My dad is suggesting I get a loan to pay for my move to Boston. But he won't cosign.
And seeing as my "marriage" is more confusing than ever, I don't know what to do. I wanted to fix everything, but it seems like the effort would be wasted.
Why change who I am for someone who isn't sure if they want the person I am now?
I am a spoiled, selfish person.... but I'm SICK of putting these people ahead of myself only to get hurt and fucked over and misunderstood in the end.

I'm wondering if its time to move on from everything I've known, accept the debt, and just move on to a new city. I wish I had a job or trade that would allow me to move. I hate being in the same place for more than a year. I've been in Denver for 5 months now and I need out. I need to get to New England. I need to get to Boston.

I need to get a license for bartending. And I need the money to move.
And I need to let go of all my fears and just live my life. I need to go wild, be crazy, talk to strangers, take the T, walk everywhere, see hockey games, and live in Allston.

That's all I have anymore. I give up on everyone and everything else.
Unless I find a new reason.... its time to focus on me. And my happy, perfect future.

Maybe I can find a way to get a bra that fits.... and maybe even to shoot with Alissa again or Sunny

I'm drinking again.
Go leave some comments on Everlasting Light and spam the shit out of it...... I will never give up hope

xoxo Alyeska