Note to "fans" : I will define 'feeling slutty' when I get back to the midwest.
Ever get that feeling that something just isn't right? That someone is just really good at what they're doing? Or maybe that you're this close to being royally fucked for the millionth time? What I wouldn't give to relax for once.
I slept on the couch last night. 'Not sure why' aka I'm too tired and lazy to tell you. But oh well. It was comfy, and it was nice to get some sleep for once as well. I kinda need it when I'm here. Especially with how bad my body is after the last few days. Holy shit. I've even managed a sore throat, along with my ENTIRE body just fucking sore. Where's Reekie when you need her?
Part of me can't wait to be home. It's snowing in Nebraska, and I missed the first hockey game.......what else will I miss while I'm here? The birth of my first child? lol. Seriously though, I hate this. I'm not going to go into details, because well......CHOO CHOO so yeah.
FML
XOXO
Bukowskii
[btw.....that last picture was MY tattoo]
Ever get that feeling that something just isn't right? That someone is just really good at what they're doing? Or maybe that you're this close to being royally fucked for the millionth time? What I wouldn't give to relax for once.
I slept on the couch last night. 'Not sure why' aka I'm too tired and lazy to tell you. But oh well. It was comfy, and it was nice to get some sleep for once as well. I kinda need it when I'm here. Especially with how bad my body is after the last few days. Holy shit. I've even managed a sore throat, along with my ENTIRE body just fucking sore. Where's Reekie when you need her?
Part of me can't wait to be home. It's snowing in Nebraska, and I missed the first hockey game.......what else will I miss while I'm here? The birth of my first child? lol. Seriously though, I hate this. I'm not going to go into details, because well......CHOO CHOO so yeah.
FML
XOXO
Bukowskii
[btw.....that last picture was MY tattoo]
That is what I get for trying to do something nice for someone, something I do NOT like. See what happens when I make a sacrifice to make someone else happy? It backfires. AWESOME. I love this bullshit.
I also love waking up at 1pm, constantly bumping the new ink on chairs and couches, and how fucking sore my neck and shoulders are.....simply because I lock up when I'm sleeping next to someone. I don't move, I don't twitch. I tense up and stay that way, maybe getting 30 mins of sleep total. Someone remind me why I'm doing this in the first place!
It's Sgt's birthday. No plans have been made. His ma called this AM and sang him happy birthday, and I seriously think I have a crush on her. You laugh now, but she's amazing. It scares me that plans haven't been made. I might ask him to go drink with his friends so I can get some homework done. I REALLY need to study medical term and guess who interrupts me!!!!! Fucker. I just don't want this "So what should we do for dinner?" or "Do you mind going here to see these guys?" Whatever. That shit makes for a bad night, every time. Birthday or not.
I offered to make cheesecake, but it's a small kitchen. Who knows. I'm used to space.
I had something else to complain about, but I lost it. I hate that. Especially when I don't get time to really write when I'm here. By the way, the sound of the rain pouring in buckets out of the drains right outside of Sgt's door.......fucking amazing. I almost cried. It really meant something to me at that moment, and I'm not sure what.
Also, I feel slutty. And could really use a xanax.
XOXOXOXO
Bukowskii
I also love waking up at 1pm, constantly bumping the new ink on chairs and couches, and how fucking sore my neck and shoulders are.....simply because I lock up when I'm sleeping next to someone. I don't move, I don't twitch. I tense up and stay that way, maybe getting 30 mins of sleep total. Someone remind me why I'm doing this in the first place!
It's Sgt's birthday. No plans have been made. His ma called this AM and sang him happy birthday, and I seriously think I have a crush on her. You laugh now, but she's amazing. It scares me that plans haven't been made. I might ask him to go drink with his friends so I can get some homework done. I REALLY need to study medical term and guess who interrupts me!!!!! Fucker. I just don't want this "So what should we do for dinner?" or "Do you mind going here to see these guys?" Whatever. That shit makes for a bad night, every time. Birthday or not.
I offered to make cheesecake, but it's a small kitchen. Who knows. I'm used to space.
I had something else to complain about, but I lost it. I hate that. Especially when I don't get time to really write when I'm here. By the way, the sound of the rain pouring in buckets out of the drains right outside of Sgt's door.......fucking amazing. I almost cried. It really meant something to me at that moment, and I'm not sure what.
Also, I feel slutty. And could really use a xanax.
XOXOXOXO
Bukowskii
Wowie it's been a while huh? I apologize for that.
So I'm sitting here in Sgt's new apartment, in Killeen. Fun, right? No. He's at work all day till 3:30 and I have a shitton of online homework to do. Saving Medical Term 1 for last, because it's the easiest and the most fun.
Life has been a bit off lately. Stress has gone from extreme, to none, and back to extreme.
