I don't feel like writing alot, but I have alot to say.
[EDIT: so much for that]

Bob's funeral was very hard, and yet....feels as if it didn't happen. Skylar was there, and that was very weird for me. We had to come home because 'someone' was a liar and whathaveyou. Basically he said he had to meet with his p.o. but it turns out he just didn't want to be there and had to ruin for my father and I. Turns out, afterwards, he stole my father's new iPod touch. It was a HORRID day. I managed to call Sgt around 3 when my dad had left to the store, and I was told I'd be called back......and I wasn't.

Saw the Dr yesterday. Saw the P.A. technically. She gave me NO idea as to what it could be except stress. She took two blood samples, a urine sample, told me to schedule a check up, and is making me get a SECOND ultrasound. Possibility of a transvaginal ultrasound as well. NOTHING is more uncomfortable than some stranger wiggling a thin dildo around your cunt, epecially since they put a little condom on it and use redic amounts of disgustingly thin lube. I'd rather have cancer and ride it out until I get REALLY sick than go through that again. So yeah, Bukowskii has an ultrasound tuesday after Reekie's class. Knowing that makes me start to cry. Weird right? My father gave me the 'everyone gets papsmears and they've seen worse vaginas than yours' speech but I cannot help it.
The tests came back normal. They didn't tell me what they tested for, and I called back to find out and they were gone. I'm assuming it was basic blood tests, and then bladder infection, UTI, and the like. None of those are what's wrong with me. Leads me to believe I'm either a new cancer patient or they don't know what's wrong with me. I'm still trying to decide which one is scariest. I've been on edge, hardcore, ever since I left the Dr's and no one can seem to understand why. REALLY?

Also, school is fucked. I don't want to take online classes but I have to. I'm so worried about working that shit out. Fuuuuuck. I'm stressed out about EVERYTHING. Everything is just going wrong in every fucking possible way. I can't even call Sgt at night anymore. I ALWAYS ask if I can call, just incase he's tired and going to bed soon or about to pass out, because he will just go to sleep at the drop of a hat. And hardly ever does he answer his phone when he's fallen asleep. So I call him Thurs at 3, after 15 mins he says he'll call back, Reekie gets home and after she's been home for a few hours there's no call or text, [mind you, he said hed call] so finally I text him to make sure he didn't get in an accident or something, we text for a while, and I ask if I can call him soon, I get a yes, and I finally get outside to call him....no answer. Last night the same shit happened. Worst part is, each and every day is getting worse and worse. Yesterday I find out they don't know what's wrong with me and today I have the worst migraine I've ever had. So I REALLY wanted to speak with him but nope. Awesome.

Stars lost to Fargo last night, like 5-2. Ouch. I'd like to thank Steve Johnson, who is a dishonorable man, a liar, and a little bitch. How dare you tell Lincoln you're going to quit to focus on your family, and then move to Fargo a couple years later. Thanks for the sincere apology. I have to admit though, Fargo played clean for the most part, and did well. The first Stars game of the season, I really needed that positive boost, and it didn't happen. I can't lie though, laying around listening to the game with Reekie was a bit comforting. Hockey season is gere and life is going to get better. Youngstown game, here I come.

The ONLY nice thing to happen to me yesterday was a text I got from a certain secret someone. Drunk words or not, they were SO uplifting in the oddest way. I haven't felt that important for a while. It's nice to know that not EVERYTHING is falling apart.<3

Today Reekie and I are headed into Omaha because RavenDream wants to see her so badly. I'm not going to open my mouth about this here, but people need to remember their place. This goes for everyone. Also, I don't want to fucking sit aroung some kid's house listening to shitty music and hearing jokes that wouldn't even make a middle schooler laugh. I'm stressed, upset, lonely, and just plain pissy.......so we'll see what happens. I'd rather go to Boogieman's place or Matman's little party thing. People I know and like. I mean, at Boogieman and Amarillo's thing, I know people and I know there's shit to do. If I'm with Reekie and RavenDream ONLY then....I become a lost puppy and god damnit I'M NOT A LOST PUPPY. I do not follow people around. OMG. A pack of smokes [which I need] says I will sit around at some house where I only know Reekie and RavenDream and realize how much of a music snob I am. Fuckers. Grrrrr.

I need to go and get ready and chill the fuck out. Sgt's pissing me off and so is talking about all this stupid pointless shit that shouldn't upset me anyways.

XOXO
Bukowskii


My birthday is in like 50 some days, and either one of these tattoos is what I want as a gift.
=]