I ran out of $ before I could renew my membership so I will be M.I.A. for at least a few weeks.
[YOUTUBE] http://youtu.be/qVaEPx_VyXs [/YOUTUBE]

She Cried For Me

To cry is to know
You are alive
She said as I
Sat there tearless
She cried for me
She cried for
My pain
My losses
My suffering
All those tears
I couldn't cry
Because life
Has taken away
My tears
She cried for me
As I lay
In her arms
Numb
She cried for me
As we said goodbye
Never to see
Each other again
She cried for me

To show me...


We sat there drinking coffee and talking like we had every night since we met. This particular evening we talked about pain and its many aspects. Eventually we came to discuss love and the pain that goes along with it. She adamantly insisted that you could only understand the pain through experience. I told her that she was being overdramatic. She just looked at me and sadly shook her head. I somewhat sarcastically pleaded with her to enlighten me. She stared at me like she was searching my soul. After a few minutes of silence she reluctantly relented. The revelation struck me like a lightning bolt. At that moment I understood completely. I saw her eyes fill with tears as she walked away.. I knew I would never see her again. Not a day goes by that I don't think of her. To show me pain she kissed me.

She must have been...

She sits in the back booth of a dark and smoky bar. She's here all day, every day. In all my years here I've never heard her utter a word. She sits there chain smoking and drinking. I sit here and wonder about her. How did she end up here? What has life done to her? She always has a wild, far-off look in her eyes. Everytime I try to talk to her I lose my nerve. At closing time she glides past me with a grace I've never seen. She must have been beautiful once. I think I'm in love.

Dreaming


I lay in the grass of a sun-lit field and dreamt of you. My nose fills with the scents around me. My ears overflow with the lilt of the birds song and my thoughts turned to you. I dream that you are here with me. You gaze into my eyes like you are reading my soul. Your voice warms me as you lay on top of me, your breasts pressing against my chest as our hearts beat as one. I lovingly run my hands over your body as you kiss my face. Your hair falls around my head, filtering the sun like a shimmering curtain. I ache for you. My dream is so real I can feel my body tingle at your touch. I wish this dream would never end.

Tears of Blood


Tears of blood
I cry
For all those
Who fell before me
Tears of blood
I cry
For the pain
I caused along the way
Tears of blood
I cry
For the ones
I couldn't save
From themselves
Tears of blood
I cry
For all I should have done
But couldn't
Tears of blood
I cry
Deep in this pit
Of self hatred I wallow
Hating myself
For being myself
Tears of blood
I cry
The deepest wounds
Are self inflicted
Should I hope
To be vindicated
Tears of blood
I cry
Tears of blood
Stain my mind
Tears of blood
Stain my world
Tears of blood
Paint my life
With the many shades
Of violence
Tears of blood
I cry
Tears of blood
Will they ever dry

Gone


You've been gone
eleven long years now
And I miss you more
with each passing day
I miss your smile
and the way you could always
Pick me up
when I was down
If I close my eyes
I can still feel you
next to me
The scent of your perfume
Fills my senses
The sound of your laughter
Is music in my ears
My love for you
Is as strong
as it ever was
Why did you
end your life
When we were
about to begin
Our forever
You took a piece
of me with you
When you went away
I miss you
My love
I miss you
my darling
I miss you
My heart

Blood On My Hands


I sit here letting the ink
From my pen bleed on the page
Bringing back the pain
Memories flood my mind
Watching my friends drop
Late night calls
telling me
Another one is gone
I try to be strong
Revenge lays
heavy on my mind
But I cant let myself
go down that road again
Too much
blood on my hands
to ever wash away
I have to live every day
with the pain Ive caused
The lives Ive ended
My conscience weighs heavy
on my heart
And I try to move on
With this scared soul
and battered body
Wondering If I'll ever
Be able to let myself
be loved
If I'll ever be able
To live again

Tell Myself


I sit here and tell myself
I'm glad you went away
As my tears blur the words
on the page in front of me
I try not to think about
why I didn't ask you to stay
Was it just my pride
getting in the way again
Or did I know that
you didn't want me anymore
I can't pretend to know
what goes on in your mind
Why you felt the need to
leave me behind
All I know is
I want you to come home
My heart breaks more
With each passing hour
My whole being screams out for you
But still I tell myself
that Im glad you went away
With each passing day
I miss you more
I long to hear your voice
and to feel you next to me
The tears continue to stain the page
I know I should move on
But I still want you back

This Show

The light fades
To gray
As I walk numbly
Through another day
Fog surrounds me
Isolating me from
The world around
I spend my time
Just going through
the motions
Pretending to be
alive
Even though I feel
Dead inside
So I continue on
No joy
No laughter
No love
Just an actor
playing a part
Waiting for the lights
to dim
The curtain to fall
And this show to be over