's you can get them all for $75, and all 5 5x7's for $60. Shipping is additional $3 per order. All orders come with a hand written thank you card. Make payments via paypal to: Frauleinash@gmail.com
***If you'd like any photo from any of my sets, they are all available for the above prices***
I've been spending a lot of time with Sioux lately, which is so nice, for so many reasons. One, it's nice to have friends agn. Two, I love getting out of the house. Three, it's time spent not thinking abt stress. And four .. she's awesome and u cant help but have a good time with someone so fun and beautiful.
The first time I met her, I thought she was so beautiful, even without the hair & makeup. Then one day I walked in, expecting the same Sioux I saw the last few times, but then she walks out of the room, and my heart just ... stopped. I'm sure I must have looked like such a fool, standing there unable to move, unable to speak since my jaw had hit the floor and I had to gather it back up. After what seemed like an eternity, which in reality was probably only abt 5 seconds, I think I finally managed to utter the word:
" ... uh... eh .. BEWBS." (oh no! did I just say that?)
I think she had to know what was going on in my head at that moment, because that smirky little smile that emerged after that moment was practically *screaming* "muahahaha!! My excessive beauty will Dominate your mind, body, soul ... and soon, the entire WORLD!!" She rocks.
I'm excited to announce that my hiatus on set making is ending and I now have 2 sets in the process of developing. Im even MORE excited to announce that I will VERY soon have a video up for the contest this month: sexiest video of 2 girls making out. All I've got to say is ... holy fuck, it's almost *too* awesome!
q's
~Do u have a recent obsession?
~Tell me the name of an artist, writer, director, movie, or something else that I need to check out.
~What animal do u relate most to and why?
There have been many sweet ppl here that have asked me what I wanted for my bday, and I couldn't help but feel a bit humbled
I dont have a wishlist made for myself, only for my son, & I contemplated actually making one this yr, but I cant fathom receiving gifts when right now my family is struggling. What I would really love is to NOT have to need anything. A gift for me would be just to help out my situation by buying some prints, which I will be selling from now on until I find work. What I'll be doing is showcasing 5 prints in my blog per week, some will be available in high resolution and therefor larger sizes, and some will only be available in 5x7. All high res will be available in 5x7 also. Prices will be listed for all prints, and will have to be split 50/50 with the photographer who shot them. They will also come matted and signed.
Here are my 5 for the week, all done by Ed Emering of Chicago:
#1
#2
#3
#4
#5
8x10's will be $25 , and 5x7's are $15. If you'd like all 5 8x10's you can get them all for $75, and all 5 5x7's for $60. Shipping is additional $3 per order. All orders come with a hand written thank you card. Make payments via paypal to: Frauleinash@gmail.com
***If you'd like any photo from any of my sets, they are all available for the above prices***
I've been spending a lot of time with Sioux lately, which is so nice, for so many reasons. One, it's nice to have friends agn. Two, I love getting out of the house. Three, it's time spent not thinking abt stress. And four .. she's awesome and u cant help but have a good time with someone so fun and beautiful.
The first time I met her, I thought she was so beautiful, even without the hair & makeup. Then one day I walked in, expecting the same Sioux I saw the last few times, but then she walks out of the room, and my heart just ... stopped. I'm sure I must have looked like such a fool, standing there unable to move, unable to speak since my jaw had hit the floor and I had to gather it back up. After what seemed like an eternity, which in reality was probably only abt 5 seconds, I think I finally managed to utter the word:
" ... uh... eh .. BEWBS." (oh no! did I just say that?)
I think she had to know what was going on in my head at that moment, because that smirky little smile that emerged after that moment was practically *screaming* "muahahaha!! My excessive beauty will Dominate your mind, body, soul ... and soon, the entire WORLD!!"
She rocks. I'm excited to announce that my hiatus on set making is ending and I now have 2 sets in the process of developing. Im even MORE excited to announce that I will VERY soon have a video up for the contest this month: sexiest video of 2 girls making out. All I've got to say is ... holy fuck, it's almost *too* awesome!
q's
~Do u have a recent obsession?
