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Manic depression is about buying a dozen bottles of Heinz tomato ketchup and all eight bottles of Windex in stock at the Food Emporium at Broadway at 4am, flying from Zurich to the Bahamas and back to Zurich in three days to balance the hot and cold weather (my 'sweet and sour' theory of bipolar disorder), carrying $20,000 in $100 bills in your shoes in the country on your way back from Tokyo, and picking out the person sitting six seats away at the bar to have sex with only because he or she happens to be sitting there. It's about blips and burps of madness, moments of absolute delusion, bliss and irrational and dangerous choices made in order to heighten pleasure and excitement and to ensure a sense of control. The symptoms of manic depression come in different strengths and sizes. Most days, I need to be as manic as possible to come as close as I can to destruction, to get a real good high - a $25,000 shopping spree, a four-day drug binge, or a trip around the world. Other days, a simple high from a shoplifting excursion for a toothbrush or a bottle of Tylenol is enough.
Manic depression is about buying a dozen bottles of Heinz tomato ketchup and all eight bottles of Windex in stock at the Food Emporium at Broadway at 4am, flying from Zurich to the Bahamas and back to Zurich in three days to balance the hot and cold weather (my 'sweet and sour' theory of bipolar disorder), carrying $20,000 in $100 bills in your shoes in the country on your way back from Tokyo, and picking out the person sitting six seats away at the bar to have sex with only because he or she happens to be sitting there. It's about blips and burps of madness, moments of absolute delusion, bliss and irrational and dangerous choices made in order to heighten pleasure and excitement and to ensure a sense of control. The symptoms of manic depression come in different strengths and sizes. Most days, I need to be as manic as possible to come as close as I can to destruction, to get a real good high - a $25,000 shopping spree, a four-day drug binge, or a trip around the world. Other days, a simple high from a shoplifting excursion for a toothbrush or a bottle of Tylenol is enough.
-j
jayenh