The other night my dad was very very drunk. My dad's an alcoholic who usually goes to bed once he hits the 'angry drunk' stage. Thanks to rum. Well that night he got past angry, went into silly and flew past it onto the Lovey Drunk stage. He sat down and talked to me about my stress as if he understood it. I felt relieved that my father finally saw how I'm doing and that I truly am in a world of hurt. I kept trying to get out of the convo because I hate sappy shit, and I wanted to call Sgt. Finally I was able to step away and grab a smoke out of my purse but before I could step outside he stand up and walks towards me, arms streatched out and says "Hug." So I hug him. I didn't even get a hug from him before I moved to Alaska without a return date. So we hugged and he says he loves me. For the moment I treasured it and cried outside when I was smoking. I don't like him seeing me cry because usually he yells at me for it. So I was all sorts of happy and sappy and relieved and comforted. The next morning I wake up and realize, IT IS SO FUCKED UP THAT MY FATHER HAS TO BE HAMMERED OUT OF HIS MIND TO HUG ME AND SAY HE LOVES ME. I always stuck up for my dad, he's the parent who DIDN'T leave me. But you know what? Not leaving, and putting a roof over my head does not a good parent make. I never got hair cuts, or clothes, or shoes, or toys. I played with my brother's toys. I never got to play sports, I watched my brother's hockey games. I wasn't given good habits like brushing my teeth. And just recently I've realized that my dad is a harden shell of a man who refuses to have emotions, who drowns himself in rum each night, who will never be proud or pleased with me, and will never truly love me like a father should. I now know where I get my issues with anger, and my inability to be understanding or sympathetic. I cannot live with my dad, ever. I cannot ever love him the way a daughter should. And as much as I love him for making so that I might atleast live, I have no respect for him and I fear him and for him. It's a relationship I need out of, just like it was for a while with my mother. It's really hard to accept that neither of your parents truly want you in their life, and it's harder to know that I won't have the love of a real parent. I'm glad I see it now, and that I can get over it. It's made me more skeptical, and more afraid, and probably made my heart even colder. But that's life. I'm not happy about it, but I'm glad I know the inner truth of the entire situation and I will rise above it, as soon as I'm done mourning the loss of the love I thought I had.
ANYWAYS.
So Tuesday night Reekie and I stayed with RavenDream before my flight. I was hoping to see some people, not to mention to shattered attempts to see lowercasedanny earlier that day and the night before, but I didn't like the house till 6:30 or so. By the time we arrived at RD's it was a bit late, so he was the world's biggest sweetheart and got Reekie and I some BDUBS! The quickest way to a girl's heart is as simple as hot wings. [Don't men wish all girls were as simple as me?] And we WERE going to watch Romance and Cigarettes, the indie comedy kinda-musical film directed by John Turturro, but Netflix was a being a cunt. So we watched the Prestige. Not a bad movie, until you've seen it 7 times. Then it's just long. By the time the movie was over, I was almost dead, and still had to straighten my hair. John Lennon hung out with us for a while. Won't say more. Finally got to go to bed after RD passed out, and Reekie and I had a nice, long, deep convo about how she feels about current situations. It was really comforting to share a moment like that before I left.
Got up the next morning to straighten my hair again, say bye to RD and John Lennon before they went to work, and pack everything up. Got to the airport, hung out with Reekie for a while, and finally got my shit checked in. Fuck the airlines and their stupid checked baggage fees. They went from $15 to $20. That meant no starbucks for Bukowskii in DFW. Fuck. Atleast my flight was delayed. Instead of a 11-1245 flight, it was 12-145. My next flight boarded at 330, so that was nice. Less time in Dallas with no coffee. I love flying to Killeen and all, but you will sit next to 4 different people on those flights; Military, Elderly, Gangsta Rappers, or Military wives/girlfriends. Fuck me running. Atleast I had plenty of time to change into the sexy little button up that Sgt bought me, and do all my makeup. I WAS going to do it in Killeen but I knew he'd find a way to get there as soon as I walked off the damn plane, so I'm glad I changed when I did.
Weather in Texas isn't as bad as I thought it'd be. I can breathe when I go outside. I realized today that Sgt has the same laptop as the ex from alaska who I would dearly love to castrate. Not like any girls would be missing out. I've also realized alot of similiarities, and it gives me the heebie jeebies. It has upset me to great lengths this whole morning. And its making my stomach upset from excess coffee, and I'm already low on smokes just from going outside to think about it. I hate going on trips without cigarette money. ='[ But yeah, Bukowskii has alot to think about right now. I'm about to make the same mistake I made in Alaska. It really hurts to know that I took everything this far already. Reekie and I are just going to run away to Alaska, and live in the wilderness with our igloo mansion, and big courtyard with exotic popsicle gardens, and solemn statues of greek gods made from snow and ice. No one else around us, nothing but art and cold winds, and beauty. No people around to ever hurt us again. No on to lie to us.
Also, I'm very upset about rosieBlue's new situation with her work. ='[ It pissed me off so much just to read what happened, and I'm too....something to write how I feel about it. I feel so bad for her. I was really hoping for a new set from her.
Also, alot of people around me are getting H1N1 and that scares me because I have like NO immune system and VERY poor health. Chance I may even give it to Sgt if I already have it, which I doubt. Still very upset that I'm doing an ultrasound for fobroids that I probably don't have. I don't what they are, what they'll do to me, or what it means if I have them. I don't want to know. I hate ultrasounds. I will REFUSE a transvaginal ultrasound. Btw, I didn't mention it yet, but I rescheduled it till after my trip. Mommy will be mad!