~Tell me the name of an artist, writer, director, movie, or something else that I need to check out.
~What animal do u relate most to and why?
May rocks. It seems that almost *everyone* in my life that's close to me has a birthday in May (myself included) which is kind of odd, considering there are 12 months in the yr. Why everyone I love is crammed into just one month will remain a mystery.
Everyone is having such a difficult time lately, why is that? With the only common factor being "myself", I've got to wonder if maybe I'm just ... bad luck? I dont even know if I believe in "luck", but what else do u call something that happens, be it positive or negative, that's out of your control?
I hate being kicked while I'm already down. Sometimes the kicking is repetitive. Sometimes the kicking is accompanied by being spit in the face, or a nice "curby" resulting in the loss of your entire row of front teeth, and also a baseball bat smashing your face in. It's times like these where all you want to do is lie there and recover, no matter how long it takes. But everyone around you is continuously screaming "GET UP!! GET UP!!", and you're just thinking:
"listen, man .. I've got 2 broken legs, a missing arm and a shattered skull, how the bloody HELL am I supposed to get up right now?! On my OWN, no less?"
I think inside everyone there is the strongest person in the world, but also the weakest person in the world. I'm sending my most powerful, Ashtastic vibes to everyone who has to get off the ground and stand on broken legs right now.
So yeah, I'll be turning ... 21. For the .. 5th time? 6th time? lol! Shhh! You're only as old as u feel! Only as old as you FEEL!!
Q's
~Do u think that beauty can/does effect a persons success in life? Do you typically go for ppl that are what is considered "conventionally beautiful"? What do YOU define as "beauty" in your own words/terms?
~Have u ever received a service for something (like for instance .. eaten in a restaurant) and realized *after* u received the service that u left your wallet at home? (haha Ive always wondered what one does in a scenario such as this!)
~Whats the worst joke that was played on you or that you played on someone else?
~Post a photo of something here for whatever reason ... make sure it's entertaining in some fashion
R.I.P Neo, u are forever loved.
R.I.P Parker, I thought we still had more time.
Everyone is having such a difficult time lately, why is that? With the only common factor being "myself", I've got to wonder if maybe I'm just ... bad luck? I dont even know if I believe in "luck", but what else do u call something that happens, be it positive or negative, that's out of your control?
I hate being kicked while I'm already down. Sometimes the kicking is repetitive. Sometimes the kicking is accompanied by being spit in the face, or a nice "curby" resulting in the loss of your entire row of front teeth, and also a baseball bat smashing your face in. It's times like these where all you want to do is lie there and recover, no matter how long it takes. But everyone around you is continuously screaming "GET UP!! GET UP!!", and you're just thinking:
"listen, man .. I've got 2 broken legs, a missing arm and a shattered skull, how the bloody HELL am I supposed to get up right now?! On my OWN, no less?"
I think inside everyone there is the strongest person in the world, but also the weakest person in the world. I'm sending my most powerful, Ashtastic vibes to everyone who has to get off the ground and stand on broken legs right now.
So yeah, I'll be turning ... 21. For the .. 5th time? 6th time? lol! Shhh! You're only as old as u feel! Only as old as you FEEL!!
Q's
~Do u think that beauty can/does effect a persons success in life? Do you typically go for ppl that are what is considered "conventionally beautiful"? What do YOU define as "beauty" in your own words/terms?
~Have u ever received a service for something (like for instance .. eaten in a restaurant) and realized *after* u received the service that u left your wallet at home? (haha Ive always wondered what one does in a scenario such as this!)
~Whats the worst joke that was played on you or that you played on someone else?
~Post a photo of something here for whatever reason ... make sure it's entertaining in some fashion
R.I.P Neo, u are forever loved.
R.I.P Parker, I thought we still had more time.
