On the Death of Osama bin Laden
After a solemn speech by our President, I was treated to news footage of Americans dancing in the streets of Washington DC to chants of "USA, USA". I have heard calls for friends to join in a "dead Osama" party. I almost expect to see the foam fingers brought out. There are reports of "jubilation" in the DC crowds - really, jubilation?
I cannot call this "justice". I cannot see this as "closure". Justice would be Bin Laden tried before a jury on 3000 counts of murder. Justice would be a detailing of the depth of the depravity carried out against the American people and peoples all over the world at his command. Closure would be our ability to safely and with confidence declare an end to what I hope does not turn out to be a never ending "war on terror".
As we go through our days and nights moving forward, may we all remember that war is not a football game. This news should not be a call for a Fourth-of-July-type celebration. Rather, today marks a day when America executed a killer. I don't harbor "joy" at that, I harbor sorrow.
I am sorrowed that there was a need to "hunt" for this killer in the first place. I sorrow in remembrance of those who died in the planes and on the ground in New York and Washington. I sorrow for the hundreds of thousands of civilian casualties who, caught in the crossfire, met their deaths in the "war on terror". I sorrow for the brave women and men, and their families, who have stepped to the front and borne the brunt of the prosecution of this war in defense of our freedoms. I sorrow for those many freedoms lost or abridged in its prosecution as well. And I sorrow too that the death of Osama Bin Laden will not mean an end to the horrors of terrorism.
After a solemn speech by our President, I was treated to news footage of Americans dancing in the streets of Washington DC to chants of "USA, USA". I have heard calls for friends to join in a "dead Osama" party. I almost expect to see the foam fingers brought out. There are reports of "jubilation" in the DC crowds - really, jubilation?
I cannot call this "justice". I cannot see this as "closure". Justice would be Bin Laden tried before a jury on 3000 counts of murder. Justice would be a detailing of the depth of the depravity carried out against the American people and peoples all over the world at his command. Closure would be our ability to safely and with confidence declare an end to what I hope does not turn out to be a never ending "war on terror".
As we go through our days and nights moving forward, may we all remember that war is not a football game. This news should not be a call for a Fourth-of-July-type celebration. Rather, today marks a day when America executed a killer. I don't harbor "joy" at that, I harbor sorrow.
I am sorrowed that there was a need to "hunt" for this killer in the first place. I sorrow in remembrance of those who died in the planes and on the ground in New York and Washington. I sorrow for the hundreds of thousands of civilian casualties who, caught in the crossfire, met their deaths in the "war on terror". I sorrow for the brave women and men, and their families, who have stepped to the front and borne the brunt of the prosecution of this war in defense of our freedoms. I sorrow for those many freedoms lost or abridged in its prosecution as well. And I sorrow too that the death of Osama Bin Laden will not mean an end to the horrors of terrorism.
Radical Tolerance in modern "civil"-ization
On Sunday last (1/31/2010), the minister of our congregation, Rev. Lone Jensen, asked us to consider the idea of Civility. As I was listening to her sermon, I was taking a few notes on my iPod Touch and thinking about the question deeply. What marks civility? How do we practice it? Is Civility equal to tolerance or, are they different issues? Why has civility declined?
I have always believed it best to start with definitions; so, what is Civility? According to Dictionary.com Civility is:courtesy; politeness. Merriam-webster.com defines it as: civilized conduct; especially : courtesy, politeness. However I prefer the definition given by the Institute for Civility in Government: Civility is claiming and caring for one's identity, needs and beliefs without degrading someone else's in the process.
To my mind there is a difference between the mere act of politeness and the intent behind it. It's one thing to hold a door open perforce, because it's the thing you normally do, and yet another to intentionally hold the door because the act eases the way for another person. Although it can certainly be argued that saying please and thank you merely as a matter of habit is a good thing, I think it's better to understand the "why" behind the action. Manners and civility are often used interchangeably. But the former does not necessarily imply the latter. A person can have "manners" when in mixed company but in the hollow of their heart still be uncivil. It is the consideration attendant to ones actions that makes them civil. It is understanding that we do not live in a vacuum, we are in community with each other. And, that in a community, thoughtfulness and consideration, of the reasons for our actions and of their consequences, mark the difference between dystopia and paradise. True civility is knowing that our actions have effect on others.