I miss Reekie. And I need to do my homework. Hope all is well. Meeting with some Dre guy that Sgt knows about tattoos, so who knows wtf is going to happen.
XOXOXOXO
Bukowskii
So I'm sitting here in Sgt's new apartment, in Killeen. Fun, right? No. He's at work all day till 3:30 and I have a shitton of online homework to do. Saving Medical Term 1 for last, because it's the easiest and the most fun.
Life has been a bit off lately. Stress has gone from extreme, to none, and back to extreme.
The other night my dad was very very drunk. My dad's an alcoholic who usually goes to bed once he hits the 'angry drunk' stage. Thanks to rum. Well that night he got past angry, went into silly and flew past it onto the Lovey Drunk stage. He sat down and talked to me about my stress as if he understood it. I felt relieved that my father finally saw how I'm doing and that I truly am in a world of hurt. I kept trying to get out of the convo because I hate sappy shit, and I wanted to call Sgt. Finally I was able to step away and grab a smoke out of my purse but before I could step outside he stand up and walks towards me, arms streatched out and says "Hug." So I hug him. I didn't even get a hug from him before I moved to Alaska without a return date. So we hugged and he says he loves me. For the moment I treasured it and cried outside when I was smoking. I don't like him seeing me cry because usually he yells at me for it. So I was all sorts of happy and sappy and relieved and comforted. The next morning I wake up and realize, IT IS SO FUCKED UP THAT MY FATHER HAS TO BE HAMMERED OUT OF HIS MIND TO HUG ME AND SAY HE LOVES ME. I always stuck up for my dad, he's the parent who DIDN'T leave me. But you know what? Not leaving, and putting a roof over my head does not a good parent make. I never got hair cuts, or clothes, or shoes, or toys. I played with my brother's toys. I never got to play sports, I watched my brother's hockey games. I wasn't given good habits like brushing my teeth. And just recently I've realized that my dad is a harden shell of a man who refuses to have emotions, who drowns himself in rum each night, who will never be proud or pleased with me, and will never truly love me like a father should. I now know where I get my issues with anger, and my inability to be understanding or sympathetic. I cannot live with my dad, ever. I cannot ever love him the way a daughter should. And as much as I love him for making so that I might atleast live, I have no respect for him and I fear him and for him. It's a relationship I need out of, just like it was for a while with my mother. It's really hard to accept that neither of your parents truly want you in their life, and it's harder to know that I won't have the love of a real parent. I'm glad I see it now, and that I can get over it. It's made me more skeptical, and more afraid, and probably made my heart even colder. But that's life. I'm not happy about it, but I'm glad I know the inner truth of the entire situation and I will rise above it, as soon as I'm done mourning the loss of the love I thought I had.
ANYWAYS.
So Tuesday night Reekie and I stayed with RavenDream before my flight. I was hoping to see some people, not to mention to shattered attempts to see lowercasedanny earlier that day and the night before, but I didn't like the house till 6:30 or so. By the time we arrived at RD's it was a bit late, so he was the world's biggest sweetheart and got Reekie and I some BDUBS! The quickest way to a girl's heart is as simple as hot wings. [Don't men wish all girls were as simple as me?] And we WERE going to watch Romance and Cigarettes, the indie comedy kinda-musical film directed by John Turturro, but Netflix was a being a cunt. So we watched the Prestige. Not a bad movie, until you've seen it 7 times. Then it's just long. By the time the movie was over, I was almost dead, and still had to straighten my hair. John Lennon hung out with us for a while. Won't say more. Finally got to go to bed after RD passed out, and Reekie and I had a nice, long, deep convo about how she feels about current situations. It was really comforting to share a moment like that before I left.
Got up the next morning to straighten my hair again, say bye to RD and John Lennon before they went to work, and pack everything up. Got to the airport, hung out with Reekie for a while, and finally got my shit checked in. Fuck the airlines and their stupid checked baggage fees. They went from $15 to $20. That meant no starbucks for Bukowskii in DFW. Fuck. Atleast my flight was delayed. Instead of a 11-1245 flight, it was 12-145. My next flight boarded at 330, so that was nice. Less time in Dallas with no coffee. I love flying to Killeen and all, but you will sit next to 4 different people on those flights; Military, Elderly, Gangsta Rappers, or Military wives/girlfriends. Fuck me running. Atleast I had plenty of time to change into the sexy little button up that Sgt bought me, and do all my makeup. I WAS going to do it in Killeen but I knew he'd find a way to get there as soon as I walked off the damn plane, so I'm glad I changed when I did.
Weather in Texas isn't as bad as I thought it'd be. I can breathe when I go outside. I realized today that Sgt has the same laptop as the ex from alaska who I would dearly love to castrate. Not like any girls would be missing out. I've also realized alot of similiarities, and it gives me the heebie jeebies. It has upset me to great lengths this whole morning. And its making my stomach upset from excess coffee, and I'm already low on smokes just from going outside to think about it. I hate going on trips without cigarette money. ='[ But yeah, Bukowskii has alot to think about right now. I'm about to make the same mistake I made in Alaska. It really hurts to know that I took everything this far already. Reekie and I are just going to run away to Alaska, and live in the wilderness with our igloo mansion, and big courtyard with exotic popsicle gardens, and solemn statues of greek gods made from snow and ice. No one else around us, nothing but art and cold winds, and beauty. No people around to ever hurt us again. No on to lie to us.
