Don't have leukemia.
My passport didn't show up today.
I am living in a hotel at $75 a night. Cheapest one possible that allows pets and smoking. That leaves me about $200 after tomorrow night to pay for the room and food until the 14th.
I feel homeless. I could be WEEKS before my passport comes in. My future is in the hands of the US Government. That fact is so crushing, I can't even explain.
My Dr gave me valium to get through the next week and a half. I don't think the meds will last that long. Not the way things are going. I can only take valium or xanax, I can't mix the two. So I have to alternate. Usually I try to avoid using them too much but.... this is the single most stressful thing I've ever gone through.
It would be easier, cheaper, and less stressful to just pack up the car tomorrow and go to my mommy's and never return to this hell hole.
I still have the chance to do it.
I have lost control of my life. 100%. And this isn't a chaos I can just ride with.
I have to sell the car as well if I want to go with him. The problem is we won't get NEAR what we owe for it. And while the money would help pay for my hotel, food, smokes, and Bryzly's crate (which I still don't have) it also means bumming rides and taxi cabs. And that would use up what little money we receive for the car and have to put towards the loan and then... of course, we will still be paying on a car we don't have for just over six months.
I am so lost.
But I have my two best guy friends, my reekie, my bryzly, and my drugs.... so I guess I have a reason to smile. I also bought a notebook to try and write out my feelings and thoughts in a place where I won't be judged. So... yeah. I'm terrified and stressed and scared and confused and lost. But I'm happy. And I'm glad my Cake is talking to me again.
-Alyeska
My passport didn't show up today.
I am living in a hotel at $75 a night. Cheapest one possible that allows pets and smoking. That leaves me about $200 after tomorrow night to pay for the room and food until the 14th.
I feel homeless. I could be WEEKS before my passport comes in. My future is in the hands of the US Government. That fact is so crushing, I can't even explain.
My Dr gave me valium to get through the next week and a half. I don't think the meds will last that long. Not the way things are going. I can only take valium or xanax, I can't mix the two. So I have to alternate. Usually I try to avoid using them too much but.... this is the single most stressful thing I've ever gone through.
It would be easier, cheaper, and less stressful to just pack up the car tomorrow and go to my mommy's and never return to this hell hole.
I still have the chance to do it.
I have lost control of my life. 100%. And this isn't a chaos I can just ride with.
I have to sell the car as well if I want to go with him. The problem is we won't get NEAR what we owe for it. And while the money would help pay for my hotel, food, smokes, and Bryzly's crate (which I still don't have) it also means bumming rides and taxi cabs. And that would use up what little money we receive for the car and have to put towards the loan and then... of course, we will still be paying on a car we don't have for just over six months.
I am so lost.
But I have my two best guy friends, my reekie, my bryzly, and my drugs.... so I guess I have a reason to smile. I also bought a notebook to try and write out my feelings and thoughts in a place where I won't be judged. So... yeah. I'm terrified and stressed and scared and confused and lost. But I'm happy. And I'm glad my Cake is talking to me again.
-Alyeska