Being late to that meeting when you could be on time screams to the others attending that you don't value them. Saying thank you shows gratitude and appreciation. But, if the thank you is given grudgingly or "snapped off" quickly without eye contact it becomes meaningless, simply more noise in an already-too-loud world. The bone of manners or politeness is tasteless and hard without the meat of intention. So, if it's not merely manners and politeness but intention that marks civility how can we "aim" our actions to make civility a default condition? I believe it starts by practicing what I have heard called "Radical Tolerance".
Unitaritan Universalists already practice Radical Tolerance in our spiritual lives. In fact its enshrined in the Third and Fourth Prinicples of Unitarian Universalism. We practice an "Acceptance of one another and encouragement to spiritual growth in our congregations" and "A free and responsible search for truth and meaning". We believe that there is no single path to truth, that each seeker must chart their own course, but that we, in community, have a responsibility to support them on that journey. In other words, we "claim and care for (our) identity, needs and beliefs without degrading someone else's in the process". If we were simply to apply these same Principles to the other areas of our lives we would be living a life of Radical Tolerance. Civility will follow as a matter of course.
Radical Tolerance means respecting another person's right to live their life in the manner of their choosing so long as it doesn't infringe on the rights of others. Period. No exceptions. Now, before you say "I am Radically Tolerant" consider this: this belief means that the jerk on the highway has a right to cut you off or not let you in (so long as it doesn't cause an accident or bring harm). The guy who yells at the waiter has a right to do so and, the waiter has a right to tell him to buzz off! The hateful people who protest at funerals to decry against homosexuality have a right to do so, and Radical Tolerance suggests that we shouldn't yell back - even if they infuriate us. This is HARD STUFF because, the other side of the coin is this: the fact that WE believe in, and practice, Radical Tolerance does not imply that anyone else must. The responsibility is all ours. Technically it's theirs too - but Radical Tolerance means respecting that they may not be able or willing to accept that responsibility.
In the end, tolerance, civility, politeness and the rest of these things that lead to a "civil"-ization only apply to US. We cannot control the actions of others, nor should we try in my opinion. There is an old adage that says "never try to teach a pig to sing, it wastes your time and annoys the pig". But, we can control how we respond. We can choose: to flip the other driver the bird or to let them drive away blissfully unaware that we exist; to holler at the grocery store patron with a cart full of items in the express lane or to read the Star while we wait our turn.
We can holler from the rooftops about the need for civility but, it starts (as it must) with us
On Sunday last (1/31/2010), the minister of our congregation, Rev. Lone Jensen, asked us to consider the idea of Civility. As I was listening to her sermon, I was taking a few notes on my iPod Touch and thinking about the question deeply. What marks civility? How do we practice it? Is Civility equal to tolerance or, are they different issues? Why has civility declined?
I have always believed it best to start with definitions; so, what is Civility? According to Dictionary.com Civility is:courtesy; politeness. Merriam-webster.com defines it as: civilized conduct; especially : courtesy, politeness. However I prefer the definition given by the Institute for Civility in Government: Civility is claiming and caring for one's identity, needs and beliefs without degrading someone else's in the process.
To my mind there is a difference between the mere act of politeness and the intent behind it. It's one thing to hold a door open perforce, because it's the thing you normally do, and yet another to intentionally hold the door because the act eases the way for another person. Although it can certainly be argued that saying please and thank you merely as a matter of habit is a good thing, I think it's better to understand the "why" behind the action. Manners and civility are often used interchangeably. But the former does not necessarily imply the latter. A person can have "manners" when in mixed company but in the hollow of their heart still be uncivil. It is the consideration attendant to ones actions that makes them civil. It is understanding that we do not live in a vacuum, we are in community with each other. And, that in a community, thoughtfulness and consideration, of the reasons for our actions and of their consequences, mark the difference between dystopia and paradise. True civility is knowing that our actions have effect on others.