Also, I'm very upset about rosieBlue's new situation with her work. ='[ It pissed me off so much just to read what happened, and I'm too....something to write how I feel about it. I feel so bad for her. I was really hoping for a new set from her.
Also, alot of people around me are getting H1N1 and that scares me because I have like NO immune system and VERY poor health. Chance I may even give it to Sgt if I already have it, which I doubt. Still very upset that I'm doing an ultrasound for fobroids that I probably don't have. I don't what they are, what they'll do to me, or what it means if I have them. I don't want to know. I hate ultrasounds. I will REFUSE a transvaginal ultrasound. Btw, I didn't mention it yet, but I rescheduled it till after my trip. Mommy will be mad!
I miss Reekie. And I need to do my homework. Hope all is well. Meeting with some Dre guy that Sgt knows about tattoos, so who knows wtf is going to happen.
XOXOXOXO
Bukowskii
I don't feel like writing alot, but I have alot to say.
[EDIT: so much for that]
Bob's funeral was very hard, and yet....feels as if it didn't happen. Skylar was there, and that was very weird for me. We had to come home because 'someone' was a liar and whathaveyou. Basically he said he had to meet with his p.o. but it turns out he just didn't want to be there and had to ruin for my father and I. Turns out, afterwards, he stole my father's new iPod touch. It was a HORRID day. I managed to call Sgt around 3 when my dad had left to the store, and I was told I'd be called back......and I wasn't.
Saw the Dr yesterday. Saw the P.A. technically. She gave me NO idea as to what it could be except stress. She took two blood samples, a urine sample, told me to schedule a check up, and is making me get a SECOND ultrasound. Possibility of a transvaginal ultrasound as well. NOTHING is more uncomfortable than some stranger wiggling a thin dildo around your cunt, epecially since they put a little condom on it and use redic amounts of disgustingly thin lube. I'd rather have cancer and ride it out until I get REALLY sick than go through that again. So yeah, Bukowskii has an ultrasound tuesday after Reekie's class. Knowing that makes me start to cry. Weird right? My father gave me the 'everyone gets papsmears and they've seen worse vaginas than yours' speech but I cannot help it.
The tests came back normal. They didn't tell me what they tested for, and I called back to find out and they were gone. I'm assuming it was basic blood tests, and then bladder infection, UTI, and the like. None of those are what's wrong with me. Leads me to believe I'm either a new cancer patient or they don't know what's wrong with me. I'm still trying to decide which one is scariest. I've been on edge, hardcore, ever since I left the Dr's and no one can seem to understand why. REALLY?
Also, school is fucked. I don't want to take online classes but I have to. I'm so worried about working that shit out. Fuuuuuck. I'm stressed out about EVERYTHING. Everything is just going wrong in every fucking possible way. I can't even call Sgt at night anymore. I ALWAYS ask if I can call, just incase he's tired and going to bed soon or about to pass out, because he will just go to sleep at the drop of a hat. And hardly ever does he answer his phone when he's fallen asleep. So I call him Thurs at 3, after 15 mins he says he'll call back, Reekie gets home and after she's been home for a few hours there's no call or text, [mind you, he said hed call] so finally I text him to make sure he didn't get in an accident or something, we text for a while, and I ask if I can call him soon, I get a yes, and I finally get outside to call him....no answer. Last night the same shit happened. Worst part is, each and every day is getting worse and worse. Yesterday I find out they don't know what's wrong with me and today I have the worst migraine I've ever had. So I REALLY wanted to speak with him but nope. Awesome.
Stars lost to Fargo last night, like 5-2. Ouch. I'd like to thank Steve Johnson, who is a dishonorable man, a liar, and a little bitch. How dare you tell Lincoln you're going to quit to focus on your family, and then move to Fargo a couple years later. Thanks for the sincere apology. I have to admit though, Fargo played clean for the most part, and did well. The first Stars game of the season, I really needed that positive boost, and it didn't happen. I can't lie though, laying around listening to the game with Reekie was a bit comforting. Hockey season is gere and life is going to get better. Youngstown game, here I come.
The ONLY nice thing to happen to me yesterday was a text I got from a certain secret someone. Drunk words or not, they were SO uplifting in the oddest way. I haven't felt that important for a while. It's nice to know that not EVERYTHING is falling apart.<3
Today Reekie and I are headed into Omaha because RavenDream wants to see her so badly. I'm not going to open my mouth about this here, but people need to remember their place. This goes for everyone. Also, I don't want to fucking sit aroung some kid's house listening to shitty music and hearing jokes that wouldn't even make a middle schooler laugh. I'm stressed, upset, lonely, and just plain pissy.......so we'll see what happens. I'd rather go to Boogieman's place or Matman's little party thing. People I know and like. I mean, at Boogieman and Amarillo's thing, I know people and I know there's shit to do. If I'm with Reekie and RavenDream ONLY then....I become a lost puppy and god damnit I'M NOT A LOST PUPPY. I do not follow people around. OMG. A pack of smokes [which I need] says I will sit around at some house where I only know Reekie and RavenDream and realize how much of a music snob I am. Fuckers. Grrrrr.
