Bored with this site, blogging/twittering elsewhere. There have been way too many girls who look the same on this site for a long time, must remember to cancel the auto-renew. Basically, I would rather have a pretty girl in my arms then pay to look at photos of mostly skinny hairless white girls. Not finding any ladies in my area who aren't already attached to men and looking for something on the side - which isn't terrible, but I'd like to try a one on one relationship with a woman for a change. Met a lovely geek boy recently, actually my age this time, and the kind who engages me at every level. Doesn't live close enough for me to get obsessively attached too quickly, and I've even said to him that I don't want a boyfriend right now. He doesn't fold under criticism or pressure, he's assertive, but not ignorantly aggressive or manipulative. Suffice to say, part of me is falling for him already, despite my frequent verbal assertions that it's nothing serious. Shall see how it goes.

2009, really? You don't say?

SO it's going to be a good one.

The last year partially sucked, but I also rediscovered myself and ended a three year relationship so it can't be all bad, right? Resolutions - uh, go snowshoeing if it ever snows enough! Right.

Happy Fucking New Years :o)

Nothing to report. Carry on.

WHAT. THE. FUCK.

I am trying to get into my livejournal account and am stymied by the "prove you're human" type the secret word games.... perhaps I'm not really human. All I want to do is type a lot of nonsense.

Fine. I will type here. I haven't looked at a picture of a naked girl in ages. I'd rather simply be a naked girl, on occasion. In any case. I am typing here because. Well fuck, I just totally lost my train of thought after all that effort. A few random updates. My nails are longer than they have been in ages, even my mother noticed, so to celebrate I painted them... Congratulations me! I retain enough female attributes to know how to paint my nails - "Cayenne Pepper" no less instead of the black and silver I would have inevitably used ten years ago. Nay, five years ago perhaps.

I blame Sigur Ros, Snow Patrol, and Southern Comfort entirely for my current frame of mind. Am going to bed now to see if tomorrow is more coherent. 'Night!

I feel like I'm in an odd time dilation experiment, but it's one I'm willing to continue... I have been on two dates with a girl since Halloween, and we have shared one sweet simple kiss. It's a question of distance, physically, and... some other sort. I am not used to casual dating in general, or dating women specifically. She is brilliant, and beautiful and honest. She shares some of my more peculiar vices and is terrifically flawed as all humans should be. She is also a virgin, which shouldn't terrify me as much as it does, but...

I am used to friendships with women, I am used to having crushes on women or giving them pleasure without expecting it in return. Once, I gave pleasure to a woman who fell in love with me, but I was too crazy and stupid at the time to notice (to be fair, she played things pretty close to the vest and was not usually the falling in love type - it took her by surprise as well). I am happy to take this new relationship as slowly as possible, to make sure that I won't miss anything this time...

::is thoughtful::

So current stats. Single, hedonistic, and mostly content. Several odd shaped burns on my left forearm from splattering hot oil, careless cook that I am, interesting to see if they scar. Burst blood vessels in Left eye, possibly from mashing my hand in my eye in sleep? Unsure, but people tend to freak out when they see it, hope it will clear up soon. Content, and even enthusiastic about my job, even when dealing with evil surgeons who encourage sick people to get surgeries they will not ultimately survive. Current testosterone-laden playlist:

Rufus Wainwright - Vibrate

Smashing Pumpkins - Eye

Linkin Park - Easier to Run

Jay Z & Linkin Park - Dirt Off Your Shoulder

INXS - New Sensation

Johnny Cash - Delia's Gone

Weezer - Say It Ain't So

Elvis Presley - Devil In Disguise

and so on and so forth. I am health conscious, as a nurse, and as a Trader Joe's loving fool. I prefer whole grain and zero trans fat and all that nonsense. But that doesn't stop me from enjoying a navy rum and bourbon binge, and smoking some duty-free Dunhills I picked up on the way back from Mexico. Tonight, is a mildly hedonistic night.

Well. I just had a really honest and heartbreaking conversation with a guy about sex. I'm not sure if he's the naive one or I am. Probably a little of both. On the other hand, I have offers to hang out from two new ladies. For once, I may be doing something right? *doesn't read too much into it. honestly*

GOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO PHILLLLLLLIIIIIIIIEEEEEEES!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

HOLY F#@$@#$#@$@#$@#$#@!!!!!!

*ahem*

YEAH!!!!

and that is all. (phillies drew first blood again. rays are going DOWN)

I am sick and it sucks. Eye infection is getting better, sinus infection getting worse. Aren't you glad I shared? Luckily I still have today and tomorrow off from work, hopefully I will resemble human enough for my 7a-7p shift on Sunday *shudder.*

RED SOX FINALLY WIN!!! well, again, since they were at least 3-1, not 3-0. I don't care if they don't make it to the series, at least we didn't let the Rays celebrate in OUR HOUSE! (and this way I can safely root for the Phils) The beginning of my sox fandom:



*off to imbibe protein and vitamin C*

I thought this was pretty funny, especially since I picked up The Sandman from my first boyfriend in high school. It was still one of the most passionate relationships I've ever had, despite the fact that physically we didn't share more than a kiss on the cheek and lots of snuggling. To illustrate further, we thought of ourselves as "Desire" and "Delirium" (me) from the book... I still wouldn't go through adolescence again for anything (and I'm not always sure that I've yet escaped) but it was definitely a time for brilliant electrically charged relationships and ideas, some of which have actually survived.

Speaking of adolescence. The Smashing Pumpkins are going to be in Atlantic City in November, the day before Neil will be in NYC to talk about the Sandman's anniversary. I already have tickets to see Neil... I think I will splurge and go see the Pumpkins as well. I know they are not the same band they used to be, but I still love Billy's voice and it will be a dorky little childhood dream come true and the opportunity to do something by myself again and have fun. Now... old lady in a seat or go for the GA pit? I think the pit because then I can wander, being stuck in a seat next to strangers is much more nerve wracking.