Being late to that meeting when you could be on time screams to the others attending that you don't value them. Saying thank you shows gratitude and appreciation. But, if the thank you is given grudgingly or "snapped off" quickly without eye contact it becomes meaningless, simply more noise in an already-too-loud world. The bone of manners or politeness is tasteless and hard without the meat of intention. So, if it's not merely manners and politeness but intention that marks civility how can we "aim" our actions to make civility a default condition? I believe it starts by practicing what I have heard called "Radical Tolerance".
Unitaritan Universalists already practice Radical Tolerance in our spiritual lives. In fact its enshrined in the Third and Fourth Prinicples of Unitarian Universalism. We practice an "Acceptance of one another and encouragement to spiritual growth in our congregations" and "A free and responsible search for truth and meaning". We believe that there is no single path to truth, that each seeker must chart their own course, but that we, in community, have a responsibility to support them on that journey. In other words, we "claim and care for (our) identity, needs and beliefs without degrading someone else's in the process". If we were simply to apply these same Principles to the other areas of our lives we would be living a life of Radical Tolerance. Civility will follow as a matter of course.
Radical Tolerance means respecting another person's right to live their life in the manner of their choosing so long as it doesn't infringe on the rights of others. Period. No exceptions. Now, before you say "I am Radically Tolerant" consider this: this belief means that the jerk on the highway has a right to cut you off or not let you in (so long as it doesn't cause an accident or bring harm). The guy who yells at the waiter has a right to do so and, the waiter has a right to tell him to buzz off! The hateful people who protest at funerals to decry against homosexuality have a right to do so, and Radical Tolerance suggests that we shouldn't yell back - even if they infuriate us. This is HARD STUFF because, the other side of the coin is this: the fact that WE believe in, and practice, Radical Tolerance does not imply that anyone else must. The responsibility is all ours. Technically it's theirs too - but Radical Tolerance means respecting that they may not be able or willing to accept that responsibility.
In the end, tolerance, civility, politeness and the rest of these things that lead to a "civil"-ization only apply to US. We cannot control the actions of others, nor should we try in my opinion. There is an old adage that says "never try to teach a pig to sing, it wastes your time and annoys the pig". But, we can control how we respond. We can choose: to flip the other driver the bird or to let them drive away blissfully unaware that we exist; to holler at the grocery store patron with a cart full of items in the express lane or to read the Star while we wait our turn.
We can holler from the rooftops about the need for civility but, it starts (as it must) with us
Untitled
I will wrap her body round me, like a cloak.
The breadth of her form lengthened against mine,
The hot breath of her voice against my ear,
The weight of her gaze and the weight of her core.
I will wrap her thoughts around me, like a cloak.
Her measured introspection,
The expanse of her ideas and her ideals,
The warmth of her humor and the unconstrained bluster of her laugh.
I will wrap her spirit round me like a cloak.
The steadfast mettle of her character,
The tender mercy of her concern,
The meditative vigil of her journey.
I will wrap the whole of her around me, like a cloak,
And step with confidence into the world.
I will wrap her body round me, like a cloak.
The breadth of her form lengthened against mine,
The hot breath of her voice against my ear,
The weight of her gaze and the weight of her core.
I will wrap her thoughts around me, like a cloak.
Her measured introspection,
The expanse of her ideas and her ideals,
The warmth of her humor and the unconstrained bluster of her laugh.
I will wrap her spirit round me like a cloak.
The steadfast mettle of her character,
The tender mercy of her concern,
The meditative vigil of her journey.
I will wrap the whole of her around me, like a cloak,
And step with confidence into the world.
soulmate
Blown about like a shuttlecock,
buffeted by winds of fleeting emotion. Assigned like fatigues to each new recruit.
The foolish craftsman hurls gobs of want like plaster at a wall hopeful
that with repetiton, it will, at long last and finally stick;
not just stick, but form of itself a sculptured mantle to hold his dreams,
to bear the weight of his future.
