so now i have three jobs. I start job #3 saturday night after working a double at job #2. I'm too tired to elaborate and it looks like I may be too tired to do anything here very soon. wish me luck
OK so I'm going to elaborate on this unfortunate, whimsical, and utterly frustrating event that ruined about 16 hours of my life.
This will prove: 1) I'm an idiot and/or 2) God hates me
So yesterday the summer league soccer team I play on (Care Bears) had a match. We tied, we should have won, but we just came up short of the victory. Anyways I get home and chill for a few and proceed to the shower. blah blah I'm hungry so I decide to fetch some food with the $3 I have in my wallet. . .wait a minute, WHERE'S my wallet!!?? So I like look around, check the bed, under the desk, downstairs, the car. . .no dice. Let's backtrack. . .I took my wallet to the field (mistake #1 - I should have left it in the car. Why do I need it on the sidelines in my shoebox?) A teammate and I were the last two from our team to leave. The next game had already started. Did I drop it there? On the way to the car? I remember having it out to see how much cash was there. Hmm. . quite sure I put it back in my pocket. Pretty sure I had it when I got to the car because I considered hitting up 7-11. Well shit. . .
Its dark by this time and all I have is a rather small and luminescently challenged flashlight. So I look outside the car, follow my path to the door, check under the deck. . nothing. Next logical step (in my mind): return to the field with my crappy flashlight. So there I am in total darkness scanning my path to the where we were on the sideline. Nothing. I return home as sure as Shirley Temple in sausage curls that my wallet is in my room somewhere.
Now I get down and dirty in my room, shit is flying everywhere, blood pressure is rapidly reaching John Belushi levels. Full freakout mode.Walk throught the house five times, search the car twice more. Hope is fading. I call my friend Triple (Eric) who played in the game after mine. No news there. Note: I just moved so there are no ties to my new address in my wallet. I give up for the night, decide to wait for daylight.
10:30 am I arise rather relunctantly and proceed to search outside. . nope. Return to the field, nothing, check the desk of the rec center nothing, go back home. Reality is starting to sink in. . .freakout commences: ICAN'T HAVE THIS HAPPENRIGHT NOW!!TOOMANYTHINGSTODO!!AREN'TTHINGSBADENOUGHTHATI NEEDTOFINDAWAYTOTHROWAWAYADAYTHATIPLANNEDTOUSETO GETRATHERIMPORTANTTHINGSDONE!!*insert random shouts, screams, curses.
This means I gotta deal with the DMV to get a new license, cancel the debit card, lose all those random scribblings on tattered reciepts, lose all those phone numbers from all those smart and sexy women, worry about someone using those tattered receipts to do something nasty to my bank account, realize I don't have any phone numbers from any smart, sexy women (they're all in my. . . cell. . .phone. . .yeah. . .you see. .yeah)
So after doing a lot of pushups and attempting to put myself in a self induced hypnotic trance to glean any lingering sensory information from my subconscious mind I give in. It's 4 pm and I need to take steps. I call the bank and cancel my banking cards (why I have more than one. . no clue). Call the parents to warn them I might be bumming some $$. Call the DMV is find out what I need to bring with me to get a replacement DL. 15 minutes into the estimated 22 minute (!) hold time I go downstairs to eat something. I return to my room sans food and stand by my chair. Why is my wallet sitting next to my foot in the middle of the floor?? (At this point a hallucination. . understandable)
Now earlier I was trying to rationalize how my wallet could disappear and came to the conclusion that the swift hand of God snatched it. The previous night in the shower I reflected back on the day when most of the faith in said being went poof and how I didn't see how it would ever return and all I have is a glimmer of hope. Just so you know I spend a lot of time alone. I'm in a sort of self-imposed exile while I try to regain a grip on things and write some music or write. . anything. Besides I'm not dealing well with anything right now (obviously). So either I'll come out of this 1) with my shit back somewhat together 2) further down the well 3) with some really good creative energy derived from soul-wrenching lonliness. let's take bets.
Well class, what did Prof. Angel prove? Is he an idiot? Does God hate him? (Note: there is no way in hell that the wallet was sitting there on the floor the whole time) This is truly a case for the Mulder/Scully team, Dan Millman, or Robert Pirsig in my opinion.
