Soo if my account goes "incative" it shouldnt be for long.. cause I gots me a job so it'll be back on ASAP.. but im in the middle of moving right now.. so .. life is hectic... =)
ugh... so i just had a like 3 paragraph long update post.. and it all went blank.. i really wanted to let y'alls know about everything thats gone on.. but alas.. it will have to wait.. again... maybe i can get it done tomorrow.. O.o we'll see..
maybe i'm just emo.. but i guess i just have to blather on and cry.. so here goes..
why wont he just hold me.. why do i have to beg for days and days before he'll even acknowledge i am sad and need some affection.. why do i have to BEG for him to love me.. what did i do wrong.. he says im a bad wife, i dont do what i'm supposed to.. i dont cook, clean, or be motherly enough... fine.. you win i'm the bad wife.. what do i do now.. how do i get better.. when i try.. when your stupid kitchen and house is spotless for over a week and i mean spot less .. like there isnt a dirty dish in the sink for more than 3 minutes before i have cleaned it and put it away... the floor is swept 10+ times a day and the house linens are washed twice ( in that week ) ... what do i do .. how do i get better.. what do i need to do .. leave you alone.. fine.. got it.. i just asked if you were coming to bed.. it had been over a hour since i had spoken to you, it was at the time we have been going to bed.. its not like i asked you at 6 pm.. i asked you at the time we have been going to bed for over a week.. .. why dont you want to hold me.. why am i so vile to you.. how can i be what you want.. how can i make you love me.. why dont you want me..
i just want you to touch me.. put your arms around me and let me know your there to keep me safe.. why do i have to cry like this, why do i have to feel so alone... its not fair... i didnt ask you to be like this.. i want who you used to be.. i want you to hold me like you used to, to let me fall asleep in your arms.. and for you to want to wake up next to me.. not roll over and ignore me when i try to hold you..
i guess im just babbling now.. and prob beginning to repeat my self.. so i guess i'll continue my crying, alone.. in our bed.. with out you..
why wont he just hold me.. why do i have to beg for days and days before he'll even acknowledge i am sad and need some affection.. why do i have to BEG for him to love me.. what did i do wrong.. he says im a bad wife, i dont do what i'm supposed to.. i dont cook, clean, or be motherly enough... fine.. you win i'm the bad wife.. what do i do now.. how do i get better.. when i try.. when your stupid kitchen and house is spotless for over a week and i mean spot less .. like there isnt a dirty dish in the sink for more than 3 minutes before i have cleaned it and put it away... the floor is swept 10+ times a day and the house linens are washed twice ( in that week ) ... what do i do .. how do i get better.. what do i need to do .. leave you alone.. fine.. got it.. i just asked if you were coming to bed.. it had been over a hour since i had spoken to you, it was at the time we have been going to bed.. its not like i asked you at 6 pm.. i asked you at the time we have been going to bed for over a week.. .. why dont you want to hold me.. why am i so vile to you.. how can i be what you want.. how can i make you love me.. why dont you want me..
i just want you to touch me.. put your arms around me and let me know your there to keep me safe.. why do i have to cry like this, why do i have to feel so alone... its not fair... i didnt ask you to be like this.. i want who you used to be.. i want you to hold me like you used to, to let me fall asleep in your arms.. and for you to want to wake up next to me.. not roll over and ignore me when i try to hold you..
i guess im just babbling now.. and prob beginning to repeat my self.. so i guess i'll continue my crying, alone.. in our bed.. with out you..
so yeah... been a while.. sorry lifes hectic.. moving.. pregnant.. moving again.. @.@ lol any ways.. hopefully soon I'll be able to write more.. =)
So not having my own comp... really sucks.. I'm just not on here enough any more.. it makes me sad.. I cant wait til i get a new comp.. Or phone for that matter.. at least i could be online on my phone if it didnt suck.. Crys... stoopid old phone.. crys more.. .. any ways.. just wanted to post cause its been like.. ya know.. for fucking ever.. any ways..
i'm still alive generally..
maybe i can get something new and electronic for Christmas that will enable me to be a real person again.. maybe..
and just because I took them.. why not..
i really should post piccys more often...
i'm still alive generally..
maybe i can get something new and electronic for Christmas that will enable me to be a real person again.. maybe..
and just because I took them.. why not..
i really should post piccys more often...