The composer though, wiser with his years, does not labour over his compositions.
He bides, knowing they will arrive of their own accord and on their own schedule,
complete, needing only the confidence of his readied pen to burst forth fully formed
and echo their perfection through the ages.
Blown about like a shuttlecock,
buffeted by winds of fleeting emotion. Assigned like fatigues to each new recruit.
The foolish craftsman hurls gobs of want like plaster at a wall hopeful
that with repetiton, it will, at long last and finally stick;
not just stick, but form of itself a sculptured mantle to hold his dreams,
to bear the weight of his future.
The composer though, wiser with his years, does not labour over his compositions.
He bides, knowing they will arrive of their own accord and on their own schedule,
complete, needing only the confidence of his readied pen to burst forth fully formed
and echo their perfection through the ages.
Ollie Ollie Oxen Free
Once, I hid
In darkened rooms and well lit halls.
In slumber and the somnolence of a self induced haze.
In silence and solitude
In crushing noise and crowds.
In the inferred personage of others desires.
Once, I hid
From projected fears.
From unearned ridicule.
From disappointment or disappointing.
From expectation or expectations.
From responsibility or regrets.
Today, I run for home.
Once, I hid
In darkened rooms and well lit halls.
In slumber and the somnolence of a self induced haze.
In silence and solitude
In crushing noise and crowds.
In the inferred personage of others desires.
Once, I hid
From projected fears.
From unearned ridicule.
From disappointment or disappointing.
From expectation or expectations.
From responsibility or regrets.
Today, I run for home.
Sleep (or the lack thereof)
It is 2:32am on a Saturday as I write this post and (again) I cannot sleep. This seems to happen a lot lately. In fact its gotten to the point that the consequences of not having the sleep are becoming a problem in the rest of my life. Particularly with work.
I am not sure what happened. Sleep and are were once best friends; I even dated Sleep's sister (she was a real dream girl). But somehow, somewhere along the path to "adulthood" (this from a man who still visits the toy aisle in every department store he shops in), Sleep and I lost touch with each other. We never really had a falling out per se, we just stopped communicating well. I guess it happens sometimes but, usually it happens with friends who are seperated by some distance! Sleep and I still see each other every day, sometimes more than once! But lately nighttime rolls around and his usual visit to my house gets "delayed". Apparently, Sleep has a new BFF and I have slid down the ladder to an I'll-see-him-when-I-can friend...
I guess perhaps it's true what they say: familiarity breeds contempt. Sleep knows me too well. He knows that I will ALWAYS want him, I am hooked. So, he has begun to take me for granted. I can't quit him! I am hoping that sometime soon I will find a way to breach this gap in our relationship. But, until then, I guess I will ask my other BFF, the Interwebs, to keep me company until he gets here...
It is 2:32am on a Saturday as I write this post and (again) I cannot sleep. This seems to happen a lot lately. In fact its gotten to the point that the consequences of not having the sleep are becoming a problem in the rest of my life. Particularly with work.
I am not sure what happened. Sleep and are were once best friends; I even dated Sleep's sister (she was a real dream girl). But somehow, somewhere along the path to "adulthood" (this from a man who still visits the toy aisle in every department store he shops in), Sleep and I lost touch with each other. We never really had a falling out per se, we just stopped communicating well. I guess it happens sometimes but, usually it happens with friends who are seperated by some distance! Sleep and I still see each other every day, sometimes more than once! But lately nighttime rolls around and his usual visit to my house gets "delayed". Apparently, Sleep has a new BFF and I have slid down the ladder to an I'll-see-him-when-I-can friend...
I guess perhaps it's true what they say: familiarity breeds contempt. Sleep knows me too well. He knows that I will ALWAYS want him, I am hooked. So, he has begun to take me for granted. I can't quit him! I am hoping that sometime soon I will find a way to breach this gap in our relationship. But, until then, I guess I will ask my other BFF, the Interwebs, to keep me company until he gets here...