I need to go and get ready and chill the fuck out. Sgt's pissing me off and so is talking about all this stupid pointless shit that shouldn't upset me anyways.
XOXO
Bukowskii
My birthday is in like 50 some days, and either one of these tattoos is what I want as a gift.
=]
[EDIT: so much for that]
Bob's funeral was very hard, and yet....feels as if it didn't happen. Skylar was there, and that was very weird for me. We had to come home because 'someone' was a liar and whathaveyou. Basically he said he had to meet with his p.o. but it turns out he just didn't want to be there and had to ruin for my father and I. Turns out, afterwards, he stole my father's new iPod touch. It was a HORRID day. I managed to call Sgt around 3 when my dad had left to the store, and I was told I'd be called back......and I wasn't.
Saw the Dr yesterday. Saw the P.A. technically. She gave me NO idea as to what it could be except stress. She took two blood samples, a urine sample, told me to schedule a check up, and is making me get a SECOND ultrasound. Possibility of a transvaginal ultrasound as well. NOTHING is more uncomfortable than some stranger wiggling a thin dildo around your cunt, epecially since they put a little condom on it and use redic amounts of disgustingly thin lube. I'd rather have cancer and ride it out until I get REALLY sick than go through that again. So yeah, Bukowskii has an ultrasound tuesday after Reekie's class. Knowing that makes me start to cry. Weird right? My father gave me the 'everyone gets papsmears and they've seen worse vaginas than yours' speech but I cannot help it.
The tests came back normal. They didn't tell me what they tested for, and I called back to find out and they were gone. I'm assuming it was basic blood tests, and then bladder infection, UTI, and the like. None of those are what's wrong with me. Leads me to believe I'm either a new cancer patient or they don't know what's wrong with me. I'm still trying to decide which one is scariest. I've been on edge, hardcore, ever since I left the Dr's and no one can seem to understand why. REALLY?
Also, school is fucked. I don't want to take online classes but I have to. I'm so worried about working that shit out. Fuuuuuck. I'm stressed out about EVERYTHING. Everything is just going wrong in every fucking possible way. I can't even call Sgt at night anymore. I ALWAYS ask if I can call, just incase he's tired and going to bed soon or about to pass out, because he will just go to sleep at the drop of a hat. And hardly ever does he answer his phone when he's fallen asleep. So I call him Thurs at 3, after 15 mins he says he'll call back, Reekie gets home and after she's been home for a few hours there's no call or text, [mind you, he said hed call] so finally I text him to make sure he didn't get in an accident or something, we text for a while, and I ask if I can call him soon, I get a yes, and I finally get outside to call him....no answer. Last night the same shit happened. Worst part is, each and every day is getting worse and worse. Yesterday I find out they don't know what's wrong with me and today I have the worst migraine I've ever had. So I REALLY wanted to speak with him but nope. Awesome.
Stars lost to Fargo last night, like 5-2. Ouch. I'd like to thank Steve Johnson, who is a dishonorable man, a liar, and a little bitch. How dare you tell Lincoln you're going to quit to focus on your family, and then move to Fargo a couple years later. Thanks for the sincere apology. I have to admit though, Fargo played clean for the most part, and did well. The first Stars game of the season, I really needed that positive boost, and it didn't happen. I can't lie though, laying around listening to the game with Reekie was a bit comforting. Hockey season is gere and life is going to get better. Youngstown game, here I come.
The ONLY nice thing to happen to me yesterday was a text I got from a certain secret someone. Drunk words or not, they were SO uplifting in the oddest way. I haven't felt that important for a while. It's nice to know that not EVERYTHING is falling apart.<3
Today Reekie and I are headed into Omaha because RavenDream wants to see her so badly. I'm not going to open my mouth about this here, but people need to remember their place. This goes for everyone. Also, I don't want to fucking sit aroung some kid's house listening to shitty music and hearing jokes that wouldn't even make a middle schooler laugh. I'm stressed, upset, lonely, and just plain pissy.......so we'll see what happens. I'd rather go to Boogieman's place or Matman's little party thing. People I know and like. I mean, at Boogieman and Amarillo's thing, I know people and I know there's shit to do. If I'm with Reekie and RavenDream ONLY then....I become a lost puppy and god damnit I'M NOT A LOST PUPPY. I do not follow people around. OMG. A pack of smokes [which I need] says I will sit around at some house where I only know Reekie and RavenDream and realize how much of a music snob I am. Fuckers. Grrrrr.
I need to go and get ready and chill the fuck out. Sgt's pissing me off and so is talking about all this stupid pointless shit that shouldn't upset me anyways.
XOXO
Bukowskii
My birthday is in like 50 some days, and either one of these tattoos is what I want as a gift.
