I've finally canceled Suicide Girls.
As of March 14th I will cease to exist on this site.

Its been a fun ride, and I've met a ton of awesome people...but the relationship is over. I hate to sound cliche...but its just not the same around here anymore. I feel old...and my interests have changed. I'll miss a few boards and the one or two people I still talk to, but that is about it. Everyone else has moved on already...and its time for me to catch up!

You can come visit me at my blog away from home: Aponia the blog monster!
Or myspace...since I'm too lazy to start a facebook account: Myspace is your space...

Its been real!

This fall has been horrendous. Simply a mess. Between moving and work, everything has been a giant headache filled blur.

Sorry I do apologize to anyone I have been out of touch with. We've been moved into our new place for about 3 weeks now and we are still living out of boxes and bags, that is exactly what our life has become. We are so busy we can't even put anything away. I actually bought new jeans and underwear because it was easier.
And it is only getting worse. We've lost two employees at work, during the start of our busiest time, so my 9 hour work day will most likely stretch into a 12 hour work day, and I will definitely be taking the stress home with me. I wish the paychecks were nice and plump too, then I wouldn't feel as bad about everything. I just hate feeling like I'm 2 weeks behind every single day. And now that we are horribly short staffed its only going to get worse.

My birthday was pitiful, I have a cold that will just not go away, and my stress level is through the roof. I'd go on vacation but I can barely afford a latte. I think a full nights sleep would be lovely...too bad our new neighbors are constantly fighting. Sigh.

Thanksgiving can't come soon enough. Free food and a night away from Philadelphia seems like the only thing I want right now.

Happy Halloween Y'all!!!!!



Here's something scary....I've been moving for three days straight and we are still not done!!!
AAAAHHHHHH!!!!

Please send all your happiest moving thoughts!

January 20, 1941 - October 25, 2005

My mom died two years ago today.

It feels like so much time has passed, like a whole lifetime, but it all feels so recent too.

I still cry most nights. I still can't look at her handwriting and I still start sobbing whenever I go into an AC Moore.

Its weird what memories I think about most. I'm always picturing her hands, and the silly face she would make at me or the short but sweet voicemails she would leave me.

I was a stronger person when she was here I'd like to continue to be, make her proud of me, but sometimes getting out of bed and dragging myself to work is all I can muster.

I miss her everyday....and I will forever.

I love you mom...and I always will.

Since anything else I post about would be depressing..

A quick list of things I would like to accomplish in my 31st year of life (since it is fast approaching!)

- begin the process of going back to school. I'm looking at Temple since its close to my hood. My choice of major: history
- Own a pet. Ok, this could have happened already, but our landlord was an idiot and thought they did nothing but cause damage. We're moving to somewhere that actually allows them. I'm excited
- start a small business that will make me feel fulfilled and happy. I'll still have a normal job, but it would be nice to do something that would make me feel good at the end of the day, even if it is not my main focus for most of the day
- Actually finish my knitting projects instead of letting them pile up.
- Organize all of my crap. Moving will kind of force this to happen
- Save money. A huge task
- Leave my job at work when I leave for the day, and let it bother me less. I am not my job
- Travel more
- Hug more people

I'm sure there's more, but this has been all I've been transfixed on lately. I have these amazing friends and supportive husband, they kind of keep me going through everything. If it wasn't for them I would have lost hope a long long time ago.

Thank you for keeping me hopeful, humble, and somewhat optimisitc!

I'm sure at least one of you would like an update..

I'm getting over the tale-end of a cold. The ironic thing...I felt better yesterday then I do today.

I finally finished Bioshock. I'm bummed. It was really good. I don't want it to be over. Then story was fulfilling and I loved the graphics.

My thoughts on Maple Spiced Italian Soda.....it was better then I expected.
(seriously...i'll drink any stupid flavor of soda EXCEPT Moxie)

We have 3 weeks to move all of our belongings to our new apartment. The sooner it happens the sooner i can adopt a cat.

Halloween is weeks away and I've already planned out my costume. I just need to buy a mask.

For how much I do love Sephora, I'm never impressed when I go in them. I guess since I'm so enamored with the website I've already seen everything by the time I make it to the store.

Pumpkin cheesecake fudge is just as amazing as it sounds. Like pumpkin pie in fudge form!

I'm glad its finally cold. Now if only the trees didn't look so pitiful.

I'd like to have a knit sweater completed by Thanksgiving, but I don't think that is going to happen. My optimisim can't make me knit faster or get my sample done any sooner (which, unfortunately, is taking presidence over everything)

I like lists and find them an easier way of communicating then paragraphs or sentences. (I used to be a writer.....i think its hard to believe now too)

what has been up with you?
Can someone think of a nice day trip in PA for me?