Am I an idiot? I think that may have been proven long ago
Does God hate me? Well I'm not sure, but I surely wouldn't blame her
This will prove: 1) I'm an idiot and/or 2) God hates me
So yesterday the summer league soccer team I play on (Care Bears) had a match. We tied, we should have won, but we just came up short of the victory. Anyways I get home and chill for a few and proceed to the shower. blah blah I'm hungry so I decide to fetch some food with the $3 I have in my wallet. . .wait a minute, WHERE'S my wallet!!?? So I like look around, check the bed, under the desk, downstairs, the car. . .no dice. Let's backtrack. . .I took my wallet to the field (mistake #1 - I should have left it in the car. Why do I need it on the sidelines in my shoebox?) A teammate and I were the last two from our team to leave. The next game had already started. Did I drop it there? On the way to the car? I remember having it out to see how much cash was there. Hmm. . quite sure I put it back in my pocket. Pretty sure I had it when I got to the car because I considered hitting up 7-11. Well shit. . .
Its dark by this time and all I have is a rather small and luminescently challenged flashlight. So I look outside the car, follow my path to the door, check under the deck. . nothing. Next logical step (in my mind): return to the field with my crappy flashlight. So there I am in total darkness scanning my path to the where we were on the sideline. Nothing. I return home as sure as Shirley Temple in sausage curls that my wallet is in my room somewhere.
Now I get down and dirty in my room, shit is flying everywhere, blood pressure is rapidly reaching John Belushi levels. Full freakout mode.Walk throught the house five times, search the car twice more. Hope is fading. I call my friend Triple (Eric) who played in the game after mine. No news there. Note: I just moved so there are no ties to my new address in my wallet. I give up for the night, decide to wait for daylight.
10:30 am I arise rather relunctantly and proceed to search outside. . nope. Return to the field, nothing, check the desk of the rec center nothing, go back home. Reality is starting to sink in. . .freakout commences: ICAN'T HAVE THIS HAPPENRIGHT NOW!!TOOMANYTHINGSTODO!!AREN'TTHINGSBADENOUGHTHATI NEEDTOFINDAWAYTOTHROWAWAYADAYTHATIPLANNEDTOUSETO GETRATHERIMPORTANTTHINGSDONE!!*insert random shouts, screams, curses.
This means I gotta deal with the DMV to get a new license, cancel the debit card, lose all those random scribblings on tattered reciepts, lose all those phone numbers from all those smart and sexy women, worry about someone using those tattered receipts to do something nasty to my bank account, realize I don't have any phone numbers from any smart, sexy women (they're all in my. . . cell. . .phone. . .yeah. . .you see. .yeah)
So after doing a lot of pushups and attempting to put myself in a self induced hypnotic trance to glean any lingering sensory information from my subconscious mind I give in. It's 4 pm and I need to take steps. I call the bank and cancel my banking cards (why I have more than one. . no clue). Call the parents to warn them I might be bumming some $$. Call the DMV is find out what I need to bring with me to get a replacement DL. 15 minutes into the estimated 22 minute (!) hold time I go downstairs to eat something. I return to my room sans food and stand by my chair. Why is my wallet sitting next to my foot in the middle of the floor?? (At this point a hallucination. . understandable)
Now earlier I was trying to rationalize how my wallet could disappear and came to the conclusion that the swift hand of God snatched it. The previous night in the shower I reflected back on the day when most of the faith in said being went poof and how I didn't see how it would ever return and all I have is a glimmer of hope. Just so you know I spend a lot of time alone. I'm in a sort of self-imposed exile while I try to regain a grip on things and write some music or write. . anything. Besides I'm not dealing well with anything right now (obviously). So either I'll come out of this 1) with my shit back somewhat together 2) further down the well 3) with some really good creative energy derived from soul-wrenching lonliness. let's take bets.
Well class, what did Prof. Angel prove? Is he an idiot? Does God hate him? (Note: there is no way in hell that the wallet was sitting there on the floor the whole time) This is truly a case for the Mulder/Scully team, Dan Millman, or Robert Pirsig in my opinion.
Am I an idiot? I think that may have been proven long ago
Does God hate me? Well I'm not sure, but I surely wouldn't blame her
so thanks or no thanks to everyone who bought me birthday drinks through the entire week. I truly felt a high level of love or abuse from each and everyone of you. thanks . . .but not really. . .<3
So I've been away from here for quite some time. I'm back now. I missed it. maybe I'll make more friends on here. that's probably just wishful thinking.