=]
Funeral day. Didn't this just happen like a month ago? I don't like that. I don't like a funeral in the first place. This one is worse. Alot worse. It hasn't hit me yet. And when it does, it's going to fucking hurt. Not to mention the fact that my nana is trying to cause a stir at the funeral. I love my nana, but REALLY WOMAN? Fuck. Let the man rest, and ignore his family's problems with you. If his family gets attitude, don't retort. But my nana being my nana, who also just got home late last night from Norwich/London, she will be in a bad/sad mood and probably will cause something. Worstest part? I have no Reekie or Sgt to talk to when it hits me. Not unless Dad lets me use his phone. Which I doubt since last night he told me he WON'T lend me $10 to go to the Dr's [even though Reekie spent my $50 that was going towards that visit] and this morning he snapped at me for using all the Splenda that I BOUGHT. Well, Reekie bought, but still. Reekie bought the coffee and the sugar, and usually the milk. Stupid fucker is getting on my nerves. I can't borrow ten dollars to get better? REALLY? Wowie.
Anyways. Soooo I hate reading bitchy, whiney status updates. I understand if something upsetting happened, so just say it. You'll get the sympathy you desire. But this stupid "I wish I had a friend" bullshit is OUT OF LINE. You are twenty fucking years old, pull your panties out of your cunt and act like it. You have friends you selfish fuck, and most of them bend over backward to make sure that you don't get upset in any way. Your friends constantly comment on your status's and tell you they're here for you when you need them. Obviously you don't need ANYONE if your friends aren't good enough. I'm sick to my fucking teeth of reading your whiny crap about your parents, your asshole, dickweed, good for nothing boyfriend, and your pathetic life that you're unable to live. I live 5 mins from you, I don't work, and you don't think you can call or text me when you're upset? THEN WE AREN'T FRIENDS. I don't need bullshit, fake ass people like you in my life. I used to love you, you were one of my best friends, and now you can't even talk to me?
Honestly, I'm kinda ok with that. I don't need you blowing up the phone each night about how your fucked up boyfriend fucked up, hurt you, said something out of line, or didn't come home. That's what you get for dating him, that's what you get for taking him back after you already broke up, and that's what you get for dating a
Anyways. Soooo I hate reading bitchy, whiney status updates. I understand if something upsetting happened, so just say it. You'll get the sympathy you desire. But this stupid "I wish I had a friend" bullshit is OUT OF LINE. You are twenty fucking years old, pull your panties out of your cunt and act like it. You have friends you selfish fuck, and most of them bend over backward to make sure that you don't get upset in any way. Your friends constantly comment on your status's and tell you they're here for you when you need them. Obviously you don't need ANYONE if your friends aren't good enough. I'm sick to my fucking teeth of reading your whiny crap about your parents, your asshole, dickweed, good for nothing boyfriend, and your pathetic life that you're unable to live. I live 5 mins from you, I don't work, and you don't think you can call or text me when you're upset? THEN WE AREN'T FRIENDS. I don't need bullshit, fake ass people like you in my life. I used to love you, you were one of my best friends, and now you can't even talk to me?
Honestly, I'm kinda ok with that. I don't need you blowing up the phone each night about how your fucked up boyfriend fucked up, hurt you, said something out of line, or didn't come home. That's what you get for dating him, that's what you get for taking him back after you already broke up, and that's what you get for dating a
Each day that passes is another reason to be excited for Texas. Not so much that I'm getting closer to finally seeing him again, but that each day seems to be harder and harder on me. Waiting to find out what the hell wrong with me, Bob's death, bad people in my life. Just, oh my god. I have rarely been this excited for a fucking break. I honestly wouldn't care if all we did was lay around and watch movies. It's going to be so fucking nice to get away from so many problems and issues and hurt. Sure, it's going to hurt to have to come back home, but still.
I have to finish getting ready for the funeral. My hair isn't done and we're leaving soon. Not to mention the fact that my tummy hurts and I won't be able to eat for a while. Ick. Bye bye for now.
XOXO
Bukowskii
RIP Bob Plummer
I've always wondered why people chose an album title, or the cover for a book, if we're not suposed to judge it based on the concept. A person [or small group] will spend anywhere from a few days to over a month trying to figure out the exact picture to go on the front of a book. OBVIOUSLY, it's meant for us to judge. If anyone ever tells me not to judge a book by it's cover, I'm going to hang them with their own innards. Fuck.
So hello all! My name is Bukowskii, and my life has been uneventful recently. I apologize, but I'm still very sick. And not sick as in, I'm coughing and my head hurts and I can't do anything. It's sick as in I'm constantly worried about what's wrong with me and I'm fearful and can't do anything about it. It fucking sucks. But, yeah, I don't do anything anymore it seems.