Lake Shore Drive
by the Innocence Mission

Regret has gone down in my estimation now.
The old world had you smiling out,
putting your arms around.
I tell myself now
things I would have told to you,
the smallest plan, the greatest news.
The more days come, the more it's true.

Right now I've got to get back home,
in from the sad day out.
Missing you forever,
yes, I shout, yes I, yes I, yes I am.

It seems the right time
to let go of the steep incline
of this day and to know you're mine
forever and I will be fine.
In me will you shine,
shine, shine, will you shine.

I'm stepping through
the streams and fountains of the sad day out.
Missing you forever,
yes, I shout, yes I, yes I, yes I am.
Yes I, yes I, yes I am.



I miss my mom.

Maybe if I post regularly I'll get so into the habit I won't let it drop off for months anymore.

Too bad I have very little to say right now. I'm so full of conversations and loud noises all day at work that the last thing I want to do when I'm at home is be communicative. (well, I'm constantly talking to Aaron, but he doesn't count, he lives with me, proximity makes it easier to keep conversations going)

Lists have become my new best friends. And short bullet points are easier to read then full complete paragraphs.

I've finally been not so lazy about acquiring new cds. I work a few blocks from a record store but never bothered to walk over there. I blame the summer heat and lack of money. But I have finally started to fatten up my music collection. And..well..after listening to the same dozen albums on my Ipod for 6 months straight, it was time to listen to something else.

So....new albums I have recently picked up and have fallen head over heels in love with:
- Iron and Wine - The Shepard's Dog. Ok, this actually just came out, but I can't get enough of it. I want to play it non-stop in my head at all times. His voice...oh lord his voice.
- Sufjan Stevens - Michigan. I'm still confused as to why I didn't like him when I first heard him years ago. I had it in my head I didn't like it....but he sounds like every other band I listen to. I'm glad I've finally turned. His music is lovely.
- Hayden - Skyscraper National Park. I've wanted this album for ages but never seemed to order it. I've heard it before, but that doesn't make me love it any less.
- Denison Witmer - Are You a Dreamer. He's from Lancaster, PA. He knits...even going so far as to knit the entire cover of this album. He's friends with Innocence Mission and don Peris produced his album with Karen singing on a handful of the tracks. Its beautiful. Its quiet and lovely.
- Calexico - The black Light. Another one I've been meaning to get forever but never got around to. Mexicana/country/rock/indie/folk mix. Its hard to explain. I love them so.


We have 4 places to go look at tomorrow. I'm hoping we see something we would actually want to live in. I thought it would be much easier then it has been. Who knew so many houses could be so depressing.

Wish me luck!

Mountain man beards are sexy

I'm being completely serious when I speak of my deep love of the mountain man beard. The thicker and wilder the better. Add in a slight gut and I'm smitten.

Sam Bean of Iron and Wine is a perfect example of hot beardness.

But then, I also want to live on a farm and raise alpacas one day, so maybe I'm just a country wife in waiting.

Life has been topsy turvy as of late. Which makes me crazier then normal. (and not in the "give me some chocolate" way, this is more "holy shit my bipolar is going insane" kind of way) I think stress from all directions is beginning to wear me down. We're looking for a house in a city we don't want to live in anymore. We desperately want to move away but our financial situation is keeping us put for the time being. Which makes us sad. But hopefully a house by the biggest park urban park in the US will at least keep up somewhat tolerant of an unideal situation.

So, I've been cranky to say the least. But I do have a few things that are keeping me somewhat happy:
- The Eagles are FINALLY doing something miraculous. Westbrook is amazing.
- Iron and Wine - The Shepard's Dog. At first I was confused by the slightly new direction it was going in, but the more I listen to it the more I love it. I cannot wait to see him and the boys from Calexico backing him up on Friday.
- The 2007 World Series of Poker has finally arrived on ESPN. This is probably the lamest thing I do on a regular basis, but I am obsessed with poker on television. I have my favorite players, but I'd like to pretend I'm not THAT much of a dork about it.
- My plants are huge and happy. Until I get pets my three potted plants are it, and I love them.
- Dark chocolate peanut m&m's. So good they should be illegal
- My favorite bar. I love it and everyone whitin it
- The millions of lace projects I have going on. Even the one I will not keep at the end
- Taking long walks when its actually cooler out. (I'm in total denial that is is supposed to be 90 on Wed.)

I'll write regularly soon. It just seems like life gets in the way to a point of choking sometimes. I may need an oxygen mask soon.

I left work two hours early because I felt like I was run over by a bus. I think I have a huge sinus infection. And, its in my eye too.

I woke up with my eye stuck to my pillow case. If that's not a disgusting way to wake up, I don't know what is.

Ew.

I'm seeing a doctor tomorrow....

After washing my pillow cases like 5 times.

Ew.