New band in the works . .details forthcoming.
New band in the works . .details forthcoming.
if you can't push me
shove me away
hold flame, sanguine
crash star cold star crash
scream yourself awake
back on the shore
you forgot who you are
back with the moon in your arms
you're not a common star
shove me away
hold flame, sanguine
crash star cold star crash
scream yourself awake
back on the shore
you forgot who you are
back with the moon in your arms
you're not a common star
Thanks to everyone who supported, cohorted, cheered, and jeered Friendly User. This band has been the better half of my life for the last 2 and a half years. My bandmates rule and I hope we all find happiness with what comes for us in the future. This is hard to type as I know this will dissapoint a couple people but I'm just glad I got to meet all of you wonderful, beautiful people. <3 always
someone shine for me
Current mood: lonely
to keep me here
would require your perception to clear
the last of bedside lullabies
and somber tales of a love divine.
shine. . the brights' only reflex is to first (shine)
over the whispers of lesser minds.
Currently listening:
Deftones
By Deftones
Release date: By 20 May, 2003
Current mood: lonely
to keep me here
would require your perception to clear
the last of bedside lullabies
and somber tales of a love divine.
shine. . the brights' only reflex is to first (shine)
over the whispers of lesser minds.
Currently listening:
Deftones
By Deftones
Release date: By 20 May, 2003
for the love of spring and gentle skin
for butterfly kisses and easy winds
for the thoughts and plans from May to June
for a little girl's folly from morning to noon
for the true muse behind these rhymes
for i am saying this isn't truly a valentine
for these days are not blessed, nope
for showing a lonely heart a glimpse of hope
for turning all good things away
for truly indeed destroying my faith
for broken promises and lies you spread
for how you fooled me into thinking you cared
for showing me the lowest, the cruel, the dirt
for showing me human nature at its worst. for me standing by your side when I
felt it was right. for me defending and exalting your name when they said "she's
crazy, she's a mess, she's insane". for you can deliver pain with a matter of ease. for me being free of your disease. for you are not worth these memories.
Currently listening:
This Is Love, This Is Murderous
By Bleeding Through
for butterfly kisses and easy winds
for the thoughts and plans from May to June
for a little girl's folly from morning to noon
for the true muse behind these rhymes
for i am saying this isn't truly a valentine
for these days are not blessed, nope
for showing a lonely heart a glimpse of hope
for turning all good things away
for truly indeed destroying my faith
for broken promises and lies you spread
for how you fooled me into thinking you cared
for showing me the lowest, the cruel, the dirt
for showing me human nature at its worst. for me standing by your side when I
felt it was right. for me defending and exalting your name when they said "she's
crazy, she's a mess, she's insane". for you can deliver pain with a matter of ease. for me being free of your disease. for you are not worth these memories.
Currently listening:
This Is Love, This Is Murderous
By Bleeding Through
Well after last night's display of unbridled fury I'm feeling. . . better. . not good per se, but better. Me hurt = exquisite plans of revenge. Alchohol me hurt = total chaos. My friends are precious. Thanks to all of them that were there (holding me back) and to the ones there in spirit. i know i'm too fragile for my own good. This whole situation has helped me realize that the well of hurt in me is deeper than I thought. i wish it wasn't so, its hard to control, but hell its ends up making good art (usually lol) so why complain too much. I'm not the type to regularly yell hurful things at someone in public, but i am as of yet not regretting what i did. I might have ended up regretting what i would have done if Shannon and the gang didn't pull (or push actually) me out of that place. i could never be physically violent to a girl so there are no worries there, but to chumps who get in the way well. . . So the struggle continues. On a cool note I did met Faerie at the same place. Jacki, u rock so much its insane (lets just pretend we're married for now until I settle down lol), thank you thank you thank you. your words made it much easier for me to sleep last night. Megs, you made it easier for me to look this new day in the eye. I love you all. Damn I'm so EMO!! lol I'm going to the gym tonight and lifiting a thousand weights!! to anyone who i don't know who made it all the way through this mega-length blog drop me a comment( u might as well now) and share how much you're friends rock or how crazy you've been lately. I'm out, but back in the game.
Currently listening:
Sweet Heart Dealer
By Scarling
Currently listening:
Sweet Heart Dealer
By Scarling
