Good times...
Nothing beats sushi on a cold night with good friends. But I guess there is this:

Of all the quick-fix products out there in our wonderfully realistic society, I find it interesting that there isn't a "Instant Positive Attitude" OTC drug, or tape, or face powder, or clothing line, DIY 5-day guaranteed program hosted by Celebrity B, ...you get the idea...

Granted, there are tons of products directed at all of the symptoms of not having a positive outlook down to your socks (you're overweight, depressed, don't drive the right car, make X amount of figures instead of XX, have/don't have faith, drink the right kind of purified water, get enough fiber...) - or better yet, products you are apparently required to have in order to be qualified to deserve a positive attitude.

I say all of that to say: As much as every single one of us wants to be happy, there is no quick-fix to actually being happy. Such is the evidence staring at you in the checkout line at the grocery. It hit me today, this realization. It's a pretty simple realization, actually, but I started thinking that our collective attitude of "I can Buy something to make me feel better" or the popular anthem of our generation "I Deserve Happiness" cripples our ability to successfully be happy. Unless we come to know, through and through, that it takes sincere effort and time to achieve whatever goals we deem worthy of pursuing.

I've felt that (since it took me ages to recognize the talents that I have) that upon discovery - I deserved to have a great, well-paying job that was also rewarding creatively (why not...) while fulfilling basic work/life balances....again, you get the picture here.... I'm admittedly a bit embarrassed at how I complained at having a new job....

I've got work to do.

OK. So you know when you are thankful as hell that you landed a new job, but you aren't really sure if you can stomach it on a day-to-day basis? Or want to? But you kinda need to?

Welcome to my world.

Now I completely realize that there are far, far, far worse problems to have in this crazy roller-coaster we call life - and I ask those who read this to try to keep that in mind...I'm not ungrateful, per se, just venting as best I can before I kill something cute and furry to appease my pain.

Details, here goes: some of my reticence I know is due to the fact that I was laid-off from my last job, a very nice and prestigious job, while lacking in the compensation had some incredible perks. Some of those perks I am just now identifying. Have you ever felt insulted because you have to 'sign' out and in for lunch? I never thought a salaried position would have that kind of restriction! Hourly, sure - I get that...but salraried people? I will say that I'm getting paid alot more money at the new job, but I'm also in a position where I feel like "less than" because I watched my new co-worker get talked down to all day. I don't feel like that is, or should be, a part of anyone's day. Should it?

These may seem like simple things to my dear reader, so I feel I should make just one more point. I absolutely did a full-body cringe when handed a file from a higher position person that was so terrifyingly sloppy, I'm hoping like hell that the level of work he displayed isn't representative of what they expect. If someone is in a 'better' position than me doing that kind of work - well, I can't stress enough how normally hard I am on my own work, but Good Night, Nurse! I will take over this guy's department in a month by simply pointing out (with my work, of course, not actually saying it...yet...) how efficient I am, how neatly and precisely I can do both jobs. And for less than what they are paying now...

I press my fingers together into the steeple position and whisper "Excellent."

I did it throughout the day, and I'll continue to do it now. Mentally coach myself in the virtues of having a job even if I traded perks for actual money, having a roof, being able to eat. Those are more important!! Remember, damnit!!

Ugh. I'm tired.

UPDATE:

I sincerely appreciate the congrats and support! Thank you! I really am trying to be grateful, not hate retarded "superiors" and heck yes, I will be asking for mo' money when I point out how badly they need me! If only to appease thier sense of efficiency - that alone might cinch a promotion for me!

Day 2: Saw some improvement, although it had NOTHING to do with the early-morning mandatory meeting - who knew an hour made such a difference? I tried my best to have a better attitude, my husband commented on that very point, but I was pretty keenly aware of potential problems. Like the fact that the sloppy guy wasn't aware of a pretty fundamental function of the application to accomplish said tasks that's why he asked me to do it. Hmm.... I shudder to think what this guy's alma mater passed off as Computer Literacy 101... "This button turns your computer... on..., Mmmm'kay?" And he is in no way a cuddly-50-something-gay guy!

Again, I appreciate this channel to vent to you all - it makes me feel a bit more human! Thank you!!

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Life continues, so do the tattoos. Did a couple on my man on either side of his chest - I'd have to admit the difficulty level here as moderate to high - considering the skin tone and delicacy involved. Thought to share!





I always think this is the best way to thank him for the great meals he designs for me - cooking is too inadequate of a term - you should all be so lucky! Ha!

Now I get to freeze my ass off for a wedding in no man's land, but I think I'm getting a whiff of some succulent salmon coming my way - makes it all better... Hope everyone else is having a blast

We have officially kissed Deep Ellum our collective "Go to Hell." Moved out into the 'burbs of Lakewood and hence are enjoying the greenery effects that is landscaping. Go figure. Plants grow around here. Back in Deep Ellum, the secretive society known as DART has finally unvieled it's diabolical plans to destroy any historic structure to make way for it's rail-o-death, planning to leave nothing in it's wake but strerile apartment communes and poorly designed and even worse 'art' to decorate the new rail stops. Like any sane person, we had to get out. The carnage will not stop. Anyone familiar with the Good-Latimer tunnel and all the art displayed within it should go pay your respects soon, as it is also scheduled to go the way of anything valuable in Dallas - the trash heap.

On the happier side of the haps here - we enjoyed spending some time with visiting kinfolk at Fort Worth's 2006 Cowboys of Color Rodeo at Will Rogers. This was an experience we never expected to participate in (even our psychic never mentioned it) but it was a blast seeing tributes to Buffalo Soldiers and the occasional clown getting ripped as new one by a (rightly so) pissed off bull. Props to those guys, all of them! The kids had a great time, and it does one good to see so much of your family together at one time enjoying each other collectively.

School has started up again, so we'll try to keep up with all as we struggle through the semester. The saga will continue.....

Well, we just had a birthday...officially NOT in the 20's anymore. Fun.

About to go visit some family and be a nanny for my sister, just helping out & catching as catch can. Looking forward to some photography excursions and different surroundings for a bit.

Hoping everyone else is having a blast!