I am going to rant. My meaning of the word is different from the dictionaries definition. My meaning is that I am going to talk endlessly with a purpose.

I get very frustrated lately and I can not seem to hold a decent thought in my head. I blow-up at anyone who is within listening distance. Not at them but at myself. I was brought up to respect others. If one does not have anything nice to say about a person then one should say nothing.

I am very old. So, I am set in my ways. It hard for me to change.

I am very fat. I use to be 166 pounds. I am now 260 pound. When I was younger the weight came off fast. Now the weight does not seem to come off at all. I have had some tragedies in my life. I become depressed and begin to get to smooth away the troubles. But as you know that does not work. I do it any way. Frustration. Depression. Eating. - which makes me more frustrated, more depressed and eating more. I begin to lose weight and then another tragedy hit. And the cycle starts all over again.

I an ugly. So, I do not have any real friend. The people I know just tolerate me. I do not think any of them respect me, Or care if I exist or not.

I am very stupid or dumb if you prefer. I do not realize or get it if you ask someone for something or request something and do not get a response for along time or no response at all. I rather get a negative response than no response at all. Stupid me just does not get it. I just hope for a response. I am really very stupid for thinking that people have the right to ignore. That is their right but I still hope.

I read about other people having a tragedy and hope for the best. I think they have a better handle on it than I do. I wish them well and forgiveness but it does not seem to make a difference.

That is why I am still alone. Without any close friends. There is nothing I can do about that. I am a loner by heart. I probable will died alone.