"My" Value Proposition
I work in the corporate world where we hear a lot of "corp-speak" like "paradigm shift" and "synergy". One of the phrases I hear quite a lot, and that we use at work quite often is "value proposition". But, I think that in using a phrase over and over we often devalue it's meaning, particularly in its broader application.
Where my company is concerned I can go on for hours about our Value Proposition. In fact, in my work blog (www.messagewaitinglight.blogspot.com) I drive deeply into these areas. But, today I would rather focus on the personal Value Proposition. I really think it is vitally important that we each understand our own Value Proposition.
Recently my boss challenged his team to, in every meeting we attend or event in which we participate, consider this question: what value do I add to this event? How can I add value to this discussion, this customer's situation, this sales meeting, etc. In thinking further on how to apply this bit of wisdom it occurred to me that this was something that I could use all the time, in every day life in virtually all aspects of it too!
Think about it! How much improved would your relationships, work life, home life etc. be if you went into every event with that idea in mind? What Value do I add to my marriage? What Value do I add to my children when I see them today? What Value do I add to my church, my community, my relationship with my friends? Now imagine that your spouse, or children or church or community leaders, your children's teachers, were asking that same question every day? How much improved would all those areas of our lives be if we simply asked that question all day, every day: what Value am I adding right now; what's MY Value Proposition?
Now remember this is not "what is my over all Value". Asking the question only in the broadest sense, while helpful, doesn't bring the same immediacy, the same impact to the answer. Of course you add value to your spouse in the long run or you would not still be married! Certainly you add value to your children, after all they're fed and clothed, right? But, what is the specific value you add RIGHT NOW, in THIS moment for THIS event, relationship, etc.?
Perhaps (I think certainly) approaching every interaction you have throughout your day with this same question, what's my Value Proposition, can help you become a better salesperson, systems engineer, wife or husband, father or mother, or friend. And just imagine if everyone you encountered had that same equation running through their mind...
So, as I was challenged, I challenge you. As you move forward through your day-to-day, keep always in the front of your mind that question and answer it freshly for every interaction you have. Before you ask another to forward your success, ask how you can contribute to theirs. Know your Value Proposition.
I work in the corporate world where we hear a lot of "corp-speak" like "paradigm shift" and "synergy". One of the phrases I hear quite a lot, and that we use at work quite often is "value proposition". But, I think that in using a phrase over and over we often devalue it's meaning, particularly in its broader application.
Where my company is concerned I can go on for hours about our Value Proposition. In fact, in my work blog (www.messagewaitinglight.blogspot.com) I drive deeply into these areas. But, today I would rather focus on the personal Value Proposition. I really think it is vitally important that we each understand our own Value Proposition.
Recently my boss challenged his team to, in every meeting we attend or event in which we participate, consider this question: what value do I add to this event? How can I add value to this discussion, this customer's situation, this sales meeting, etc. In thinking further on how to apply this bit of wisdom it occurred to me that this was something that I could use all the time, in every day life in virtually all aspects of it too!
Think about it! How much improved would your relationships, work life, home life etc. be if you went into every event with that idea in mind? What Value do I add to my marriage? What Value do I add to my children when I see them today? What Value do I add to my church, my community, my relationship with my friends? Now imagine that your spouse, or children or church or community leaders, your children's teachers, were asking that same question every day? How much improved would all those areas of our lives be if we simply asked that question all day, every day: what Value am I adding right now; what's MY Value Proposition?
Now remember this is not "what is my over all Value". Asking the question only in the broadest sense, while helpful, doesn't bring the same immediacy, the same impact to the answer. Of course you add value to your spouse in the long run or you would not still be married! Certainly you add value to your children, after all they're fed and clothed, right? But, what is the specific value you add RIGHT NOW, in THIS moment for THIS event, relationship, etc.?
Perhaps (I think certainly) approaching every interaction you have throughout your day with this same question, what's my Value Proposition, can help you become a better salesperson, systems engineer, wife or husband, father or mother, or friend. And just imagine if everyone you encountered had that same equation running through their mind...
