hey there...

The Give played a show last night, it was so-so. I guess that's what happens when you haven't practiced since be for Thanksgiving... I am way strung out for being tired and trying to hang-in at work, getting old wears on you...

Beat me senseless, I need it

I have been transformed into Rob Halford

Lets just say i'm Hellbent, Hellbent for Leather!!!

I don't like to post here and bitch or even just be downbeat, but I don't have anything fun or whitty to say, it's relativly late, I'm not sleeping and I am at a loss, in a lot of ways. I am not in a position to be honest with myself and that has lead somewhere I am not happy to be and I don't know how to get out...

Life is a little unsettling at them moment. My mother's surgery was a success, but the oncologist feels the form of cancer she has is agressive and she needs kemo and radiation, the course is like a year, and you know what, that's the good news.

My father had a series of massive strokes Tuesday night and died in the wee hours of Friday morning. I rushed from Los Angeles on Thursay to the hospital he was sent to in Chattanooga Tenn. to see him before they removed him life support, he was brain dead after two surgeries to stop bleeding and swelling in his brain. He was only 59. I can count the number of times I have hugged him in my life on one hand, but I hugged him in the hospital bed and absolutly bawled... My step-mother and two half brother waited all day from me and were completely strung out. I am back in the LA and complete overwhelmed. I can feel the grip of depression, the desire to just sleep endlessly, but I can't, I just keep waking up. I think maybe I am having bad dreams that I can't remember.

The new career I have embarked upon is not going well, the real estate marketing sputtering and I am not getting any work or making any money, which further exacerbates my feelings of nervousness and dismay.

I can think of lots of snappy things to say about the philosiphy behind the cycle of life and that's what I respond with when people offer condolences. But the truth is I don't know what to say or how to feel...

My mom called me two weeks ago and told that her yearly gyno check-up revealed a malignant tumor in one of her breasts. Yesterday, she had lump-ectomy, an additional biopsy and some shot dye into her lymphatic system to see if the cancer has spread. She can through relatively unscathed, the pathology report is due by Friday. If the report indicates that the cancer is moving, it is probably the beginning of the end.

I am my mothers only child and and I have allowed my selfish and pathetic life to keep me several thousand miles away. My wife, whose mother died when My wife was 15 after battling cancer for nearly 20 years, can't stop breaking down in tears. I am not the kind of person that believes we are put here for some purpose, I think the purpose of life is to live. You really can't get anymore basic than that, but even that so often seem incredibly difficult.

Wow, it has been a while. I have not been holding out on purpose, I have been working two jobs and just generally managing life... I will try to think of so clever things to say and get back to putting my self out here more regularly. I really envy people who can put things up on a regular basis, I can't think of enough interesting things and I don't want to jsut bitch about shit. We'll see what I can come up with.