Not to mention, school starts in less than a week. I got my textbooks yesterday, and looked through the anatomy book......fuck that. It was stupid of me to sign up for anatomy when I haven't even taken Medical Term 1 yet. So RIGHT now, according to webadvisor, I am no longer a full time student and I'm only enrolled in 6.5 credits. Awesome. I lose health insurance if I drop below 12 credits. I'm not happy at all. NOT HAPPYPANTS. I actually cried when I went through and saw that everything was waitlisted. Alas, not all hope is gone. I am ATLEAST a student, so therefor I don't have my loans going into repayment. Also, it may screw up my financial aid but that's not that bad to me. As long as my classes get paid for. Also, the insurance company doesn't know I dropped the anatomy class and lab, SO I can still see a Dr this friday and try and get some tests ran before I have to go to TX. Still, I'm very upset that I'm the 4th person on the waitlist to take the astronomy class with Reekie. SCC is such a pissant little fuck of a school.
[breakkkkkkk gotta dye Reekie's hair for her]
Ok, back. So yeah, still sick. Not feeling the best. There's no vitamins in my house. School hasn't gotten ahold of me. I can't find out if financial aid will cover all of my fees if I move to a different school. Reekie and I have tons of errands to run today. I'm re-dying my hair again tonight. Funeral tomorrow =[ which I don't really want to talk about right now. Dr's on friday, assuming I have the copay. It's sad when your father won't even give you ten bucks to see a Dr when you've been sick for almost 3 weeks now. And I leave on Wednesday. And jesus fucking christ am I ready for it. It's nice to have a reason and the means to leave town every once in a while and have little vacations with someone so special. <3
Anyways, Reekie and I will probably be back in Omaha on Tuesday night, the 6th. Dunno where we'll stay yet, depends on if she skips out on her math class in the morning, and what time I go to the airport. If she doesn't skip, then I have to find a ride in the morning. Blech. Blah blah blah. I just want to know what's wrong with me. Thinking about calling the ask-a-nurse hotline thingy. But Bukowskii HATES talking on the phone, especially to people she hardly knows.
I'm gonna go finish getting ready so that Reekie and I can leave once she's done rinsing out her hair.
No pic of the day, sorry! Switching everything back to MY laptop now that my shitface of an ex finally sent my stuff down from AK that he's been keeping. Dick.
XOXO
Bukowskii
ok, i lied. here's a picture. but its not of me. uhoh.
So hello all! My name is Bukowskii, and my life has been uneventful recently. I apologize, but I'm still very sick. And not sick as in, I'm coughing and my head hurts and I can't do anything. It's sick as in I'm constantly worried about what's wrong with me and I'm fearful and can't do anything about it. It fucking sucks. But, yeah, I don't do anything anymore it seems.
Not to mention, school starts in less than a week. I got my textbooks yesterday, and looked through the anatomy book......fuck that. It was stupid of me to sign up for anatomy when I haven't even taken Medical Term 1 yet. So RIGHT now, according to webadvisor, I am no longer a full time student and I'm only enrolled in 6.5 credits. Awesome. I lose health insurance if I drop below 12 credits. I'm not happy at all. NOT HAPPYPANTS. I actually cried when I went through and saw that everything was waitlisted. Alas, not all hope is gone. I am ATLEAST a student, so therefor I don't have my loans going into repayment. Also, it may screw up my financial aid but that's not that bad to me. As long as my classes get paid for. Also, the insurance company doesn't know I dropped the anatomy class and lab, SO I can still see a Dr this friday and try and get some tests ran before I have to go to TX. Still, I'm very upset that I'm the 4th person on the waitlist to take the astronomy class with Reekie. SCC is such a pissant little fuck of a school.
[breakkkkkkk gotta dye Reekie's hair for her]
Ok, back. So yeah, still sick. Not feeling the best. There's no vitamins in my house. School hasn't gotten ahold of me. I can't find out if financial aid will cover all of my fees if I move to a different school. Reekie and I have tons of errands to run today. I'm re-dying my hair again tonight. Funeral tomorrow =[ which I don't really want to talk about right now. Dr's on friday, assuming I have the copay. It's sad when your father won't even give you ten bucks to see a Dr when you've been sick for almost 3 weeks now. And I leave on Wednesday. And jesus fucking christ am I ready for it. It's nice to have a reason and the means to leave town every once in a while and have little vacations with someone so special. <3
Anyways, Reekie and I will probably be back in Omaha on Tuesday night, the 6th. Dunno where we'll stay yet, depends on if she skips out on her math class in the morning, and what time I go to the airport. If she doesn't skip, then I have to find a ride in the morning. Blech. Blah blah blah. I just want to know what's wrong with me. Thinking about calling the ask-a-nurse hotline thingy. But Bukowskii HATES talking on the phone, especially to people she hardly knows.
I'm gonna go finish getting ready so that Reekie and I can leave once she's done rinsing out her hair.
No pic of the day, sorry! Switching everything back to MY laptop now that my shitface of an ex finally sent my stuff down from AK that he's been keeping. Dick.
XOXO
Bukowskii
ok, i lied. here's a picture. but its not of me. uhoh.
I just had a whole blog written out. I'm super pissed that this crappy laptop has to put the ctrl button on a fucked up place.
Grrrrrrrrrrrr!
Basically, I'm very angry with someone for disrespect and immaturity.
Nothing has really been happening lately.
I received surprise flowers on thursday.
I fly to texas soon.
Photoshoot coming up if I can grow up and pick a fucking theme.
REEKIE AND I GOT NEW INK! suck it.