So, as I was challenged, I challenge you. As you move forward through your day-to-day, keep always in the front of your mind that question and answer it freshly for every interaction you have. Before you ask another to forward your success, ask how you can contribute to theirs. Know your Value Proposition.
Wake. Cope. Sleep. Repeat.
All you can ask of yourself is to handle Today; really it's all you can ask of the Universe.
Yesterday is over and has no power except that which you give it Now, in this Moment; Today.
Tomorrow is vague and unknowable, good or bad. A focus on Tomorrow can only lead to the pain of worry or the angst of anticipation.
Today is unfolding, immediate, it is actionable. Each action taken or decision made Today builds for the future; positive choice, pro-action, helps the future unfold positively; negative choice, re-action, is a dose of poison building to a lethal dosage.
Wake. Cope. Sleep. Repeat.
All you can ask of yourself is to handle Today; really it's all you can ask of the Universe.
Yesterday is over and has no power except that which you give it Now, in this Moment; Today.
Tomorrow is vague and unknowable, good or bad. A focus on Tomorrow can only lead to the pain of worry or the angst of anticipation.
Today is unfolding, immediate, it is actionable. Each action taken or decision made Today builds for the future; positive choice, pro-action, helps the future unfold positively; negative choice, re-action, is a dose of poison building to a lethal dosage.
Wake. Cope. Sleep. Repeat.
The Best Mothers Day Gift Ever
Rape.
The word conjures pictures of women beaten or battered into forced intercourse with a stranger, having been caught unawares in a parking lot, a deserted street, a back alley or somewhere she should not have been, alone (as if women should not be able to walk anywhere they choose worry free).
But, here is the reality (Statistics from the Rape, Abuse & Incest National Network):
* 1 out of every 6 American women have been the victims of an attempted or completed rape in their lifetime (14.8% completed rape; 2.8% attempted rape)
o All women: 17.6%
o White women: 17.7%
o Black women: 18.8%
o Asian Pacific Islander women: 6.8%
o American Indian/Alaskan women: 34.1%
o Mixed race women: 24.4%
* Approximately 2/3 of rapes were committed by someone known to the victim.
* 73% of sexual assaults were perpetrated by a non-stranger.
* 38% of rapists are a friend or acquaintance.
* 28% are an intimate.
* 7% are a relative.
* According to the U.S. Department of Justice, nearly 6 out of 10 rape/sexual assault incidents are reported by victims to have occurred in their own home or at the home of a friend, relative, or neighbor.
Why am I writing about this? Because I have to. I have not been able to blog about anything recently because every time I sit down, this issue keeps coming to the front of my mind. Recently a dear friend of mine told me about her personal experience. In her teens she was raped during a party. And it made me think about how often I have heard this from the women in my life.
I have been blessed to have many female friends. And, perhaps because I am a feminist, and that somehow comes through, or that I try to be a compassionate person toward all of my friends, I have sometimes been honored with their trust as well, trust enough for them to share their experience with sexual assault. My experience, belies the statistics given above. The incidence of sexual assault is higher.
I am saddened, shocked and angered by these statistics. Each time I hear that a friend or lover or family member has faced this brutal crime of dominance and power I feel these emotions again. Shock that my loved one was harmed, anger toward the perpetrator, and sadness that despite our so-called advanced society, women, and particularly young girls (most sexual assault takes place against girls younger that 18 - 44% of all assaults; Girls ages 16-19 are 4 times more likely than the general population to be victims of rape, attempted rape, or sexual assault), still regularly worry and fear for their safety.
I also angers me that we don't talk about the fact that "rape" doesn't not mean violence, and that somehow the false perception that if it did not include violence it is not rape continues to persist. Rape occurs any time a person is forced, coerced, and/or manipulated into any unwanted sexual activity. This includes rape, incest, child sexual assault, ritual abuse, date and acquaintance rape, statutory rape, marital or partner rape, sexual exploitation, sexual contact, sexual harassment, exposure, and voyeurism.
