just as things start to look up, WHAM! slapped back down again.

its this whole damn job thing. i'll try to be brief...

-a week ago wrote a note to a girl at work and left it in her box.
-note said i needed help looking for a guy (i needed to talk to him) and then jokingly referred to him as my man-crush. this was seriously part of an inside joke and i didn't see a real problem with it at the time.
-ok, manager somehow got the note, and he did see a problem with it.
-this was brought to my attention. i was utterly mortified and apologized and said it would not happen again.
-fast forward one week (i have kept a low profile since then).
-manager calls today and says he is still very mad about the note and its inappropriateness and that he has been told other things i have said and done and that they no longer need me there to teach class.
-i ask what else has been said, for my own knowledge, and he says it doesn't matter.
-end of conversation.

ok, so what gets me is this...

i don't know what was said, so i don't know if there was any truth to anything. i despise the fact that people there are talking behind my back and going to him with their stupid stories. the only thing i did (knowingly) is that stupid note, which, i had good intentions on, i just flubbed up in my wording of something that was known to me and the recipient as a mere joke. i didn't see a problem. so, i have no idea of what really was said.

even more embarrassing is that i am sure the manager found this fella' and either told him about the note or showed it to him. i think this is what happened because i haven't heard from him in about a week. i texted him the other day, before i knew any of this, and he never responded and i am not the type to keep trying to get a hold of someone. now i know why he didnt respond. so, yeah, that is completely mortifying.

and then, to top things off, a girl from the club sends me a text message asking what happened. i told her that the note/joke was not taken lightly and that there were other things said that led to the ending of my employment there. and then i asked her how she knew about it, because i sure didn't tell her. apparently the manager left a note in the memo book saying i didn't work there anymore...um, hello inappropriate. and he dares to criticize me.

i'm not angry about losing my job; i was thinking of leaving anyways. i hadn't felt comfortable there since the first fiasco in early july. what irks me are the circumstances, the fact that no one ever wanted to hear my side before a decision was made, and that someone there was clearly out to get me. they obviously succeeded.

and in telling this story and re-reading it, it seems like such middle school drama, its unbelievable.

how crazy!

Taught my 1st ZUMBA class today...at 5:45 this morning. It went well. I had 12 people there, which I think is pretty good. And they all said they loved it! Yay!

And today was another doctor's appointment...I am now almost 26 weeks (at least that's what we're all thinking) and doing well.

Nothing real new to report. Today has been a good day. Its cooling down here---65 degrees today, which I need, because the heat has been killing me!

Hope everyone is doing well!

the latest of my "getting bigger" pictures. these were taken on the 25th, so I am approximately 25 weeks...




but, i also want to say--in these pictures, i am not wearing a maternity top OR maternity pants! so, i can still wear a few of my regular clothes. not bad for being 6 months along.

otherwise, things are going ok. the troublemaker at work caused me some more trouble, but i think i took care of it. i guess we'll see. i am so over that crap. dance classes started and more fitness classes start next week, so i am busy.

still moving stuff out of the ex's house. its a slow process for me, but i'll get it done.

have a great rest of the week and enjoy the LONG WEEKEND!

so, here's my new dilemma...

there is this guy who is interested in me and i am interested in him. i used to see him all the time at the gym but he took the summer off, so we have only been chatting through email and texting. i haven't seen him since probably early july and that was only briefly that i saw him.

we started getting better acquainted through facebook, which he doesn't have anymore and i never use. i was assuming that he had looked through it and seen my pictures~which included baby stuff. but, now i have this fear that he doesn't know that i am pregnant. what should i do?

this is where i need male advice (and of course female advice is always welcome too) ~~~

do i just go on "assuming" he knows and try to hang out with him and deal with it then? or do i ask him now? and if i do ask him if he knows, how do i go about doing so? i was thinking of just asking him if he had looked at my facebook photos and just go from there. i just don't know what to do.

the thing is~and i know this~is that if the thought of me being prego is going to bother him, then he's not the one for me. if he's a good guy for me, then that little fact shouldn't turn him off that much, right? or am i just kidding myself?

either way, the truth is eventually going to come out...i just need advice on when and how.

so, guys, please please PLEASE offer up your advice!



Finally~
Here are the ultrasound pics from earlier this month...

its been a busy week. still very busy.

i signed the lease on my apartment today! yay!!!!!!!!!!!!

now the moving part i don't like that part.

still haven't really talked with dana. i took him out for lunch today, since its his birthday. just have to be patient.

in a hurry~~~have to take celeste to the vet and find out what's up with her. she's so skinny. it makes me sad.

well, have to go. thanks everyone for thinking of me in my absence lately!

i get to move into my new apartment on wednesday!!!!!!!!!!! very excited about that.

taking celeste to vet on wednesday also. i am worried. she keeps peeing on the floor in the spare room. i haven't told dana yet...i don't want him to know but he keeps opening the damn door so she can get in there. i'm gonna have to tell him.

went to doc yesterday. have some new little girl pics, but won't be able to put them up for a few days...just no time.

wanted to have "the talk" on sunday, but it is turning out not to be a good day for dana. that pissed me off, but i want him to be able to focus, so next thursday...ugh, this is frustrating.

tomorrow is my birthday and i am getting together with friends to celebrate the evening. i am excited. the new guy i have been talking to may be there, so that is making me happy. dana will be there too...could be interesting to say the least. but i plan on behaving and not flirting too badly. i don't want things to get ugly.

well, that's the quickie update. sorry so short, but i don't have a lot of time today.

wanted you all to know that i am doing well.

well, we didn't do the serious chat yet. he needs time to get back to reality. he wanted 3 weeks...i said no way! that's not fair to me and its selfish of him. so, hopefully this weekend we can get something ironed out. i don't even know what i want. i'm just confused.