XOXO
Bukowskii
Grrrrrrrrrrrr!
Basically, I'm very angry with someone for disrespect and immaturity.
Nothing has really been happening lately.
I received surprise flowers on thursday.
I fly to texas soon.
Photoshoot coming up if I can grow up and pick a fucking theme.
REEKIE AND I GOT NEW INK! suck it.
XOXO
Bukowskii
I feel like I haven't written in forever. I apologize for that.
My weekend was fucking amazing!
My weekend was fucking amazing!
Reekie and I have both been sick ever since. She has a cold, and whines about it like it's fucking cancer. As if I didn't have the same cold already. Not to mention the fact that Aunt Flow visited TWO weeks early. TWO WEEKS. Really? Uncalledfor. I'm pissed. It's making me sick. Assuming it's nothing other than hormones going out of wack due to changing weather, and being around other women or something, then I'm ok and it should be over soon. If it's not just hormones, stress, and pooe diet and excersize........then I'm really fucked. Don't know how I'll deal with any of those issues. I don't have the money or the mental well being to accept that. I FINALLY have health insurance, but it's not usable until the 1st of the month. Fuckers. =[ Oh well. The less I think about it, and pretend it's just my body trying to kill itself with hormones......the better I feel. LOL.
15 days until I fly to texas! EXCITING. I can't wait. Sadly, and I'm not sure why, Amarillo cancelled the Villain Soiree, so now my halloween plans are changing. I'd like to be in TX to see All Saint's Day. But, I don't like to dress up without my Reekie with me. So, she has to decide if she wants to roadtrip down there with me or not. If not, I'm going to be flying down there. Using money that was s'posed to be used to make a surprise. We'll see how it all goes. Reekie wants to be with RavenDream, and he feels the same way, for halloween....but there's no way I'm wearing something skanky without Reekie there. [Sorry.....but I have problems with that] even if it is halloween. So once we figure out if they want to join us in TX, I can decide on when I'm going, how I'm going, and what my costume is now that I'm not limited to a villain. Any ideas?
I'm going to post the pictures from this weekend into a new album once my laptop charges again. I don't have much more to say without getting emotional and rambling.
XOXOXO
Bukowskii
Headed to Omaha for the weekend.
1020 for dinner, Mic's for karaoke,
Billy Talent on Saturday!
Reekie and I are SO excited.
Can't wait to see everyone!!!!!
Amarillo ......thanks you for getting us all together so often!
XOXOXOXO
Bukowskii
1020 for dinner, Mic's for karaoke,
Billy Talent on Saturday!
Reekie and I are SO excited.
Can't wait to see everyone!!!!!
Amarillo ......thanks you for getting us all together so often!
XOXOXOXO
Bukowskii
I chickened out and didn't get the ink done last night. I'm a little upset, but it's a money issue. $80 for a 2 inch yellow sub? I know there's a bit of detail and color work but REALLY? I need a sugar daddy to pay for my ink haha. Instead I went shopping at the mall and found a cuuuuute red and white plaid shirt that Sgt will love. I bought Reekie a new pair of comfy shoes that match the pair I got in houston. And a cute Yellow Submarine poster. Hot Topic was out of the pink Beatles shirt I wanted. Dicks. And I can't find a decently priced pair of black cowboy boots. Fuckers. Our mall sucks. Lol. I also got lots of new comfy undies, hair dye, shampoo, and other goodies at Walmart. Fucking place always sucks out my money. But the rest is for my luggage fees, this weekend, and that plaid shirt I wanted. Also, some meds.
I feel like such a shithead for not getting that tattoo, but it was the smart thing to do. Right?
Today is a crap day. I can't find a fucking job, and it's really starting to cut into my self-worth. I need to mow, but my legs are still sore and my cold is back. Or allergies. Or whatever. I don't feel like doing much or thinking about much. May get a haircut later today, just to trim my hair and get it thinned out again so I can dye my hair. It's barely past my shoulders but it's so thick that one box of hair dye usually isn't enough. So it needs thinned before I can dye it. Was thinking about waiting to dye it, but I want to make sure the color is just right, so I get it right for Texas.
I'm gonna try and watch Milk and get some rest. The rest of the people in the house might get mad when they get home but I don't care. It's Beatles Rock Band night tonight, and I feel like shit.
XOXO
-Bukowskii
lolol
I feel like such a shithead for not getting that tattoo, but it was the smart thing to do. Right?
Today is a crap day. I can't find a fucking job, and it's really starting to cut into my self-worth. I need to mow, but my legs are still sore and my cold is back. Or allergies. Or whatever. I don't feel like doing much or thinking about much. May get a haircut later today, just to trim my hair and get it thinned out again so I can dye my hair. It's barely past my shoulders but it's so thick that one box of hair dye usually isn't enough. So it needs thinned before I can dye it. Was thinking about waiting to dye it, but I want to make sure the color is just right, so I get it right for Texas.
I'm gonna try and watch Milk and get some rest. The rest of the people in the house might get mad when they get home but I don't care. It's Beatles Rock Band night tonight, and I feel like shit.
XOXO
-Bukowskii
lolol