It particularly angers me that we don't talk about this with boys. Early and often. There are age-appropriate ways to talk about acceptable touching and unacceptable touching to talk about boundaries, to talk about consent. Little boys and little girls can learn these concepts and should be taught them. But, because of this country's stupid puritanical roots we are unable to even talk about sex to kids and since most people still equate rape with sex that means we can't approach this issue either.
But, just because we can't talk about this in schools does not mean you can't talk about it with YOUR kids. Or that you can't join me in supporting causes like or the Men Can Stop Rapeand Rape, Abuse & Incest National Network). Together we can work for a day when the women in our lives, mothers, daughters friends and lovers can live without worry about their safety.
And, that just might be the best mothers day gift ever.
Rape.
The word conjures pictures of women beaten or battered into forced intercourse with a stranger, having been caught unawares in a parking lot, a deserted street, a back alley or somewhere she should not have been, alone (as if women should not be able to walk anywhere they choose worry free).
But, here is the reality (Statistics from the Rape, Abuse & Incest National Network):
* 1 out of every 6 American women have been the victims of an attempted or completed rape in their lifetime (14.8% completed rape; 2.8% attempted rape)
o All women: 17.6%
o White women: 17.7%
o Black women: 18.8%
o Asian Pacific Islander women: 6.8%
o American Indian/Alaskan women: 34.1%
o Mixed race women: 24.4%
* Approximately 2/3 of rapes were committed by someone known to the victim.
* 73% of sexual assaults were perpetrated by a non-stranger.
* 38% of rapists are a friend or acquaintance.
* 28% are an intimate.
* 7% are a relative.
* According to the U.S. Department of Justice, nearly 6 out of 10 rape/sexual assault incidents are reported by victims to have occurred in their own home or at the home of a friend, relative, or neighbor.
Why am I writing about this? Because I have to. I have not been able to blog about anything recently because every time I sit down, this issue keeps coming to the front of my mind. Recently a dear friend of mine told me about her personal experience. In her teens she was raped during a party. And it made me think about how often I have heard this from the women in my life.
I have been blessed to have many female friends. And, perhaps because I am a feminist, and that somehow comes through, or that I try to be a compassionate person toward all of my friends, I have sometimes been honored with their trust as well, trust enough for them to share their experience with sexual assault. My experience, belies the statistics given above. The incidence of sexual assault is higher.
I am saddened, shocked and angered by these statistics. Each time I hear that a friend or lover or family member has faced this brutal crime of dominance and power I feel these emotions again. Shock that my loved one was harmed, anger toward the perpetrator, and sadness that despite our so-called advanced society, women, and particularly young girls (most sexual assault takes place against girls younger that 18 - 44% of all assaults; Girls ages 16-19 are 4 times more likely than the general population to be victims of rape, attempted rape, or sexual assault), still regularly worry and fear for their safety.
I also angers me that we don't talk about the fact that "rape" doesn't not mean violence, and that somehow the false perception that if it did not include violence it is not rape continues to persist. Rape occurs any time a person is forced, coerced, and/or manipulated into any unwanted sexual activity. This includes rape, incest, child sexual assault, ritual abuse, date and acquaintance rape, statutory rape, marital or partner rape, sexual exploitation, sexual contact, sexual harassment, exposure, and voyeurism.
It particularly angers me that we don't talk about this with boys. Early and often. There are age-appropriate ways to talk about acceptable touching and unacceptable touching to talk about boundaries, to talk about consent. Little boys and little girls can learn these concepts and should be taught them. But, because of this country's stupid puritanical roots we are unable to even talk about sex to kids and since most people still equate rape with sex that means we can't approach this issue either.
But, just because we can't talk about this in schools does not mean you can't talk about it with YOUR kids. Or that you can't join me in supporting causes like or the Men Can Stop Rapeand Rape, Abuse & Incest National Network). Together we can work for a day when the women in our lives, mothers, daughters friends and lovers can live without worry about their safety.
And, that just might be the best mothers day gift ever.
Who's keeping the change?!?
