I wonder what it's like to love the city you live in. To feel the beauty underneath your feet, and the steps ahead of you just get bigger, brighter, better. To wake up and see a sunlight escaping from between the curtains, a sunlight twice as gold, three times as warm, and seemingly endless. To feel fearless amongst the buildings, the streets, the sidewalks, the trees. To look out the window, gaze from atop a cement hill, feeling a chest-swelling happiness that you're happy where you are on the planet. Even just for a day.

I want that. I need that. I dream of it every day. I see it behind my eyes without having to close them. I know exactly where I want to be. I even have the exact street picked out, as if I have any control over it. I know everything I want. And for once in my life, I will fucking make it happen. I won't give up. I will have what I want and I will get it sooner rather than later.

The only issue is, where to start? Do I apply for jobs there and hope I can find somewhere to live? Do I get a job here first? How the fuck do I find a roommate? I don't know what to do. And very, very few people have the ability to help me. I just can't wait to spend the next few years living in Boston. It hurts sometimes, but I have a dream. A real dream. A dream I can actually make happen. The first one since I lived in Anchorage.

The best part, is that I'm never alone in these daydreams. My head always has a lap, a chest, an arm to rest on. There's always a warm, firm hand on my leg. There's always a kiss on my forehead in the morning. Someone to get take out with me. Someone to watch movies with me. Someone to take me to parties, introduce me to new friends, and walk for miles through the city with me. A perfect love. A halo of early morning sunlight, still looking at me like I'm the most gorgeous thing in the world when my hair is a mess and no makeup on. Someone to smile because of me. Someone to remind me how much better the sunlight is at that moment. The one person to remind me of all the reasons I keep going on the bad days.

Moving on.... Reekie is still here. And still awesome. She's somehow taught Bryzly to be more cuddly. My dad gets back from Nebraska today. I'm on a mac'n'cheese kick for some reason. I've lost 11 lbs. I'm getting a brazilian wax for the first time soon. Nervous still, but excited. I'm next to broke and I have to afford a hotel for a week in 12 days =/ aaand ummm my teddy bear STILL isn't here yet.

I don't have much more to say. Not many people read this anyways. And those that do, while being wonderful people, I can't seem to find the time to put effort into my end of the friendship. =[

Thank you everyone for getting Everlasting Light to 1600 comments
I stiiiiiiill think it could be bought. Keep the love, support, and spam coming ;D lol

xoxoxoxo Alyeska