here's a blog i wrote for another site...i thought it would be easier for me to copy and paste rather than re-write...

life is so confusing. so frustrating and annoying at times. don't get me wrong, there are plenty of good times with great rewards, but sometimes they are hard to see.

my life is still at a stand-still. i still don't know where things really stand, i still don't have any place to really live, i still feel like i am floating in limbo just waiting for someone to catch me and help me.

there is so much that is still hard. just that sense of rejection alone is difficult. but, coming around to realize that its not my fault has been the hardest step. another hard part is trying to figure it out. part of me loves him and part of me never wants to see him again. part of me just wants to be held by him and part of me cringes at the thought.

i really do miss my life. i miss it all. i didn't take it for granted, but didn't appreciate it fully either.

we need to talk...and soon. i need some sense of closure...if thats what you want to call it. it doesn't necessarily mean things are ending or have ended forever, but i need closure on this particular step. i need to know what the deal is. i DESERVE to have that for myself. this whole thing as been so fucking unfair to me this whole time (i'm starting to get a little worked up here)...and he wants time to re-adjust to life. when is it my chance to get some fairness???? when when when? so far, its never been about what's fair for me or the baby? its only been about one person...ok, rant over.

in other news, i am a little worried about celeste...she is shedding lots...i am talking gobs of fur constantly. she is losing weight still, though not as rapidly. she probably only weighs about 5 pounds...not really good for an 8 year old cat. my fear is that i will have to put her down. to accept the fact that she's ill and do something about it. i will if that's what i have to do, because my kitty baby is not going to suffer. but the timing is shitty. i have had one of the hardest, most painful summers of my life. and if this comes to pass any time soon, i don't know if i will be able to handle it. i just don't know.

when is the point that you get pushed over the edge of what you can and can't handle? i've been pushed so far lately. i feel stronger now, but how fragile is my strength?

baby news~she kicks a lot. and it hurts. lately, she's been bouncing on my bladder i think. i don't like that much. and i think she's wedged a foot or an arm in between a few major organs. all i feel is pain when i stand and pain when i sit and pain when i move. its not constant pain, but it does hurt like hell.

i think that's all i have to say for today...its a long one since its been so long since i have written. i have been busy.

oh, one more thing...and this really pisses me off...CAN YOU BELIEVE THAT KYLE BUSCH WON THE DAMN NASCAR RACE AGAIN??? THAT'S HIS 8TH FLIPPIN' WIN THIS SEASON AND THERE ARE SO MANY RACES LEFT! WTF?!?!?!?!?!?!? ok, rant 2, done.

i am hungry. i think i'll go to the mall and get a pretzel.

well, he's back, which means i am back at my parent's house for the time being . its not the worst thing, but its not my #1 pick either. things went well last night...we did the chit chat thing. we'll do the serious chatting tonight. so, i'll let you all know how that goes.

on a bright and happy note, i was bored this morning, so i took some pics and then played with some of them on my photo programs. here is a link to my album from this morning. it was just me snapping pictures of myself...something i like to do every now and again. catches different moods.

so, that's it for now. now, what YOU really need to do is go give some love to my girl, Sunshine and her new set A Girl For All Seasons.

later!

Its Tuesday today and that means its my last full day in the house . Its sad, because this is the place where I am comfortable. I feel "at home" here. But, Dana comes back tomorrow...I can't change that. It was a fast 3 1/2 weeks that he was gone. I don't have very much packed...some but not a lot. Its hard to find the motivation to pack when you don't have anyplace to go. Sure, I can stay with my parents and I even have some friends who have offered up their spare rooms, but when you don't have a place of your own to go to that's more permanent, packing is hard. Its still just surreal.

Waiting to hear back from the apartment place is a killer, but that's all I can do...wait.

We'll see what happens when Dana gets back. We'll see what he has to say and what I have to say. A lot has happened and a lot has changed for me since he left...it will be interesting to see what has changed for him. And it will be interesting to see the dynamic of just being back together. Do I think we're going to "hook up"? No. I actually don't. Do I think he's changed his mind? Again, no. And do I think he's actually thought about the consequences of his actions? Maybe a little, but certainly not the way I have. There are times when I wonder if he's even thought about us (me and the baby) at all. I am sure he has, but sometimes I do wonder.

I guess we'll see how it all shakes out in the next few days and weeks. It will be interesting, that's for sure.




in the meantime, here is a pic i took of myself a few years ago that reminds me that "Life is a Blur":

i had a truly great day yesterday. first of all, i didn't have to be ANYWHERE until 12:30, so that was nice all in its own. but then, i got to go hang out with some friends that i haven't seen in FOREVER. i'm talking friends from high school. it was such a blast.

i went to a birthday party for a 4-year-old and had a great time. he totally dug the transformer toy i got him~~it was the 1st thing he wanted to play with! then i went to a bar-b-que. that was fun too. i got to be social all day, which we know for me is important. i am such a social butterfly i ate way too much today though. hooray for good days and for great friends!

on another note...i had to go bra shopping...AGAIN!

this may seem like some kind of fun, but its not. i have lived my life as a 34 or 36 almost A girl...i like it that way. i enjoyed the small chestedness. ha, no more of that. last night i had to get 3 new ones...a 36C, a 38A and a 38B. gotta love how they all fit differently. i feel absolutely huge! and, i have to admit, there is a small part of me that is enjoying this new busty look, but, wow, its weird! i don't quite know what to do with them...

so, hooray for NASCAR sunday. pizza sounds good to me. mmmmm

4 days left in the house...no word on the apartment yet. i hope to hear soon, because if i get it my move in date will be august 15th...an early birthday present

i'm hungry...i think i'll go find something to eat