I have been watching with hopeful vigilance as Mr. Obama's first 100 days have inched they're way to completion. And, in general I have been incredibly impressed with my President. These are trying, eventful times and he and his administration have met these challenges with substantive policy and a real willingness, sometimes too much so IMO, to cross the isle and work with the Republicans to get bills pushed through as quickly as practicable.
I have also been watching for this administration to right the wrongs of the previous pack of criminals. Particularly the damage done to our civil liberties and to the separation of powers enshrined in the Constitution. Although they have begun to address the neo-Luddite, anti-science, anti-intellectual policies that lead us to run screaming from the Kyoto treaty, deny the existence of global warming, and stop government investment into any scientific inquiry that didn't meet the religion test.
However, the Obama Justice Department has continued to uphold the same nonsensical arguments regarding secrecy and Executive Privilege, and Habeus Corpus. So much so that some of his staunchest supporters (including me) are beginning to call them out on it. And you should too.
Ours is a country that had been and should continue to be based upon the rule of law. We believe that the civil liberties guaranteed to our fellow citizens not only apply to us but to anyone who steps foot on our shores and even to (especially to) our enemies. At least we had been until the Bush gang took over the the Whitehouse and threw out the Fourth, Fifth, Sixth, Seventh and Eighth Amendments to the Constitution (and tried VERY hard to cut out the First Amendment too).
Speak out folks! These policies are WRONG. They are not only wrong they are DANGEROUS to you and to the health of our country and our form of government. Write, call or email your congresspeople and tell them the Obama administration should be held to a higher standard than the Bush Gang was. We voted for change but NOT for a change in the Constitution. We voted to give the Obama administration the power to execute that change, but not absolute power to do as they see fit without oversight or checks and balances.
Keep your eyes open folks. I am, and remain, a strong Obama supporter. But, I will continue to watch for further abuses of Executive power and encroachments on our Constitutionally protected rights. He does NOT get a free pass just because he is a Democrat. In fact, it means I expect MORE from him and his administration. And you should too.
I have been watching with hopeful vigilance as Mr. Obama's first 100 days have inched they're way to completion. And, in general I have been incredibly impressed with my President. These are trying, eventful times and he and his administration have met these challenges with substantive policy and a real willingness, sometimes too much so IMO, to cross the isle and work with the Republicans to get bills pushed through as quickly as practicable.
I have also been watching for this administration to right the wrongs of the previous pack of criminals. Particularly the damage done to our civil liberties and to the separation of powers enshrined in the Constitution. Although they have begun to address the neo-Luddite, anti-science, anti-intellectual policies that lead us to run screaming from the Kyoto treaty, deny the existence of global warming, and stop government investment into any scientific inquiry that didn't meet the religion test.
However, the Obama Justice Department has continued to uphold the same nonsensical arguments regarding secrecy and Executive Privilege, and Habeus Corpus. So much so that some of his staunchest supporters (including me) are beginning to call them out on it. And you should too.
Ours is a country that had been and should continue to be based upon the rule of law. We believe that the civil liberties guaranteed to our fellow citizens not only apply to us but to anyone who steps foot on our shores and even to (especially to) our enemies. At least we had been until the Bush gang took over the the Whitehouse and threw out the Fourth, Fifth, Sixth, Seventh and Eighth Amendments to the Constitution (and tried VERY hard to cut out the First Amendment too).
Speak out folks! These policies are WRONG. They are not only wrong they are DANGEROUS to you and to the health of our country and our form of government. Write, call or email your congresspeople and tell them the Obama administration should be held to a higher standard than the Bush Gang was. We voted for change but NOT for a change in the Constitution. We voted to give the Obama administration the power to execute that change, but not absolute power to do as they see fit without oversight or checks and balances.
Keep your eyes open folks. I am, and remain, a strong Obama supporter. But, I will continue to watch for further abuses of Executive power and encroachments on our Constitutionally protected rights. He does NOT get a free pass just because he is a Democrat. In fact, it means I expect MORE from him and his administration. And you should too.
MAY 2011
APRIL 2011
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MARCH 2011
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FEBRUARY 2011
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